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Looking to get more involved in BTSH?  Then check out these amazing opportunities to develop a drinking problem!

If you are interested in any of these open positions, please send a brief statement letting us know why you’re interested in the role and what you hope to bring to the position this season to Diane at diane@btsh.org by Sunday, March 4th.  A statement is not required for Game Day Opener/Closer.

 

League Manager Responsibilities (a.k.a. Game Day Manager) (proposed salary: $5,000)

The most important job of the League Manager is to ensure that the games take place each Sunday. The League Manager may delegate certain tasks to other individuals, but the responsibility for overseeing game day operations ultimately resides with the League Manager, who must:

• Ensure that the games are scheduled, according to the Rules.
• Inform League of schedule.
• Ensure BTSH members sign a liability waiver (provided by the Board).
• Collect team rosters from Captains.
• Facilitate opening and closing of the courts, to be done by the opening / closing team and the Game Day Opener/Closer. League Manager may be paid extra to open/close themselves or pay a BTSH Member to open/close (t.b.d., ~$40 per opening/closing shift).
• Maintain a checklist for opening / closing of the courts.
• Make BTSH property available and ensure its upkeep (equipment, first aid, etc.).
• Submit expenditure requests.
• Ensure that BTSH elected and non-elected officials (Ref Manager, Ref Scheduler, Game Day Opener/Closer, DC Members, etc.) are fulfilling their duties.
• Liaise with BTSH committees, volunteers, Board as necessary.
• Liaise with the Captains and attend Captains Meetings.
• Request Captains to submit playoff roster and waivers for players who don’t meet the 5-game rule; share waiver requests with Captains for a Captains Vote.
• Communicate regularly with the BTSH Members.
• Communicate with the webmaster, as needed.
• Decide on and communicate decisions to cancel games due to inclement weather or dangerous conditions.
• Act as an alternate on Discipline Committee cases when existing DC Members must be recused.

Note: the League has shifted its workload so there are more folks helping run BTSH through committees, positions, board activities, Captains grit, & volunteers. The league manager is still the beloved Betty White of our league, but will no longer do corporate compliance, permits/team fees, web updates, & can pay someone to open/close, etc.

Game Day Opener/Closer (proposed $30 per shift)

This is the point person who will assist with game day issues that arise:

• Arrives early/stays late to help the designated team fulfill their duty to open/close the courts (informs League Manager if a team isn’t fulfilling this duty).
• Helps BTSH Members address issues that arise on game days, including equipment needs (balls), access to first aid kit, scheduling questions, access to permits, etc.
• Ensures refs are available and helps find a substitute ref if needed.
• Communicates any equipment or supply issues to League Manager.
• Covers shift for either the first or second half of BTSH games (roughly 3 to 3.5 hours). The Game Day Opener/Closer may sign up to take one or both shifts in a given week. The League Manager may fulfill this role in a given week and get paid to do so.

Referee Manager Responsibilities (proposed salary: $1,500)

The Referee Manager may delegate certain tasks as he or she sees fit, but ultimately is accountable for the following:

• Coordinate training(s) for new refs and a refresher training for returning refs at the beginning of the season (he/she may either administer the ref training him/herself or identify an experienced ref to conduct the training).
• Train and recruit new refs throughout the season, as needed.
• Prep/ follow-up with game refs to ensure they are fulfilling their roles properly and address any issues which arise at the games.
• Liaise with Captains about feedback relating to game refs; provide additional training or support to refs to address any concerns, as needed.
• Maintain the ref binder on game days, as well as its content in general.
• Identify potential DC issues and present them to the DC to review, when appropriate. The Ref Manager may consult the League Manager for input on DC referrals, as needed.
• Maintain detailed Referee Manager procedures guide in order to ensure continuity between Ref Managers.
• Correspond with Captains when necessary to provide updates (ex. in the event of a serious physical altercation, significant violation of BTSH mission, etc.) but at least at mid-season and end of season.
• Ensure any rule changes made by Captains are corrected in Rules, conveyed to refs, and updated on website.
• The Ref Manager shall be a member of the Rules Committee.
• Referee Write-up Due Diligence Process: the Ref Manager is responsible for maintaining the “BTSH Player History Database” which tracks write-ups and infractions of BTSH Members through a defined process (outlined in the BTSH Governing Document).

Ref Scheduler Responsibilities (proposed salary: $1,500)

• Schedule refs for each week’s games.
• Send the ref schedule to the Ref Manager and League Manager prior to each week’s games.
• Inform the Ref Manager if any refs are new and need to be trained.

