Playoffs Week 1 – Schedule
September 24th, 201312:30 PM East Gouging Anklebiters at Denim Demons
12:30 PM West La Famiglia at LBS, Inc.
1:30 PM East Sky Fighters at Butchers
1:30 PM West Mathematics at Fresh Kills
2:30 PM East #17 Filthy Gorgeous at #16 Gut Rot
2:30 PM West #20 Tompkins Square Riots at #13 Rehabs
3:30 PM East Gremlins at Happy Little Elves
3:30 PM West Dark Rainbows at Corlears Hookers
4:30 PM East #18 Poutine Machine at #15 Mega Touch
4:30 PM West #19 Cobra Kai at #14 What The Puck
Week 19 Boxscores and a Hero Rises
September 24th, 2013
We’ll get to the boxscores in a second but we couldn’t let another day go by without recognizing a BTSHers uncommon bravery. Last Sunday a mouse somehow found it’s way into a goalie’s equipment bag (we don’t know whose but our guess would be Tim Brown or Craig Lacombe. Seriously, those guys equipment bags are public health hazards). BTSHers ran, BTSHers gasped, one or two almost vomited. But then Dustin calmly stepped up, donned his catcher and scooped up the furry threat in one fell swoop. Within moments, the mouse had been released back into Tompkins Square Park proper (where it stayed in the middle of the sidewalk while neighborhood residents formed a committee to decide how to deal with it). We don’t use the word hero very often on this site (well Glanzer does, but he’s usually referring to himself). Bust Dustin Olson, you are a legit hero! We salute you sir.
PS: Bryan Ferry – this glory would have been yours had you not taken off your glove and got scratched by the little guy. Heroes don’t have rabies and we hope you don’t have too. If you do … congratulations Dustin, we think we’ve found your arch nemesis.
WEEK 19 BOXSCORES (courtesy of Eli Kazin)
Math goals from Cherie Stewart, Zach Norris, Nick Tardif, Sam Norris, Derek Tagliarino
Elves goals (unconfirmed) from Trevor Beauclair (2), Mike Valdes, Adela Ibric.
Denim Demons 3, What The Puck 2
Demons goals from Dave Shyu (2), Adam Rubens
What The Puck goal from Darrell Hartman
La Famiglia 4, Cobra Kai 2
La Famiglia goals from Shafiq Perry (2), Denis Miciletto, Angela Vicari
Cobra Kai goals from Will Kuhns, Dave Cicirelli
Gremlins 5, Dark Rainbows 0
Gremlins goals from Ryan Mills (2), Eric, Rod Sherwood, Maire
Shutout for Jamie
LBS, Inc. 5, Gouging Anklebiters 0
LBS, Inc. goals from Jason Bogdaneris (3), Karsten Pichon (2)
Shutout for Tim Brown
Rehabs 7, Tompkins Square Riots 3
Rehabs goals from $h0wT!m3 (2), Eric (2), Sean McClain, Alex, Jennifer
Riots goals from Katie, Tony, Alex Labelle
Poutine Machine 1, Butchers 0 (OT)
Poutine goal from Ashish
Shutout for Tim Brown
Mega Touch 6, Gut Rot 0
Mega Touch goals by Adriano Bratta (4), Julie Katz, Braden Caldwell
Shutout for Eric Devlin
Corlears Hookers 4, Filthy Gorgeous 1
Corlears goals from Sarah Newnam (2), Tiffany Hagge, John Wolf
Filthy goal from JJ Anderson
Sky Fighters 2, Fresh Kills 1
Sky Fighters goals from Martin Cejka and Robert Kucera
Fresh Kills goal from Alice Bertoni
Week 19 Game Previews – Part 2
September 19th, 2013
Again???
2:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Monica “the Hookers, again?” Russo
Highlights of this season…let’s see: we’ve had a few new people added to our team this year (huge special shout out to Jessie and Sharif), and if we could get a semi-regular roster of people to show up, we’d be unstoppable. Like, people would seriously not be able to stop us.
