Emojis for BTSH Teams
June 7th, 2016By Legend Killer of the Denim Demons
Word of the year.
Emojis are the future, whether you like it or not. Since their creation in the late 90s, emoji adaption has skyrocketed and shows no signs of slowing down. Emoji was named Oxford Dictionaries’ Word of the year. Whenever Apple wants people to adopt to their latest iOS version, they simply tell people if they upgrade they get new emojis, and it works like a charm. Books like Moby Dick (http://www.emojidick.com/) have been translated into emoji and of course The Bible (http://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/03/business/media/the-word-of-god-now-available-in-emoji.html) as well.
But what about hockey? The “Ice Hockey Stick and Puck” emoji finally debuted last year, but different companies have different views about how they should look.
Like the rest of their style, Apple’s emoji is slick and simple. Google’s is a mess however. The tape on the shaft resembles a field hockey stick, and the puck is gigantic. Samsung’s looks like clip art, and LG’s is sort of a mix between Apple’s and Samsung’s. Twitter focuses on the blade and uses a very strange looking orange wood. Emoji One’s kind of looks like a child taped the blade and has a gigantic puck. And last, emojidex looks like a family crest that I fully expect a BTSH team to adopt on their next t-shirt.
And speaking of BTSH, the lack of emojis is a very real problem. And until Unicode 415 comes out in the distant future and gives each team their logo, let’s try to emojify each team.
Notes: The Martial Arts Uniform emoji won’t be released for a few weeks, but that shouldn’t stop Cobra Kai from using it. The words “Fresh” and “Kills” don’t really have emojis, so a nod to their Staten Island roots will have to suffice. Beer before liquor, never sicker for Gut Rot. And the Riots not only have the longest BTSH name, but also the longest emoji string, which seems appropriate.
Caption Contest: Week of 6/6
June 6th, 2016Party people,
(insert caption here)
Enter here: Poll.
Do your worst.
First Annual BTSH Karaoke Competition
June 3rd, 2016REALLY VERY, VERY GOOD
By Ophelia Baulls
When I heard presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, would be in attendance of this year’s First Annual BTSH Karaoke CompetitionTM at Hifi on June 19th – I immediately worked my press credentials to get in for a quick tête-à-tête.
OB: Mr. Trump, I’m thrilled, and somewhat surprised at your attendance to our upcoming event. What drew you in?
DT: Ophelia, I think this going to be tremendous, just tremendous. BTSH is really a very good organization with some talented folks. I have many, many friends in the BTSH community.
OB: Well, thank you, I suppose you’ve heard that Deejay BubblebathTM will be on the turntables for this event?
DT: You know it’s really a great honor to have LaCombe at this event. He’s a sensational talent, I expect him to do very well. I think we’re all in the same business of trying to make our country better, a better place, so we have something in common.
OB: Our hosts, Diana and Worky are gearing up to entertain folks with some tom foolery I’m sure. What a gas! Have you met with them?
DT: Worky is an excellent host, I’ve found him to be just an excellent performer.
OB: And Diana?
DT: I can’t lie — I’ve been treated badly, very, very badly in the past by the BTSH media. She’s really not very good, and I don’t have time for total political correctness — she’s a bimbo. She’s very angry when she talks about me, there’s blood coming out of her eyes, coming out of her…wherever.
OB: Mr. Trump, do you feel this way about all the BTSH media?
DT: Well, I can tell you that Isaac is a sleaze, just a total sleaze and a liar. He’s very biased against me, I think he’s Mexican. There are certain groups of people who are very biased against me for protecting America. But the fact is we should ban Muslims from this event.
OB: You really think you can keep certain groups of people from getting into the karaoke competition?
DT: The greatest generation beat back the Nazis and Japanese imperialists. And you think we can’t keep out Jamie?
OB: Thank you for sitting down with me Mr. Trump.
DT: This will be a great event. A truly great event.
Week 8 Previews
June 3rd, 2016By Rachel G.
Rehabs at What The Puck
Fine Ryann, we get the point. They swiped right. You are that damn good. Now let someone else score? How about Bryan, does he get to score at all? Or is that against the bylaws? WTP, here’s what you do…mark Ryann and let Jaime goal hang. Got it? You’re welcome.
Prediction: Rehabs by 2, I feel like WTP will not follow my flawless plan.
Filthier at Gouging Anklebiters
‘Biters have lost a few close ones to Formerly-Known-as-Katz-Division opponents recently, but Filthy is really looking to stop the skid. Did Ann decide to change things up and replace Tim K permanently with Newman since he spent last weekend beaching it up with some Filthy deserters? You’ll have to tune in to find-out. What might be most interesting here is to watch #1 and #2 goal scorers in the league face off. Probie, don’t look behind you…it is Denis. Note to all ‘biters, protect those Cheekbones, dammit.
Prediction: ‘Biters by 1, the skid continues.
Dark Rainbows at Butchers
(Guest written by Cheekbones)
MDF is back, baby!
Prediction: Butchers by 1 in OT.
