Posts Tagged ‘previews’
Playoffs Round of 16 Previews – Part 1
Thursday, September 29th, 2016Sky Fighters at Mathematics
by Richiepoothang
It’s the playoffs so there will be no dopey preview mentioning how the Rainbows hold each other’s hand singing kumbaya after each goal against. Let’s talk hockey.
Sky at Math. What a matchup.
The game plan is simple: stop this guy.
It’s depth vs. star in this one. Mike T. had one of the best seasons in BTSH history, scoring more than half of his team’s goals with 24. Meanwhile, Math spreads out their goals a little more evenly. Half of Math’s 52 goals were scored by players currently on their team, like Elly, Justin and Derk. The other half were scored by players no longer on Math, like Cherie, Amber and Joey.
(PS. Cherie is the real female scoring leader, those goals happened and she deserves the title, but that’s none of my business.)
Prediction: Stein always steps up in big games and Mike T. is force that can’t be stopped. But Math’s secondary scoring will prove too much for Sky, as they win 3-2 in overtime. And unlike those rubes who always pick overtime or close games, I rarely do. It’ll be Bradley with the game winner. (-0.5 goals)
Denim Demons at LBS, Inc.
by Isaac
A round of 16 matchup featuring division rivals is always a personal favorite of mine. Because bad blood undeniably makes for a memorable encounter. As talented as these two teams are it does seem a bit unfair (and early) for one of them to be sent packing to next Sunday’s scrimmage line. But that is our current playoff format and the merciless nature of the playoffs.
This season the Demons have been a tale of two teams: one with riches at every position and the other desperately trying to scrap together a squad for Sunday. At the beginning of the season they got off to a hot start and it appeared that they would be contending for not only the Katz division title, but also the coveted overall top seed. But oh my how quickly life can change in BTSH. Their fast paced style of sharp passes, strategic spacing and sound cycling was quickly undone by injuries that eventually eroded all they had worked for. Despite their bad luck Rubens and J-Po were able to keep the Demons competitive by bringing up talent from their farm team in the Yeshiva League (Seffi!!!). (Okay, wait. This is starting to sound more like an end of season eulogy, so let’s move on…)
Ali and her LBS are feeling pretty good about their chances.
Out of these two teams, LBS, Inc. has been the more consistent and balanced one throughout the season. On their way to earning the top spot in the Mid-Season Power Rankings they swept the season series against the Demons for a combined goals differential of 6-1. Since then they’ve only become more lethal by adding an offensive force to their top line that keeps all opposing teams up the night before. But they have also developed cracks in their defense. Sam and that ‘dude that looks like Jim Morrison’ have been delivering a shaky performance in front of distinguished former commissioner Timmy Baby. If they don’t seal that up, then it is hello Upset City.
X-factor for Demons: the defensive prowess of JR. Regardless of which position she’s taking a shift at she can cause turnovers and find an open streaking teammate up the line.
X-factor for LBS: the speed and agility of Scott and Liz. They are usually the first ones to a loose ball and both know how to apply an ample amount of pressure.
Prediction: The Demons have the juice to pull off an upset, but the difference in this one will be who is in net. Timmy Baby and LBS, Inc. will move on to the next round 3-1. (-2.5 goals)
What The Puck at Fuzz
by Hornswoggle V to the R
Introduction
In a key playoff clash between Stoke City and Crystal Palace, it will be clear that the former will take on an attacking role, whereas the latter will be looking to “park the bus” the entire match.
Before I digress any further, my beloved Poo-squad lost to Crys—erm I mean, What the Puck (hereinafter “WTP”)—last Sunday and I am so disappointed in myself for not being there (even though we still would’ve lost anyway… haha). But Brian “Brian Sullivan Alert” Sullivan and a few Poutiners did kill it in trivia post-game, so I guess not all was lost.
Anyway. Never have the Orange Crush faced Fizz before, and if anyone has played at least a season of BTSH playoffs, he/she knows that its games are fraught with uncertainties, even with high-seeded teams. The Glanzer Dome has placed the final touches on its northern stand (read: the side where all the balls skitter under the fence, which has now been barricaded by extra wooden planks), and both teams can finally relish in perfect weather, free-flowing, don’t be a dick ball hockey.