Editor’s Note: Thanks to Monica for being the only reporter who actually wrote about the theme we suggested this week
Fresh Kills at Sky Fighters,
4:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
So the question of the week is will Dave Sokol rest his starters? Gabe and Alex were out for blood in their game against Filthy Gorgeous last week. So much so that goalie Aaron could smell the Hai Karate deodorant that is still mysteriously sold in the duo’s native Quebec. The question is why? Are there secret performance bonuses we don’t know about? For the Fighters, their middle of the pack ranking means there’s not much to play for here either (no one is going to remember the second team that beat Fresh kills). Expect this to look more like an exhibition game than a frenzied rivalry.
Butchers at Poutine Machine
4;00 pm, Tompkins Square West
On the other hand, there’s a fair bit at stake in this one. Poutine are fighting for positioning in the play in round and the Butcher wouldn’t mind moving up in another notch in the standings. Poutine looked solid in a 2-1 shootout loss to La Famiglia last week and it looks like their suffocating defence of 2012 is making a comeback. But they score less than Rich Glanzer on Ladies Night. The Butchers didn’t have any problem finding the back of the net during their 5-1 trouncing of the Rehabs. But they were aided by the fact that the Rehabs were even more short benched than they were. If they show up with 7 players again, things could be rough for them. But if they can manage a decent roster showing, expect this to be a tight game.
Rehabs at Tompkins Square Riots
5:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
Depending on how things go, these two teams could see each other again next week. So let’s get some nice animosity going. We’re looking for Laura McNeil to pull a Claude Lemieux and take out the Showtime. The Brian Welch and Amy Jones can start throwing chairs at each other. Let’s see the Riots live up to their name and the Rehabs rally the burnt out survivors of Tompkins Square Park. It’s the last game of the season. Someone has to do something to get the BTSH punters invested!
Editor’s Note: We lost a few intrepid reporters this season but there is still hope that journalism isn’t dead. After a lengthy absence, we’re excited to welcome back an old colleague. Maybe he’ll explain that whole lime toss thing …
Gouging Anklebiters at Lbs
5:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
My esteemed “the ORG”,
Because I’ve been so busy unearthing 19th-century newspaper articles for my ethnography of Lime Toss, I haven’t had time to write the preview you requested for the Pounds vs. Anklebiters match. But here’s a preview of the preview. There will be lots of phrases like “Karsten’s audacious cherrypicking” and “the Judge Crater-like disappearance of Ken” for the Pounds, and regarding their opposition, things like “the enigmatic firepower of Joe Pollalulachuk” (I’ll look up the spelling if I have time) and the “‘Biters’ Wagnerian _sturm und drang_ personified in that flaxen valkyrie Courtney ‘Coco’ Butler.” I actually took those phrases from older articles and just changed the names. I doubt anyone will notice. Sports journalism is usually written with a thesaurus and a book of Mad Libs… That’s clearly how Eli does it, anyway! (I won’t put that kind of snark in my preview though.)
I’ll also feature a “Where Are They Now?” segment on Anklebiter alumnus Eric Dipierri (see recent photo, attached)
and throw in a cornucopia of droll bon mots to fill up space. I’ve already picked two random numbers between 0 and 10 for the score, and flipped a coin to assign the winner. The result was Anklebiters 9, Pounds 4. That sounds plausible I guess, although I must admit I don’t have much experience with skeet hockey.
By the way, in case I wind up on the lecture circuit, is Pounds the same team as LBS? It’s kind of confusing. Shouldn’t LBS be pronounced “Elbs”? Well, either way, I should finish a draft of the preview by mid-January.
Sincerely,
Dr. Byron Clavicle, PhD, OBE, XTC, and PSAT-NMSQT
Week 19 Game Previews – Part 1
September 19th, 2013
Mathematics at Happy Little Elves
Tompkins Square East, 2:30 pm
Preview #1
by Rich “Birthday Boy” Glanzer
When Derk and Elly scheduled Elves/Math this May, it was my bday
weekend. So since my bday got rained out, this is my official birthday
of 2013, which means every member of Math should buy me drinks.
But the problem is, they wont want to buy me drinks after the
dismantling we are about to put on them. You see, the NEDI > NORRI.
To prove how much better I am than each Norris, I challenge all of
them (except Nathan, Sam, Zach and Pappa Norris) to an arm wrestling
match after!
As for the rest of Jenna Math…sources tell me Cherie, Brad, and Amy
are so terrified of playing the Elves they contacted Larry Zimmer to
see if they could join WTP. Unfortunately, Larry said they would have
to go to the Rehabs first, and since the Rehabs suck (trademark Sven)
the trio decided to stick it out.
