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This is a must win. 

On October 31, 2025, I found an old email and hit reply all. The email was to the 2010 BTSH Champions, Happy Little Elves. I said “happy 15-year-anniversary” to my teammates for life and we had a fun email exchange. Had we lost to the Hookers on October 31, 2010 in the championship game, I would have never spoken to the majority of those people again. 

Simply put, the BTSH Championship has the potential to bond teammates forever. There is a camaraderie I have when I see Jerome or Ben Chadwick, and several Fuzz teammates that I don’t have with players I never won with, or won with in a different league.

 You won’t get that in your Zog soccer league. This is why this is a must win for all four teams still remaining. 

The Last of the Elites: Poutine Machine

Going into the playoffs, perhaps the season, I thought Poutine had it all. I know first hand how great of a two-way player Jo Robin is. I know how great of a scorer Sam Gelman is…and all the guys I don’t know are extremely talented. Mikey has done an amazing job assimilating top talent. Rose is a top 10 woman in the league, and all of the rest of the women are solid as well. Lil Mel was probably one of Fuzz’s best players this year. And Jeff in net is solid (editor’s note: understatement of the year). While they played a terrible first round game vs. the Lbs, in the end, they advanced. They beat my pick to win it all , Mega, and for me, this is now the team to beat. During Poaching Season, they stole from Fuzz and the Lbs, (which I would have done if I were them so no hard feelings), but anything but sipping out of the PBR Cup is a huge letdown. 

 The Kids Are Alright: Fresh Kills and Rens

Both these teams are so young, they prob don’t get the reference and think “The Kids Are Alright” (editor’s note: I originally thought Glanzer was referring to The Offspring but then realized he meant The Who, thereby preserving his status as League Boomer) is a dig. But while they are deprived of the knowledge of one of the best songs of all time, they have their youth. Honestly, they win that trade.

Let’s start with Fresh Kills.

I really don’t know these guys at all. This is the one team Fuzz actually beat this year, and all my players were super impressed with them. 

My one memory of them is seeing them all on the sidewalk by the bodega while I was with Hero, and thinking, these kids are so young and look so fast. I bet they are secretly good at hockey. They are.

But not everyone is young. Their OG Ariel has tied for the most championships in league history with 5. Fresh Kills has the most franchise championships with 5. It’s a legacy game for both Ariel and FK. But the real credit goes to their two captains, Cassidy and Hailey. When Fresh Kills got eliminated in 2023, there was simply no commitment. The team almost disbanded, Gabe and that other guy went to Mega, and most of their other best guys quit the league. I can’t believe how quickly they rebuilt this team. Selfishly, I hope Cassidy and Hailey quit Fresh Kills and become GM of the Jets. And I hope Fresh Kills becomes a little more social, since this is a social league. Which brings me to…

The Rens. While we all despise the Rens, I secretly am super jealous of them. Look, I’m old and crabby and I admittedly cringe at all the, “Look at me” celebrations after goals and wins. It’s not my style. But my style is not nearly as fun as theirs. They play hard and party harder. I personally would prefer it the other way around, but partying hard is what this league was built on. They are one of the few teams who would actually fit in, in 2000.

When a team wins the PBR Cup, they generally will celebrate one or two times in the off-season with it, and then hopefully return it before the playoffs. But if the Rens win it…OMG we will hate them forever. But honestly, that’s our problem not theirs. I remember in 2010, we were beating the Hookers 3-0 in the final, and someone from the Heckle Wall (RIP Heckle Wall) said, “C’mon Hookers, if Glanzer wins he will never shut up about it.” It’s 15 years later…that man was right. So a big part of me hopes Yehuda and Unc win this and get the joy that I had in 2010. I love those guys. Pause. And they are good enough to do it. We all know Emma and Ryan are great players, but the key to victory for them is running as hard as Fresh Kills, and harder than Poutine and Cobra Kai. Sophia is so solid in net, and if they win, maybe AKP will stop complaining every second to the refs. So good luck Rens, shove it to the rest of us who wish we were in your spot.

Ol’ Reliable: Cobra Kai

I am super impressed with Cobra Kai. Since their inception in like 2006, they’ve had three players who had any offensive talent. Liam, who didn’t make six games this season, Mike T. who played half a season last year and came back home where he belongs, and now Maddy. And honestly, they aren’t even great positionally. Outside of Fazio, only Olivier knows where to be, but he’s too old and slow to actually be there. (editor’s note: Tom McGuire had 14 goals in 10 games while committing to defense and continues to be underrated.)

