btsh.org

Written by JW

I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who helped to make the free agent scrimmage a success, and a super fun day.

My faithful co-organizers:

Sam “A free agent scrimmage requires free agents to show up” Nrrs – For getting the ball rolling and emailing all the free agents detailing what they needed to do, and what the ethos of BTSH is. Sadly, none of the rest of us even thought to email the free agents in advance. One of us didn’t need new players for the Gremlins and just wanted to play for 4 hours straight, but that person shall remain nameless.

Sam ended up being unable to make it to the scrim, but the whole thing wouldn’t have happened without him.

Isaac “That guy who is a Caps fan” Stwrt – For doing PLENTY, including ending up fielding way more questions from free agents than I did (because I was barely able to tear myself away from playing), causing one of them I met later on the bench to say to me “Wait, are you the Caps fan, or it’s the other guy?”. The free agents of course all loved Isaac. We all love Isaac.

The goalies:

It wouldn’t have been nearly as fun a day without you guys, and I don’t mean just on the rink.

Craig “I just came to get out of the house” LCmbe – We missed you, buddy. Welcome back.

Coach “Ok, ok, I’ll stay on another 20 minutes” Pgdn – For stoning Rich 4 or more times in a row, point blank, even when I purposely stopped playing defense to let Rich have the shots. The crowd went wild.

Dave “Let’s keep playing” GDR – For making Coach keep playing until we almost had to carry him to the bar.

Pat “You’re going to make me play now, aren’t you JW?” Brch – For easing back into it. You looked as sharp as ever man.

Campbell “I’ll play as long as you need me” Wver – For logging the most minutes. Ahh, to be young again. I remember those days. (Faintly.)

Charlie “That free agent goalie” O’Dnnll – For causing everybody to be like, “who the hell is that free agent goalie?? He’s really good.” (Email him when you need a sub, captains.)

Zach “I’m on the Demons” Lwis – For showing up and stoning all his Demons teammates, who were playing against him most of his time slot.

Scott “I hope I don’t pull something” Hse – For showing up early, playing well, and NOT pulling something. (Phew.)

Ed “I already went running today” Pdjil – He earned the Corey Winters Award all over again on Sunday.

Dave “I bleed Rainbows blood” Grnwld – He got a W on Sunday, if you ask me.

 

The opening crew:

Scotty “I’ll just carry all the damn nets myself, J Dubs” K. – For, ya know…doing just that.

Isaac “Why are you guys so slow at this??” Stwrt – For setting everything up way faster than the rest of us.

Alex “Can we play yet, JW? Can we play now? Well, NOW can we play?? I’M READY TO PLAY” Frey – For being the new JW when it comes to wanting to play ALL day and never come off the rink. He did show up early to help set up. But we know why he really showed up early.

Brad “I identify as a defenseman” Pllock – He wasn’t part of my originally scheduled opening crew, but he showed up early and we put him to work. Thanks man.

The photographer:

Hector “Coach is saving my life right now” Mlndz – For jumping INSIDE the net behind Coach, while gameplay was going on, in order to get some great photos. (Coach kept him safe.)

He also took a bunch of other photos during the day (we wanna see them, Hect!). I wish someone had taken a photo OF you, inside the net behind Coach.

 

The Dan Hopper:

For teaching me MANY years ago that if you bring a red shirt to the free agent scrimmage, later in the day when the free agents start to fizzle out you’ll get way more playing time if you join them.

I of course did so, as I have done many years in a row, but this time, as soon as I did it….the booooos rained down from the entire BTSH bench, HARD, and the booing and heckling continued my entire first shift with the free agents, I chirped back with things like “plaaaaaying time”, and “I’m pulling a Dan Hopper”, and “I make no apologies for this”. The whole scene was really a sight to see, I wish someone had it on video. Then Roxy and Tia took a cue, and did the same thing. Isaac got 3 photos of it, below. I am so sad that the well kept secret is finally out…but, we had a good run, Hops.

The BTSHers who showed up to play the free agents:

(I really want to mention something else about my playing time here, but I am stopping myself.)

Instead I’ll just say this:  We needed you, and you delivered.

 

The closing crew:

Alex “How many tacos did you just eat, JW???” Frey

Jamie “I found the missing glove” B.

Danielle “Hurry up Jamie, I want to go eat dinner. John had like a million tacos and I still haven’t eaten” Hsltn

Marcella “It’s cold out here, let’s go to the bar now” Clsn

Rob “Walker is so hangry right now, someone get him pizza” Wlsh

Liz “I know where everything goes” Byln

Brad “I still identify as a defenseman” Pllock

Jerome “Who left this weird water bottle??” Rmos

Thanks a ton y’all, closing up is always the worst part.