When Eric H isn’t lighting the lamp in a shootout for WTP, he’s moving the ball for Crystal Palace.
The teams
First-seeded Fuzz/Fizz (14-2-1, +38) has galvanized their seat in BTSH history by achieving league greatness in their inaugural season. An impressive two losses during the regular season ties the Butchers, but the team’s ability to light the lamp was second to none (84 goals). A realistic expectation would be that Sunday’s faceoff would be no different than any other game, even if a “win or go home” mindset lingered in the minds of all of the Fuzz personnel.
What should Fuzz do to win? The guys and gals in the navy-volt swatches should play business as usual. Their run-and-gun style has enabled all its lines to exploit opponent defenses and create several scoring opportunities. Scoring early leads to scoring often. WTP’s male players take up space and are mobile, so smarter passing and moving without possession can and will further bewilder them. Creating confusion will exhaust WTP’s efficiency and desire to take the match.
It’s a different scenario for 19th-seed What the Puck (4-11-2, -19), the squad that’s continuing to build momentum and chemistry. Three of their four regular season victories came from teams that seeded between 13 and 20 (Gremlins, Dark Rainbows, Gut Rot), meaning that extra efforts and diligence on and off the court will be necessary to stave off Fuzz’s offensive output. Certainly, a pre-playoff poll demonstrated that very few hoped the mandarin-clad crew would advance, meaning that any burden of expectation is close to nonexistent. That said, WTP can proceed with positive and proactive views coming into the match.
Automatic advancement to the sweet sixteen if a WTP member plays in the orange version of this.
What should WTP do to win? Establishing roles early is crucial to part of the battle. Fuzz’s players are versatile, so figuring out who the pivotal players are, covering them, and sticking to plan will be beneficial. Keeping shape and consistency are the next steps. If a WTP player is out of position, communication is necessary so that a teammate can cover for him/her. Finally, everyone will have to contribute in making smart sequences so that those privy on scoring can put one (or more) past Fuzz’s goalie, whom I think may be the most exploitable in the squad. Moving to empty space, smart passing, short shifts, knowing roles: playing economical will have Fuzz scrambling to search for access points; also, timely chances to score can ensure WTP advancing to the round of 16.
Match result
It’s likely that Fizz can handily take this game. WTP will probably ride the high of last Sunday [of winning a scintillating game over Poutine] until Friday night into Saturday morning, when the alcohol subsides… and the once effervescent thoughts of playing fall Sunday hockey are overshadowed by having to face a Goliath-esque opponent. Winning against Fizz will be a tall order, but if Adidas says that “nothing is impossible”, then nothing will be impossible for What the Puck. However, Fizz seizes the day, much to the chagrin of Ben “The Washkenazi” Chadwick (for seeing a squad of lime greens move onto the next round), 4-1. (-3.5 goals)
What’s better than watermelon and BTSH playoffs? The Red Sox apparently.
But they will do none of that and lose 6-0. (-5.5 goals)
Playoff Opening Round Previews
Friday, September 23rd, 2016The playoffs are finally here, BTSH! And these opening round matchups look like the perfect recipe to end up being beautifully nasty. So, let’s. Get. BIZ-ZAY!!!
Corlears Hookers at Cobra Kai
by Rachel G
Lots of drama surrounding the Hookers goalie situation, which most of us don’t really care about. What we do care about – which version of the Hookers are showing up this week? The team that won a championship a few years back? Or the one that got clobbered by Math…twice? Listen, I can talk about Danilo, Eitel, Tiffany, and that guy who looks like Eitel and is super into Zog…but will they show up? Consistency has definitely been an issue with that squad, which earned them a place in the bottom 8, but I can say with certainty…I don’t want to see them next round.
