This is a Must Win: A Rich Glanzer Op-Ed
This is a must win.
On October 31, 2025, I found an old email and hit reply all. The email was to the 2010 BTSH Champions, Happy Little Elves. I said “happy 15-year-anniversary” to my teammates for life and we had a fun email exchange. Had we lost to the Hookers on October 31, 2010 in the championship game, I would have never spoken to the majority of those people again.
Simply put, the BTSH Championship has the potential to bond teammates forever. There is a camaraderie I have when I see Jerome or Ben Chadwick, and several Fuzz teammates that I don’t have with players I never won with, or won with in a different league.
You won’t get that in your Zog soccer league. This is why this is a must win for all four teams still remaining.
The Last of the Elites: Poutine Machine
Going into the playoffs, perhaps the season, I thought Poutine had it all. I know first hand how great of a two-way player Jo Robin is. I know how great of a scorer Sam Gelman is…and all the guys I don’t know are extremely talented. Mikey has done an amazing job assimilating top talent. Rose is a top 10 woman in the league, and all of the rest of the women are solid as well. Lil Mel was probably one of Fuzz’s best players this year. And Jeff in net is solid (editor’s note: understatement of the year). While they played a terrible first round game vs. the Lbs, in the end, they advanced. They beat my pick to win it all , Mega, and for me, this is now the team to beat. During Poaching Season, they stole from Fuzz and the Lbs, (which I would have done if I were them so no hard feelings), but anything but sipping out of the PBR Cup is a huge letdown.
The Kids Are Alright: Fresh Kills and Rens
Both these teams are so young, they prob don’t get the reference and think “The Kids Are Alright” (editor’s note: I originally thought Glanzer was referring to The Offspring but then realized he meant The Who, thereby preserving his status as League Boomer) is a dig. But while they are deprived of the knowledge of one of the best songs of all time, they have their youth. Honestly, they win that trade.
Let’s start with Fresh Kills.
I really don’t know these guys at all. This is the one team Fuzz actually beat this year, and all my players were super impressed with them.
My one memory of them is seeing them all on the sidewalk by the bodega while I was with Hero, and thinking, these kids are so young and look so fast. I bet they are secretly good at hockey. They are.
But not everyone is young. Their OG Ariel has tied for the most championships in league history with 5. Fresh Kills has the most franchise championships with 5. It’s a legacy game for both Ariel and FK. But the real credit goes to their two captains, Cassidy and Hailey. When Fresh Kills got eliminated in 2023, there was simply no commitment. The team almost disbanded, Gabe and that other guy went to Mega, and most of their other best guys quit the league. I can’t believe how quickly they rebuilt this team. Selfishly, I hope Cassidy and Hailey quit Fresh Kills and become GM of the Jets. And I hope Fresh Kills becomes a little more social, since this is a social league. Which brings me to…
The Rens. While we all despise the Rens, I secretly am super jealous of them. Look, I’m old and crabby and I admittedly cringe at all the, “Look at me” celebrations after goals and wins. It’s not my style. But my style is not nearly as fun as theirs. They play hard and party harder. I personally would prefer it the other way around, but partying hard is what this league was built on. They are one of the few teams who would actually fit in, in 2000.
When a team wins the PBR Cup, they generally will celebrate one or two times in the off-season with it, and then hopefully return it before the playoffs. But if the Rens win it…OMG we will hate them forever. But honestly, that’s our problem not theirs. I remember in 2010, we were beating the Hookers 3-0 in the final, and someone from the Heckle Wall (RIP Heckle Wall) said, “C’mon Hookers, if Glanzer wins he will never shut up about it.” It’s 15 years later…that man was right. So a big part of me hopes Yehuda and Unc win this and get the joy that I had in 2010. I love those guys. Pause. And they are good enough to do it. We all know Emma and Ryan are great players, but the key to victory for them is running as hard as Fresh Kills, and harder than Poutine and Cobra Kai. Sophia is so solid in net, and if they win, maybe AKP will stop complaining every second to the refs. So good luck Rens, shove it to the rest of us who wish we were in your spot.
Ol’ Reliable: Cobra Kai
I am super impressed with Cobra Kai. Since their inception in like 2006, they’ve had three players who had any offensive talent. Liam, who didn’t make six games this season, Mike T. who played half a season last year and came back home where he belongs, and now Maddy. And honestly, they aren’t even great positionally. Outside of Fazio, only Olivier knows where to be, but he’s too old and slow to actually be there. (editor’s note: Tom McGuire had 14 goals in 10 games while committing to defense and continues to be underrated.)
Yet every year they make the semis and sometimes even the finals. As someone who has battled them countless times, it’s the team I respect the most in the league. Much like Poutine, all their games end up 2-1 (editor’s note: Poutine did not play in a single 2-1 game this season), and usually they are the ones with the twos. But after so many semis and finals appearances, it’s time they win one of these. I’m tired of hearing about the Squirrels’ 7 championships over More Tooth. Win this one.
Lastly, I’ll say this. It takes years to bond as a team, but winning buys you years. Sure, some players won’t really care and treat this championship as a fun Sunday they had one November day. And that’s fine too. But I guarantee if the Rens win this…Tommy is going to send out a Whats App (because he’ll be old in 2040 and not with the new technology) and talk about the good ol’ days.
You four teams are living in them. Make it count. It’s a must win.
Editor’s note: This essay was submitted by Fuzz captain Rich Glanzer. The text has been lightly edited to make it more readable but with some grammar errors intentionally left in to preserve the character of the essay. Chat GPT was not used in the drafting of this essay, largely because Rich Glanzer does not know how to log on to Chat GPT.