Posts Tagged ‘Corlears Hookers’
Playoff Preview: Semifinals (Part I)
Tuesday, October 19th, 2010Josh Isn’t So Sure About This “Butchers’ Bandwagon”
#18 Butchers (7-8-0-4) at #5 Corlears Hookers (13-4)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
2010 Result: Did Not Play
Game Notes: For the fourth straight season, the Corlears Hookers have advanced to the semifinals. After cruising through their round of 16 matchup, an 8-3 win over Cobra Kai, the Hookers faced a stiffer test against Filthy Gorgeous in the quarterfinals. The Hookers came out strong and jumped to an early 4-0 lead on the strength of Jason Eitel’s two goals. However, as the shallow bench began to fatigue, Filthy took advantage and rallied in the second half to chip away at the seemingly insurmountable lead. Although Filthy ultimately tied the game to force overtime, the Hookers discovered a second wind, and mid-season addition Tiffany Hagge clinched a trip to the semifinals with the game-winning goal. The Butchers have been the surprise team of the playoffs and have knocked off the top two seeds in consecutive weeks. Two weeks ago, they stunned the Hackett Division champion Rehabs with a thrilling shootout victory and advanced to the quarterfinals to take on the regular season champion Denim Demons. With ardent support from a clearly partisan crowd, the Butchers pulled another rabbit out of their hat and shutout the top seed, 2-0. Co-captain Ben Bloom scored the game-winning goal, his third of the playoffs. With the Butchers expected to have the full support of the Tompkins crowd, can they knock off the top remaining seed once again?
Keys To The Game For The Corlears Hookers:
1. After receiving heavy criticism from the media for his lack of passing, Hookers forward Jason Eitel received a stern lecture from his mother, “Mrs. Eitel,” on the virtues of sharing, as she did not raise her son to be a selfish ball hog. Although the stat remains unofficial, Eitel claims he had two assists in last week’s win.
2. Goaltender Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson allowed an uncharacteristic four goals in the second half of the Hookers’ quarterfinal matchup. After giving up seven goals in two playoff games, he will need to clamp down between the pipes for his team to make the championship.
3. Team scientist Joshua “Doc” Sadlier-Brown has once again been experimenting with his time machine. In his newest adventure, Doc has gone back to 2007 and 2008 to reverse the outcome of the BTSH championship games. As a result, he now claims that the Hookers have actually won both. Will the Butchers be intimidated by the (now) two-time champions?
Keys To The Game For The Butchers:
1. All-star goalie Eric Ramirez notched his second shutout of the playoffs last Sunday. He has allowed just two goals in the Butchers’ three playoff wins and another stellar effort is critical to their chances.
2. Defenders “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis and Arnold Sanchez were assigned the difficult task of shadowing the Demons’ top scorers last week. Their contributions were crucial in shutting down Zack Tinkelman, Mike Pereira, and the rest of the league’s third ranked offense.
3. In what has become a tradition, team goon Georgine “Mulva” Paulin has planned a series of wild activities to distract the Corlears Hookers the night before she plays them. She has already received positive RSVPs from Dan Thompson, Peter “Purple Rain” Putka, and Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney, as well as teammate Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. The Butchers have made a nice run, but Olson returns to form and leads the Hookers to the championship game for the third time in four years.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. Although it is now chic to jump on the Butchers’ bandwagon, let’s not forget that Dutch Fever has been around for much longer.
Watchability: 4 Wingers
October 3 Schedule Released
Monday, September 27th, 2010Sorry, Doc, Your Game Is At Noon
After much speculation and anticipation, you can rest easy as we present to you the October 3 schedule:
12:00 PM | East | La Famiglia at Filthy Gorgeous |
12:00 PM | West | Sky Fighters at Corlears Hookers |
1:00 PM | East | LBS, Inc. at Denim Demons |
1:00 PM | West | Cobra Kai at Rehabs |
2:00 PM | East | #18 Butchers at #15 Mathematics |
2:00 PM | West | #20 Gut Rot at #13 What The Puck |
3:00 PM | East | #19 Gouging Anklebiters at #14 Unicorns |
3:00 PM | West | #17 Mega Touch at #16 Poutine Machine |
4:00 PM | East | Fresh Kills at Happy Little Elves |
4:00 PM | West | Tompkins Square Riots at Dark Rainbows |
5:00 PM | West | ALL-STAR GAME |
Week 14 Box Scores
Monday, August 9th, 2010Hookers Strong-Arm Filthy
Corlears Hookers 2, Filthy Gorgeous 0
Corlears Hookers: Noelle “Slapshot” Safar 2 (4)
Shutout: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson (1)
Sky Fighters 2, Cobra Kai 0
Sky Fighters: Kevin Kim (1), Dan Lee (1)
Shutout: James Stein (3)
Mathematics 4, Tompkins Square Riots 3
Mathematics: Adam Langer 2 (4), Andy Pratt (5), Ali Corsi (1)
Tompkins Square Riots: Karl Ringman 2 (2), Patrik Blohmé (10)
Rehabs 3, Unicorns 0
Rehabs: Brock Bosacker 2 (4), Alex Doucette (12)
Shutout: Anthony Romeo (2)
La Famiglia 7, Fresh Kills 4
La Famiglia: Anthony Peros 2 (2), Denis Miciletto (7), Roger Ma (6), David Ladanyi (2), Alfred Liu (2), Andrea Grande-Capone (1)
Fresh Kills: Justin Ross 2 (9), Dave Sokolyansky (7), Patrick Moore (2)
Game Notes: Grande-Capone scored her first BTSH goal.
