Week 7 Previews – Part 2
May 18th, 2018Mathematics at Corlears Hookers
by Pickleback Lumpkin
Ahh, the Mathematics (2-3-1). These perennial Southeast Division contenders have never quite looked the same since The Obvious Goal That Somehow The Referee Missed That Shocked The World back in the 2015 quarterfinals, or whichever year that was. The roster hasn’t changed much, so what has? Nathan’s in Jerusalem, and Rebecca and James are busy training their munchkin Murvechkin, but otherwise it’s pretty much the same team. About the only notable change in Maths HQ is Amy A. stepping into a new role as a premiere goalscorer, now in second place on their emaciated scoring charts. If their stat line looks a little anemic too, keep in mind they’ve had a pretty rough schedule, and they’ve won exactly the games you’d expect them to win.
Also helps to prevent cramps.
And the Hookers (1-3-1)? Well, last week Lee was hit by a water drop falling from a midtown air conditioner. Believing there would be an epic flood, the Hookers immediately canceled their game with Poutine and spent the day rounding up animals and building a wooden ark. This raises a question: are the Hookers total cowards? This reporter says yes. And that goes double for the Wicked Witches of Poutine, oh no, a raindrop, I’m melting, melllltiiiing, what a world, what a world. Anyway, the Hookers are faring slightly better in goalscoring than Math is, thanks to the league’s battered sweethearts the Dark Rainbows, but their records only differ by a potential win in The Game That Almost Was But Then Wasn’t, which maybe the Hookers would’ve taken last week if both teams hadn’t stuffed their mangy tails between their legs and hid under the bed like whining puppies from the Island of Easily Terrified Pets. There haven’t been any surprise upsets for the 2018 Hookers yet; they too have won the games you’d expect them to win, and lost the others, with a fairly daunting schedule to date.
So who has the edge? This lazy sportswriter predicts a close one, unless there’s a mild breeze and the Hookers stay home due to hurricane fears. Clearly the Maths have more heart, so let’s give them the edge, 4-3. Sam breaks his goal drought, and the Maths come home with two of each animal. Read the rest of this entry »
Know Your Neighbor – 1st Installment of 2018
May 14th, 2018by Sam N
The BTSH Media is bringing you the first 2018 installment of Know Your Neighbor, featuring Jess from the Dark Rainbows. “What is Know Your Neighbor,” the majority of the new Sky Fighters team asks. Well, it’s where The Media highlights a player or duo in BTSH who are exceptionally fit for the BTSH spirit. “What is The Media,” the new Sky Fighters team clamors on. Well, dear Elly… “Wait, wait, who is Elly?” The Media responds, “oh dear lord Elly…”
Jess from the Dark Rainbows
Hometown: Fairfield, Connecticut
College: Lafayette College. Fun fact: I played D1 field hockey there. Read the rest of this entry »
Three Stars of Week 6
May 10th, 2018by Cat
Third Star
Lee B and the Rainiest Rained Out Scrimmage Ever
Nothing like a rain fears poll to turn captains into amateur meteorologists. Poutine and Hookers were apparently looking at a different doppler radar and canceled their game. Chirpy as I’m feeling about this, the silver lining to this nonexistent raincloud was an excellent impromptu scrimmage.
That’s a good question. Could cereal be considered a soup?
Undiscouraged by his team’s lack of hustle, Lee attended the courts and covertly set about his plan to get playing time on the vacant East Court. His strategy seems to have consisted exclusively of dangling more playing time in front of JW. As a man who can never not take the bait – wait until I ask if a cereal is a soup or whatever – the first domino fell, and eventually a whole herd of Rainbows followed (abandoning me to get a burger at Royale alone with nothing but leftover birthday cupcakes to tip Ella with). I’m sure there were other teams there but Jess D and I don’t feel salty about them! Read the rest of this entry »
2018: Week 6 Box Scores – Scoring Highlights
May 9th, 2018I showed up at 5:28pm EST for my game on Sunday so game notes will be limited. And these are being posted already a day later than normal after the Capitals second round win hangover. Talk about lack of accountability. At least I could string together a three-peat (of on time box scores). Enjoy!