Bottom line is we are going to beat you at hockey, we are going to
outdrink you afterwards, and if there is a bar room brawl between us,
I’ll take Adela and Budnick over Langer and Becky (I throw a football
like a girl) Norris.
And oh yeah the Mets > Indians.
Preview #2
by Eli “Norris” Kazin
Mega Touch at Gut Rot
Tompkins Square East, 12:30 pm
Who’d have thunk that a Mega-Gut Rot game in the last week of the season would have serious playoff implications? Don’t look now but if the Rotters win this one, there’s a very good chance that they will avoid the play in round for the first time in recent memory. And most of MegaTouch would be happy to just give them the win. Thank God this team has Eric Devlin as a co-captain. Mr. Intensity won’t just let his teammates phone it in. You hear that Tommy Cho, you’re going to have to get your first round bye the old-fashioned way. You’re going to have to earn it.
Gremlins at Dark Rainbows,
Tompkins Square West 12:30 pm
While Eli and Glanzer throw taunts at each other, we can’t get a ruling on whether this is a Fairy Tale Cup game or not.
Even if it isn’t this promises to be a spirited match. The Mogwais have rediscovered their scoring touch in recent weeks and the Rainbows have begun to resemble the Rainbows of old. But don’t expect firewagon hockey here folks. Ariel and Jamie are vying for the BTSH equivalent of the Vezina (I think it’s called the Spags) so expect them to put on a show.
What the Puck at Denim Demons
Tompkins Square East, 1:30 pm
A classic BTSH rivalry enters it’s latest chapter. And thanks to Eli’s writeup we now know that there’s something at stake here. The Demons have been one of the top performers in the league this year and we don’t see their buzzsaw offense letting up any time soon. But is this the time of year when WTP actually starts playing like the team that went deep in to the playoffs the last several years. Maybe. If Larry breaks out the long sleeved Mets t-shirt, you know that his troops will take it as a sign to turn on the heat 9and also start playing hockey again).
Cobra Kai at La Famiglia
Tompkins Square West, 1:30 pm
Poutine Machine managed to hold the lethal combo of Denis and Shafiq scoreless last week (although they still found a way to lose the game. They’re obviously taking this French thing way too seriously). Will Cobra Kai be able to duplicate that feat? Who knows? Mainly because who knows who is on Cobra Kai any more. Seriously, they’re making the Columbus Blue Jackets look like marquee players. Playoff rosters are due to Tim this week. Maybe then we’ll be able to figure out who that girl is who always seems to score for them.
Week 18 Boxscores
September 17th, 2013Ed. Note: Thanks to Eli Kazin for hanging late and getting these scores to us!
Biters goals by Alex Owen (2) and Zack Papper. I’m assuming Craig had the shutout.
Happy Little Elves 1, Denim Demons 0
Elves goal by Trevor Beauclair. Shutout for Jamie B.
Fresh Kills 7, Filthy Gorgeous 2
Fresh Kills goals by Gabe (3), Alice Bertoni, Patrick Moore, Dave Soko, Scott Lee.
Filthy goals by Suvin and JJ.
Butchers 5, Rehabs 1
Butchers goals by Joey Batista (3) and Gary Cohen (2).
Rehabs goal by Noelle, possibly?
Mathematics 4, Tompkins Square Riots 2
Math goals by Nathan Norris, Sam Norris, Zach Norris, Bradley Schmidt.
Riots goals by Alex Frenette and Anthony Thomas.
Cobra Kai 3, Mega Touch 1
Cobra Kai goals by Jerry Chavez, Rachel, David.
Mega Touch goal by Joe Lops.
Dark Rainbows 3, Gut Rot 0
Rainbows goals by Josh Wilson (2) and Rebecca Norris. Shutout for Tim Burke.
LBS, Inc 4, Sky Fighters 3 (OT)
LBS, Inc. goals by Karsten (2), Jason Bogdaneris, Fernando Limonic.
Sky Fighters goals by Dan Hopper, Mark Bloom, Guy Lechasseur.
La Famiglia 2, Poutine Machine 1 (OT-SO)
Famiglia goal by Eric Fortin.
Poutine goal by Kevin Loftus.
WTP goal by Hannah Stark
