Week 7 Previews
A word: It turns out that the previews I purposely chose not to write were 100% accurate. None of Rich’s previews actually happened to come true, which is nothing new, and should be noted.
Gouging Anklebiters at Filthier
The BTSH Universe is imploding this week, as the battle of the Williamsburg Jets will open up the courts, if Timmy doesn’t cancel a beautiful sunny day, again.
Will Craig thrown down another “suck it” after a few amazing, consecutive saves?! Probably, if the ball was shot from Shafiq and Denis. Will Shafiq and Denis score this week?! Probably, if they’re shooting on Craig… Only this logic can happen when the BTSH Universe implodes, but, I still think Filthier will take it in OT 3-2
Denim Demons at LBS, Inc.
This is the most even matched game of the week—two teams who have a lot of talent—that most the time bring their A-game. It’ll be a good one, but I don’t know anybody on the LBS except Timmy and Tommy, which now makes me think I’m writing a Rugrats review with all these diminutive name endings.
Depending on who shows up for the Pounds will decide the game
More importantly, the remake of Poltergeist just came out. Has anybody seen it, is it worth it, how does it compare to the original, is that human-eating tree remade in it too, does is have a cheesier line than the headstone part?!
Anyways, the point I’m getting at is that judging by Poltergeist, Demons hate children.
Demons 4 – Rugrats 2
Rehabs at Fresh Kills
The Rehabs are the only undefeated team this year, the Gremlins a close second. I am not sure how they are pulling it off—a few clutch goals, nonstop hustle, who the hell knows!
Fresh Kills on the other hand got really lucky it rained last week, and is now well regarded by most the league as the team that bribed Tim to call all games off for fear of playing Math.
Rehabs will be up in the game at some point, maybe 1-0 or 2-0, but will lose their undefeated streak with under 5 minutes to go in the second half.
FK 4-2 (empty net goal), sorry Hector!
Mathematics at Sky Fighters
What’s the deal with the Sky Fighters?! They’ve got some of the best raw talent in the league and a shifty French Canadian who dishes out beauty passes left and right—but they continue to lose week after week.
Math, on the other hand, is playing average. Math almost lost to Richie’s Poopy Little Elves, which no team has done this year. It reminded me of the best hockey game recently watched on TV:
It’ll be too close to call—this one’s going into OT
Gremlins at Poutine Machine
Grems are on a tear and Poutine has really struggled this year, despite a having a decent team. Depends what Poutine shows up. There will be a lot of fast breaks by the boys and girls in yellow, which will put their team up at the end of the second half 3-1, unless this Poutine shows up, which will lead them to a 4-2 much needed win.
Mega Touch at Corlears Hookers
I am legally restricted to comment on this game, but Mega wins 5-3 in a Multiball OT
But, you should check out Alex Vegan Socks’ website and work—it’s really awesome: http://www.eben.com/
Cobra Kai at Gut Rot
If Gut Rot brings their A-game, this thing will be a close one. If Cobra Kai also brings their A-game—well, Cobra Kai’s A-game can beat any team in this league.
Also, I saw Sebastian at ACE last week while watching the Rangers lose game 7.
He’s a good kid—and a good omen for all things hockey. If Sebastian shows—Cobra Kai 6 – The Rot 2; If Sebastian doesn’t show—Cobra Kai 3 – The Rot 1
Butchers at What The Puck
Rachel Greene will likely be gone; who will step up to lead this team?! Is it really that much of a big?! No, it actually isn’t. Damn, I thought I was going somewhere with this…
WTP has been pretty hot this year—and I had to cancel a tentative plan to hire Mike Dudolevitch for moving this past weekend.
Sorry for canceling, Butchers, but I feel bad, so WTP wins 3-2
Tompkins Square Riots at Dark Rainbows
Riots beat the Elves the other week?! I don’t know if Gil’s son’s Dad was there, but the Rainbows don’t have anybody like Gil’s son’s Dad’s Child’s Father. Plus, he just got a new pair of glasses—they look pretty nice, Gil!
Now, now, Riots and Rainbows—you may be asking yourself—why is this column about Gil and the Elves, especially when Rich, Derek, or Eli didn’t even write these?!
I will tell you, this is just a test to see who actually reads other teams’ previews. Did you guys find your reference yet in another teams’ previews?
Spoiler: look at previous years’ previews and I’m sure there is at least one incidental one.
The Riots keep the ball out of the slot and Dave has a strong game in net: Riots 3 Rainbows 1
Instant Karma at Happy Little Elves
This may be the game of the week, but it’s not because they’ve already played each other with Karma taking the W.
But, it depends who shows up—where has Ryann G been all year?! She would have more goals than Cherie if she just showed up to any game after the season opener where she scored a hattie!
Let me break this game down: this entire preview article has poked at the Elves 3 times; I still owe Chadwick $30 for the Instant Karma jersey I bought. So far, that’s $10 a poke at the Elves if we assume all karma-related, game-scoring measurements are equal (i.e. $30 owed over 3 pokes given). But, all men are not created equal—Elf and Rich jokes are a saturated market and worth, at most, 1 dollar.
Mathematically speaking: Karma 10 – Elves 1