Gut Rot at Gremlins
Is it true? Has it really been six weeks? Is JW back to screen Jamie in net? I think so. I apologize in advance to Ryan, Erich, Rod and the rest of the Gremlins; I hope you enjoyed playing for a few weeks, now it’s back to the bench for you while Walker refuses to shift off. Gut Rot is still looking for their first W, and man is all of BTSH cheering for them…except the Gremlins. Jamie isn’t really going to make this easy for them, but I hope they put up a few. Maybe Perko needs to stop looking at subway maps and listening to Baby Metal and step up and score some goals? Also Heather. I think Heather should score a goal this week.
Prediction: Gremmies by 2, Jamie is nice, but not that nice.
Mathematics at Denim Demons
Passover feast of Champions? Could it be the Demons year?
Prediction: Math by 1, Sam paid me off with tomato plants.
Tompkins Square Riots at Corlears Hookers
F*ck. Off. Brian. Cro.
Prediction: Hookers by 1, they won’t be shut out twice in a row.
Poutine Machine at Instant Karma
Late night snack worth salivating for. Mmm…
Prediction: Poutine by 1, and let’s go eat a goddamn snack.
Fuzz at LBS, Inc.
2016 LBS are looking like the LBS of old. Remember when Karsten and Ken were young pups scoring and fighting everywhere? Well, Karsten is still here, scoring and not backing down. Lately this classic BTSH franchise has been knocking off league villains left and right, Demons, Fresh Kills, Sky Fighters. Who’s up next on the block? New League not-favorite, Fuzz! Easier said than done, Alyssa’s been stealthily working her way up the rankings, while Rich remains firmly planted at the bottom. Who the F is Miles H. you might ask? LBS, you should definitely be asking.
Prediction: LBS by 1, age before beauty.
Cobra Kai at Mega Touch
I’m not sure if y’all noticed, but our old Commish has returned, and from the looks of it, age hasn’t slowed him down at all (l believe Larry taught him this trick). Of course Cobra Kai doesn’t know who he is, because they don’t even know that we have a Commish or an end of season party (seriously guys, FREE PIZZA). However, Liam offers the ladies free beer, who can turn that down?
Prediction: CK by 2, Mega’s Cinderella story comes to an end this week.
Fresh Kills at Sky Fighters
Smile or grimace?
Prediction: FK by 2, Smile less?
Blast from an Unpublished Past — The “Latest” Know Your Neighbor
June 1st, 2016
There was once a girl who wore a white skirt and wasn’t Ali from the Pounds. This was back in the Platinum Media years, when Rich used to be a dick*, no one really knew people on the Pounds, except Tim B, Ali, and that curly-haired man, and all the league members honored the line of, “yeah, I’m not sure when I’m going to post this article, but someday I’ll get to it–don’t worry–just write ahead of your time and you won’t have to worry about when it gets published.”
Well, Liz Boylan did none of that and spewed out some 2015 BTSH pop culture, so some of these references are old… Thanks, Liz…
* He still is a dick, but used to be one, too
Hometown: Staten Island till I was 8 (Diane loves me a little bit more because I was born there) Toms River, NJ after that.
College: Brookdale Community College
Profession: Interventional Radiologic Technologist
Favorite BTSH team other than the Elves: Def not the Elves, my LBS of course duh.
The Pounds at least get one thing right: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Favorite NHL team: Rangers
This is Liz and her cat, who is curiously observing the selfie phenomenon.
If Tim Brown stooped to your level, what would he say: LIIIIIIZZZZZEEEEEERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Favorite NYC bar: Bailey’s Corner a dive bar near my apartment that I just love.
If you had one of the Pounds polo jerseys, would you pop the collar in the Ocean City bound rape van: Just because I am from Jersey does not mean I would pop my collar, and Mike roofied all the girls in the back of the van so I do not remember the ride to or from Ocean City.
Jeez, this van really gets around BTSH…
What the BTSH media will begin to overhype you about: That I am a social LBS.
Why do you hate Rich Glanzer so much: Rich Glanzer has a face that just makes you wanna punch it, plus he’s a dick. Although at a party last week we both simultaneously yelled at this guy that was trying to interrupt our conversation. The guy left confused and scared while we laughed hysterically. Rich then proposed to me and has already started planning the wedding. So I guess I will be spending the rest of my life hating him, although I could always stand in front of the M79.
If you walked through Tompkins Square Park at midnight on a Tuesday night, which teammate (Tommy C, Tim Brown, Ali the girl, Curly Haired Man, The Hair, or Tim Brown again) would you see drinking a Colt 45 waiting for the bathrooms to open: Both Tim Browns
Ace or Double Wide: Ace, so many good memories already, plus Double Wide banned Camden and how can anyone in their right minds ban that cute little pup…I mean come on.
Mets or Stankees: I am a who I’m with fan, so I guess Mets since Rich and I are engaged…gross.
If the Pounds made it to the BTSH Championship, what team would you want to play: Most definitely Filthier, I want one more shot at them before Ben and Jenna peace out.
Nobody likes this question, but it’s the best one. If Sigmund Freud analyzed your game play, what would he conclude:
ABSTRACT:
Upon evaluating the young lady playing for the very talented LBS, I have come to many conclusions about her behavior. While on the court Elizabeth expressed a great deal of aggression and has quite a competitive nature. Her ID seems to operate extremely high during the physical stress of the game, and her rational self ego is not around to tell her perhaps it is not a good idea to run a million miles an hour into another person as she was warned by Jenna Cruff. Cruff then forced her to sit because of continual said aggression.