Discipline Committee (DC) Member Responsibilities (proposed stipend: $300 for group)

• Arrange and facilitate the DC incident reviews in order to ensure fairness, efficiency, and expediency, with the goal of maintaining overall BTSH safety and adherence to BTSH mission
• Cases are referred to the DC Members through the Ref Manager. A matter may also reach the DC Members by a majority vote of all of the Captains.
  • Ex. one of three key terms usually comes into play in order for an offense to merit DC review: “intentional,” “malicious,” or “repeat offender” (see Rules for additional guidance).  However, this is not a strict requirement for actions to merit DC review.
• DC has the authority, upon agreement of at least 50% of DC members, to sanction players with reprimand, single or multi-game game suspension, probation, season expulsion, or any combination of these. Captains may be reprimanded or suspended from playing, at the discretion of 51% of the DC, if their team member(s) is repeatedly violating the Rules. If 50% or more of the DC Members believe that permanent League expulsion (as opposed to season expulsion) should be considered, they must call a DC Meeting with the Captains.
• Cannot represent his or her team at a DC Meeting; must recuse his/herself if (1) there is a personal conflict which would prevent him/her from acting impartially; (2) the player under review is on his/her team, or (3) if the event under review occurred during a game in which the DC Member’s team was playing.
• There are three DC Members. In the event that two DC Members must recuse themselves, the League Manager will act as a temporary DC Member to review the case, with the remaining DC Member so, that at least two people review each case.

Community Outreach Committee (proposed stipend for Chair: $300)

• The purpose of the Community Outreach Committee is to ensure that BTSH is fulfilling its commitments to the community.
• Stay informed of what’s going on with the groups and people in the TSP (as defined below) neighborhood (liaise with the Community Board, Police Precinct, etc.)
• Make sure that people and groups in the neighborhood know what’s going on with BTSH and promote a positive image of BTSH.
• Organize projects for the BTSH Members to give back to the community, such as charity events, volunteer projects, free youth street hockey clinics, etc.

Responsibilities of the Board of Directors (Volunteer)

• Ensure that BTSH maintains legal and tax compliance at all times.
  • File the legally required bi-annual report with the NYS Department of State.
• Provide proper financial oversight, including preparing annual Budget for Captains approval.
• Collect team fees.
• Obtain permits for BTSH courts through the NYC Parks Department.
• Elect officers, from among the Board Members, to guide Board operations, including a Chair, Secretary, Treasurer and Vice-Treasurer.
• Board Members may elect officers and pass votes by a simple majority.
• Hold an annual meeting.
• Maintain Board procedures guide in order to ensure continuity between Board Members.
• Obtain proper liability insurance that protects the Board, League Manager, and Captains. If insurance is obtained that does not provide liability protection for these individuals, the Board must inform the individuals.
• If a Board Member resigns, he/she must notify the other Board Members via email.
• Board Members act in the interest of the League as a whole, and not in the interest of a particular team or person.

As stated above, please send a brief statement letting us know why you’re interested in the role and what you hope to bring to the position this season to Diane at diane@btsh.org by Sunday, March 5.  A statement is not required for Game Day Opener/Closer.

by Richiehero

We all play in BTSH for the exact same reason.  To win, win, WIN!!!

Everyone in this league has at one point felt the thrill of victory, outside of the Dark Rainbows of course. But unfortunately, you can’t have a winner, unless there is a loser. And for every epic win, there has been an equally horrifying defeat. Today we do what we do best at the Org. We mock the losers. Here are the 3 biggest chokes in BTSH history!!

3. 2010 What The Puck

OK, so all you stupid idiots going crazy that Gut Rot beat Fuzz in the regular season need to chill. First off we were wearing our Elves shirts and the Elves always lose. Secondly, you idiots had a much bigger victory in 2010. It was October 2010 America was basking in Obama’s first mid-term election, a young man in Penn St., was burning him in effigy, and WTP didn’t have scrubs named Justin, Marisa, Mike D. and Emily. They had amazing hockey players like Corey W., Larry Z., Corey W., and Corey W. While everyone just assumed WTP would win this play-in game, no one told Gut Rot. But this isn’t about Gut Rot’s glorious victory, it’s about WTP choking. And in a shootout, Gut Rot won one of the best and biggest upsets in BTSH history. And WTP choked.

Evidence. (Notice the cameras for the soon to be released BTSH documentary and the ref in perfect position.)