And, last but certainly not least…the free agents:

Thanks for coming out. We hope you had fun. If you didn’t get on a team, teams will always need subs throughout the season.

(Oops, this article was supposed to be short. Thanks again everybody!)

 

By Cat

To quote Brett Hiker: “We ended the season 0 and 20, but we played like a 5 and 15 team.”

2017 could be charitably described as a “rebuilding year” for the Rainbows. They called us the Fart Rainbows. Fair.

But in the team photo on the last game, which we lost 2-3, it is ear-to-ear smiles, and sincere satisfaction with a game well played.  (Is this the same game where I showed up without shoes? Maybe. Preparation does not equal enthusiasm.)

We had a lot to be happy about. To start, while Josh Wilson and Bernstein have passed the baton since the photo was taken, we were also and will continue to be captained by Tia. The whole league benefits from Tia, and not just because she arrives with orange slices – as part of my research I came across her described by BTSH media as “Everybody’s favorite nondescript bird.”

We also had learned to play as a team. Sure, it literally took the entire season, but I’m focusing on the positives here! Our transitions up the court were executed not just effectively, but on occasion even stylishly. Newcomer Wes made such strides over the course of the season he snagged a nomination for Best Defense, and oldcomer Josh was nommed for Most Underrated, which should be no surprise the way he is able to activate other players and get the ball to the net. I also want to s/o to another newcomer, Karl, who plays hard and with a smile, always down for a post-game beer.

Not to mention, the Rainbows lost with fucking dignity. In the 2017 season, we were one of only two teams that did not receive a single penalty from the refs OR incite an opposing team to receive a penalty.

Between seasons, much of the bench will be shifting part time – Baby Bernstein is on the way, Abby & Rem have a wedding to plan – so the Rainbows will continue to walk uphill on the long road of redemption – but fans have so much to look forward to:

• New captains joining Tia (with new nondescript animal masks)
• Probably more extremely flashy socks and eye-bleedingly bright jerseys.
• Classy fucking sportsmanship.
• My boss Larry. Great guy. Can totally hang. Wants to make my whole department go on a BTSH outing.
• We are usually good for bringing in the occasional doggo.
• An epic redemption story that ya’ll haven’t seen since… Gut Rot eight months ago.

Third Star – What Is Love
Eitan of the Free Agent List

While at home recovering from surgery in Jersey he decided to flip on the ol’ Tind to find himself a wife.  The first lady he was matched with asked for $600 and then the following happened…

Second Star – Fly Lauren Fly
LJ from Cobra Kai

It happened.  It finally happened.  An agent of chaos tried to take down the city of brotherly love by submerging it in anarchy.

Following a sports (!) event a couple Sundays ago, the city had hit a high note and was out in the streets celebrating responsibly…. until Lauren and her legion of green-clad-goons dispersed from their viewing location to join the masses.  Fully decked out with riot inducing beverages crammed into anything resembling a pocket they moved through the crowds, passing them out and began turning up the volume from ‘harmonious’ to ‘the fuck is wrong with you people?’.   She was seen recommending an awning as a dance floor, encouraging a local dotard to munch on manure (to be fair, the 5 second rule applies to all things edible and this was freshly laid), hoisting up dummies to swing from lampposts, cheering on looters at a gas station, and urging a yahoo to box a horse.  Yes, her fingerprints were everywhere and today is the first day Lauren has been sober enough to return to work.

If Cobra Kai ever ends up winning the BTSH PBR Cup we can expect pandemonium in Alphabet City.

First Star – Thank You
Suz (Riots) from the Bylaws Committee and Diane (Gut Rot) for Leadership

For those of you not involved in any of the committees you have no idea how much hard work has been put in to creating our new league bylaws.  Suz and the gang have invested countless hours taking in all recommendations, listening to the captains, reviewing and rewriting each section, consuming boxes of wine, and ironing out all the kinks.  They’re tired, they’ve had enough and could use a final vote already.  If you happen to run into any of them, especially Suz, at the opening season party (TBD) show your thanks by treating them to something from the top shelf.  They’ve earned it!

Special thanks to Diane for stepping up and filling the leadership void.  Most folks would throw their hands up and state, ‘not my job.’ ‘I don’t have time.’  ‘I’m Rich Glnzr.’ or ‘just let me know when that’s done.’  She has helped organize off-season meetings, kept the captains informed, worked with the Board on open issues, collected BTSH job applications, and hosted a delightful gathering.  So for the love of god, could someone please be voted in as the new League Manager so she can catch a break?

Congratulations to the U.S. Women’s Hockey team for destroying Canada to win Gold!

One of the best rivalries in sports delivered another classic game that resulted in the U.S. restoring order to the world of hockey.