Happy Little Elves 5, Gut Rot 4
Happy Little Elves: Gil Valdez 2 (11), Rob “Smash” Muggeo 2 (6), Ryan Nakahara (7)
Gut Rot: Gilligan 3 (4), Tommy (6)
LBS, Inc. 5, What The Puck 3
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon 3 (14), “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin (14), Angela Upton (1)
What The Puck: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 3 (6)
Denim Demons 5, Dark Rainbows 3
Denim Demons: Mike Pereira (12), Bob DiProspero (5), Danny Polinsky (3), Steve Chernoski (2), David Fraser (2)
Dark Rainbows: P.T. Walkley (7), Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (4), Heather Tomason (1)
Mega Touch 2, Poutine Machine 1 (OT)
Mega Touch: Eric Devlin (3), Danny Canarick (2)
Poutine Machine: Jo-Ann Provencher (3)
Game Notes: Canarick scored the winning goal in overtime.
Butchers 4, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Butchers: Ben Bloom (10), Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins (5), Jesse Kalb (2), Jason Rosenstock (1)
Gouging Anklebiters: Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton (3), Mike Diviero (1)
Week 14 Preview
Thursday, August 5th, 2010Who Farted?
GAME OF THE WEEK
Filthy Gorgeous (8-3-0-1) at Corlears Hookers (8-3)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 6-0
Game Notes: Filthy Gorgeous has never beaten the Corlears Hookers. These Rubens Division rivals last met in Week 5 when the Hookers edged Filthy 3-2. Although the game was tied deep into the second half, Corlears Hookers leading scorer Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney notched a late game-winning goal to continue his team’s dominance in this series. Despite this loss, Filthy Gorgeous persevered, going 6-0-0-1 in its next seven games. However, this streak ended last week, when the Dark Rainbows handed Filthy a 3-2 loss. The Hookers, on the other hand, enter this game on a modest three-game winning streak in which they have outscored their opponents 14-5. The team is looking forward to returning to its namesake park to clash with an old rival.
Keys To The Game:
1. With Filthy Gorgeous listed as the road team for this matchup, the team may be forced to wear its alternate jerseys. However, instead of donning their usual beige V-necks, team members have expressed strong interest in sporting Filthy’s electric lime green throwbacks as part of the league’s farewell to Corlears Hook Park.
2. Corlears Hookers goalie Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson is clearly amped for this game. He has volunteered this lengthy video featuring his analysis of Filthy’s strengths and possible conflicts of interest.
3. In response to Filthy Gorgeous’ recent addition of a third Pereira brother, John “Scooter” Pereira, the Corlears Hookers have added a third Kearney. This week, Brendan and Gavin’s eleven-year old brother, Stephen “Dutch’s Fake Other Brother” Kearney will make his debut for the Hookers.
Eli’s Pick: No pick. Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. It’s tough to bet against this history.
Watchability: 4.5 Mangans. Only one point separates these adversaries in the standings.
Week 10 Preview
Thursday, June 24th, 2010Who Doesn’t Enjoy A Good Popsicle?
GAME OF THE WEEK
Denim Demons (7-1) at Corlears Hookers (5-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-1
Game Notes: In the short time since the establishment of the Corlears Hookers in 2007, the Denim Demons have become one of their fiercest opponents. The rivalry took off in 2008 when the Demons became the first team to hand the Hookers a loss at Moffo. In 2009, the animosity intensified even further when league scheduler Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher assigned both teams to the same division (later named the Rubens), forcing them to face off twice in the regular season. The Hookers took the first of these games in Week 2, when they squeezed past the Demons with a 3-2 win in a shootout. In Week 19, the Hookers completed the season sweep with a 4-1 win. However, the Fightin’ Rubens had the last laugh, as they ultimately won the Rubens Division title and were the top seed in the playoffs. With both the Denim Demons and Corlears Hookers once again in the Rubens Division, they will duel twice more this season, with the second matchup taking place on September 26. As this rivalry opens a new chapter in its history, expect an intense game from both sides.
Keys To The Game:
1. After a string of four successive one-goal victories, the Demons won another close game last Sunday, 4-2 against Mega Touch. Their ability to come through in high-pressure situations will only serve them well against the veteran and talented Hookers.
2. Due to excessive absences and freak injuries, Jason Eitel has been a very small part of the Hookers’ offense this season. However, proud parent of Dutch’s niece, Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney has picked up the slack and leads the team with eight goals.
3. Congratulations to Denim Demon Steve Chernoski, who will be tying the knot on Saturday. Although he is happy to have several of his teammates in attendance for this joyous occasion, he may be in for an unexpected surprise. Unfortunately, when Chernoski requested to have “Rubens’ Rock” at the wedding, the DJ misunderstood him and will thus be playing only Steely Dan.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. I’m not quite sure what the state of the Demons will be after an intense night of partying.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. An intense game in the summer heat goes to the team with the deeper bench.
Watchability: 5 Chernoskis. May your first child be a masculine child.