btsh.org

What do you mean it’s supposed to be Week 5?

Hope everyone enjoys their Memorial Day long weekends! I know that I won’t, as instead of visiting the city that fun forgot, I’ll be in the state that boring built!

(Editors note: Oh great, the obscure references are starting strong this week….)

Demons 1 @ Pounds 3

Demons – Miles S (6)

Goalie Loss – Zach L (2-2, GAA of 1.46)

Pounds – Avery x2 (3), Roberts (2)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (4-0, GAA of 1.50)

Game Notes: Roberts had game winning goals regardless of which league and competition he faced this past weekend, I guess he is taking the demotion back to the third line (with Scottykthe2nd returning to the lineup) really well. Hopefully Rich didn’t see the high windup on the first Pounds goal, I haven’t seen any photos of it on fb yet, so I guess we’re okay for now.

Advnd Anlytcs: Is this a bad time to mention that you already thought Sammy and D.Ro were married?

Butchers 2 @ Sky Fighters 1

Butchers – Super/Fast Dave (1), Unpoachable Jake T (2)

Goalie Win – Tim Brk (1-1, GAA of 1.43)

SKY – Dana L (1)

Goalie Loss – Patty Lalime via goalieunionlockerbros

Game Notes: Sky Fighters struck early, including a couple posts, but could only sneak one past Timmy in the early going when Butchers had their hands full of…whatever a Sky Fighter is. Given the lack of goals in the second half, this game might have felt boring, but it was actually the closest of any of the games on our interdivisional day (final score wise).

Advncd Anlytics: Wait, Lalime wore Koho’s in 2001? Play that tape video again.

Poutine 0 @ Anklebiters 3

Goalie Loss – RJ (2-1, GAA of 2.33)

GANK – Sarah M (1), Jared (5), Jimmy (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Sizzler via outsourcedgoalieunionfillin

Game Notes: I picked the wrong game to sub in for. What else is there to say if I have absolutely no details on this game? Don’t get triggered just because I took the easy way out and opted for a self-deprecating one liner.

Hookers 3 @ Gremlins 1

Hookers – Clark H x3 (4)

Goalie Win – Dustin (3-0, GAA of 0.32)

Gremlins – Rockoff (2)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (3-2, GAA of 2.12)

Game Notes: Seeing how upset Dustin got on the goal against this game was comical, I wanted to walk over and ask him if he really thought he’d go the entire year without a goal against.

Fresh Kills 10 @ Rut Rot 2

FK – Nate x5 (5), Ariel x2 (2), Soko (1), Nicole (1), Gabe (1)

Goalie Win – Hector viaMoreTime

Gut Rot – Len G (1), Rob S (2)

Goalie Loss – Sam (0-3, GAA slightly more publishable than Goalie Ed 2018)

Game Notes: Gabe waited until it was 9-something to score a goal? We’re supposed to believe that?

Advncd Anlytcs: The number of people who have gotten hat tricks and subsequently received stars is like 0-for during the past month. Good thing we’ve given them out for shootout winners/scorers though, otherwise, they’d never really get credit for a goal that doesn’t really count. I hear new schoolers love a good participation trophy, or is that old school? Can Russ and JW update their anonymous article and clarify this ambiguity?

Dank Bows 1 @ Rehabs 6

Rainbows – Yetter (5)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald’s Goalie Emporium (1-4, GAA of No Dave, you don’t want to see it on the site, we haven’t even been able to *momentarily* take away your annual shutout yet either)

Rehabs – Bryan M (1), Amitai (1), Cherie (5), Charlie (1), Brett (1), Bryan (1)

Goalie Win – Max Moscow Mule via does Eitan have to ask you to roster him yet?

Game Notes: Any additional ringers needed for your fourth division games?

Math 2 @ Instant Karma 7

Math – Eli the Goon (1), Jeff S (1)

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via Goals Allowed Anonymous

IK – Derek Zed x2 (5), Al x2 (2), Liz T (1), Big Ben C (1), Matt S (1)

Game Notes: No tadpole sightings in the east court puddles. Guess they are invisible in the presence of gods.