Same can be asked about the Dojo..which team will show up? Will it be Liam, Will and Pete dancing around us all? Or Jenks throwing a tantrum? When they are feeling it – this team can take on any team in BTSH. Most importantly they now have more Rachel-power than any other team in the league… I think that should get them past the first round as long as they don’t bring Altman back to offend womankind everywhere.
Let’s hope Cobra Kai wins so we can be done with this Cro-fueled sneaky goalie nonsense.
Prediction: Liam and #dojorachels are too savvy to allow just any FA goalie to hop in net for the Hookers and they’ll move on to the Round of 16 (-1.5 goals).
Gut Rot at Dark Rainbows
by Rachel G
What can we say about 2016 Gut Rot? We all loved them. Gilligan, Tommy, Scotty K, Peaches…yeah, pretty sure they scored all their goals for the season. But if Heather didn’t dress up like a box of wine, what would this league be? Who can compete with Diane’s smile, even as she begs, pleads and harasses to get refs for us every week?
Gut Rot 2016
Rainbows, I’m sure you’ve got a number of goals in there. Even without league-loved seasoned agitator Aaron Friedman, I’m sure you’ll be just fine. Your mouthy new rookie can take care of that. Tia’s moment of flying under the radar might be done, I’m calling a goal for her this week, and Roberts and probably about three other people.
Love you, Gut Rot, but I’m calling this 5-1, DR.
Prediction: You just read it. Dark Rainbows (-3.5 goals).
Gremlins at Tompkins Square Riots
by Rachel G
Jamie, JW needs you to be wearing that shirt AT the rink Sunday, not wherever the hell you are.
It’s been a rough season for the Gremmies, they flirted with being sent out of the Welcome to the Johnson’s division again, they also flirted with Cheeky in her courting period, just to lose to Mega. But they also won 3 out of their last 4 games. Now it’s the playoffs and that rough season is a whole different story. When this team decides to bring it, they can take down anyone. Maire, Erich, Rod, they can change a game in a moment. I hear JW stole some charity money to fly Jamie back from whatever corner of the globe he ran off to. Similarly, the Riots are not to be underestimated by their record or division. This is a gritty, determined squad who will fight and earn every goal. I’m not sure if you were on social media last week, but Showtime had his mouthful of Dave Gil de Rubio, and rightfully so…did you see that game?! He’s not the only one to look out for, Drew and Joe have moves that leave the league’s best defenders flat-footed. Although they haven’t scored any NWHL ringers, these ladies are some of the best out there – don’t underestimate the two-way play of Laura MacNeil, or Amy’s stalwart defense.
Close one, I’m guessing Gremmies by 1. Can’t hold Erich down in a close game.
Prediction: Gremlins survive this round to get demolished in next (+0.5 goals).
What The Puck at Poutine Machine
by Kid Kazin
Since this is a Round of 16 qualifying game, there will be a metal briefcase suspended high above the West court. Inside of it, a contract that guarantees the winning team a playoff game on October 2 against a top 4 seed of the league’s choosing. To earn that contract…wait, the wrestling-laden He-Views were last week? Okay, fine, we’ll put on the journalism cap for this one…
Refs, you should be nervous if Jo-Ann is not helping you ref Poutine’s game.
The Fighting Poos could have earned a bye and avoided this playoff game with a win last Sunday, but a late Anklebiters goal sealed their position as the #14 seed. And while a lot of the surface stats for this matchup with the league’s second-best orange clothed team clearly point in Poutine’s favor, the game should be close and competitive. Sure, Poutine won eight games during the regular season to What The Puck’s four. And yeah, their goal differential of +7 is way better than What The Puck’s -18. Plus, they have Brian Sullivan. What The Puck doesn’t have Brian Sullivan.
But let’s look past the surface a little. Poutine’s regular season record was inflated by seven division wins, as they went 1-7-1 outside of their division. Okay, so that one win was against What The Puck, but it was only by one goal. And What The Puck played some of their better games this season against tougher competition, knocking off the Anklebiters, taking the Butchers to overtime, and losing to Fresh Kills by one. We’re also expecting savvy veteran Corey to be present for What The Puck, and he always ups his game for the playoffs.
