btsh.org

By Richiepoothang (Actually Isaac, it’s Richie Hero)

Part II of the previews are here. I promise this is a better sequel than Mannequin 2, Cro’s chances of picking up single chicks, Gabe’s passing skills and Lost seasons 4-6 (sorry Marissa, quit while you’re ahead).

However the previews probably won’t be as good as Scott K. (Gut Rot) is at arm-wrestling, Diane J. is at boxing or Jeff L. scoring into empty nets. 

What The Puck at Dark Rainbows 
(No one is allowed to be offended. I would make a joke about Gary Johnson, the Libertarian candidate who I’m voting for if I knew what he looked like.)

As a journalist, timeliness matters. Now that Hilary Clinton is the presumptive Democratic candidate for President, we decided to ask for her opinion on any game this week.
Clinton: Before we go any further, I demand to preview the best game of the week. I can’t be bothered with two Formerly Greene Division teams.
Richie Hero: OK. Well I think you gotta go with Fresh Kills vs. Filthier then.
Clinton: No way. The last time I did these was in 2007 when I began my campaign against Barack. I want the two best teams. Give me WTP and the Dark Rainbows.
Richie Hero: Mrs. Clinton, a lot has changed since then. I really think you should go with Fresh Ki…
Clinton: Listen Bubba. I lost to Obama in 2008 because I previewed the Anklebiters and Elves, and that was, Bad Hockey. I’m not falling for this again. 
Richie Hero: Yes ma’am. WTP and Rainbows it is.

Hilary Clinton’s Prediction: I think Filthier will win 5-4. 
Richie Hero: Oh. Also, Rainbows 3-1.

Rehabs at Math
A Formerly Newman Division grudge match! (Can we just call Division 2 the Formerly Newman Division?) Two years ago Math eliminated the Rehabs and last year the Rehabs eliminated Math.  

Key’s for the Rehabs: Secondary scoring for Ramy, Robert B. (not Black Rob, Bracken) and solid defense from Mia. Because lets be honest, the Habs are going to ask to borrow Mia since they only have two girls on their roster and only Ryann shows. (Though who doesn’t love Sena??)

For Math: When is Becky coming back? Is Amber a full-time player? Does Cherie know how to score with more than a minute left? (3 of her 5 goals have come in the last minute of regulation or OT, according to my Hockey Autism.)

Prediction: Ryann doesn’t let Mia play offense and Zach goes around her like he did Anne M. last game. Dick move Zach, but it will lead to a scoring chance that he won’t put in because he has no hands. Rehabs 2-1.

Gouging Anklebiters at LBS, Inc.
(If anyone needs advice shooting it at Diana’s face let me know. I can set up a play.) 

This is going to be a really good game. Brittany and Belen are the new hired guns for LBS. Brittany made a great first impression with two goals in her inaugural game. Belen and the newest Know Your Neighbor Liz also have been key contributors.

For the Anklebiters…can we talk about Derho? I don’t know how to spell his name. I just know he’s the guy that no one ever talks about but is always up there in scoring. Him and Probie make one of the top lines in BTSH. (Though not #1 bc that’s the Gentleman and Suvin.)

Prediction: Can the guy on the left retire already? The Curly Sue dude still has some moves. LBS. romp 4-1.

 
Gremlins at Instant Karma
I love it when Instant Karma plays the Gremmies because they can’t cheat and use Jamie. Use a free agent goalie like everyone else has been doing this year, Mr. Chairman. Your win vs. the Anklebiters is tainted. *
*= Tainted win vs. Anklebiters

Two years ago I received an email asking to give a star to Maire for scoring her first career BTSH goal. And since then she’s been on a tear, scoring at least 5 last year and already 3 this year! Alright, so that’s not exactly leading the stats board and so I guess she can be stopped, but that’s still more goals than most of you troglodytes have scored. Definitely more than (Brian Sullivan Name Drop Alert) the Brain. However, for Karma to win they will need to stifle Eric G., who Walker says is the best something or other in the league who nobody knows. 

Karma will hope their rookies Brendan, Nicole and Ryan (a boy with a boys name) step up. If Hugh and Nina show up that would be a big plus. 

Prediction: In past years this I’d go with Karma since by 5:30 Jamie would be exhausted from having already played a least two prior games. But because the captains of BTSH have been using free agent goalies, I’m going to go with the Gremmies 3-1. (Isaac-2 and Chadtrick +2 somehow)

And now the big one…Butchers at Fuzz(!!!)
For weeks Rachel G., aka A-Korn, has been coming on here, telling everyone how hated Fuzz is. We had one roster spot to fill so we asked Newman but he said he’s a “Rachel Greene Guy” and would, “Rather eat only one slice of pizza than my typical two that I always put on Facebook, than play with that turncoat jeff. But thank u jeff for the offer.”

Richie Hero’s Take:
While Walsh prefers Mannequin 2, I’m going to go with Legally Blonde 2. When I was younger, I had a full head of hair. I was beautiful.

But I could never get Sal the barber, I always got his halfwit brother Luigi. Well, one day Sal said, “Heyyyy Richie, you commmma to me. I cutta your hair.” I was so excited to finally sit in his magical chair. But then he colored my hair a different color than normal, he shaved my sideburns too tight, and worst of all, he cut my mullet so short, that I no longer looked or even played like Jaromir Jagr anymore. I was incensed. But my anger was misplaced. I wasn’t mad at Sal. I was mad at myself. I saw Sal do all the atrocities yet I said nothing. I had lost my voice. Until one day, a hero emerged. Brian Hicks called me and said, “Fuck the Butchers. Lets win with Fuzz. Rachel (-3).” So Rachel, bring Peter D. and Drake and I’ll raise you with Miles and Alyssa. Make sure JSB and The Charismatic Enigma show up and I’ll have Jeff and Gillie Howe ready.  You remember Jeff, right?  But most of all bring yourself, because what you gonna do, when The Real RG  scores on you!! Called shot! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

A-Korn’s Take:

Hey Jeff, are you there? How many goals do you have this season? A single empty netter? So that counts as .5? I guess someone had to step up and score goals this season. That’d be me. Um, you know, my one singular goal. But maybe really not just me…maybe Pete, Jimmy, Dana and Drake. Coach, Chuckles, I love you, but these kids are coming for you. If I had one things to tell my team (trust me I have many), it won’t be to watch Jeff, we all know that game, it’s the rest of them like Miles, Alyssa, Gil, that guy who likes all of Rich’s posts (not Cro). Oh, and Alexa, I’m gonna cuddle the sh*t out of you.

Editor’s Prediction: Rich doesn’t make good on his called shot, but the Fuzz walk away victorious 4-2.