Posts Tagged ‘Three Stars’
Three Stars of Week 8
Wednesday, June 7th, 2017
Third Star
Scrimmages
On Sunday teams were playing at about 60-70%. Just look at how kind the Hookers are to let Roberts bring the ball up.
Mother Nature may have ruined the pre-season Free Agent Scrimmage, but so far she’s provided just enough precipitation to not call it a game, but also not call off the game. For the second time this half season we’ve been treated to a friendly with our opposing team for the week. (Although, some of us that have wiped out would prefer she not do this a third time.) While it won’t show up on the Schedule or Results these games deserve an asterisk.
Second Star
Cheeky from Mega Touch
Cheeky swears Rob ran into her blade.
Against all odds Cheeky put on a ridiculous defensive performance for her squad. Sharp passes out of Mega’s defensive zone, sacrificing her body by blocking shots, and frustrating the Rehabs forwards with each shift she took. She is now in conversation for the Best Defense and possibly the Rachel G Award for Snark, Style and Finesse.
First Star
Spirit of BTSH featuring Ben P from Mathematics (via Gouging Anklebiters)
Ready. Fight!
This guy gets it.
With Math desperate for a goalie and only 10 minutes to go before the puck dropped, Zach pleaded to the Sidelines for a hero to step up. Heeding the call to lend a helping hand, Probie put aside their divisional differences and put on those repulsive league pads (with the help of $howT!m3) and hopped in between the pipes for Math. Even though he had never played the position before (well, at least that’s the story Sam sold to the Tia and the Dark Rainbows,) and was a wee-bit pissed at the moment, he was able to post a 0.857 save percentage and secure the W. Thanks for keeping it BTSH-real Stinky-P.
Honorable Mentions:
Suvin M from Filthier – Mother Nature doesn’t bother this dude. Slicing through Karma’s defense he eclipsed his season goal total and plus one for a hat trick. In my opinion he doesn’t get enough credit for his contributions to Filthy.
$howT!m3 from Rehabs – coming out of retirement for the uncountable time he withstood the onslaught of Mega’s shots and posted another shutout to an already hall of fame BTSH career.
Three Stars of Week 7
Wednesday, May 24th, 2017By Rachel K
Third Star(s): THE BIRTHDAY BOYS AND GIRLS
Enjoy your b-day present from Dave GDR, because he won’t let that happen again.
This week was birthday-palooza at BTSH. Olivier held a b-bday brunch, Ali and the LBS tore up postgame margs, and Richie Glanzer & Brian Sullivan (Alert) threw down at Ace well into the night (well ok, I’m assuming that because I had to call myself an Uber home at the tender hour of 10pm). Special shoutout: BSA not only scored himself a birthday goal, but was kind enough to co-host a birthday with Rich Glanzer. Just kidding, Richie! Sully gets some extra love because he spent his birthday party stonecolding 2 Miller High Life’s at a time, which is a hero move. Maybe it was the beer goggles, or the fact that everyone was back at Ace, but the Glanzer/BSA b-day bonanza was some good old fashioned BTSH revelry. Cheers to everyone who showed up and got weird! (And also, did you by chance pick up a brown Patagonia fleece? Asking for a friend…)
Second Star: Dave (Butchers)
It took some time, but we were finally able to slow down the footage from Sunday to catch this freeze-frame of Dave.
Dave scored BOTH of the Butcher’s 2 goals by outhustling the Rehabs defense and scoring on breakaways in a close game that ended in a shootout. THEN he then went on to score the shootout winner. For proof of that kid’s wheels head on over to the FB fan page and check out Tia’s video.
First Star: Zac H (WTP)
All four of his goals were scored with a full bladder.
A hat trick usually guarantees you a star, but Zac must have been determined to make it on here as he netted not 3, but FOUR goals, which launched him onto the Top Scorer board. Word on the street is that Emily found him wandering the streets of Ottawa and plied him with the promise of booze and American women who love hockey. Last week the 3 stars writer interviewed one of the stars, but I chose the lazy route of paraphrasing somebody else’s interview with him! In my creepiest journalistic efforts yet (thanks, Google), here are some fun facts about this not-so-well-known rookie:
- He played goalie for Ottawa West’s Provincial team in the Ontario Junior ball hockey championships in 2009
- If he could have one superpower, it would be to slow down time
- He loves cereal!
