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Poutine continued their roll by defeating Gut Rot.  Akhil got the lone biscuit for Rot and JoJo was denied a hat trick by the ref. Jerk.

Creamy returned to action and helped the Butchers contain the wily Sky Fighters.

Rainbows gave a valiant effort, but it was Emily’s goal that propelled the Pucks to victory.

LBS overcame the Jewish holiday and the Rehabs. Karsten continues to defy father time.

Math knocked the Hooker’s eye out, put it back in and then knocked it out again.

Cobra Kai remains undefeated. And we’ll leave it at that.

Filthier appears to be Fresh Kills’ cryptonite and Sunny gets behind the defense way too often.

Within the first 10 minutes Fuzz jumped out to a 7-3 lead, but the Biters whittled it down to a goal. And with a second left they appeared to have tied the game, however, the ref called it off due to a high follow through.

Going out on a limb here without knowing the outcome of the final two games… God punished the Demons for not observing Shavout. And the Riots ran wild on Mini Touch.

UPDATE: Mega regained their Mega status by cheating. They used Boylan and someone named Michelle.

Gut Rot at Poutine Machine
by Christo the Red-Tailed Hawk

CAW! Ahem, sorry, let’s try that again. Okay, so I wanted to make a few remarks before I get to the preview. First of all I just wanted to tell you I love your little hockey league. You guys tend to smell pretty, uh, fragrant, after a game, and you leave a lot of little bits of food laying around. That one-two punch attracts a lot of rats, and boy howdy do I love rats. I mean, who doesn’t?! Woo-ee!

And don’t get me started on the tributes, I mean you have like what, five teams with me on your shirts? Well okay, two just have winged logos, but three have birds. That What The Puck one is pretty stylized, looks like a fuckin’ chickenhawk. I guess that’s the hen layin’ those bright orange eggs you’re always swatting around, am I right? But hey, I’m cool with diversity, I’m down with intersectional ornithology, dig? And it’s definitely me on those Fuzz shirts. What I’m trying to say is, unlike you, I’ve got two foveae in each of my retinas, so I notice little things like that, and I appreciate it. I’ve been going through a rough patch with Dora, so your unflinching support means a lot to me. Back at ya, homies, right back at ya. As my way of saying thanks I’ve decided not to eat your dogs and children.

So here’s what these foveae foresee. Gut Rot? They got some succulent meat on those bones. Perko may be Drew Carey’s love child but he can whack balls like nobody’s business. As long as they’re on target, Gut Rot has a chance. And how ‘bout that Kovac-Cohen-Kollar combo? I could watch them all day… and I do! By the way, can I just finally say this, with apologies to Jimmy Clanton: Peaches is Beavis in blue jeans. I’m just kiddin’, folks. But sticking with the cons, Ed hasn’t been guarding his nest too well this year. Gotta watch for cowbirds and starlings stashing their eggs in there, bud. But let’s blame the defense because it’s never the goalie’s fault (hawkeye roll). So if you know me you know I always root for the team with the shabbier record. That’s why Sunday at 1pm you’ll hear me screeching “Akhil! Akhil!” Read the rest of this entry »

Mathematics at Corlears Hookers
by Pickleback Lumpkin

Ahh, the Mathematics (2-3-1). These perennial Southeast Division contenders have never quite looked the same since The Obvious Goal That Somehow The Referee Missed That Shocked The World back in the 2015 quarterfinals, or whichever year that was. The roster hasn’t changed much, so what has? Nathan’s in Jerusalem, and Rebecca and James are busy training their munchkin Murvechkin, but otherwise it’s pretty much the same team. About the only notable change in Maths HQ is Amy A. stepping into a new role as a premiere goalscorer, now in second place on their emaciated scoring charts. If their stat line looks a little anemic too, keep in mind they’ve had a pretty rough schedule, and they’ve won exactly the games you’d expect them to win.

Also helps to prevent cramps.

And the Hookers (1-3-1)? Well, last week Lee was hit by a water drop falling from a midtown air conditioner. Believing there would be an epic flood, the Hookers immediately canceled their game with Poutine and spent the day rounding up animals and building a wooden ark. This raises a question: are the Hookers total cowards? This reporter says yes. And that goes double for the Wicked Witches of Poutine, oh no, a raindrop, I’m melting, melllltiiiing, what a world, what a world. Anyway, the Hookers are faring slightly better in goalscoring than Math is, thanks to the league’s battered sweethearts the Dark Rainbows, but their records only differ by a potential win in The Game That Almost Was But Then Wasn’t, which maybe the Hookers would’ve taken last week if both teams hadn’t stuffed their mangy tails between their legs and hid under the bed like whining puppies from the Island of Easily Terrified Pets. There haven’t been any surprise upsets for the 2018 Hookers yet; they too have won the games you’d expect them to win, and lost the others, with a fairly daunting schedule to date.

So who has the edge? This lazy sportswriter predicts a close one, unless there’s a mild breeze and the Hookers stay home due to hurricane fears. Clearly the Maths have more heart, so let’s give them the edge, 4-3. Sam breaks his goal drought, and the Maths come home with two of each animal. Read the rest of this entry »

by Sam N

The BTSH Media is bringing you the first 2018 installment of Know Your Neighbor, featuring Jess from the Dark Rainbows.  “What is Know Your Neighbor,” the majority of the new Sky Fighters team asks.  Well, it’s where The Media highlights a player or duo in BTSH who are exceptionally fit for the BTSH spirit.  “What is The Media,” the new Sky Fighters team clamors on.  Well, dear Elly…  “Wait, wait, who is Elly?”  The Media responds, “oh dear lord Elly…”

Jess from the Dark Rainbows

Hometown:  Fairfield, Connecticut

College:  Lafayette College. Fun fact: I played D1 field hockey there. Read the rest of this entry »

by Cat 

Third Star
Lee B and the Rainiest Rained Out Scrimmage Ever

Nothing like a rain fears poll to turn captains into amateur meteorologists. Poutine and Hookers were apparently looking at a different doppler radar and canceled their game. Chirpy as I’m feeling about this, the silver lining to this nonexistent raincloud was an excellent impromptu scrimmage.

That’s a good question. Could cereal be considered a soup?

Undiscouraged by his team’s lack of hustle, Lee attended the courts and covertly set about his plan to get playing time on the vacant East Court. His strategy seems to have consisted exclusively of dangling more playing time in front of JW. As a man who can never not take the bait – wait until I ask if a cereal is a soup or whatever – the first domino fell, and eventually a whole herd of Rainbows followed (abandoning me to get a burger at Royale alone with nothing but leftover birthday cupcakes to tip Ella with). I’m sure there were other teams there but Jess D and I don’t feel salty about them! Read the rest of this entry »