Week 13 Previews
GAME OF THE WEEK
Denim Demons at Filthy Gorgeous
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
Game Keys: Hate. It’s not a word we use lightly at the Org. But trust us when we say these two teams hate each other. They’re conference rivals. They’ve met often in the playoffs. And the blood between them couldn’t get any badder.
Why the animosity?
Is it because Kamdyn Moore covets Adam Rubens fabulous Park Slope Duplex apartment?
Is it because Mike Periera is sick and tired of being referred to as the “Other Periera”?
Does Monica Russo still hold a grudge against Coach for the stealing the show in her wedding video (What can we say? The man can dance.)?
There are many theories. But we think it’s down to Zack Tinkleman’s comments that he “… never really got why people liked the Scissor Sisters.”
Like they used to say on this site, “It’s on, asshole.”
Look for Filthy to win this one in OT and expect a goalfest. 5-4 to Russo’s Raiders.
Watchability: 5 Babydaddys
Gut Rot at Sky Fighters
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
Game Notes: Jeff’s jaunty Jousters are coming off an emotional win against the Riots last week and it’s led to some cockiness on their part. Drunk on the thrill of victory, Tommy Cho loudly proclaimed this “the Season of Rot”, leading to cheers from his teammates and looks of disgust from innocent bystanders. The CloudPunchers didn’t fare as well in week 12. They lost to a What the Puck team that was both distracted and re-energized by news of their leader’s upcoming nuptials. At one point, Dan Hopper had to explain to his confused teammates that “mazel Tov” was not the new WTP cheer.
Still it takes a special team to get four goals past “Ramm” Stein. While many people have actually called GutRot “Special”, they’re usually using it in more of a patronizing way. Peaches claims to be taking games more seriously this season (witness his despatch of three team members to an electrified obstacle course, all in the name of “fun”). But without a GutCzech (yeah, I went there) it’s going to be tough for the WhiskeyLovers to turn that W in to a streak.
Fresh Kills at Happy Little Elves
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
By Fresh Kills Beat Report Eli Kazin
Game Keys:There is a lot to love about this Bratta Division matchup. It features the champions from the past two seasons, with the Elves winning in 2010 and Fresh Kills last year. Both teams enter with identical 7-2-0-2 records and are on winning streaks, three in a row for the Elves and four straight for Fresh Kills. The Elves eliminated Fresh Kills in the quarterfinals in 2010, while Fresh Kills returned the favor in the semifinals last year. Plus, there is lingering animosity between the two teams, as Fresh Kills feels that the Elves occupy a much more visible position within BTSH. “The Elves are the carnival barkers of BTSH, always trying to be the center of attention,” notes forward Eugene Rha. Goaltender Patrick Barch, when discussing his Elves counterpart Shaun deLacy, held nothing back, stating, “Shaun is a shameless self-promoter, plain and simple. Did you see what he did last year, with that weekly feature all about his goals-against-average? It was nauseating.” Forward Steph Opitz focused on media coverage this season, pointing out that Fresh Kills has not been featured in the Game Of The Week yet, while the Elves have been the lead game four times this season. Captain Dave Sokolyansky was more blunt, adding, “I hate the Elves. Even their bright-green shirts are an attempt to draw attention. Those things are hideous.”
La Famiglia at Rehabs
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
By La Famiglia Beat reporter Bill Tucker
Game Keys:
Something’s fuzzy in my recollection of last week. No, it has nothing to do with drink or heat exhaustion, despite Patrick’s prediction that I’d plunge into a Pacino pantomime in a previous preview. (wow…that was some wicked alliteration). Problem is, I’m not sure I saw either game and as of Wednesday evening, there are no stats for me to research. That said, something tells me Famiglia was victorious in their game against Poutine, winning in a shootout by a score of 3 – 2. My memory is hazy, but I seem to remember goaltender Tim Kayiatos make the final save, celebrate with his teammates and then collapse in a heap on the punishing asphalt. If accurate, this victory should do wonders for The Family’s morale as this snaps a two game losing streak and puts the team back in the hunt for the division lead. If false, this will cause league legend Ant Ventolieri to quit the sport all together and take up the strange hobby of noodling. Why? Only the catfish know for sure.
Unfortunately for the Rehabs, I know next to nothing about them. I’m equipped with the following facts: Stacy Kehoe is their most famous player, John Feldman would be a damn fine name for a news anchor and last year, I’m pretty sure I ended up at party hosted by captain Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli at two in the morning. Things like that will happen when you’re one of Ellery’s cohorts. But I do know one thing. Despite the team’s last place standing in the Brown division, they have the talent to beat any team, any given Sunday. While the squad has always been a “drink first, pass out second, play hockey third” type club, Alfred Liu’s Famous Famiglia shouldn’t look past the Bad Asses In Black. If so, they might be ones drowning their sorrows in Miller High Life come Sunday evening.
Dr Hunter S Tompkins Official Prediction – Last Monday, Dr. Gonzo and I awoke in a tub full of citrus and luke warm bath water, oblivious to the weekend that was. A series of horrible images began to dawn on me. Barstools. Lunchboxes. Cackling hyenas playing skeeball while slurping down bowls of live insects. The memories were fuzzy and disjointed, the obvious result of drink, drugs and one too many grapefruits. When my vision cleared, I looked up and saw, “4 – 2 Family” scrawled in dry mustard on the bathroom mirror. Much like Dr. Gonzo’s premonitions, I refuse to ignore this omen. 4 to 2 it’ll be, in favor of the Blue Menace.
