Greene Division Preview
March 21st, 2014Ignore That Glum Fellow in the Back
That second win was pretty sweet!
Cobra Kai
2013 Record: 3-11-2-2
Strengths: Although Cobra Kai enters this season on the heels of a disappointing 2013 campaign that ended with a demotion to the Greene Division, it stills boasts one of the most established core of players in BTSH. Will Kuhns, J.J. Murphy, Mark Talercio, and captain Greg Altman have now played together for several seasons, including several runs in MOFO. As a result, these veterans’ chemistry and experience are enough to keep the Dojo in any game. Also, the (white!) chick with the dreads is potentially one of the ten best women in the league and helped the Mathematics beat the Happy Little Elves last season (on Rich Glanzer’s birthday).
Weaknesses: Although these guys were once considered just a shade away from elite (think Joe Flacco), BTSH’s overall talent level has vastly improved over the last few seasons, leaving Cobra Kai in the dust with a merely average team. Teamwork and game intelligence will only take them so far, but eventually, the Dojo will need to add some extra talent to regain its status as a legitimate contender. As the Kais’ top players head into the twilight of their careers, it’s time to mine the free agent pool and find the next Jason Eitel. Or do that Gabe for Rachel “The Infiltrator” trade that Fresh Kills keeps proposing.
Not quite elite.
Fun Fact: Two of your humble writers at The ORG, Derek and Eli, began their BTSH careers on Cobra Kai, way back in the day when it was called Henry Motion. The duo is actually credited with changing the team name to the 80s movie reference (along with former captain Peter “Ski” Oblamski).
Dark Rainbows
2013 Record: 10-7-1
Strengths: The Rainbows finished second in the division last season with a strong ten win performance, so the hockey skills are obviously there. However, with last season’s acquisitions of Abby “Tayne” Meisterman (happy to bring that nickname back!) and David Bernstein, their true strength is useless trivia. While Abby is unmatched in her knowledge of Clueless and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bernstein knows Tupac’s entire catalogue by heart. Plus, Bernstein went to Duke, so he probably knows J.J. Redick.
Also from Duke.
Weaknesses: Really, it’s the pink uniforms. Yeah, I know, that’s the joke, because “irony” or whatever, but when’s the last time you faced the Dark Rainbows and actually felt intimidated? Not that you should feel intimidated facing any team, but the faded pink really isn’t helping. Then they do that pre-game “whoo-whooooooo” cheer, which is even worse than the Mathematics’ pre-game barking. I know it’s a beer league, but you guys can pump yourselves up better than that.
Fun Fact: Former Rainbows, Trevor and Libby, will attend the ceremony for their daughter’s graduation from NYU this May. She is now 22 years old and living with her fiancé inside a small tent between the East and West courts at Tompkins Square Park. My, how time flies!
$h0wT!m3 Division Preview
March 20th, 2014Joe Models The Anklebiters’ New Third Jersey
Filthy Gorgeous
Strengths: Things can’t get much worse than last year…right? They still have James and Suvin, and when the two are paired together, Filthy is extremely dangerous. If, for some reason, James and Suvin are no longer on the team, then things can get a lot worse.
Weaknesses: They had a little bit of an attendance problem last year. Dan and Caroline got engaged and moved to Washington, D.C. mid-season. There were some pregnancies, too. Others just did not show up all that much. It’s a minor miracle that they were able to field a roster for the playoffs, as Monica had to put her entire roster in for playoff exemptions. And What The Puck captain Larry Zimmer still voted no for every single one.
Fun Fact: Monica is considering having a throwback day, and thus bringing back the lime-green jerseys, when they face the Elves on August 10.
Random Hockey Related YouTube Video: Filthy’s 2013 season went a little like this.
Gouging Anklebiters
Strengths: Which team allowed the fewest goals in BTSH last season? Yep, it’s the Anklebiters, who gave up just 25 goals across 18 games. Some of the credit for this achievement goes to goalie Craig LaCombe, and some of the credit goes to an air-tight shutdown defense. This is a very united team, both on and off the court.