Prediction: Emily, Corey, Justin M., Jordan, and the rest of What The Puck fight valiantly, but can’t overcome the Fighting Poos sound defensive structure. Charlotte, Kevin, Whitney, A.J., and Scott lead the charge to keep What The Puck at bay, and a timely goal from Brian Sullivan extinguishes any lingering hopes of an upset. Poo Nation moves on to the Round of 16 with a hard-earned 3-1 win (-1.5 goals).
He-Views: Part 2
Friday, September 16th, 2016Inspired by the works of the lovely Anonymous Lady, the Finest Mens in all of BTSH have come together to author this week’s previews of the games that were rained out on May 1st. So, without further ado, here is Part 2 of the He-Views. (Part 1 can be found here.)
Sky Fighters at Gut Rot
by Richiehero
Mega Touch at Instant Karma
by BTSHLogonShaun
Isaac in his business casual wear.
League darling Honorary Man Julie Katz leads her his squad in this Corlears Hook Park Conference regular season finale against Instant Karma. At stake? Nothing less than a opening round bye. Although these teams enter the contest in a dead heat for 8th/9th place, only one will retain the position and with many teams nipping at their heels, only one will be casually sipping beers non-alcoholic beverages in paper bags at Tompkins come Play-in Week. Personally, I’m expecting a little magic from Adriano as Mega Touch touches Karma mega and pulls off a decisive victory on the courts. Not even the considerable boyish good looks of Isaac or the considerable height of Captain Ben will rescue Karma from a date with one of the teams ranked 17-20 in the final standings. And this despite having the measured leadership of both the Commissioner and the Chairman.
Prediction: Mega introduces Instant to the wheel of Karma: 5-2.
BSA Fun Fact: The first Brian Sullivan Alert rung out in Concord, MA in 1775 when a man on horseback feverishly raced through the streets warning that beautifully-coiffed men in mostly-unbuttoned red jackets were coming.
Butchers at Cobra Kai
by Richiehero
When the two schedule makers (who both can bench more than 275 pounds which is really impressive) put the Butchims vs. Cobra Kai at the end of the season, they knew it could be for the $h0wT!m3 Division Championship. They even predicted that their initial game would be rained out so this would be the last game.
What they didn’t predict was the ridiculous name changes besmirching BTSH’s storied history, and that the Butchims would be so great with the addition of JSB and other players that are really good that we don’t really know. They also didn’t predict the so-so year Cobra Kai is having. Speaking of so-so, do you know that (Brian Sullivan Alert) Brian Sullivan once was offered $432 by Elton John to cut off his Irish clover tattoo by his chest so Elton could use it as a pillow? True story.
Predict-him: Hero JewHeromanwrestling hasn’t been wrong all season, and won’t be wrong today. The Buthhims will win this game 5-2 with Liam and Pete scoring for Cobra. And 5 Eric, Arnold, Arthur and two other dudes I never heard of scoring for the winners.
Poutine Machine at Gouging Anklebiters
by Mr. Pec-tacular
The Biters should focus more on Poutine Machine and less on crabs and gang signs.
By the time the Fighting Poos take the court this Sunday, they’ll know exactly what they’re playing for. A Mega Touch loss (even in OT) earlier in the day means they’re competing for first place in the HIFI Division and a promotion in 2017. Of course, they may just be fighting to stay out of the dreaded playoff opening round next weekend. Either way, Poutine enters hotter than your mom, having won six of their last eight games. They now boast the third lowest GAA in the league thanks to their stellar goalie platoon of Scott H. and A.J., while Sully (11 goals), Mike M. (8), and Hornswoggle (6) have led the team in scoring. Also, be on the lookout for Kevin M. who has returned from Parts Unknown to bolster Poo’s blue line.