Cobra Kai 3 @ WTP 1

CK – Pete Flamingo G x2 (3), Liam (1)

Goalie Win – Hector via wait he got to play two games?!

WTP – “Thierry the weekly goal scoring” Henry (4)

Goalie Loss – Ed P (2-3, GAA of 2.55)

Game Notes: It’s funny when rules are first broken by the people they were made solely because of. (What, you’d rather me run with the out of retirement *again* bit?)

Riots 0 @ Fuzz 4

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-2)

Fuzz – Alexa (1), Teets McGee (1), Sig (3), GilF (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim Bwn (2-1, GAA of 1.33)

Game Notes: In case you were looking for official btsh stats sign off on it, yes, Alexa’s goal is actually a game winner, and her first career GwG by the sounds of it! What kind of new school sicko keeps track of that (hint).

Filthier 6 @ Mega Touch 0

Filthier – OP James x2 (3), Danielle (1), Sunny x2 (3), Thomas W (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim K (3-1, GAA of 1.71)

Goalie Loss – Mike Waffleboard T-man (1-3)

Game Notes: Alex EM sure touched it Mega when his inbound towards the net (terrible shot) beelined right for the orchestra stalls of the goal line referee. That’s what you get for being (a) new school (ref) and listening to Glnzr’s weekly ref feedback emails.

Advncd Anlytcs: Danielle stole a hat trick from James when she declared that his dipping wrister (no just kidding, he never takes wristers) hit her leg. That was almost as bad as that goal Ann had called back for hitting the ball above her waist. What a terrible 6-0 win!

Thanks to the rain on Sunday, these are still on time! Woohoo!

Butchers 4 @ Rehabs 3

Pig Knifes – Mike M x2 (2), Brady C (1), Dana K (1)

Goalie Win – Peter Parker via Rose Charity underdog run

Rehabs – Alex M (2), Cherie x2 (4)

Goalie Loss – Eric R (0-1)

Game Notes: The Butchers were still in party mode from the Rose Charity tournament the night before and put in an effort that would have probably been best served in the prior season when Rehabs were a divisional foe.

Karma 4 @ Demons 3 F/SO

Karma – Bill K (1), Scory Cory V (1), Derek Zed (3)

Goalie Win – Steve F (2-2, GAA of 2.38)

Shootout Winner – Cory (again…of course)

Demons – Zach “Fine” (1), Neil Zedman x2 (9)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Zach L (2-1, GAA of 1.29)

Game Notes: Karma still doesn’t have any ROW and Neil keeps scoring. Boring. Next!

Riots 2 @ What the Puck?! 8

Riots – Katie S (1), Nick (1)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-2)

DaPucks – Hoggystyle x2 (3), Sam McI x3 (3), Henry x2 (3), Dave Mac (1)

Goalie Win – Goalie Ed (2-1-1, GAA of 2.44)

Game Notes: This game had way too many assisted (not unassisted) goals for my liking.

Advncd Anlytcs: Through week 4, WTP is the second highest scoring team in the league and tied for the most goal scorers with 10. Their balanced attacked overwhelmed a revamped Riots roster coming off their first win of the season in week 3, outscoring les rouges 6-nil in the final 25 minutes of the contest. Since Ed helped put those stats together, his GAA is now (finally) publishable.

Poutine 3 @ Mega 1

Mega – Max T (1)

Goalie Loss – Mike T (1-2)

Poutine – Jo-Ann “the” Pro. (1), Christine L (1), Jonathan “not 69” C (1)

Goalie Win – RJ F (2-0, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: Someone not named after a whiskey called that Christina would score. Where was that honourable* mention in the three stars post?

Filthier 4 @ GANK 3 F/SO

Filthier – Jaime D x2 (5), Greg (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (2-1, GAA of 2.26)

Shootout Winner – Unknown (you’re going to start sensing a theme here)

GANK – Jason Bourne x2 (2), Probert (2)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Craig LaC (3-1, GAA of 0.98)

Game Notes: Jason Bourne is still trying to figure out how he arrived at Tompkins Square Park for this game of “hockey” that we play.

