Eli’s Take On the Finals

October 25th, 2013
Jason & Josh

The Corlears Hookers are hoping that their fourth time in the championship game is the charm. To find out if this is finally the year that they break through, let’s ask a few questions.

1) Are they running into a hot goalie?
In 2007, the Corlears Hookers were the heavy favorite entering the championship game, but were shut out by the Dark Rainbows, 4-0. Leading the way for the Rainbows was goaltender Trevor Tyrrell, who allowed just one goal in four playoff games that season. While LBS, Inc. has yet to allow a goal in the playoffs, they have done so with three different goalies. Tim Brown (Poutine Machine, sort of) suited up against the Butchers in the quarterfinals and Dave Gil de Rubio (Tompkins Square Riots) was, after much deliberation, eventually called upon against the Denim Demons in the semifinals. Seth Wachtell, their actual starter, will be in net this Sunday, just as he was against Mega Touch in the round of 16, but that was three weeks ago.
2) Is Dustin getting married this weekend?
In 2008, the Corlears Hookers were once again the heavy favorite entering the championship game, but lost to Fresh Kills, 3-2. Another seminal event that weekend was Dustin’s wedding in Mexico, which was attended by several teammates, including Jason Eitel and Josh Sadlier-Brown. The Hookers sprinted out to an early 2-0 lead, but depth became an issue in the second half. A fresher, deeper Kills squad rallied to score the last three goals of the game and claim the championship. Our sources indicate that Dustin will not be getting married this weekend.
3) Are they running into a team that caught fire at the right time?
In 2010, the Corlears Hookers were yet again the heavy favorite (notice a trend?) entering the championship game, but were upset by the Happy Little Elves, 3-1. Despite winning just half of their regular season games, the Elves started playing better towards the end of the season, with three wins in their final four games. This turnaround coincided with the implementation of captain Rich Glanzer’s NEDI system, and continued through the playoffs, as the Elves stormed through La Famiglia, Fresh Kills, the Sky Fighters, and ultimately the Hookers to secure the championship.
This year, the Hookers do not enter the championship game as the prohibitive favorite. LBS, Inc. is the defending champion and the Corporation has won their past seven playoff games. Perhaps having the weight of expectations lifted of their shoulders, even just a little, will do the Hookers some good. We’re predicting a 3-2 Hookers win, in overtime. But don’t worry LBS, Inc…we picked Fresh Kills to beat you in last year’s championship game, and look how that turned out.

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Why You Should Care About This Years Finals

October 25th, 2013

IMG_3866by Patrick Larsen

Weirdly, a lot of people still ask who writes the BTSH website (even though I’ve been doing it for over two years now). If you don’t see a byline from Rich, Eli, Ben. Monica, or Abby then I wrote it. In my role as website editor (and site contributor before that), I’ve probably written about every team in this league at least a dozen times. And it feels like I’ve written about the LBS. and the Hookers at least a 100 times. So I’m not going with a straightforward game preview this time. I’m here to tell you why you should get your ass out to Tompkins and the ACE this Sunday. Listen up!

1) FINALS WEEKEND IS ABOUT A LOT MORE THAN THE GAME – Just like Superbowl Sunday is about a lot more than football, BTSH’s final weekend is about a lot more than the championship.
i) Come play in the open scrimmage (it’s usually some of the most fun hockey of the year and a chance to meet people you never played against).  Even Jerome Ramos scores in these games!
ii) Join the heckle wall. Most year’s it’s at least as memorable as the game. Best heckle wall cheer ever? Sharif Corinaldi telling the Hookers they had no chance against the Rainbows goalie Trevor (aka “Jesus”) Tyrell. As Corinaldi shouted “the Power of Christ compels you”, the Purple People Eaters realized it wouldn’t be their year.
iii) Stand next to Julie Katz at the final. She always has candy and with the game only a few days before Halloween you could score big!

2) YOUR TEAMMATE IS PROBABLY NOMINATED FOR AN AWARD (AND SOMEONE YOU HATE PROBABLY IS AS WELL) – There’s nothing worse than hearing your name announced for an award and then hearing silence after it. Support your teammates. Get loud. And make sure you chant “Rehabs suck” whenever they’re nominated for anything.

3) YOU’LL SEE SOME DAMN GOOD HOCKEY – While it will be tough to top last week’s Kills-Hookers thriller, the finals are always a quality game. Sit back and appreciate how good this league has gotten over the last few years.

4) YOU WON’T SEE A LOT OF THESE FOLKS UNTIL NEXT MARCH  – And believe it or not you’re going to miss them. Give Claire Weingarten a hug, write in Brian Ferry’s yearbook, promise to stay in touch with Romeo. BTSH really is high school with money. Make some memories.

5) TIM WILL BE SAD IF YOU’RE NOT THERE – Do you really want to disappoint him?

Good luck to the LBS and Hookers this Sunday. I’ll see you all courtside!

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2013 BTSH Award Nominations!!!