2. Ben P. of the 2016 All-Star Game

What a great day. You couldn’t ask for an easier task. Buy some crappy subs, pray to Santa it’s a nice day and then have an All-Star Game. It’s not that hard. Ben bought the subs, got the weather and then BTSH enjoyed the All-Star-Game. Who won? Ben Selig! Just like the 2002 Major League Baseball All-Star Game had no winner, neither did the 2016 All-Star-Game. Ben could have said let’s play 4 on 4. 3 on 3. Hey, what about a shootout?!? But no, he just cancelled the game because he had a men’s league game at 8. Or maybe it was a completely different reason. Doesn’t matter, he choked but unless most chokes where we can laugh at the loser, we were in fact the loser.

1. Zac Hoggstyle for 2017 ROY

If there was ever an obvious choice for Rookie of the Year it was this one. He had 18 goals even though we only knew about 16 of them. He went to OC and was the life of the party. He helped organize the Walker draft and learned how to ref. Hell even after the finals he cleaned up and made sure all the equipment was put away when I tried to say, “Fuck it, leave it to the next Sultan.” This guy is exactly what BTSH is about and had Rookie of the Year in the bag.

But Zac snagged defeat out of the jaws of victory by losing to that guy who is so afraid he wears a mask when he plays. Campbell. Does he even have a first name? Does anyone know what he looks like? How many times did Campbell go to the bar, how many Walker drafts did he do, how many times did he ref? Jesus Zac, how did you blow this?!?!? Happy birthday Zac, see you Saturday but sadly, #Notour2017ROY.

Happy New Year, BTSH!

Less than 90 days (we think) until the ball drops for the 2018 season. So there’s plenty of time to practice shenanigans or take advantage of mother nature to create your own winter classic.

See you soon!

The 2017 season is in the books and we’re ready to gently ease into the off-season.  But before we do let’s take a moment to reflect on the season by taking a quick survey.

1.What is your take on the 2017 BTSH season in 140 characters or less?

Sam (Math): A lot of new faces this year and last year.  It’s nice seeing people come out of the woodwork this year to continue making the league fun, as well as to some helping run the league.

Rich (Fuzz): Welch, fence, slump, Sultan, cursed shirts, blue shirts, winning, fun, shootout in Moffo, Tia the Ruiner, cursed shirts again, Alex May fence, losing, funding Romeo’s babies. (Ed. note: pretty sure that’s more than 140 characters.)

Rachel (Butchers): Rain fears.

Probie (Biters): A huge jump in skill level and team disparity from when I started a few years ago but also a rise in alcoholic debauchery that makes me smile.

Chadwick (Karma): Our beer league has developed a serious hockey problem.

MDF (Butchers): I’m old, broken, covered in bruises, and feel serious FOMO that people continue to have fun at BTSH even when I can’t be there.

Alex (LBS): Lots of transition, alcoholism and a Sultan, but no one died so that’s a win.

JW (Gremlins): It was fun, as always, but also disappointing that a lot of decisions are being made by small committees of people, seemingly without much input from the rest of the league and through non-democratic means.

Cat (Dark Rainbows): So it was a bit of a rebuilding year for the Rainbows.

2. What is your favorite moment from the season? 

Sam: Watching Gut Rot beat Fuzz.  That was fun—everyone loves an underdog.

Rich: Ocean City, winning a World Championship with Cecil(e) Harambe.

Rachel: Being on the Butchers. All of it.

Probie: Though Fuzz has grown on me a bit, Gut Rot pulling that upset followed by a Peaches’ “celebration” was quite the moment.

Chadwick: When the media came back.

MDF: Any time Rachel, Dana, or Georgine scored a goal.

Alex: Karsten playing a BTSH less than 48 hours after his mother passed away, showing up in the middle of the second half because he had the game time wrong, and proceeding to pick up a hat trick in that brief time, the final goal being scored as time expired and the LBS rushing the court to mob him.  Truly what this league is all about.

JW: Gut Rot upsetting the fake Elves. And 80s Prom.

Cat: I don’t think I thanked Charlotte enough for lending me sneakers when I showed up to my final game in Chelsea boots. Thank you Charlotte!

Isaac: Rebel Scum!

3. What is your least favorite moment from the season?

Sam: Living in a Trump presidency.  Then, receiving a very Trumpian Sultan, who deflects all responsibility for any management issues and thinks his job is to only post messages on Facebook.

Rich: The game against the Shortis.

Rachel: Playing _____ and ______.