Gremlins 4 @ Dank Bows 3 F/SO

Gremlins – Erich G (3), Tim Magic Man x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (3-1)

Shootout Winner – Unknown

Rainbows – Karl S (1), Yetter x2 (4)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Greenwald

Game Notes: Someone not named after a whiskey took shifts against Yetter, taking those minuses for the team(mates who didn’t want them). Maybe they scored the shootout winner, but we will never know, because the ref never wrote it down on the gamesheet.

Evil Dojo 2 @ Fuzz! 0

CK – A Greedy Provider* (1), Eff Gill Ween (2)

Goalie Win – Campbell W-W (2-0, 2 shutouts)

Fuzz – just kidding, they got shutout

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR via Pucks Riots tire fire

Game Notes: Rich sent me an angry emoji this morning and it had nothing to do with defecting from his Ocean City team. Praise the GilF on his team always asking for the box score writeups!

*This article originally had Rachel L scoring the opening goal of this game (also known as game winners in shutout wins) due to her celebration after said goal. We apologize for an untimely CK beat reporter who finally corrected us after we went to print, and praise thee Provider with a spectacular goal, which, was presumably a “pass” provided to the top corns of the twine, done in selfless fashion.**

**Okay Russ, no more a$$ ki$$ing. You have your wtpucking goal now! Stop wearing 99 you pl*g.

Sky Fighters 3 @ Rut Rot 2 F/SO

SKY – Ariel via FB Humblebrags, Greg I (1)

Goalie Win – OG James (1-2, GAA of 2.26)

Shootout Winner – Dave

Gut Rot – Rob Shhleshzzzak (1), John S (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Sam (0-2)

Game Notes: Are Sky Fighters actually trying to keep their players around this year by hosting Cinco de Mayo team events?

Pounds 2 @ Hookers 1

Pounds – Liz B (1), Luke (1)

Goalie Win – Sizzler (3-0, GAA of 1.67)

Hookers – Clark H (1)

Goalie Loss – Wald-Greens Goalie Emporium via Corlears Park kiddie sized gear

Game Notes: If you score the opening goal in a 2-1 win. It’s not the game winning goal. If you score the opening goal in a shutout win, then it IS a GwG. [eom]

Math 1 @ FK 2

Math – Jon M (2)

Goalie Loss – David L (2-2)

Fresh Kills – Nick Scott (1), The Euge (1)

Goalie Win – Barch Pile (1-2, GAA of 2.26)

Game Notes: The FK sub carousel finally pans out and FK grab a badly needed two points. Math did not want the two points because they were winning too many games and getting concerningly close to the top of the second division standings, even if it was only week 3.

Lots of sneaker hockey for lots of goalies this past week. Hopefully they were able to stay nice and cool during the very few times in the game they can take waterbreaks now! On to the scores and obscure references galore(s)…

Cobra Kai 0 @ Hookers 1

Goalie Loss – Vesa Toskala (2-1, GAA of .68 all time – not a joke, gotta account for that sub 22 second goalie pull from this past Sunday in the all-time numbers)

Hookers garbage goals – M.Piggozi (1)

Goalie shutout win – Dustin (2-0, 2 shutouts, GAA less than 0 this season, probably)

Game Notes: Hookers, even with a lot of subs, including CK voodoo doll and former Alternate captain, managed to hold down the fort and secure a third straight shutout in as many games. The new survivor pool is picking the player that will be the first to score against Dustin this year. Wait, this pool has *actually* not been started yet? I am shocked.

Advncd Anlytcs: The last time Cobra Kai was shutout, it was by Alex EM, no just kidding, it was a week 18 loss to Hookers back in 2017, by the same scoreline, which ultimately sealed the fate for the Katz division race (I just know this from memory, neither google, JW, nor Glnzr had to be asked). What will this early season matchup, goalie blunder, and result hold for 2019’s…wait, what is the name of the 2nd division again? With Hicks renaming everything Southeast for a beefy meaty minute last year, I forgot. At the time of posting we finally remembered. The CMB division… sorry Crazy Caroline!