Weaknesses: Congratulations Anklebiters! You just won the Larsen Division! Your prize, which you must accept, is promotion to the Tagliarino Conference. It comes with a tougher division, a tougher schedule, and a noticeably less chill attitude. And Sarah Moore gets to face roommate Lisa Harrington and La Famiglia twice a season now.
Fun Fact: Craig’s ability at throwing his goalie stick has caught the eyes of USA Track and Field. He is considered a dark horse candidate in the javelin for the 2016 Summer Olympic Games.
Random Hockey Related YouTube Video: Tuukka Rask is not impressed.
Brown Division Preview
March 19th, 2014
Hookers win championship and cover Noelle’s face.
First of all this is Rich. I don’t have access to post on this site so I had to hack Tim Brown’s email and find his password. But that’s off the record.
Instead of doing lengthy team previews we are going to do shorter division previews. We probably will have new content Tues-Fri of this week, and M-F next week.
We’ll start with the top. The Brown Division.
Fresh Kills:
Strengths: If Ivan Drago were a hockey team he would be called Fresh Kills.
Drago Kills Apollo like Fresh Kills murders all of us
They have the best player in the league with that guy with the Expos hat, their girls are better than your girls (They aren’t as good as the Hookers but the Hookers never read this website), their goalie is clutch and Dave is the best captain in BTSH. This is a complete team.
Weaknesses: If I train the refs better, they will start calling high sticks on Kevin Foster, and he will get at least 4 penalties a game. But I’m not that great a trainer so The Planet should be ok for now.
Fun fact: Since the Modern Era (2008-Current) only Alice has won two BTSH titles with two different teams. The 2009 Sky Fighters and Fresh Kills in 2011.
Lbs:
Strengths: (Sven stop reading) Tim Brown is like the Warriors. He’s good. Real good. The best. Karsten is ageless, and Sam is probably the best player next to that Fresh Kills dude who nobody knows. I can’t leave out Anne Grady and most importantly Ali Chenitz, because if I do Anne Grady and especially Ali Chenitz will yell at me at Ace that I didn’t mention the girls. Sasha and Erica Lee will typically let it slide which is appreciated more than you know.
Weaknesses: Their relationship with Adam Rubens.
Fun fact: Though Ken Poulin is no longer on the team, he was one of the first three people inducted into the BTSH Hall of Fame, along with Kehoe and someone else who I forgot.
The Org is Back!
March 18th, 2014A Special Message from Rich Glanzer
Nothing screams BTSH more than Derek taking creepy photos of unsuspecting girls eating chicken wings and Eli making a semi-witty caption of the picture. In other words, we’ve heard your critiques, and we want you to come back to the website. So we brought back league legends Derek and Eli.
Here are a few promises for this season…and they’re all good:
- Don’t worry, BTSH.org will not be all about wrestling, the Elves, and the Norrises (Norri). Dave Soko’s nationality and Alex Eben Meyer’s ridiculous socks will never be mentioned from here on out. In other words, new jokes, new themes, and very few wrestling or private jokes.
- The website will be updated multiple times a week during weeks we have games and probably at least once–if not more–during off weeks.
- STATS! Whether you want stats (98% of us) or don’t (Phil and Adriano), you are getting them. Derek will put the scores of all the games up by the time Carrie is crying in Homeland. Before you tuck yourself to sleep, he will have the leading scorers for both the men and the women on Mondays. That’s right, we will have the top women goal scorers included on the stats page. (Sorry Suz, you need at least one to be listed)
- More variety and videos. The videos will never be longer than two minutes and many times, they will be under one. We have a lot of segments planned for the videos, and only one of them is wrestling related! (We said there would be very few, not extinct…)
- The ladies of Math are planning a fashion segment.
- Interaction. The website is only as good as you, the BTSH Universe makes it. The reason the Elves got so much pub over the years is because Ben, Trevor, Shaun, Jenna, Jerome, Sarah T. and I all commented. If you want us to write about your team or even yourself, let us know, and we will.
So get ready for an awesome BTSH season. Division previews will be posted this week and next. The Org is back!
***May I Have Your Attention Please!***
March 15th, 2014