Probie: The Glanzer/Welch fight followed by the subsequent laughing off of the whole situation. Went against everything I’ve been told about what this league is/stands for. Still love you both but c’mon.

Chadwick: When the media came back.

MDF: That time I played in the All Star game and it happened so late that all my friends left and I didn’t know anyone and felt old and alone.

Alex: The fact that between August 21 and November 11, we have played only one regular season game, two full playoff rounds and a play-in.  Walker Tournament was fantastic (and not just because his name is affixed to it despite his opposition to the draft) but need to improve upon scheduling next season.  Or elect a Sultan who can control the weather.

JW: When my tournament idea got hijacked by people who wanted to do a draft.

Cat: Um… let’s just move on.

4. This past season we had the Olympics, All-Star game and an 80’s themed effing Prom.  What would you like to see the Social Committee do next? 

Sam: Bring back Crab Fest, baby!!!  Also, I’ve never seen Jerome Hornswoggle in a tricycle race, so let’s make that happen.

Rich: Olympics should be a standard bearer. I think we should go back to Ace. No bar is perfect but they love us there, it has a lot of space, games, Skee*T*ball, trivia, darts, pool, cheap beer and it’s not Hi-Fi.

Rachel: Pizza? I miss free pizza. Or you know, keep throwing us awesome parties. Either way. Wait was there pizza at one of these parties and I missed it? Oh wait. There was. Never mind, I think I’m just hungry.  Keep it up, guys!

Probie: Progressive bar crawl or skills competition (with mostly stupid shit instead of actual skills stuff). Let Sam open the wacky box for the skills competition.

Chadwick: Trump impeachment proceedings. I will provide the champagne.

MDF: Have these parties on days when I can attend, rather than only setting party dates at times when my brother Tarzan can attend.  

Alex: Golf pros and tennis hoes party off the table?  Ok, let’s make next year a 90’s Prom (apologies to JW).  And in general, let’s build off this year and keep throwing great social events to maintain high level of engagement.

JW: An 80s themed rollerskating party. Just everything 80s themed, all the time.

Cat: Rich’s Bar Mitzfah!

5. What rule do you think needs to be discussed or revised in the offseason? 

Sam: There were some key revisions this year and last year that kept the game safe, like the “at the knee” wind-up rule for slap shots.  I think probations should start being handed out as liberally as this league is politically minded.  It’s not fair for 95% of BTSH league members to be pushed around by 5%.  Know the rules of the league and respect the opposing team’s players or GTFO and play elsewhere.

Rich: The Commissioner’s job is just too much to ask one person to do. I have half the responsibilities that a Commissioner did, which is why I’m a Sultan and it’s still overwhelming at times. There is a reason Tim Brown hasn’t smiled in 5 years. Also, the rules really need to be checked by a committee (me and Walker) and we should make suggestions. We should do this via email by mid-January and send it out for a vote. We should not be allowed to grab the ball out of the air anymore because too many people are running with it and the refs don’t usually call it. We also should find a way to keep track of attendance.

Rachel: I’ll let JW tackle that one. I don’t have the words or the energy.

Probie: Repercussions for people who get into fights during a game. From what I hear about the way the league used to work, people would get suspended for the season/thrown out of the league. There should be a 0 tolerance policy and people should know that there’s a difference between MOFO and BTSH.

Chadwick: Strict enforcement of Rule #1!

MDF: Eh, we’ve got enough rules.

Alex: I think the high-ball rule has outlived its usefulness.  Keep it on inbounds, but eliminate from general gameplay.

JW: I think the high ball penalty should be a delayed call. I know others who agree. I actually think every penalty should be a delayed call.

Cat: Can we all just informally agree to call fewer high sticks, my ears are still ringing.

6. After the  family of birds living in Hicks’ beard moves out, what should he do next with it? 

Sam: A few buddies back home do Civil War Reenactments.  They really just do them to camp out for the weekend and drink coffee and whiskey with large sides of thick slab bacon, while occasionally entertaining each other by firing blanks from their rifles for a crowd.  We should create a BTSH battalion and Hicks can be our leader.  BTSH softball teams are fun, but Civil War reenactment battalions are likely more fun.  Ariel and Sizzler could be our drummer boys, and I’m sure Liz would want to play nurse, while Mike D just rides around on a horse the whole time like Kevin Costner in the beginning of Dances with Wolves.  We can put Rich in a cow costume with a bell around his neck.  Also, someone please tell Cronauer that Pennsylvania fought for the Union.