Yet every year they make the semis and sometimes even the finals. As someone who has battled them countless times, it’s the team I respect the most in the league. Much like Poutine, all their games end up 2-1 (editor’s note: Poutine did not play in a single 2-1 game this season), and usually they are the ones with the twos. But after so many semis and finals appearances, it’s time they win one of these. I’m tired of hearing about the Squirrels’ 7 championships over More Tooth. Win this one. 

Lastly, I’ll say this. It takes years to bond as a team, but winning buys you years. Sure, some players won’t really care and treat this championship as a fun Sunday they had one November day. And that’s fine too. But I guarantee if the Rens win this…Tommy is going to send out a Whats App (because he’ll be old in 2040 and not with the new technology) and talk about the good ol’ days. 

You four teams are living in them. Make it count. It’s a must win. 

Editor’s note: This essay was submitted by Fuzz captain Rich Glanzer. The text has been lightly edited to make it more readable but with some grammar errors intentionally left in to preserve the character of the essay. Chat GPT was not used in the drafting of this essay, largely because Rich Glanzer does not know how to log on to Chat GPT.

2:15 PM Vertz vs Cobra Kai (West)
The Vertz have a juggernaut offense led by a number of former college hockey players whom I can only assume Brian Hicks recruited with the same energy as White Goodman in Dodgeball. That being said, the heart of this team remains with long-time ball hockey degenerates; Brian and Sarah, Russo, Ramy, Minsky, etc [eds note., Minsky out this week]. This team moves the puck in five-player units better than any other BTSH team. There have been a number of times this season where the Vertz absolutely bullied some really good teams, scoring goals in bunches.

Cobra Kai are an experienced team with number of players with strong work ethics and high-end hockey IQs. I think Tom McGuire is BTSH’s Patrice Bergeron because his all-around game is unflappable. The Cobra Kai f/nb players are all really hard-working and have the capacity to score a timely goal. Without knowing whether Sonj or Campbell is slated to start in goal, both are technically and mentally strong net minders who won’t be fazed by the Vertz’s weapons.

These two teams played a tight game back in May. If the Vertz get an early lead then Cobra Kai could be in trouble as they’re forced to start taking risks, but in a tight, low-scoring matchup Cobra Kai may have the temerity and discipline to pull through. -Herman


3:30 PM Renaissance vs Denim Demons (West)
Two fun squads; one, a group of close friends that do basically everything together, and the other, a rather eclectic mix of old timers with some free agent recruits sprinkled in.

It’s hard not to credit GM Adam Herman with this year’s ascent to the top of division four thanks to an under-the-radar offseason for the ages and some nifty coaching throughout the year. But the Rens are a darn good team, both deep and well rounded. The Demons did have the edge in the one meeting this season by a score of 6-2, but playoffs are playoffs. Sure the Rens barely outed the Fighters last week, but I’m unsure the Demons will be a tougher opponent than the quietly underrated Sky Fighters.

That all being said, the dangerous combination of elite team chemistry and Halloween weekend debauchery could cause some issues for the Renaissance come Sunday morning, but alas I’m sticking with the Rens (sorry Herman), though this will likely be a close game once again. -Minsky


2:15 PM Poutine Machine vs Mega Touch (East)
Poutine Machine eked one out last week in the shootout against the Lbs in a game slightly closer than most predicted, while Mega Touch bested the Dark Rainbows 4-1 in a game probably also closer than most predicted.

These were our top two ranked teams in the preseason preview, and for a reason- they are each quite stacked. Both teams have offensive firepower, oodles of depth, strong ladies, and solid goaltending. While Mega have the better women, and came out on top a few weeks ago, the Machines might posses the edge in net, and much of the playoffs come down to goaltending.

I can easily see this game go either way, and it will certainly be an elite eight matchup they’ll be recounting for generations to come, but gun to my head, I’d take Poutine by mere centimeters. -Minsky


3:30 PM Fresh Kills vs Instant Karma (East)
It’s a matchup between what I believe are the two underestimated teams in BTSH. Fresh Kills have a deep roster with solid communal offense and a number of players who battle hard to protect their net front and tilt the court in their favor. The offseason addition of Sebbi Foster has proven massive, as he has the skill on the ball to individually turn a stalemate into a win.

Instant Karma, meanwhile, feature what I believe is the league’s most underrated duo in Sean Clarke and Alexander Vukasin. Clarke brings electric north-south speed while Vukasin is pure muscle and is a threat to muscle his way to the net or rip a shot from distance. Kev McKinlay is also the type of defenseman who has the endurance to withstand a lengthy playoff battle and take advantage of tired teams late in close games.

According to league sources, Instant Karma are expected to be without the services of multiple key players, including Goaltender of the Year candidate Steve Friedman. Attendance could end up being the determining factor in this matchup. -Herman

-BTSH Media Team
All rankings and blurbs are the opinions of the writers and do not reflect the endorsement of the league’s leadership (even if they are written by individual members of the league’s leadership).

