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What an opening day, BTSH! There were so many notable performances on the courts that we couldn’t decide on only three. So here’s to week 1, Three Stars ².

Double your pleasure, double your fun.

THIRD STARS

Bill L. of Dark Rainbows

The pink homie was all over the east court and Gut Rot (easy with the aggression Billy boy, this isn’t Moffo) on Sunday after taking an 8 ball of candy corn straight to the head. Taking advantage of a rookie free agent goalie, he temporarily forgot how to pass and just fired everything on net. And four of them found their way in (that’s twice as much as, uh, some people scored all last season).

Amy J. of Tompkins Square Riots

Braving the brutal chill and fierce winds on Sunday, Jonesy slipped on a pair gloves, tightened her hoodie and graciously took Opening Day pictures. No one asked her to freeze her keister off for the sake of memorializing our imprudent keisters. She did it because she cares about the league. For those of us that have only been in the league for about five minutes, Amy has been here since its inception, and is well deserving of the three stars.

SECOND STARS

Brian S. of Poutine Machine

Within the first 10 minutes of the game Brian went down in a heap near mid-court and was rolling around in agony. Cursing the TSP Gods as he grasped his right ankle it appeared that all hope was lost. After hobbling over to the sidelines with the aid of teammates he was able to mend his boo-boo by applying an ice pack (thanks Commish!) and rubbing some ‘tussin on it. Upon making a heroic (and foolish) return to the game, he scored a hard-earned goal to tie it up and inspired the Machine. Except it wasn’t a rolled ankle but a broken foot. That’s right y’all, he rubbed some dirt on a broken bone and kept playing. That’s true Brooklyn grit.

John Skywalker of Gremlins

Lookout, BTSH, there’s a new offensively minded defenseman in the league and he did work from everywhere. Aside from Walkie-talkie putting two past the Machine’s goalie (who had an outstanding performance btw – nice job, AJ), he posted a +3 rating by shutting down the offensively only minded Hornswoggle and getting the ball to his open forwards. This smart career change is off to a veggie burger worthy start.

FIRST STARS

Mike M. of Instant Karma 

After filling in net for the Sky Fighters and allowing only a single goal in a shootout victory, Mike belched off a hangover and posted a shutout against a divisional opponent. (For those of you counting at home that’s one goal in four halves of hockey.) The Pucks somehow found a hole in the great Karma defense and sent a barrage of balls on net. Mike didn’t panic, complain, or falter. He simply laughed, ‘ha! Is that the best you can do?’ And yes, apparently it was the best they could do.

Peter D. of Butchers

Aka Rocker Pete. Aka Pete Wentz.

Pete rolled up on the west court on Sunday and he got biz-zay! Linking up with his new line mate, super-fast Dave, he was able to put four balls past the evil dojo’s net-minder. Stunned by his performance, Rachel & Co. didn’t know how to celebrate, so Sam (who was reffing) acknowledged his accomplishment by losing his $#!t and throwing a hat mid-court. How did Pete celebrate? By leaving his lucky stick at Hi-Fi. Side note: so anyone that had a black Reebok stick with a replacement Sherwood blade, um….Pete has your stick.