Math 2 @ Butchers 1 (F/OT)

Math – Jon M (2), Jack McG (3)

Goalie Win – David L (2-1, GAA of sub 2.33)

Pig Knifes – Jake “the unpoachable sky figher” Tiner

Goalie Loss – Tim Burke playing in his own team’s game (0-0-1-0)

Game Notes: Can you really be called a Cobra if you don’t play on Cobra Kai? I get Jake the Snake, but why not Jack the Snack? Jack Attack? Action Jackson?

Rehabs 3 @ Fuzz 2 (F/SO)

Rehabs – Cherie x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Tim Burke via Pig Knifes

Fuzz – Sig (2), Ryann “sitting on the backdoor because you didn’t include me in the plan” (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Ryan M via CK farm system  

Game Notes: Why did Fuzz let the Cobra Kai backup goalie get in some btsh practice? They didn’t even win the game, and now he’ll be more prepared when playing for CK later this season. That’s like losing the PBR cup when you didn’t even win it (wait, that actually kind of makes sense).

Advncd Anlytcs: Ryann is not on vacation. When Fuzz goalies are sober, they lose.

Gremlins 2 @ Mega 3

Gremlins – Magic Man (1), Cody (1)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B (2-1, GAA of sub 2.00)

Mega – Ann Marie (1), J Hanson (1), “Inspector” Jones (1)

Goalie Win – Mike T (2-0, GAA of sub 2.00)

Game Notes: It’s okay Gemmies, don’t listen to Rich, you can lose as many games as you want to this season. And 2020. By 2021, your win total won’t be a me problem anymore.

Advncd Anlytcs: Tim scores his first of the season, rounding into form just in time for Rose Charity with the salt boyz team. The hope is that the goals per whiff are higher than .5 per game that day.

Not believable: It says Matt Jones scored a goal, but I’m not sure how you can score in BTSH by taking a slapshot. Even Glnzr can’t get away with that.

Karma 3 @ WTP 2 (F/SO)

Karma – Derek Zed x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Steve F (1-2, GAA of 2.33)

Shootout Winner – SCory Cory V

DaPucks – Justin M (1), John C #69 (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Ed P (1-1-1, GAA of 3.00-ish)

Game Notes: WTP managed to score 3 goals yet again for the third straight week, however one was disallowed prior to OT and thus totally not impactful on the final score. The first shooter in the SO failed to realize he had used all his “shut ups” on Rehabs players thanks to refereeing the Fuzz-Rehabs game prior to this third division tilt. Here’s til/to OC, Hicks. Wait, are people talking about OC (teams, poaching, tampering, etc) already? I am not shocked.

Advncd Anlytics: Insert obligatory stat of the number of headshots > number of successful shootout attempts

Fresh Kills 0 @ GANK 4

Goalie Loss – David Liang via Math class

Anklebiters – Joe P (1), Alex Derho (1), Jared (4), Courtney B (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – The Masked Rubber Ducky (3-0, GAA of 0.PatrickRoy)

Game Notes: Fresh Kills are still searching the right lineup for their 2020 pbr cup (the time is not yet nigh) and Anklebiters continue to dominate their early season matchups.

Poos 3 @ SKY 1

Poutine – Mike Marr x2 (3), Lauren (1)

Goalie Win – Chris (1-0)

Sky Fighters – Wes (1)

Goalie Loss – OG James (0-2, GAA of 2.50)

Game Notes: Based on the not three stars hon mentions, it appears the referees are ignoring my email(s) and not using hand signals to show who has possession for inbounds if/when they are inaudible and/or unclear vocally. Who ever said being ref manager was the “best job in the [btsh] biz”?