Rich: Use it as a Karma/Mega Touch scrimmage.

Rachel: Hide additional smiles. Share them with the sky-fighters.

Probie: Make a scarf or a Fuzz-themed Christmas sweater.

Chadwick: I cannot parse this sentence, so my answer is flügelhorn.

MDF: Braid it into a curtain for the Women’s restroom so the stalls can have a bit more privacy.

Alex: Donate it to Glanzer’s head.

Cat: I have no joke for this because I genuinely like beards! Hicks don’t listen to the haters!

Isaac: Treat himself.  Then donate to some kid in the league, like Roberts (LBS) or Matt (Karma), that can’t grow their own.

7. What are you looking forward to most in the offseason?

Sam: Maybe going down to Panama and getting my first PADI certification for scuba diving on the cheap. You know what’s probably cooler than BTSH Civil War reenactment battalions?  Probably BTSH scuba diving trips over long holiday weekends in LATAM.  Who’s game?!

Rich: I’ll let Hicks answer this. “It to be over so Fuzz can begin our three-peat.”

Rachel: Football Sundays.

Probie: Waking up Monday mornings not feeling like complete shit.

Chadwick: Though I never volunteered for anything, I was put on every committee. I was getting 900 e-mails a day. I’m looking forward to being on no committees, and getting no e-mails a day.

MDF: Not feeling like I’m missing out on BTSH stuff.

Alex: Giving my liver a few Sundays off.  She’s earned it.

JW: Cleaning my apartment, like, ever. Because if that shit doesn’t happen on a Sunday…..it doesn’t happen.

Cat: Stars Wars!  And scrimmages.

Thank you all for another great BTSH season!  Stay drunk and we’ll see everyone in a couple months!

by Jerome Hornswoggle

The Heckle Wall™ has been a staple of Blacktop Street Hockey® even before its migration from Corlears Hook Park in 2009; back then it settled on the north side of the playground, facing FDR Drive and the East River, with the nearby net partially obscured by a birdbath (which has been the scourge of many a player). Nowadays in Tompkins, the so-called “birdbath” is somewhat manifested in that huge-ass tree on the West court, and it’s separated from the Heckle Wall™, which is established in the dugout area.

The purpose of the Heckle Wall™ is, obviously, to heckle. No one is an exception or gets a pass, especially when the ball arrives in the area. A few snide remarks, the never-ending boobirds, and some show-and-dance from costumed folk inhabit the Heckle Wall™ zone. Unfortunately, there weren’t many costumes in the final between #1 Fresh Kills and #2 Rehabs, but the atmosphere was jovial within the Heckle Wall™ and critical of all the players outside of said wall. That said, here are a couple of remarks and sequences that I remember that Sunday afternoon:

(to one of the Norri reffing the match)
“Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam,
Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam! SamSamSamSamSamSam…  Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!”
(kudos to Worky for trying to sing the last part)

(towards Zac reffing the match)
“Who is timekeeping?”
“It’s that asshole from What the Puck!” (Anonymous)

(to the people in the other dugout “heckling”)
“No, be quiet, you shut up, shut your mouth!”

“If I wanted a 2-2 game, I woulda been a ballerina!” (Justin, WTP)

“Let’s gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!” (Scott, LBS, Inc.)

“Who’s the long haired goon in the hat playing for the Rehabs?”
“Dunno.  Never seen ‘em before.” (Entire league)

“BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” (Lee, Hookers)

“We love Gabe! We love Gabe! We love Gabe!”
“I thought you said, ‘We love gays!’”
“We love gays, too!”

“KKYYYYYLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!” “KKYYYYYLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!” (Scott, LBS, Inc.)

“I can’t see what’s happening!”
“Get on Chadwick’s shoulders.”
“Wait, where is he?”
“I think he’s at home sipping whiskey on his terrace while reading about conflict in Syria.”

“Man, my ass just isn’t the same after last night.”
“Should be after what you put it through.”

“What’s the score?”
“Who cares.  Let’s look for stuff to throw out on the rink.”

(on missing the net, for any guy out on the court)
“Take him out! He sucks!”

“I’m getting a little hangry.  What time is the Social Committee ordering pizzas for Parkside?”

“Is it wrong to break up with someone in a text message? No, right?”

“Could we do something inappropriate in front of the players… on the court… with this stuffed dolphin?”

“Wow! Ramy had an opportunity to toss a tictac in a whale’s mouth on that one.  Newman could have made that shot.”

“Barch Pile! Barch Pile! Barch Pile!”