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Too many, too good, too Filthy. When #3 Rehabs were slated to go against the top seeded Filthier,  most predicted a victory for the top seed. Few probably predicted the final score, 6-2.

It really reminded me of the World Series that my Metsies just lost. The Rehabs scored first, were playing really well and then boom, the Royals just stomped them. Every mistake the Mets made, led to rallies by the Royals. The 2015 BTSH Championship Game was eerily similar.

Up 1-0 the Rehabs didn’t handle prosperity well, as they gave the ball right to Filthier in the slot, and they buried it home before $h0wT!m3 could react. The second goal went off a Rehabs player’s stick and from there it was pretty much over. The onslaught was on. Hector and the Rehabs battled hard, but in the end, James, Denis, Sunny, Suvin, Shaq and Timmy K. were just too dominant. 

Watching the game, I thought of the scrimmage that was just played. It was fun but obviously there wasn’t a commitment to team defense. There were a lot of giveaways and we all had many chances from point blank range. Many of us hit the goalie in the chest. And that really is what separates us, from Filthy. Filthy makes mistakes, they give the ball away. But when you give the ball away to them, they bury the ball top shelf. And you can’t concentrate on one of them, because there are always multiple Filthiers on the rink at the same time who can top shelf the ball. And if you double team their superstars, the girls have shown they can put one past the goalie regularly as well. I think Ann had 4-5 goals on the year. I noticed in the finals she was constantly left open right by the net with her stick down, ready to pounce. And not to mention (even though I’m about to mention it), once you get past their offense, into their zone and get a shot off, Tim K. is a rock. 

In the end, the crazy forchecking led by Denis, and James P.’s ability to deflect any ball from any distance into the net is too much to handle for most teams. Plus it seemed Joe Buck was pulling for them.

The 6-2 score was probably the biggest goal differential in the Modern Era (2008-2015). I think Filthier took what I wrote as a dig but it wasn’t meant as one when I said, “I’m not sure any two teams had an easier run to the finals. The Rehabs beat Karma (17th seed), Math (2nd Division, but no James) and Sky (2nd Division). Meanwhile Filthier beat maybe the Riots or Rainbows, Gremmies and Anklebiters. In other words, neither team had to go through a top division team.”

The fact is you have to give credit to the one team that didn’t let Cinderella wear her dress. As much as I hate the Patriots year after year what makes them so great is their ability to constantly beat their AFC East “rivals.” Most teams would have a few slip ups but they rarely do. They get on the field, do their job, and pray to Satan afterwards. Same with Filthy. You play them, you get their best. And much like the Goddamned no good Royals, they don’t let up. If you are winning, they won’t let you finish them off because they will be relentless. The fact that all the other top division teams didn’t even make the semis, showed you how much more Filthier wanted this championship. And though the vast majority of the fans were rooting for the Rehabs, Filthier didn’t let that affect them negatively. Maybe they used that as motiviation.

Which brings me to the Rehabs. If you notice, I never said Filthier wanted it more, because honestly, they didn’t. The Rehabs played their assess off. They hustled as they always do the whole game.  Their was no quit. And one play really impressed everyone on the rink, including Filthier I’m sure. When losing 6-2, a ball was in the slot and Ramy dove on the hard concrete, and batted the ball out of bounds with his hand. It was an awesome play. 

In the end it wasn’t the game where $h0wT!m3 got his championship. As Black Rob said to me at the bar, “$h0wT!m3 kept us in it.” Or as Bryan W. said, “You win as a team, you lose as a team, but it was all Christina Lee’s fault.” 

OK, he never said that, but someone did. It might have been me. It was me. 
Whatever assholes, I’ll see you in March and I have no idea what court you’re playing on. Congrats to the champs, Filthier deserved it. 

Who is in the finals this week?  The New York Yankees, the Toronto Blue Jays, the Pittsburgh Pirates, the LA Dodgers, what about the San Francisco Giants?!  Nope, it’s the fucking Mets REEEHAABBBSSSS!!!! 

The Rehabs, just like the Mets, are fueled by naysayers.  “Rehabs suck, Rehabs suck!”  And guess what—they love it!  Who do you know on the Habs?! 

Terry Collins Bryan Welch? Bartolo Colon Hector Melendez?  Matt Harvey Brad Starr?  Travis D’Arnaud Sena Some Unknown Last Name Defensive Superstar? Daniel Murphy Shawn Kirkham?