Honorable Mentions:
Cody (Gremlins) – Cody had ANOTHER hat trick, but he was on the last 3 stars so…sorry bud, gotta spread em around.
Matt Work (Anklebiters) – Also had a hattie! Nice work, Worky!
My liver – this is why we can’t have nice things.
Three Stars of Week 6
Thursday, May 11th, 2017
Cody is on the left. No idea who the other two are.
Cody from the Gremlins had his first career hat trick in their 4-2 upset of Math this week. In honor of the number 3, I conducted this hard-hitting interview with him:
Diana M: What are three “3-ish” facts about you?
Cody: I love threes personally. My initials are CCC, born in the third month of March, was number 33 in hockey. And was born in 93.
Diana M: That was four things. Going forward, please try to contain yourself.
Cody: Sorry
Diana M: What are your favorite 3 things about the Gremlins?
Cody: Favorite things about gremlins…we are a tight knit family, everyone is a team player, they are the reason for each and every goal I have scored.
Diana M: Aw that’s nice. Somewhere JW just got his wings. So what are three things this hat-trick made you feel?
Cody: My hat trick made me feel like a kid again, just enjoying the game, and seeing the smiles on everyone’s faces. Also I peed a little.
Diana M: That was four again, we talked about this.
Cody: Sorry
Diana M: Where are you from, and what are three things that would surprise us about your childhood?
Cody: I am originally from Tampa Bay FL. Three things would be….I always rep my Tampa teams, I’ve always played goalie my whole life, and I started playing floor hockey as a kid in FL since ice was limited and slowly transitioned into ice where I played from the ages of 4-23. So now I’m back to my roots of floor hockey!
Diana M: Well that’s adorable. Lastly, Cody, what are three things you can’t live without?
Cody: Can’t live without hockey, my red gloves, and Jamie B.
Second star: Gut Rot, BITCHEZZ
Gut Rot’s victory was the win heard round the world East Village on Sunday. They went balls to the wall on Fuzz, and continue to be BTSH’s favorite comeback story. Here are our five favorite moments from Gut Rot’s victory:
- There is reportedly a toolbox on Fuzz who was elbowing Jeff in front of the crease, trying to push him out. That is when Jeff got the tip-in for the 2ndgoal. And then Jeff tipped his hat while walking away. Jk, he didn’t have a hat on.
Gut Rot’s Number 1!
- Gut Rot only had three ladies most of the game. One (Morgen) who was still a lil’ drunk from brunch and continuing her funday on the sidelines. The team rally chant was “Morgen’s Drunk” in first half and “Morgen’s Still Drunk” in second half. Kellie came in for the end of second half and killed it on defense
- Thinking the game was over, Anklebiters & Friends rushed the court and then realized there were a few seconds left. So they waited 10 seconds and then rushed again, led by Phil, Sam and JW dousing the green guys in beer.
- The sideline chant “We are Gut Rot”
1. Gut Rot, bitchezzz!
Solid performance, Ed.
Gut Rot’s goalie was completely unfazed by the slick surface in the rain. While other folks slipped around, this ice goalie was digging it – Ed seemed to be right a home skating around in the crease. Everyone is pretty much in agreement that Ed played out of his goddamn mind against Fuzz, prompting Glanzer to ask “Is that your usual goalie?”
Sure is, bitchezzzz, sure is.
Three Stars of Championship Sunday
Wednesday, October 26th, 2016
THIRD STAR
NYC Parks Department Staff
Thanks!
Upon arriving to the courts late Sunday morning a deflating discovery was made in the southeast corner of the East Court. Stacks and stacks and stacks of guardrails used the previous day for the annual Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade were piled up threatening to delay the start of the scrimmages. Reluctantly, I dragged my half-dead ass over to the spot to assess the workload, put down my backpack, opened the gate and began to move them one by one. After barely making a dent, the ladies of the Park Dept. came to the rescue by calling in reinforcements (motley crew that hangs on the benches) and had them moved in no time. Allowing the Gut Rot/Mathematics/Mega Touch/Instant Karma scrimmage to commence as scheduled. Thanks NYC Parks Department!
What is it about that corner? It seems to be our version of Waco, TX. Possessing just about anyone that ventures into it’s space to do strange things like smash bottles, disburse party favors, use it as an outhouse and sometimes a temporary storage space. Perhaps that’s why all refs avoid it like the plague (can you image the calls?).