Brian Sullivan Fact: Ever the consummate gentleman, Sully sends all of his one night stands home in a prepaid Uber. And awaiting these lucky ladies in the backseat is a gift basket containing the following items: a Mylec ball signed by Brian Sullivan himself, two sample packets of Sully’s favorite pre-workout powder, a temporary shamrock tattoo, two courtside tickets to a future Poutine Machine game, one fun size Milky Way, one 8.4 ounce can of Red Bull, a coupon for body razors, three tampons, and a paperback copy of Rebecca Solnit’s Men Explain Things To Me.
Wait until she sees how smooth his chest is!
Rehabs at Tompkins Square Riots
by Triple RacH
Previewing the Rehabs/Riots game…Ohh, What a Rush! The Riots want redemption from their 5-1 loss to the Rainbows last week, but In Order To Be The Man, You’ve Got to Beat the Man. Fresh off their 5-4 OT win over Math, Rehabs are all like..Who’s Next?! Can you Smell What the Rock Rehabs are Cooking? Whatcha gonna do, when AlexMay-nia runs wild on you?! Expect (JOHN) SENA to score a sneaky back-door goal because YOU CAN’T SEE HER. Joe F. is rumored to be teed up for a great game and at least one goal. To a Nicer Guy, it Couldn’t Have Happened! Despite Fiore’s contribution and Limousine Ridin’, Jet Flying, Kiss Stealin’, Wheelin’ Dealin’, Son of a Gun Dave GDR standing on his head for the Riots, they won’t be able to hold off the likes of Welch, Ramy, and Starr. And that’s the bottom line, cuz Stone Cold said so.
BSA Fun Fact: On April 19, 2014, Brian Sullivan released his own line of highly anticipated Nike Air Foamposite Pro “Sullys”. Despite going on sale on a Saturday, fans began lining up as early as Wednesday in anticipation of the 8AM drop. Anticipation was so high for these kicks that at one Brooklyn Foot Locker, a young man was shot in the foot for cutting the line. This delayed the release of the Sully Foams by 3 hours, enraging BK sneakerheads. Despite the strong showing on release date, the Sully Foams never surpassed the dopeness of the Air Sully 2s (especially the coveted Green March colorway, paying homage to his Irish roots).
Prediction: Rehabs 5 – Riots 0
He-Views: Part 1
Thursday, September 15th, 2016Inspired by the works of the lovely Anonymous Lady, the Finest Mens in all of BTSH have come together to author this week’s previews of the games that were rained out on May 1st. So, without further ado, here is Part 1 of the He-Views.
Denim Demons at Fuzz
by BTSHLoginRich
Sorry about the confusion guuuuyyyssss, I forgot my login again, so this one will have to do. Can you guuuuyyysss believe it’s been FFFOUUURRR weeks since I last played with you guuuysssss?! Sure feels like FORRRRRever.
Anyways, I’m supposed to write about this week’s game between the league sweetheart (Brian Sullivan False Alert- it’s not him), Fuzz, and evil, the Demons. Back when I possessed a magnetic ability to recruit (i.e. before Ocean City when half of Fuzz’s participants chose to be on different teams), I had this great idea to create a fun loving, equal play time sharing, minimally competitive team that BTSH, Cecil, and Harambe (RIP) could be proud of. That’s why (Brian Sullivan Alert and Brian Sullivan fun fact) Sullivan isn’t on it. He really wanted to join us but I told him he was too competitive for Fuzz, where we just want to have fun and love everyone. This isn’t my men’s league after all. Since everybody loves the spirit of Fuzz (and wrestling), It seems pretty obvious to me that Fuzz will win this game. Even John Cena loves the 3 core tenants of Fuzz.
There’s also the added incentive of potentially sending the Demons down a division, here’s a picture of me doing that in my cape (which like John Cena you can’t see).
RichieHero +3
Newman.
Filthier at Fresh Kills
by Emeritus
Sunday’s schedule starts off with what’s been billed as a Clash of Champions, as 2014 champion Fresh Kills and 2015 champion Filthier enter tied for first in the division (along with LBS, Inc.).
