The Worst Week in BTSH History- A very deserving Not 3 Stars
Truth be told, I look forward to the 5:30 games at TSP. The TSP Hawk usually comes at approximately 5:30-6 p.m. on the far court and I find him to be less judgmental than Rachel Greene and covers his point better than Chadwick. But the Hawk did not come yesterday. Instead, we got Gut Rot, FK, Mega and Instant Kharma.
This Hawk was smarter than us all. He knew to stay away this week from TSP at 5:30.
It all started with an innocent BTSH Facebook post from Camber. He said he couldn’t make the 5:30 game and wrestling asked if anyone could fill in. As I was reading the post while walking into the horrid TSP mens room, I remember thinking, “Pretty cool of him to try to get a replacement and not send me a stupid gmail. I like that guy.” Spoiler Alert. I no longer like that guy.
Much like the TSP Hawk, Camber knew to stay away and laugh at us from afar.
With that said, lets get to the Not 3 Stars. All courtesy of the 5:30 games.
***
Zach N.
Zach during happier times.
Zach during not so happier times.
As the Mega/IK shootout started, I asked Zach if he could retrieve the balls for us and stay at center court so Hopper and myself could be by the net. I made the Executive Decision that he would be the tie-breaking judge in case we weren’t sure if a ball went in or not. As anyone that was painfully watching the 22 “shots” of the shootout, there was never any need for help. Most of the players just pretty much handed the ball to the two goalies. Some shot it really wide. There was talk of each team getting 2 points, but then we realized neither of them deserved any. And while all our eyes burned for watching that monstrosity…as the late great Cindy Mancini said in the 1987 hit, “Can’t Buy Me Love”, at least I got paid.
**
Fresh Kills and Gut Rot
Here is Ashley’s goal and Gabe’s alleged assist.
Gabe refuses to high-5 Ashley because he didn’t score. Gabe says, “I refuse to high-5 Ashley because I didn’t score.”
Over on the other court, the league was rooting for history! Could Gut Rot trample all over history and beat the Hookers and FK in back-to-back weeks? Evil Dave Soko said no. In an email obtained by the BTSH Media Dave wrote to his team. “Team, we can’t let Gut Rot win. So Eugene, Foster, and the rest of you schleps are not to attend this week. I need Gabe, Ariel, Ashley, and some chick named Sheena to come and no one else. Maybe Barch. I cant let you talent-less bastards take playing time away from us.”
Meanwhile, Dave also emailed Gut Rot and told Eric, Gilligan and Ashley not to attend. Everyone listened since he is Dave Soko. Well we didn’t get history so you don’t get stars.
*
Every single one of us that had to endure the worst shootout in the history of shootouts. Because of Camber the Canceler I had to ref this game.
I know I brought this up with the third star but you have to understand just how bad this was. Lets take a look.
It started off ok, with Danielle making a nice move but Mike made a good save. (click on save)
There was ooh’s and ahhh’s and you could hear both Dan and myself blow our whistles
After awhile a homeless guy asked if he could shoot and Julie let him.
And then, it got bad. Real bad.
As you can tell here, not only was this shot taken from 30 feet away, but her stick was above her head. None of the 3 refs I’m sure noticed it. I forgot to blow my whistle and Dan barely blew his.
Finally some dude scored who had already shot and I kinda felt like Nando did at the end of the movie Alive (Spoiler Alert). Glad I wasn’t eaten by my fellow man, but in a way I wish I was so I didn’t have to endure the pain.
The TSP fans celebrate the shootout from hell finally being over!