Riots 1 @ Los Blancos 7
Riots: Alex L (1)
Goalie Loss: Dave GdR (0-3-1, GAA of “Don’t ask” but Sam Rosen could put a better spin on it)
Pounds: Jake C (2), Sasha “Don’t steal the ball from me Avery” x2 (2), ScottyK (6), Rachel K (1), Karsten x2 (8)
Goalie But Not a Shutout Win: Mike Sizzer Z (5-1, 2 SO, 1.17 GAA, 5-on-5 SV% probably .500)
Game Notes: I believe we need an Avery rule. Get it?!? And congrats/a thank you to the Riots for picking up a late rouge and not allowing Sizzler to send me a reminder email, text, and DM slide that he’s leading the league in shutouts.
Quick Shifts: Klion breaks her 18+ month long BTSH scoring drought by what I presume was a thin mints styled finish from in close and centimetres** away from another foot in the crease disallowed goal. I also trust that there was a shot gun or two (but not three, four, five, not six) to commemorate.
GANK 5 @ IK nil
Gouging Anklebiters: Sarah M (1), Jason B x2 (3), Probert (Not quite Double Digits I mean 9), Carrie R (2)
Goalie Win: Longwell via Ligue 1 Free Transfer Market
Goalie Loss: Steve F (2-1, 1 SO, 2.00 GAA)
Game Notes: Probert’s social committee was supposed to run #SixoDeMayo but it was more like #Five-O-De-Mayo on the scoresheet. (I originally penned this for my game but got lazy and copy and pasted it here instead). Carrie’s name totally looked like Corey (Winters) on the gamesheet and I almost had a heart attack.
Even after the Pens loss, Phil the Thrill is still a world champion and taking down the God of Thunder
Quick Shifts: Instant Karnage are expected to hold steady with zero points the rest of the season now that they’ve reached/eclipsed their Expected Pythagorean Theorem point total.
Better hope for their sake it’s another photo of Elon. But post PayPal. Wait? What do you mean PayPal runs Venmo! ..Next time we split a bill at Royale, just e-transfer me in CAD plz.
Devils 2 @ Fuzz! 6
Demons: Miles S (3), Zach “Fine” (3)
Goalie Loss: Zach L (1-4)
Fuzz: “Hall” Gil (1), Mike “Teyter” x2 (5), Ryann “RNV” G x2 (5), Miles (8)
Goalie Win: Coach (5-1, 2.00 GAA, 175% SV%+)
Game Notes: Other people do remember their disallowed goals, not just me. But I need to stay on Alexa’s good side so I won’t provide more details on who had a disallowed goal in this game. Ryann’s goals certainly counted though. Also, Gil stole Ryann’s hattie by shooting the first goal off a Demon and not her. That’s worse than what Avery did by a mile. Zach L “had a nice f’ing paddle save” early in this one to keep it a one goal game.
Quick Shifts: Can I get betting odds on Fuzz! sending Glnzr to the minors but him still getting an ASG spot? Uh oh, I linked an article with the word “hero” in the title, here we go…
the Zuff! Nation stands tall in the eyes of adversity…when it comes to all-star ballot box stuffing
SKY 4 @ Gremlins 5 (F/OT)
Sky Fighters: Mia (2), James McQ (4), Matt (4), Joe (4)
Goalie OT Loss: James S (1-4-1)
Gremlins: Erich x4 (8), Maire L (1)
Goalie Win: Jamie B (3-2-1, 2.50 GAA)
Game Notes: Erich capitalized on that extra 2% of OZS plays from a week prior and scored the game winner in OT for his fourth of the game. Not sure what Magic Man’s agent thinks of all the non-regulation time wins. We know Walker is ecstatic for extra “black-top” time though. Moving on!
Filthier 8 @ Gut Rot 1
Filthier: Sunny (4), Greg K x4 (5), Jaime D x3 (3)
Goalie Win: Tim K (4-2, 1.67 GAA)
Gut Rot: Akhil Nation (2)
Goalie Loss: Ed P (0-4, GAA of I thought this was the Gut Rot of 2017, not 2016)
Game Notes: I’m still waiting for Ed P’s “GUT ROT, BITCHES!” comment on our recent poll in the fb group. The team name in full fits quite well there. He did however, request the “Stop, he’s already dead” Simpsons GIF. Luckily he didn’t say where exactly to put it! Okay, he did say “in the game notes”…oops!
Quick Shifts: Filthier used a timeout in the second half…just because they needed to map out how Greg and Jaime were completing their hat-tricks – or the Quad-trick in Greg’s case.