Filthier swept the season series with LBS, Inc., so all they need to clinch the division and the #4 seed is a win. That isn’t too tall of an order, especially with a roster that starts with Denis, Shafiq, James P., and Suvin. Sunny and Matt N. even showed up last Sunday, and they are both sneaky good. Adding Jeff K. to that mix only furthers their embarrassment of riches. Seriously, facing them is a damn numbers game! If you can somehow get past all of those guys (and Jean, don’t forget Jean), then you still have to deal with Tim K. in net.
Fresh Kills couldn’t beat the clock and gave up a late goal to lose to LBS, Inc. last week, which really hurt their chances at the division. Maybe Dave Soko shouldn’t have rested Gabe as part of his grand strategy for keeping the roster fresh for the playoffs. Did you know that Poutine Machine’s Brian Sullivan has scored more goals than Gabe this season? It’s true, it’s damn true! That guy is an American hero. But enough about Brian, let’s get back to Fresh Kills. They need to win this game and have Math beat LBS, Inc. in order to secure the division and the #4 seed. And they just might be able to pull it off. Rookie phenom Tom Rush has picked up Gabe’s scoring slack this year, and Ariel is always dangerous when leading the transition game.
Prediction: Fresh Kills gets a 3-2 win and everyone celebrates by jumping into a big pile on Barch.
What The Puck at Gremlins
by TotallyNotBSA
Woo Woo Woo, You know who it is. BSA is back!
The Gremlins and WTP may have not had picturesque seasons, but this match up has game of the week written all over it. A 1-point spread is all that separates these two teams from a trip down to the dreaded Division 4 (Seriously guys, it’s not that bad, plus we drink more).
The Grems have had a hard time replicating last year’s success and the struggle to make up for the loss of last year’s Sleeveless Wonder is real. Captain Mills and Co. are riding high after a much needed victory against Cobra Kai this past week. But, the attention is on J. Walker Walker, who we know will be taking plenty of short shifts to ensure equal playing time for all.
WTP has had a roller coaster year leaving them going into the final game with their backs against the wall. Corey will need to steady the troops and ensure Dude’s ready to out hustle the competition. The rumor is that WTP will be without The Shootout Showstopper Justin or team MVP Camden. The loss of those two may be the final nail in WTP’s Division 3 coffin.
Take Care and Spike Hair
BSA Fun Fact:
BSA was originally cast as the lead in the 1984 cult-classic, Gremlins. However, producers felt that he would draw too much focus away from the success of Gizmo and the Gremlins. Eventually, the role was recast with the lesser known Corey Feldman.
Prediction: This game ends 1-1 in regulation. No Justin to showcase his ability for the shootout leads to 2-1 victory for the Gremlins.
Crolears Hookers at Dark Rainbows
by Cro Daddy
In the final game of the Hookers season they face the Dark Rainbows. After going through numerous CROalies due to their CROalie being injured in a freak accident, the Hookers have finally found their rock to anchor them for steady the stream of impending high seeded teams for the playoffs. Following a huge upset of the Sky Fighters, the Hookers playoff chances are looking very CROmising. They look to keep the CROmentum going against the Dark Rainbows that have been plagued by many of the same struggles the Hookers have faced all season long. Both teams have players who can get work done (when they show up). This should actually be a pretty even match depending on who attends. The Hookers need to keep an eye out for red-hot Tia who notched two CROals last week.
Under the tutelage of Sideline Coach Cro, the Hookers aren’t pinching anymore and getting destroyed by odd man rushes. Speaking of Cro, didn’t he just look so damn good in that hat in week 18? He probably thought “Wow. Even my shadow looks badass” when he was everywhere on the West court.
This matchup is all about who can post up in the Cro’s nest, do the dirty work, and get some juicy rebound goals.
Prediction: Hookers over Rainbows 4-2.
BSA Fact: Sullivan bet Glanzer his bank account balance and left shoe that the Hookers win the game.
LBS, Inc. at Mathematics
by Izzy Sleaze
Ahead of Rain Date Sunday’s matchup between the Mathematics and LBS, Inc. I was able to snag an interview with one of Math’s most eccentric players.
‘Just what are you saying, Derk Davage?’