Pound Sterlings 5 @ Filthier 2

Pounds – Jason B x2 (2), Avery (1), Michael “when I Kuzy you, you’ll know” Roberts (1), Jessica H (1)

Goalie Win – Tim B via Butchers

Filthier – Jamie D x2 (3)

Goalie Loss – Jamie B via Gremlins

Game Notes: In an early goal of the year candidate, Jason perfected a perfect forehand scoop shot on a broken play turned half break away, flipping it far glove side past a surprised tendy. Take that, Magnus Arvedson (what Swede spells “sson”/”son” with only one “s”?).

Advncd Anlytcs: This is probably the first Pounds game in three years that neither Karsten nor ScottyKthe2nd inflated their goal totals by scoring in a blowout win, albeit against a Soko divisional opponent.

Riots 3 @ Rut Rot 1

Riots – Suz (1), Mike Danton’s favourite player agent* (1), Margot (1)

Goalie Win – Dave GdR (1-0)

Gut Rot – Ramon “definitely not a high follow through” Ramon (1)

Goalie Loss – Goalie Becca (0-1)

Game Notes: Mike Danton’s favourite player agent* was so speedy in this game, you could only see him with the naked eye by screenshotting game footage on a half-decade outdated mobile device.

*How has no one complained about this reference yet?

Advncd Anlytics: Becca’s save percentage was presumably one standard deviation lower than her TSP courts clothes to skin coverage ratio. Both teams were coming into this having not yet scored this season – the sideline celebrations were accordingly very loud, especially for Margot’s clincher.

Dark Rainbows 1 @ Denim Demons 6

Rainbows – Bryan L (1)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-2)

Demons – Neil x2 (7), Miles (5), Gene (2), Jake (1), Tracy (1)

Goalie Win – Zach L (2-0, GAA of 0.50)

Game Notes: Demons built and early lead in this game and in the division race with an emphatic sextet (not a boob reference) in this Michaliga divisional matchup.

This week the box scores are provided to you by the shipment of fresh salt a certain meatbox has just received and already delivered to the btsh community. Other btsh articles aside, the Gremlins’ buffalo boys have already claimed the extra salt for their Week 3 warmup.

I have to go back to writing lengthy ref manager emails so these will be brief (yet again) this week. Enjoy!

Dank Bows 2 @ Math 5

Rainbows – Yetter (2), Matty Freeze (2)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (1-1, GAA of 3.50)

Math – Jack McG x2 (2), Todd M (1), Zach N (1), Jon M (1)

Goalie Win – David L-W (1-1, GAA of 3.00)

Game Notes: The media forgot to predict the rainbows were going to lose 6-2 and therefore didn’t have any bulletin board multiple to put up at their weekly roof practice.

Advncd Anlytcs: I’m not sure if it’s a typo but the rainbows had the two exact same scorers as last week.

Riots 0 @ Evil Dojo 3

Goalie Loss – Zak C via Demons (yes, another Za/ch/ck/cc/c on Demons)

CK – Top Shelf Tommy x2 (2), Alan H (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – G#1 Not Not Campbell (1-0, 1 Shutout)

Game Notes: After getting the shout out in the box scores last week, Tom found the right net (twice) in this contest, including the ice breaker and eventual GwG.

Demons 4 @ Butchers 2

Demons – Miles x2 (4), Neil (5), Gene (1)

Goalie Win – Zak C via ctrl+f Za/k/c/ch recruiting process (1-0)

Butchers – Rachel (1), Brendan (1)

Goalie Loss – Max the FA (0-1-0-1, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: If only Butchers could decline division 4 games like they were NFL flags.

Advncd Anlytcs: Rachel gifted one of the flukey Butcher goals to newcomer Brendan. Where’s a three stars of the week post and some positivity when you need it?!

Hookers 5 @ Gut Rot 0

Hookers – The Lone Wolff (1), CJ “not the running back” Anderson (1), Eleni T (1), Sean with one N (1), Jacques (1)  

Goalie Shutout Win – Greenwald via CrosFaveHotLegs2018

Goalie Loss – Not Eitan (a former league Sultan champ forgot to write this down)

Game Notes: The annual run to -70 has just begun!