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Welcome to the 2015 BTSH Awards Ceremony. Or actually just awards article. Just for the record, Sam and Zach Norris were the creators of these lists and recipients. I’m just the guy who added Brian Sullivan. (He also has my vote)

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3rd star: The Gouging Anklebiters (every last damn one of them.)

This star isn’t (only) because I accidentally snubbed them by forgetting the star I had planned for them last week when they upset Fresh Kills, but for what they did this past week against Filthier, and for what they have done all season. I was too busy scrimmaging but I heard that the ‘Biters were up 1-0 and 2-1 against an heavily favored Filthier team, we were all rooting for them but unfortunately in the end they fell just short, 3-2. Though they do have one of the best goalies in the league and some strong defensive and offensive players, nearly dethroning Filthier and almost taking this ragtag bunch of delinquents to the finals was quite the feat for team captain Phil Donohue. But far more important than their heroics in the playoffs this season is the fact that this team puts the “F” in “Fuck you John Walker!”. Wait, that’s just Craig.  What I meant to say is that this team puts the “F” in FUN. More of a family than a hockey club, this is one of a the most tight-knit groups you’ll ever come across.  They stick together like the pages of Craig’s collection of 80’s Playboy magazines.  Hilarious hazing rituals let new players know that once you’re a ‘Biter, you’re a ‘Biter for life. While some other players in the league show up just to play their scheduled game and then immediately take off, the ‘Biters are always around. You’ll find them hanging out at the courts, you’ll find them hanging out at Ace, you’ll find them vomiting up Miller High Life and Irish Car Bombs in a gutter somewhere. Congrats on the star ‘Biters, and thank you for being one of the few remaining teams who really embody the spirit of fun in this league. 
While they may not always win on the rink, they always, always, ALWAYS win at the bar. 

2nd star: Liz Boylan – Lbs, Inc.

Liz “Someone’s Gonna Have To Help Me Put On These Pads” Boylan did just that on Sunday. At a certain point in the middle of the scrimmage we were short 1 goalie.  I was of course frantically looking for one like my life depended on it when Liz interrupted my near panic attack to say “JW, if there are pads around, I’ll do it.” I asked her if she was sure and she said yes, and asked me where the pads were.   My eyes lit up like a jack-o-lantern (gratuitous Halloween reference) when it became clear that the scrimmage wasn’t going to fizzle out now that we would shortly have 2 goalies again. Once I announced that another goalie was coming on, so did the eyes of all the other scrimmagers. I just assumed she would play in net for a little while until another goalie showed up, but impressively she stayed and played in net for HOURS. Afterward I asked her if she had ever thought about playing in net before today and she replied “No, I just saw that we needed a goalie so I did it.”  We need more of that in this league. Liz, on behalf of all the scrimmagers on Sunday, for jumping in net when no one else would, you’re our hero. Congrats on a star like no other. 

Also a big shoutout to Matt Newman for picking up the league gear from Ace in the morning, originally I didn’t think we’d need it, but if Newman hadn’t taken care of it, this awesome occurrence couldn’t have happened. 

1st star of the week: Eli Kazin – Mathematics 

Eli came early to unlock/set up AND stayed late to lock down all so that I could scrimmage for 5 hours straight.  But seriously, he did so in order for EVERYONE to be able to come and have a good time, and for things to run smoothly all day.  As if that weren’t enough, he also reffed 2 games back-to-back.  And helped clean up the courts.   And carried a bunch of shit back to Ace bar after the day was over. He did EVERYTHING this week. The semifinals may not have even happened without him. Ok, that last one may have been a bit of a stretch – call it artistic license, bitches.  What isn’t a stretch is that this guy definitely does more for the league than most teams do combined. (Hmm, unless that team is Mathematics, since he’s on Mathematics, so that doesn’t really make sense.  We’ll edit that out later.) 
And what does he ask in return?  Nothing.
Well, except maybe for the Mets to win a championship.  At least I think that sounds right – I really don’t know anything about baseball.  They’re the blue and orange team, yeah? 
A HUGE thank you to Eli for everything he does for the league, and congrats on one of the most hard-earned stars I’ve ever given. 

In 2001…the inaugural season of BTSH a young 17-year-old boy named Hector Melendez played on the Unicorns. They made the finals and lost to the Rehabs. Much like Dan Marino, people predicted Young Hector would see a lot more finals. 

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