Posts Tagged ‘team previews’

From The Vault

Saturday, March 26th, 2016

Emeritus Note: The editorial staff is hard at work on the remaining division previews, but to tide you over until those are ready, we’re running a classic team preview. Here are our thoughts on LBS, Inc. prior to the start of the 2011 season. This post was originally published on March 22, 2011.

Meet LBS, Inc.’s New Security Manager

Courtesy: LBS, Inc. Office of Communications

Color: White
Year Founded: 2002
2010 Regular Season Finish: 8-7-0-1 (4th, Rubens Division; 11th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Filthy Gorgeous in round of 16
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
2010 Leading Scorer: Karsten Pichon, 16 goals
Team Song: Pet Shop Boys – Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots of Money)

New Hires: Lawrence Goldstein
Resignations: Alex Simon, Phil Yang
(more…)

Greene Division Preview

Friday, March 21st, 2014

Ignore That Glum Fellow in the Back

That second win was pretty sweet!

That second win was pretty sweet!


Cobra Kai

2013 Record: 3-11-2-2

Strengths: Although Cobra Kai enters this season on the heels of a disappointing 2013 campaign that ended with a demotion to the Greene Division, it stills boasts one of the most established core of players in BTSH. Will Kuhns, J.J. Murphy, Mark Talercio, and captain Greg Altman have now played together for several seasons, including several runs in MOFO. As a result, these veterans’ chemistry and experience are enough to keep the Dojo in any game. Also, the (white!) chick with the dreads is potentially one of the ten best women in the league and helped the Mathematics beat the Happy Little Elves last season (on Rich Glanzer’s birthday).

Weaknesses: Although these guys were once considered just a shade away from elite (think Joe Flacco), BTSH’s overall talent level has vastly improved over the last few seasons, leaving Cobra Kai in the dust with a merely average team. Teamwork and game intelligence will only take them so far, but eventually, the Dojo will need to add some extra talent to regain its status as a legitimate contender. As the Kais’ top players head into the twilight of their careers, it’s time to mine the free agent pool and find the next Jason Eitel. Or do that Gabe for Rachel “The Infiltrator” trade that Fresh Kills keeps proposing.

Not quite elite

Not quite elite.

Fun Fact: Two of your humble writers at The ORG, Derek and Eli, began their BTSH careers on Cobra Kai, way back in the day when it was called Henry Motion. The duo is actually credited with changing the team name to the 80s movie reference (along with former captain Peter “Ski” Oblamski).

Dark Rainbows

2013 Record: 10-7-1

Strengths: The Rainbows finished second in the division last season with a strong ten win performance, so the hockey skills are obviously there. However, with last season’s acquisitions of Abby “Tayne” Meisterman (happy to bring that nickname back!) and David Bernstein, their true strength is useless trivia. While Abby is unmatched in her knowledge of Clueless and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bernstein knows Tupac’s entire catalogue by heart. Plus, Bernstein went to Duke, so he probably knows J.J. Redick.

Also from Duke.

Also from Duke.

Weaknesses: Really, it’s the pink uniforms. Yeah, I know, that’s the joke, because “irony” or whatever, but when’s the last time you faced the Dark Rainbows and actually felt intimidated?  Not that you should feel intimidated facing any team, but the faded pink really isn’t helping.  Then they do that pre-game “whoo-whooooooo” cheer, which is even worse than the Mathematics’ pre-game barking. I know it’s a beer league, but you guys can pump yourselves up better than that.

Fun Fact: Former Rainbows, Trevor and Libby, will attend the ceremony for their daughter’s graduation from NYU this May. She is now 22 years old and living with her fiancé inside a small tent between the East and West courts at Tompkins Square Park. My, how time flies!

(more…)

Season Preview: Gut Rot

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

Gut Rot’s PR Department Is Hard At Work

Color: Sea-foam Green
Year Founded: 2010
2010 Regular Season Finish: 4-10-0-2 (5th, MacNeil Division; 20th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Denim Demons in round of 16
Conference: Schumacher
Division: MacNeil
2010 Leading Scorer: Scott, 11 goals
Team Song: Jefferson Starship – We Built This City
Key Additions: The Other Gilligan, Noelle, Mark, Spoon, Heather (all from free agency)
Key Losses: Haanwa Chau (La Famiglia), Chris “Creamy” DiMotta (Butchers)

(more…)

Season Preview: Corlears Hookers

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

Don’t You Forget About Al

Color: Purple/White
Year Founded: 2007
2010 Regular Season Finish: 11-4 (2nd, Rubens Division; 5th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Happy Little Elves in championship game
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Rubens
2010 Leading Scorer: Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney, 15 goals
Team Song: Gogol Bordello – Start Wearing Purple
Key Additions: Jock Paul (Returning from Papua New Guinea)
Key Losses: None

(more…)

Season Preview: Gouging Anklebiters

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

Phil’s Seeking A Bailout

Color: Dark Blue
Year Founded: 2001
2010 Regular Season Finish: 5-11 (5th, Donohue Division; 19th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Unicorns in opening round
Conference: Schumacher
Division: MacNeil
2010 Leading Scorer: Alex Derhohannesian, 12 goals
Team Song: Kenny Loggins – Footloose
Key Additions: Steve Muller (free agency), Zack Papper (free agency)
Key Losses: “Old School” Mike Ross

(more…)