Izzy Sleaze: Week 12 on July 10th at Tompkins Square Park, NYC, it’s a day that I’m certain my guest at this time will not forget. I’m talking about the former friend and tag-team teammate of Da Belt, Math Matician Derk Dav…
Derk Davage: Nothing means nothing!
Izzy: Nothing?
DD: Nothing mean nothing, man.
Izzy: Nothing means nothing? What do you mean by that?
DD: I’m talking about all the way to the top, yeah. We’re justifiably in a position that we’d rather not be in. But the cream will rise to the top, ooh yeah. Math Madness, yeah has got more to offer than former Commissioner Timmy Baby thinks that we got yeah and let me tell you something right now, cards stacked against the Math Maticians and Rain Date Sunday let me say it yeah, let me say it out loud and let me point to the former Commissioner of Black Top Street Hockey, the Math Matician Derk Davage is not happy with your style of play, yeah. We are the cream in Black Top Street Hockey and there is no doubt about it-
Izzy: Wait, wait a second…
DD: -yeah, you Izzy Sleaze you know that we’re the cream of the crop!
Izzy: Wait a minute though, Derk. I’ve got to ask you very seriously, do you blame Mr. Timmy Baby, the distinguished former Commissioner of Black Top Street Hockey, for Da Belt leaving your partnership and going out on his own?
DD: Yeah, I do, yeah. Outside interference, yeah. In my moment of glory! Yeah. And now I’m living in a nightmare. And we are the cream. And now, not only the Da Belt must fall, but the whole LBS, Inc. organization! Because Luke Logan, Sam Michaels, Stone Cold Scott Austin and Alex the Giant yeah, we are the cream, yeah, the cream of the crop. And there is no-one that does it better than the Math Maticians and Derk Davage with Eldge! On balance, off balance, doesn’t matter. We’re better than you are, yeah and we’re talking everyone in the Black Top Street Hockey. And we’re even talking to Jake the Snake and his cardboard-chest-plated Papa, yeah. We’re on our way and nothing is gonna stop us. Nothing’s gonna stop us.
Izzy: You know, just out of curiosity, Derk, and I certainly don’t want to diminish your team’s tremendous God given talents, but I’m very curious, have you seen Ms. Elizabeth’s game lately?
DD: Yeah. She’s on the other bench of the court, does she interfere in matches? Yeah? Nothing, zero, pure athlete yeah and we’ve been uh yeah, maligned from the top to the bottom and because they can’t handle the Math Maticians featuring Derk Davage, Jericho Perras and the Norris Foundation (Nathan, Zach and Sam) the cream of the crop. Nobody does it better!
Izzy: Well, you heard it BTSHers. There is no love lost between Math Matician Derk Davage and the team he holds responsible for breaking up him and Da Belt. And we’re predicting pure pandemonium on the West Court from beginning to end.
Prediction: One of the refs gets knocked out by a sailing beverage container and while the other is tending to him an infamous league heel runs onto the court and takes out Derk, opening the door for an LBS win 5-4.
Week 18 Previews – Part 2
Friday, September 9th, 2016Part 2 by an Anonymous Lovely Lady
Warrior.
Sky Fighters at Hookers
The Hooker ladies have had no trouble solving goalies this season as Tiffany H. currently sits on top of the leader board. However, even with great shooting by all and marathon running by Noelle S., they are no match for the Sky Fighters. Lead by co-Captain Caroline W., the Fighters come from behind with rookie Alexis N. pocketing the insurance goal.
Sky Fighters 5-3
Math at Rehabs
Rehabs newest powerhouse lady, Amber M., is looking to join her new teammates on the leaderboard since leaving Math. Also, is it time for Ryann G. to return from her typical summer vacation? If so, the Rehabs can look to spread the scoring across all lines. Math will do it’s best and flex its lady muscles by starting the game with an all lady line-up anchored by Steph C. and Amy A.. This game quickly becomes a high intensity match-up with the Rehabs prevailing.
