btsh.org

By Richiehero

Who runs the world? BTSH Stars!

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Third Star
Monique and those Rehabs

(Can someone please confirm that this is Monique?)

Inspired by the success of an NHL team whose city has three rivers Welch brought Monique up from the Rehabs farm system to take some of the scoring pressure off of Ryann. Already turning into an offensive powerhouse, the promotion of this rookie gives them even more depth and adds a nice compliment to their potent second line. After taking some time to gel during the course of the first half, Monique and her line-mates unloaded a deluge of shots on their prideful opponents in the second and one of hers got through! Yeah, baby, that first one is nice.

Second Star
Jamie from Gremlins       

F*ck you, Jamie.

Well, somebody got the memo about Rivalry Week and the importance of a divisional clash. This little Gremmie was superb in the net on Sunday. He blanked Karma’s high octane offense by pouncing on loose balls and swatting away long shots like he was playing tennis. Already short-handed for the game, his team fell victim to injuries to two key players (get better Mills and Sherwood) that forced quadruple shifts for the three remaining forwards. With a little fatigue hampering his compadres Jamie remained unfazed. He stood tall and didn’t even break a sweat. Leading off the handshake line he had nothing to offer but ‘eff you’ smiles to his old La Famiglia pals and league newbies.

First Star
Morgen from Gut Rot
By rookie sensation Dan P. Perko     

GUT ROT, BITCHES!!!

TELEGRAM COMMUNICATION

Sender: BTSH FIELD INVESTIGATOR
Recipient: BTSH CORP HQ – ET. AL.
Subject: HISTORICAL ROBBERY ON THE FRONTIER
Body:
Wildly successful bank heist STOP
Perpetrator still at large STOP
Three shots fired STOP
Primary suspect hails from the middle lands – known to be armed and dangerous STOP
Full report following telegram transmission

FULL REPORT: RE HISTORICAL ROBBERY ON THE FRONTIER
On Sunday, June 12^th, the newest member of the GUT ROT gang orchestrated one of the single most successful attacks on the Top Shelf Bank. The suspect, “Storming” Morgen Schroeder, known for her ruthless, gritty, and downright ferocious presence in the Blacktop Plains, single hand-handedly carried out this brutal robbery. “Storming” fired off two high caliber shots – the third landed like a cannon and seemingly exploded right through the bank vault door. Investigators are dumbfounded by the quality of ammunition and anticipate the GUT ROT gang is gearing up for more high profile, successful heists in the coming weeks.

Hank T. Bender
BTSH Field Investigator – Pylon
END REPORT

Honorable mention
Seth the Goalie from LBS, Inc.
With Timmy out nursing another injury (I’m sensing a trend this season) the LBS reached out to their original goalie, Seth. He was their man between the pipes for the majority of the team’s existence and helped them win two PBR Cups before moving out to Vancouver. Even though his return did not bring another victory to the LBS, he earns this mention because he flew across a continent to come out of retirement.

Luke V.A. from Corlears Hookers
Dude put a hurt’n on the Demons’ free agent goalie with four biscuits in the basket and one of them was the OT winner. Nicely done, Luke.  

THIRD STARS
Cory V. of Instant Karma

This weeks’ Everyman: Cory V!

Cory earned his first BTSH career Hat Trick in the first half of the game against the Riots.  His persistent pursuit of the ball while getting back on defense allowed for him regain possession and find his open teammates (had a sweet primary assist in the second half) and the back of the net.  Cory has been firing on net all season and on Sunday it finally paid off, earning him a young reputation as one of Karma’s new snipers.

Cherie S. of Mathematics

Yeah, these are Puffins. So what?

Never one to be outdone, Cherie also had a Hat Trick on Sunday.  But hers didn’t come in the first half against Filthier.  With Math up by 1 with less than a minute in the game, Filthy pulled their goalie and tied it up with the extra player.  To everyone involved in this game (playing and watching) it had all the makings of going to overtime…..everyone….. except Cherie, that is.  With 10 seconds left in the game she got a hold of the ball, raced down court and put one past Newman with only 5 seconds left sealing the W! That’s a Riveter for ya.

SECOND STARS
My name is Earl of LBS, Inc. and my son’s name is Earl too

Hi, this is Daryl and my other brother Daryl.

Wanting to make his Poppa proud, Jake was a man possessed on Sunday.  Not 1, not 2, but he scored a Hat Trick too from all over the place against Mega Touch.  But this Star really isn’t about that, its about is about his Poppa…. With Timmy out with another, um, injury the LBS fired up the bat signal for Poppa Jake to suit up and get in the cage.  Poppa Jake is so old school that he used a piece of cardboard with black tape as a chest protector and a wire to hang it around his neck.  Official quote from him, ‘you guys better score a bunch of goals, cause I’m probably going to let a few in.’  His unconventional style of playing outside the crease to challenge shooters got the W for LBS.

FIRST STAR
Ryann G. of Rehabs

These boobs were made for walk’n.

Well, it seems like Welch and his other Johnnys read the previews last week, because they kept feeding the ball to Ryann all game. Using an assortment of remarkable moves she put 4 past the Hookers net minder.   Re-announcing herself as of one the most lethal weapons in BTSH.  And she played the whole game without a sub. Take that, bitches.

Honorable Mention
By Marisa C. of WTP
With 0.8 seconds left in the game, Charles S. of WTP fired a rocket from mid-court that found its way past the Butchers’ net minder to send the game to OT.  That’s pretty Puck’n clutch!

20 teams, 10 winners, three stars. 

These 3 Stars are no match for ours.

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The Three Stars for Week 4 are brought to you by Dana K. 

Third Star
The Anklebiters, Derho and Ben ‘Probie’

Bloody Marys all around.

I’m not sure how this team still gets thought of as underdogs in this league with people like Probie, Coco and Derho (with the hat trick) on the team (among countless other stand outs) but they do in games like the one against the Hookers this weekend. This star is for the whole team, for always putting on a game that’s fun to watch. It felt like an old school David and Goliath BTSH story out there. Nice hat trick +1, Probie.

Not the PBR cup yet, Ben.

Second Star
Max C. from the TS Riots

#training

Who is this apparent newcomer (spoiler alert: he’s not new) who flew in from Germany, hailed a cab to Tompkins, jumped on the court and buried a shot almost immediately to tie the game. It sounds like the plot of the next Mission Impossible movie (how do i even know that’s your real face, Max? WHO ARE YOU REALLY WORKING FOR??), but it really happened for the Riots. They lost the game in a shoot out but Max went on to save the world (you’re all welcome).

First Stars
Sam Norris from Math and Ryan M. from Gremlins

Keeping it BTSH real.

Because this is what BTSH is about. Two really good players from competitive teams taking a moment to shotgun beers and hug in between halves. Vintage BTSH core values. Thanks guys, for reminding us what it’s all about.

Special mention:
Kevin L., goalie for the Rainbows for that upset over Filthier

In Japan, Kevin is known as Balrog.

It’s an iron goal tender that can turn away James’s dipsy doodle stick handling, Suvin’s backhanded twirleroo and Jean’s super sneaky shot from the point. Nice job, Longwell.