Les Curdz 1 @ Filthier 3

Poos – Christian H (1)

Goalie Loss – DeLacy (0-1)

Filthier – James P (1), Ryan McL (1), Sunny M (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (1-1, GAA of 2.00)

Game Notes: *Insert wide eyed emoji for my multiple inboxes blown up by this game – where is Inspector Clouseau when you need him*

DaPucks 3 @ Fuzz 2

WTP – Paul (1), Noah (1), Hog(g)*elin “the caps bandwagon hopper” (1)

Goalie Win – Ed P (1-1, GAA unknown – where is that data integrity when you need it?)

Fuzz – Jeff (2), Sig (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Bwn (1-1, GAA of a deuce)

Game Notes: With WTP up 3-0 after the first 10-15 minutes of the game, they hung on to dear life, with Ed’s light blue chesty shining bright for the second half of this poaching-season-2019-article tilt #myPoachee2019.

Advncd Anlytcs: WTP averaged between 130 to 150 in PDO on the day. Just to further demonstrate the shot advantage for Fuzz(!!!!): a crossbar hit with 4 minutes left by WTP would have further swung that metric as high as 167 (assuming it goes in if it was on net, of course).

*still useless to Rich, who he was unable to toey dans la deuxieme periode!!! (0/1)

Fresh Kills 2 @ Gremlins 3 (F/SO)

FK – Erica G via FA, Andrew “Jeans” M (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Patty B (0-0-0-1)

Gremlins – Erich G x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (2-0, GAA of 1.50)

Shootout Winner – Also Erich (this qualifies as a “toque” for the viewers at home watching the NHL playoffs on TSN)

Game Notes: Everyone is reminded that there is no video (or photo flipbook) review in BTSH, except when it comes to Walker emailing you highlights of his minuses (this is *actually* not a joke).

Rehabs 4 @ Karma 0

Rehabs – Hicks x3 (3), Mo R (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Max the FA (1-0, 1 shutout)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (0-2, GAA of 2.50)

Game Notes: The below graphic is not a spoiler…this is technically the week 2 game after all!!

Anklebiters 3 @ Mega Touch 0

GANK – Jared x2 (3), Shooey (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Craig LaC (2-0, 1 shutout, GAA of 0.50)

Goalie Loss – Eric D (0-1)

Game Notes: Ben does not lead his team in goals, start chirping up Jared, yah boo-birds!

SkyFighters 0 @ Pound Sterlings 2

Goalie Loss – OG James (0-1)

POUNDS – Alex F (2), Karsten P (3)

Goalie Shutout Win – Sizzler (2-0, 1 shutout, GAA of 1.00, and zero requests to recast the goalie standings)

Rehabs 4 @ Fresh Kills 0 (Week 1 #SunFears makeup)

Rehabs – Ramy (1), Hicks (4), Michelle (1), Alex M (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Max the FA (2-0, 2 shutouts)

Goalie Loss – Patty B (0-1-0-1)

Game Notes: Friendly reminder that our crease rule is not the equivalent of the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals in Triple OT. Cheers.**

But let our extra zoomed in CSI high resolution shot do the talking:

** (From one Canadian North American Champ to another, sorry, Gabe. Teets McGee is going to win the scoring title again anyways.)

Et le but!

No, that is not a reference to Sam “’ack a dart” Norris having made a return to the btsh sideline to referee – but in reference to having our first Sunday of sneaker hockey at Tompkins in, well like barely 3 months, okay maybe 4. With that, here were the goal (le but) scorers (and goalies of record) from this past Dimanche.

Poutine 5 @ WTP 3

Poutine – Mike Pags, K-Mac, James McQ, Mike Marr, Brian Sulli

Goalie Win – RJ F

DaPucks – The Butler, The Dude, The K-Man

Goalie Loss – Ed the P stands for #myPoachee2019 (No GAA, sad face)

Game Notes: Someone told me that Henry was expecting a Box Score shout out for scoring the league’s first goal of the season – luckily for him I’m in mid-season form and 5 other btsh posts already beat me to it, so no, I’m not saucing over that shout out. I will however say that the #notMyRoy2019 race is off to a hot start! You really expected me to say something different?