Calling all old timers! Time to dust off those sneakers you hopefully haven’t tossed yet and pick up your old twig. There’s a game to be played. Come out to Tompkins Square Park for the Finale of the 2025 season and play with your teammates and opponents from years past.

Yeah, that was in a larger type on purpose, I assume the eyes aren’t as they used to be. But hopefully this reaches a wide span of players and friends of the past and can make it out. If interested, fill out this form: https://forms.gle/KLzdpYC69p8zvkKc8

Any questions can be directed to Dave Gil de Rubio – davgil7453@aol.com

12:00 PM Lbs vs Poutine Machine (West)
This year’s pre-season favorite has no shortage of offense, owning the top scorer in Sam Gelman, and two of the league’s top females in Karina Sirabian and Melanie Waller. And there’s no doubt that the Lbs have fallen off a little bit since last season’s top seeded finish, resulting in Poutine claiming victory in their only matchup this year. I’d venture to say that the Lbs drop off combined with Poutine’s rise will reward the Machines with an elite eight appearance, but the Lbs have never been an easy out, and this will surely be a game for the ages.

1:15 PM Corlears Hookers vs Fresh Kills (West)
I don’t know if the Fresh Kills team knows how to score any less than 4 goals on their opponent…they can for sure pile it on. Hence why they finished top 4 in GF/G! They are facing a familiar foe in the opening round of the playoffs- the Corlears Hookers. These teams met twice in 2025 with scores of 3-1 and 8-6; both games being taken by the Kills. The Hookers had their ups and downs this season but still showing some might & power, so this could be a matchup to watch for a surprise rally late in the year for an underdog team to usurp one of the top 5 teams in the league.

2:30 PM Gremlins vs Denim Demons (West)
After the year the Denim Demons of had who’s to say they can’t ride this momentum all the way to the end??? Division 4 champs this year and they finished 3rd overall…big strides for this team already, but you can bet their sights are set on the finals. Firstly, they face the D3 Gremlins who are coming off a narrow win in their play-in matchup with the Butchers. The Demons handed the Gremlins a grueling 10-0 loss back on June 22nd so the Gremlins are definitely coming with something to prove and maybe a little payback. Also quite possibly my favorite matchup just for the names…and yes I did google if Gremlins are technically “Demons”…they are not. So may the best grotesque creature win!

3:45 PM Fuzz vs Vertz (West)
This rivalry runs as deep as the cracks in the old Tompkins. The Fuzz look to defend their title while the #1 seed Vertz look to embark on a dynasty of their own. No doubt this isn’t the same team that won last year, or 4 of the last 6, but make no mistake- the Fuzz are a dangerous opponent, built around this season’s top scorer Jeff Laniado. But the Vertz are the one seed for a reason, with a young core, a deep bench, and league leading goalie in Tim K; and have beaten Fuzz already twice this season. I’m taking the Vertz, but it will be a close one.

12:00 PM Cobra Kai vs Gouging Anklebiters (East)
Another sure-to-be tightie, this is statistically primed to be the closest game as the 8 and 9 seeds will be hashing it out. Cobra Kai had a great year in the top-heavy division one, while the Biters finished seventh in their first season in division two (we predicated them to finish eighth). These are two all-around solid and gritty teams, with Cobra Kai edging the Biters 2-1 during these teams’ only meeting during the season. I anticipate it will be a similar outcome this time around.

1:15 PM Sky Fighters vs Renaissance (East)
Bitter D3 rivals, the Rens bested the Fighters twice this season and I except this one to be no exception. The Fighters struggled to replicate last seasons’ success in division three, while the sophomore Rens continued to cruise, missing promotion by just one point. Assuming the Rens can stop star rookie Shua Friedman, they should cruise to victory here too.

2:30 PM Filthier vs Instant Karma (East)
Karma has had quite the season, led by top scorer Sean Clarke and goaltender Steven Friedman, they finished atop their division three, whist Filther struggled and fell to the bottom of d-two. But is the one division divide enough to bridge the gap, or will the fourth seeded Karma make instant work of the play-in Filthier? My guess is a Karma victory, but an exciting matchup nonetheless.

3:45 PM Dark Rainbows vs Mega Touch (East)
Rainbows are coming off of a nail biter of a shootout in their play-in game against the Moby Dekes. Tia Lendo led the way on the scoresheet for their win. However they’ll need that momentum and much more as they face the juggernaut that is Mega Tough. Finished 2nd overall with a 15-3-0 record, a +46 goal differential and a 5.1 GPG average. They can score. These two teams didn’t play each other during the 2025 regular season but everyone knows what Mega is capable of. So can Rainbows bring on the upset and underdog story??