October 24th, 2013


Feldman

Our learned panel of hockey journalists have convened and picked this years finalists. Are you on the list (hint: if you’re on the Mathematics, the answer is probably yes):

Most Underrated Male  

 1. Ryan Mills – Gremlins

2. Tommy Capotosta – LBS

3. Brad Schmidt – Mathematics

4. Olivier Brassard – Skyfighters

5. Rem Garavito – Cobra Kai

 

Most Underrated Female  

 1. Carly Czuba – Poutine Machine

2. Alice Bertoni – Fresh Kills

3. Laura MacNeil – TSR

4. Girl on Elves (The one Rich keeps talking about)

5. Christina Hopkins – Denim Demons

 

BTSH Hall of Fame Award  

1. Andy Pratt – Mathematics

2. Stacy Kehoe – Rehabs

3. Ken Poulin – LBS

The Stacy S. Kehoe Award for Toughness and Grace  

 1. Dustin Olson for “the Mouse Scooping Incident”

2. Sarah Torenten – Happy Little Elves

3. Rachel Greene – Butchers

4. Sunny Mehra – Filthy Gorgeous

5. Courtney Butler – Gouging Anklebiters

 

The Guinness & Jameson Award for Best Duo

 1. Zack Norris & Mama Norris

2. Mike Smith & Heather Aspergen – Gut Rot

3. Zack Norris & Sam Norris

4. Zack Norris & Diane Johnson

5. Jeff Kamen & Zack Tinkelman – Denim Demons

 

The Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman Award for Agitation & Instigation  

1. Tom Macdonald – WTP

2. Adela Ibric – HLE

3. Dave Sokol – Fresh Kills

4. Adam Rubens & Zack Tinkelman – Denim Demons

5. Bryan Welch – Rehabs


The Shortbus Memorial Award for Best Hockey Mom

1. Liza Watts – Gut Rot

2. Amy Donohue – Gouging Anklebiters

3. Sandy “Mama” Norris – Mathematics

4. Kami Moore – Filthy Gorgeous

5. Corey Winters – WTP

 

The MegaTouch Award for Being MegaTouch

1. Megatouch

2  Megatouch

3. Megatouch

4. Megatouch

5. Zack Norris – Mathematics

 

The Showtime Award for Best Team Switch 

1. Eric Ramirez – Butchers to Gut Rot

2. Tim Brown – PM to LBS

3. Derek Tagliarino – Math to HLE

4. Joanne Provencher & Suz – their teams to any team that needed female players

5. Dave Gil de Rubio – TSR to LBS

 

The Cory Winters Player’s Player Award (Male) (formerly the Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award)  

1. Ben Bloom – Butchers

2. John Walker – Gremlins

3. Aaron “Coach” Pagdon – Denim Demons

4. Ariel Kipnis – Dark Rainbows

5. Jamie B – La Famiglia

 

The Cory Winters Player’s Player Award (Female) (formerly the Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award)  

1. Sarah Newnam – Corlears Hookers

2. Sena Ito – Rehabs

3. Sandy “Mama” Norriss – Mathematics

4. Suz – Filthy Gorgeous

5. Allison M. – Skyfighters

The Eighth Annual Bob Weyersberg Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence  

1. Dan Hopper – Skyfighters

2. Phil Donohue –Gouging Anklebiters

3. Anika Sweetland & Tommy Chong – Gut Rot

4. Sean Reynolds – Dark Rainbows

 

 

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Finals Preview – Richie’s Take

October 23rd, 2013

Dustin
Karsten

by Rich “Too Legit to Quit” Glanzer

I’m going to talk hockey here and let other people make jokes about the Hookers name and the Lbs. money laundering. 

In 1995 I said Rey Ordonez would have a better career than Derek Jeter. In 1998 I thought the Colts should have taken Ryan Leaf over Peyton Manning. And in 2012, I thought the Lbs. were over the hill and would never come close to a BTSH Championship again. While I still have hope for Ordonez > Jetes, Peyton and the Corporation have officially proved me wrong.
The Lbs. are legit. Their team defense is solid, Seth is an underrated goalie (he’ll be there) and Karstan will be the best scorer on the rink.
As for the Hookers…they undoubtedly want revenge on the Lbs. for ending their season in the semis last year. They have the best girls in the league and its not close. They have the second best guys in the league next to Fresh Kills and with Dustin in net, you always know its going to be tough to score.
Prediction:
Both teams have been here before and played in a ton of clutch games. But counting this year the Hookers have made 4 of the last 7 finals, and twice made the semi’s. They’ve added a few pieces including Sarah. But while the Hookers girls get all the credit, the Lbs. girls are no slouches either. You don’t make two finals in a row if your girls cant play with the boys. So bigups to Sascha(s)Lehman-Puritz-Owen-Rubinowitz,Anne Grady,Ali Chenitz,,Erica Lee and Karen Erickson. They may not score like Tiffany, Noelle and Sarah do, but they stop you from scoring, which is just as important. 
Either way, congrats to both teams, I’m extremely jealous I’m not playing in this game, but I don’t deserve to be. These two teams do. And the Hookers deserve a championship. They’ll get one Sunday, in a very close, tense game, 2-1.

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Finals Weekend Schedule Announced!

October 23rd, 2013

seth
12:30-3:00 Open Scrimmage
3:00 till Game Finish – Corlears Hookers vs. LBS
After the Game – Season End Party at ACE Bar
After the Party – the After Party
After the After Party – Hotel Lobby (Seth’s ready for it)

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