SECOND STAR
Amber and Ryann of the REEEEHHHAAAABBBBSSSS
The Rehabs cycle through women like Johnny Rehab cycles through women. Early last week Welch and Showtime cast their weekly wide net to this year’s Lady Rehabs inquiring about their availability, ‘Come on, baby. Just give me one more Sunday. Xoxoxo – Johnny.’ With a role of their eyes and a shrug of their shoulders Amber and Ryann were the only two that answered his text. (To be fair, Sena was in Japan.) Both played back-to-back games without a sub and delivered championship worthy performances. Ryann swiftly handed out dimes with stealth and swagger on offense. And Amber put in Sena-esque defensive work by dishing out pain, jumping up in the play and shutting down the opposition’s offensive flow. Well done!
Somebody get Amber a Snickers! Ryann’s bruised leg is not a snack.
FIRST STAR
Diana and Sam, Hosts of the Awards Ceremony
Pre-award shots to calm those nerves.
These two were phenomenal on Sunday night. Delivering a crowd-pleasing performance that had something for everyone in attendance. There was comedy (Diana), drama (bumptious acceptance speeches), controversy (Longwell), tasteful nudity (Sam) and even horror (French Rich). It’s not easy to entertain you cynical bastards glorious people, whether it’s writing for the smoldering inferno that it is the BTSH website or getting up on stage in front of your peers. Being judged can be a scary thing but Diana and Sam fear no hecklers and were able to pull it off with the type of charm and charisma that have earned them the right to host next year. (Suckers!)
French Rich
But don’t just take my word for it:
‘Their witty banter and improvisation was thrilling. We can’t wait to come back next year!’ – Cat and Nicole.
Honorable Mentions:
Each BTSHer that threw on some goalie pads and jumped in the cage for scrimmages. Even that Herr brother who warmed up in Timmy’s gear. (Side note: it appears that the Herr’s are this generations’ Norris 2.0.)
The bartenders and staff at Parkside Lounge that tolerated our unruly behavior and kept feeding us more liquids despite it. (Thanks for handing out those drink tickets, Scoops!)
Three Stars of the Quarterfinals
Wednesday, October 19th, 2016by Triple racH
Dear BTSH Readers: I sincerely apologize for the tardiness of this post. But when your 3 Fantasy Football teams go 0-3 (thanks for nothing Big Ben, Hopkins, and the rest of you jabronis) and your ‘BTSH Team That Isn’t Yours But Was Your Second Choice to Win the PBR Cup Because You’re Team Glanzer the Heroic (did i do it right? idk i’m just fangirl. that’s kewl, right?)’ Team gets knocked out after a heartbreaking playoff shootout against a sub goalie, you need to take some time to yourself before writing something as joyous as the 3 stars. It only took a few nights of crying myself to sleep, but I hung this poster over my bed and I think I’m finally through this dark time:
THIRD STAR
The Timmies
Both Tims played killer games this week in their match-up. Both teams had some insane chances, but Timmy and Timmy both goaltended their faces off and kept what could have been a 6-5 game to just a 2-1 nailbiter.
SECOND STAR
Craig’s Crotch
Before anyone else does, I’ll just point out that this is the second time I’ve written about Craig’s crotch on the BTSH blog (first being Olympics). That’s an alarming rate given how new I am to writing here, but then I think about how many times Derek and Eli must have written about Craig’s crotch over their many years (PAUSE), and I feel a little better. Craig was a true hero standing up for people everywhere when he snatched Brian “Croveruser of Cro puns” Cronauer’s Make America Great Again hat and rubbed it ALLLLL up in his junk. I guess an honorable mention goes to the wine bottle Cro was nursing over the day, which made him lose enough sense to put that hat RIGHT back on his head. The hat was in Craig’s crotch, and then the hat was on Brian’s head. So, by the transitive property, Cro’s head was in Craig’s crotch. Right, isn’t that how it works? Yeah, I went there.
FIRST STAR
LBS player who ghosted on his game with 5 minutes left
According to my sources, the LBS player seen running off the courts with 5 minutes left in his game (when the LBS were only up by 1 goal, even) was actually rushing to the hospital because his wife was in labor. On Sunday, I was the first to say “Wait…where is that guy going? Does he know the game didn’t end yet? He must not, because who leaves their playoff game with 5 minutes left?” But I’d like to publicly acknowledge I was wrong. Hero.
Honorable mention: the v*gina couch. Strong sideline move by whoever brought that.
Also, whoever made this:
