btsh.org

Color: Black
Year Founded: 2001
2011 Regular Season Finish: 3-8-3-3
2011 Playoff Result: Lost to Megatouch in qualifying round
Conference: Tagliarino
Division: Brown
Team Song: Lyta Ford – Kiss Me Deadly

Roster

Michael Bartlett
Bryan Welch
Stacy Kehoe
Erica Stoller
MDF
Kami Moore
Rob Blandi
Hilary Meyer
Jeff Nugent
Jon Feldman
Lateef Nurmohammed
Andre Legapsi
Nora Nolan
Sena Ito
Elea Crockett
Spencer Soloway
Hannah Lowen

2012 promises to be a season of change for BTSH and that probably suits Rehabs Captain Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli just fine.

After a massive roster turnover at the start of last season, the Rehabs struggled to find their team identity. Attendance problems, an extremely competitive division and the tragic death of Rehabs inspiration Amy Winehouse all served to make a bad season even worse. Some wondered if this original BTSH franchise was on its last legs. The late fall return of team mainstays Jon Feldman and Bryan Welch (aka “Wine and Cheese”) and the stellar play of the Rehabs all-female backline provided a glimmer of hope that the season could still be salvaged. But a tough loss to a motivated Megatouch team in the qualifying round left a lot of questions still to be answered.

After playing goal in the women’s tournament would former co-captain Kami Moore try and play every position this year? Would Bryan Welch continue with disturbing displays of public affection to members of his own (and other) teams in an effort to throw everyone off their game? Would Danberg-Ficharelli change her name to Ficarelli-Danberg in order to confuse the scouts as she had so often promised? Most importantly, would the Rehabs still suck?

Luckily, MDF quickly quieted our fears with the following statement to the press, “As long as there is a BTSH the Rehabs will, indeed, always suck.”

And 2012 looks promising for the all-blacks. The team’s struggles last year overshadowed the fact that goalie Hilary Barta put up some of the league’s best numbers between the pipes. And the heart of the D-Corps (Kehoe, MDF, and Moore) remains solid. Team chemistry should also be stronger as some of the more colorful players have departed leaving a team that is more likely to follow the example of Stacy Kehoe award-winner Stacy Kehoe than previous year’s incarnations. Dropping down a division and improved attendance should also help.

When asked what she expects of this year’s version of the Rehabs Captain MDF replied “I want them to bring me soup and rub my feet when I’m tired. And make sure I get home safe if I get too drunk at the bar.”

With such clearly defined priorities look for the Rehabs to be the class of their division. Or the club that other teams think of as a potential long-term relationship possibility.

At least until the first game, right Mer?

Entity they Resemble According to Rich Glanzer:

The 29 MLB teams not named the NY Yankees.

Much like all the players in baseball are auditioning to be NY Yankees, the Rehabs are auditioning to play for What the Puck. An unverified rumor has it WTP has struck yet again to the Rehabs, taking two more players. What the Puck’s loss will be the Rehabs gain though, as the Rehabs will be at the very least a more friendlier foe. Stacy Kehoe has been seen practicing all winter at Kelly’s Bar playing bubble hockey anticipating the new season. Rumor has it she almost scored a goal, though I’m pretty sure that rumor is false. I see a return to the plus side for this season, with a record of over .500. MDF, Kehoe, Welch,Nora, Erica, and whoever else plays on the Rehabs should hear plenty of, “Reeeeeeeeehaaaaaabbbbbsssss” from MDF, and seen it typed on my facebook wall whenever Kehoe has more than four beers.