Rainbows 1 @ Butchers 7
Rainbows: Brian L (1)
Goalie Loss: Greenwald (0-3)
Butchers: Mike M x2 (2), Brady x2 (2), Tarzan (4), Pete D’A (2)
Goalie Win: Tim Brk (1-4)
Game Notes: …time for another photo! Couldn’t find one with Tarzan and his Sombrero from Royale…or the bill that was paid.
I forgot Tia can’t take a photo of her own game. I don’t think anyone will notice it’s from Rose Charity or that Pete is clearly wearing a shirt with the More Tooth logo on it.
Poutine @ Hookers – N/A “rained out”
Game Notes: I’d make a joke about Jo-Ann finding a reason for her Quebecors to strike due to overcast and also to the Hookers for finding excuses for not playing until their new uniforms arrive but I won’t do that because I got an extra hour for my mid afternoon Sunday nap by not having to referee this game!
Quick Shifts: Welch had to remind me there was no stick checking in our 5:30 game because I stole the ball from him, I mean, didn’t referee the 4:30 game with him and forgot the rules. I think that’s enough filler aka narcissistic comments about myself the box score writer, so we can move back to the games which were actually played…!
Math 0 @ The Dojo 2
Goalie Loss: David L-L-L (0-3)
Cobra Kai: JJ Murph (1), Luke W (1)
Goalie Shutout Win: Kevin “It’s no big deal I’ll pick up two shutouts today as an FA” Longwell
Game Notes: JJ scores finn-hole** for the game winner on a not-so-high stick windup from a ball in on the side. I guess the repercussions for BTSH “penalties” sometimes can be punitive enough when it results in a GWG (or when you call a holding the two sticks penalty late in a free day “Walkar” tournament…)!
**To my knowledge there aren’t any Finnish goalies in the league so I’ll use that reference up right here and now…! Here goes: Liang kind of plays like Mika Kipprusoff. No wonder Math are still in D-2 after losing all that all-star talent over the years!
Quick Shifts: Speaking of which, it’s about that time of year again. We should get a #SamNorrisfortheASG campaign going.
Rehabs 5 @ WTP zippp
Rehabs: Cherie S. x2 (5), JoeyBats x3 (7)
Goalie Shutout Win: Eitan L via #RosterHim
Goalie Loss: Scott H (1-4)
Game Notes: JoeyBats went deep three times before the 7th inning stretch and Cherie picked up the GWG early as Rehabs -as advertised- got this one over with in a hurry. Pucks are still waiting on their $130K in beer – no, margaritas! #SixodeMayo
Quick Shifts: WTP wasn’t shutout last year for the entirety of the season (and shut out opponents 6 times) but now find themselves in a hole early this year, having already been shutout twice through six weeks of action, with Eitan #RosterHim improving to 2-2 with a 2.50 GAA against DaPucks after facing them 4 out of the last 5 weeks!
I call this one “Tendy Tilly” featuring Eau da Puck round 4.
Fresh Kills 6 @ Mega Touch 2
Fresh Kills: Dave S x2 (4), Nick S x2 (5), Gabe the Babe (4)
Goalie Win: Patrick Bar…Tab (3-1, GAA of 3.25 but still in the single digits, amazingly)
Mega Touch: Alex EM (2), Joe L (1)
Goalie Loss: Mike T (2-4)
Game Notes: I don’t have anything to say about this game so here’s a photo of Julie smiling before (but certainly not after) the game. Just Kidding, we’ll add one from the game!
They’ll just think this is something nice and rosy from the Rainbows loss, who is even reading this far down?
Quick Shifts: A certain Toronto native was as non-existent as Demar Derozan against @LeBrian23 in this one with a 10% relative Corsi rating (and a flagrant 2 PIM’s) and I was told Gabe the Babe broke a sweat.
If you don’t get this movie reference then ugh.
Week SixO-de-Mayo in Tweets
For maximum chances of salt, give it a #DoubleClick.
Around the League – Week 6
May 6th, 2018
Tompkins Square Park on Sunday, May 6, 2018.
During the LBS win over the Riots, Avery stole the ball from one of his own teammates (Ass). In unrelated news Alex F did not deliver the Seis de Mayo we were promised. He is shunned.
The Biters handed Karma their first regulation loss of the season by connecting with Sarah x2 backdoor. Also, Probe is really good at street hockey.
The Gremlins came back from a three goal deficit in the second half to force OT and then scored 6 seconds in. Damn.
The Demons jumped out to an early two goal lead, but still managed to lose by 4. Sweethearts, my ass. Read the rest of this entry »