Gouging Anklebiters at Tompkins Square Riots
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
Game Keys: Two teams headed in different directions. Donahue’s Dogs are making good on their pre-season expectations while the Riots are finding it hard to grab a “W”. Maybe it’s time for Riots Captain Amy Jones to get out of the Pressbox and back on the court. With a full squad the Riots can play with anyone in the league. But they hardly ever have a deep bench. Meanwhile, attendance is never a problem for the Blue and Yellow. Even their retired players make it out for games (Hi Schuie!). It looks like the odds are stacked in the Pound Puppies favor but don’t count Alex, patrick and company out just yet. We’ve heard that Craig “Flash” Thompson is founding an organization for anyone who share’s his first name and that he’s already invited Anklebiters goalie Craig “I do no have les chevaux but I have” LaCombe to a combination initiation/booze cruise.”I’m going to get him really drunk, “explained Thompson. “But the group I’m founding is real. Trust me Craigs List is going to be huge.”
Cobra Kai at LBS, Inc.
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
By ORG Special Correspondent Abby Meisterman
Game Keys:At the end of the first Karate Kid movie, John Kreese’s beloved dojo was shamed by upstart Daniel LaRusso. While the following installment led the protagonist and his mentor to Okinawa, a storm was brewing at home — Kreese was not going to take this defeat lightly. Thus, this week’s match-up feels much like the plot of the third movie: Kreese called in an old army buddy to take exact his revenge. After losing last week in a dramatic shoot-out to pimp Peter Putka and his Hookers, Will Kuhns is reaching out to all Cobra Kai players in order to take out the Corporation. The threat of the Ken and Karsten line (each known now as “50 Pence”) has Kuhns directing co-captain Meredith Sladek to skive off work all week and play nursemaid to MIA goalie Pete Lang. Kuhns has also enlisted baby-faced newcomer Jeff Borger to stalk all Dojo players on Saturday night to make sure they don’t find themselves in a Hoboken bar with frat-boy-shot-loving Brian Barrett — if Borger’s with them, they’ll never get served!
What The Puck at Mathematics
Location: Tompkins East 4:30 PM
Game Keys:With both the Zimm and Derek (to WTPer Michelle “We’re not having a double wedding with Daniel Bryan and AJ” Doucet) this showdown is going to be a lot more like SAY YES TO THE DRESS than RAW. Will the Captains be too busy comparing registries to actually put a gameplan together?
Probably.
And since league commissioner and child-hater Adriano ‘the Brat” Bratta refuses to use league fees for the BTSH daycare that the Rainbows have been requesting for years, expect a highly distracted WTP team. Meanwhile, without Derek’s guidance, Math will have to rely on the awesomeness of Eli Kazin’s deep knowledge of league statistics. We’ve heard rumors that the Kaz has now seen MONEYBALL a total of 256 times and is planning to put the same strategy in to place for the Plus Ones. How else to explain his suggestion that the team trade rookie sensation and teen hearthrob Zack to Filthy Gorgeous? Not only does that team not need to get any better looking (at least that’s what James Periera keeps telling us), we just don’t think that Jean “La Cerveau” Hebert is going to agree to the trade.
With all these side stories, it’s anyone’s guess who will win this one.
Gremlins at Dark Rainbows
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
By Org Senior Writer Monica “Scoop” Russo
Game Keys: So Abby did such a great job of covering the Gremlins game last week, and referencing the popular 1984 movie, that I didn’t feel right riding on her coattails.
Butchers at Mega Touch
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
By disgraced Poutine Machine correspondent Rich Glanzer
Game Keys: Sorry folks, I’m mailing this one in. Writing this after another epic blown loss by the bullpen has me in no mood to write about the Butchers vs. Mega Touch. Joe Paterno protected kids better than the Mets bullpen protects leads.
Having said that, though Mega Touch has been Mega Disappointing this season, I see them pulling the upset here. Adriano who is not much of a facebook poster status read, “Bratta > Bloom.” We at the org like his moxy. But before we pick Mega lets look at Bloom’s status. SWM lots of tats, into drums, look more like 27 than my actual age of 43.
TMI Bloom, TMI.
Mega 5- Butchers 2.
PS. Eric Ramirez shouldn’t have taken a week off reffing. This is my revenge.
Poutine Machine at Corlears Hookers
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
Game Keys:For some keen insight in to how the French Fry Lovers are going to beat a team that’s 10-1, the ORG decided to interview ourselves. Captain Patrick Larsen told the ORG that the key to the game was actually his deep scouting of individual team members. Apparently he’s been carefully observing the team since the Hookers initial formation several years ago. “Pucha is from Montreal so I made sure that Derek and Eli scheduled the game during the Just for Laughs festival. He’s been attending for something like 47 years so I knew we wouldn’t have to worry about him this weekend,” explained the devastatingly handsome Head Poutine. “I also asked them to schedule the Butchers game earlier in the day. That way there’s a good chance that Arthur can get Eitel drunk before game time. And now that I’ve got my green card, I had no qualms about setting Homeland Security on their asses. That should take out a few more of them. It’s taken years of extensive research and planning but I feel that we’ve got the strategy in place to overthrow the Evil Empire.” Of course, not all Captains approach matchups the same way. When the ORG asked Dustin for a response to Larsen’s comments he looked at us quizzically and asked, “Who are we playing again?”
Sven, I know you hate Derek and Elly but you don’t have to hate their teammates. Zach Norris wishes to be called by his full name, which coincidentally is also Zach Norris.