-Sky and Minsky, BTSH Media Team
All rankings and blurbs are the opinions of the writers and do not reflect the endorsement of the league’s leadership

Adam Herman

There are only two weeks of BTSH remaining (ignoring a few makeups scheduled October 5th), though this year’s chaotic weather has helped create a scenario in which your favorite team has as many as five potential games remaining. This is the stretch run heading into the playoffs. There are many critical playoff seeds to be determined, some players are racing to meet the attendance thresholds, and a few elite individuals are battling it out in statistical categories.

But the biggest consequence of the regular season is arguably the promotion/relegation outcomes. One team will move up in Division 4, the teams book-ending Divisions 3 and 2 will go either up or down, and a team in the top division will head down a rung in the ladder. As the 2025 BTSH standings show, teams can succeed in any division, but the implications are still huge for next season’s schedule as well as securing bragging rights that make for a really impressive pickup line on dating apps. Or so I’ve heard.

Heading into the September 21st slate of games, let’s appraise where it all stands in each division.

Division One

It comes down to Vertz and Mega Touch for the division title. It’ll matter for playoff seeding and existential fulfillment but, despite what I’ve heard were Brian Hicks’ best lobbying efforts, there will be no promotion into college hockey’s NESCAC.

The Vertz sit on top of the division with 27 points; a tight but distinct lead over Mega Touch’s 26 points given the state of the schedule. Vertz have three remaining games on the schedule, compared to Mega’s two, and win the first standings tiebreaker by virtue of their 2-0 record in head-to-head matchups this season.

The Vertz’s magic number to clinch the division title (and top spot in the entire league) is three points, meaning that any combination of Vertz wins and Mega Touch losses that add up to three points will hand the title to Vertz. A Vertz win and Mega touch loss, or a Vertz OT loss and Mega Touch regulation loss, in today’s games would make it official.

There will be no such drama at the bottom of the division. With two games remaining, Fuzz could tie the Lbs on points at 14, but Lbs won both of the regular season matchups, clinching the first tiebreaker. Therefore, Fuzz are mathematically demoted to the second division for the 2026 BTSH season.

Division Two

Every team in this division has something to play for the rest of the way. There’s a three-way race for promotion to Division One between Fresh Kills (25 points), Poutine Machine (24), and Gouging Anklebiters (21). It’s worth noting that Anklebiters have four games remaining.

Both Fresh Kills and Anklebiters can max out at 29 points, making today’s 5:00 pm East Court matchup between the two teams monumental. The winner will control their own destiny. Poutine can only watch and hope to avoid a three-point overtime match.

Filthier (14) and Hookers (12) will be duking it out to remain in Division Two. Hookers have a game in hand and thus both teams have the capacity to reach 20 points. Depending on how the next two weeks play out, there is a potential scenario in which Hookers and Filthier meet up on October 5th for an electric final regular season game that single-handedly determines which team survives the bubble.

Division Three

Division Three has been a gauntlet for much of the season but Sky Fighters have tapered off. Even if they win out and achieve 24 points, at least one of Renaissance or Instant Karma is guaranteed 25.

So it does come down to the Karma and Rens. Conveniently, these two play each other today at 2:30 pm and the result has massive implications. A Karma regulation win would certify a division title. On the other hand, a Rens win would put them either one point ahead or tied with Karma and also lock in the first tiebreaker. A win vs Riots next week would then clinch the division for Renaissance.

Gremlins and Rainbows are deadlocked at 10 points at the bottom of the division with two games remaining each. Though each has beaten the other this season, only Rainbows won theirs in regulation, giving them the tiebreaker edge. Gremlins will need to finish one point higher than Rainbows at the end of the season in order to avoid relegation.

Division Four

Denim Demons clinched the division title in August and there is no relegation from Division Four. Their remaining games could have a big impact on playoff seeding. Currently fourth in the overall standings by points percentage, they have clinched a bye from the play-in round. In fact, there is an improbable scenario in which the Demons could finish first in the entire league:

– Demons win against Riots and Rainbows
– Vertz lose remaining three games in regulation
– Mega Touch lose at least once in regulation vs Lbs and Poutine or lose both games in any fashion.

Moby Dekes (9) are one point ahead of What The Puck (8) with two games remaining for each. A second-place finish for either team would speak to a nice comeback season after finishing in the bottom-two of the league standings in 2024.

*NOTE: The winner of the BTSH Championship is automatically promoted (or, in Division One, retains its place). All promotions/relegations are subject to that exception.*