AdvncdAnlytcs: After his side drew level at halftime and midway through the 2^nd half, Poutine’s Mikey-M huffed and puffed and blew the ball far side on a nice one timer to win the game late, and then, as a referee definitely not named Greenwald put it, Poutine “ran away with the game” by scoring an empty netter with half a minute left. Wait, the shot count didn’t suggest that at all….

Fuzz 3 @ Filthier 1

Fuzz – Gil’s Son’s Dad, Jeff x2, Alexa

Goalie Win – Tim Bwn

Filthier – Jaime D

Goalie Loss – Tim K

Game Notes: Fuzz used their championship banner to mend the north net on the east court before the game started, so (un)fortunately Sunday’s east court action could not be delayed by another trophy presentation, because that meant neither a trophy nor banner could be used for said spectacle. Thank god. If you are looking to point fingers, the netting “banner” you can blame on me, Rich.

Karma 0 @ Gremlins 1

Goalie Loss – Steve F

Gremlins – A Rockoff

Goalie Shutout Win – Jamie B

Game Notes: A battle of dependable predecessor and successor ends with the former prevailing in a low scoring goalie duel. Or it was just the conditions, who really knows, just look at the next game’s score.

Gut Rot 0 @ Demons 7

Goalie Loss – Charlie O’D via EitanNotGoalieing4u

Demons – Neil Zed x4, Miles S x2, Sara K,

Game Notes: I guess those people who stayed on Gut Rot are enjoying themselves thus far.

AdvncdAnlytcs: After starting last season 0-and-insert big number here, Zach Lewis gets 2019 started with a W and a shutout. Oh, and Neil had a natural hat-trick to pace Demons with a 3-0 lead, which included a late marker in the first half which wasn’t really a turning point in the game but still cool.

Pounds 4 @ Cobra Kai 2

Pounds – A Frey, Ajay, Karsten x2

Goalie Win – Mike Z

CK – Eff Gill Ween, Pete G

Goalie Loss – G#2 Not Campbell (we’re awaiting our beat reporter to confirm…er, wait, is it a beat report if they lose?)

Game Notes: Top Shelf Tommy broke his scoring drought by going top bunk on a deflection…into his own net. It was a goal which unfortunately turned the tide in the game as Cobra Kai’s 2 goal lead from early in the game evaporated quite quickly thereafter, unlike the water on the courts.

AdvncdAnlytcs: CK’s new goalie was quoted as being “too ice” like by the Pounds sideline. Logical statement. Real hockey don’t work here. That’s why Roberts never scores any goals, except when he plays against WTP.

Butchers 0 @ Hookers 1 (F/SO)

Goalie Shutout Shootout Loss – Max via FA

Goalie Shutout Shootout Win – Dustin

Shootout Winner – Danilo

Game Notes: Is this a sign of things to come for the 2^nd division, close low scoring contests and a narrow division race through opening day to the final weeks of the season?

Biters 4 @ Math 1

GANK – Proboooort, Jared, Chris x2

Goalie Win – Craig La-“DJBB”

Math – Justin “Caps are still champs” P

Goalie Loss – David L

Game Notes: Alas, it was not to be for 2D; this game was not as close as the other divisional matchup on this day.

Mega 2 @ Rainbows 3 (F/SO)

Mega – Bill L, Joe L (I’m sensing a theme with all these L’s here)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Mike T-man

Dank Bows – Matt F, Yetter

Goalie Shootout Win – Greenwald

Shootout Winner – Rem

Game Notes: Clearly Rem’s Return wasn’t factored into that preview!

AdvncdAnlytcs: Greenwald has said that he will not be retiring, even though there is video evidence of a North American champion burning him in the shootout. Give that guy a participation trophy for toughing it out!

Wait, Shortis won the North American championships? Where are the banner and championship jackets at?

Rehabs @ FK – PPD #SunFears

Sky @ Riots – PPD #SunFears