Rehabs 4-2
Demons at Filthier
Everybody loves Ann M., right? Wrong. The Demons want to give her a Sunday to forget. Captain Popack will have the troops ready for this one. But they have to play two games this week because of the rainout. Will Tracy M. and co. be able to bring it for game two against the defending champs? We don’t think so. Look for Filthier’s Jess L. to swoop in with the game winner.
Filthier 3-2
Don’t forget about Nicole and Angela. They’ve been holding it down on O and D for Karma too.
Karma at WTP
Will Lisa H be out for revenge against her old team, WTP? Probably not, because they’re so likable. But, even so, this should be a great Welcome To The Johnsons matchup. Captain Emily M. will have the Pucks ready for this battle, as they fight to keep their spot in the division with the regular season nearing its end. But Karma’s Nina D. has been a defensive stalwart this season and will stymy Tanya N.’s scoring chances.
Karma 2-0
All-Star.
LBS, Inc. at Fresh Kills
Some people might call this end of the day match-up of first division teams a snooze fest, but the teams keep it interesting by making sure we have a shoot-out that goes on until the sun sets over the courts. The overtime period is intense with Cherie S. and Sheena W. pounding shots on the goalies, but ultimately Natasha S. of Fresh Kills gets the shootout winner to bring week 18 of BTSH to a close
Fresh Kills 2-1 (11 round SO)
And again, here’s my average take…
Sky Fighters at Corlears Hookers
Call me crazy, but even with Newman in net I’m taking the Hookers winning this one. (Hint: Newman, cover your Five Hole. That’s usually how Mike T. scores.)
FACT – on May 10th the Trump campaign bought 3,964 copies of Donald Trump’s book ‘Crippled America’ from a New York Barnes & Noble. The purchases jacked up the sales enough that it landed on the Nielsen bestseller list. So, the conflict is, if Trump profited from the sales, could that be a violation of federal campaign finance law? (The Daily Beast and Significant Digits)
Prediction: Tiffany and her fellow Hookers look scary good at 4-1.
Mathematics at Rehabs
Wait, could this be the ‘Return of Ryann’ game? Thank you to all of the random free agent ladies that have made a brief appearance on the Habs offense in July and August. But Ryann is back and she’s got that covered.
Also returning to BTSH after a multi-year overseas hiatus is BEKCY F*CKING NORRIS! (Whom, sadly, I have yet to meet.) Her spunk could be just what Math needs to get the good times rolling again. Wonder what new tricks she picked up in Cambodia?
Prediction: Habs are just too defensively sound for Mathenorris and take this one 5-1.
Denim Demons at Filthier
REF SCHEDULER ALERT: we are going to need at least three refs for this game. (Only one will be needed for the Karma at Pucks game. Both of those teams will end up hugging it out anyways.)
These two teams straight up just do not like each other. Period. Going back to last year’s end of season match-up Schuie was called out of retirement to keep these two in line. And earlier this season it got a little messy with a couple of elbows from the Demons connecting in the eye sockets of some Filther’s ladies.
Prediction: Filthier is just playing too damn well right now and win this 4-2.
Instant Karma at What The Puck
This is a rematch of Opening Day 2016 when Karma and Baloney stole a 1-0 victory on a brisk afternoon. Gone are the sweatpants, solid ice cold pink balls, stiff joints and early season jitters for both teams. I can’t speak for Karma, but Emily, Justin and Mike D have improved since then and are ready to defend their right to stay in the Johnsons Division.
Prediction: the Karma slide continues against their divisional foes with WTP evening the series 3-2.
LBS, Inc. at Fresh Kills
There’s a lot riding on this one for both teams. We’ve already outlined what both of these teams need down the stretch, but we haven’t discussed the inter-team dynamics. During the scorching month of August LBS’s chemistry came a bit undone with the frequent absences of key players. They’ll need to focus on improving communication and getting comfortable with each other again.
As for Fresh Kills, the move of Soko to defense has produced mixed results. He’s still learning the position so he gets a wee-pass there, but he should turn his attention to supporting Barch instead of berating the refs.
Prediction: LBS survive a late push from FK to win 5-3.
