Week 10 – Game Previews – Part 1
June 19th, 2013
GAME OF THE WEEK
LBS Inc. at Fresh Kills
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
It’s another rematch of last year’s championship game and these two teams couldn’t be closer in terms of their 2013 performance.
LBS may have a loss on their record but they’ve only given up one more goal than the Killers.
Meanwhile, FK are the only unbeaten team in the league and Captain Dave Sokol is dreaming of a perfect season. If he can keep league commissioner Tim Brown from negotiating a transfer agreement with the KHL then he just might pull it off.
But beware Dominators. As Dustin has warned us before “regular season success does not guarantee playoff performance”. The Quids know the positive side of that rule as they parlayed a #7 seed in to a championship last year, so they may be inclined to tank this game and push themselves down the standings a little bit.
Or not. Karsten was promising a “Sittler” at “the bar the LBS go to after games that’s not the ACE” last Sunday. A ten-point game may seem ambitious but with Pichon’s current streak who are we to doubt?
Look for this one to head to a shootout. LBS. have a habit of pulling out super-tight games so we’ll give them the edge in this one.
Tompkins Square Riots at Mega Touch
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
TSR hasn’t had much go right for it this year. But at least they’ve got another game against a divisional opponent instead of serving as chum for the likes of the Hookers or Fresh Kills. Mega Touch is also just too nice to really administer a pounding.
But the Touch do play solid hockey and if the Bratta-Katz duo have a light social schedule on Saturday this could be another tough one for Jones’ Jobbers. Personally, we hope this one ends in a tie. MegaTouch never care that much about winning or loosing and it would be nice to see the Riots put one up in the points column.
Poutine Machine at Denim Demons
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
This year’s version of Poutine Machine bears a striking resemblance to this year’s New York rangers. And that’s bad news for the Cheese Fry Fanatics. Like the Rangers, they have one of the best goaltenders in the league. But also like the Rangers, they can’t find the back of the net. Their “D” looked solid in a 1-0 loss to the Rainbows last week. But once again they were held scoreless. What will their Captain Patrick Larsen do to right the ship?
Editor’s Note: No, seriously, I want to know, what will I do? Any guesses? Suggestions? Secret plans? Is Coach allergic to peanuts?
The Demons have a respectable record and always round in to shape in the middle part of the season. Look for them to bring their “A” game and give the Francophiles a major challenge.
In the end, this one will come down to who wants it more. Or a strategically placed jar of JIF.
SkyFighters at What the Puck
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
Relentless. That’s the only way to describe WTP’s performance against Filthy Gorgeous last week. Trailing for most of the game they kept storming back and finally won it in OT. The Fighters picked up a strong win themselves, cooling off the once hot Elves and looking good in the process.
Like the aforementioned Kill-LBS. match this one features teams that are almost identical in points and goals scored and allowed. It also wasn’t that long ago that these teams were battling for the league championship either.
So expect another tight match.
Maybe it’s time for the league to review the regular season overtime rule? We could see these two teams engaging in a thrilling double-quintuple overtime match with crying skateboarders and sleeping babies littering the sidelines. Runners could be sent to the ACE to shuttle free pizza to exhausted players and every team playing in the late afternoon slots would be surrounded by empty Bud Light cans. The game wouldn’t end until Monica Russo, in a display of impatience and sheer brilliance, gets her team to pay for Suz to take a cab home and get her hot dog costume.
C’mon Tim! Be the Commissioner that makes this happen.
Butchers at Cobra Kai
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
Is there such a thing as a rebound street hockey match? Because after having their hearts broken by the Hookers and Kills respectively, that’s what this game feels like to us. We envision Will and Ben shaking hands after every shift with comments like “Thanks for not being Danilo” and “Your Russian is a lot funnier than the last ones we played.” The refs will get in to the spirit as well allowing multiple do-overs and letting Gregg Allman play the “roaming goalie” position that he invented several years ago.
Yes bonhommie and a collegial atmosphere will rule the day.
At least until Ashley McMasters and Pete Lang (forced to play out thanks to Allman’s Roamer position) have to take a face off against each other.
Take comfort in each other, Misfits & Dojo. You may not be Mister (or Mrs.) Right. But you are Mister (or Mrs. Right Now. And in the middle of a long season, playing a team that won’t hurt you emotionally may be just what you need. Open a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, curl up on a blanket on the sidelines, and remember you can’t love another team unless you love yourself, first.
Week 9 Boxscores – Karsten Has the Hot Hand
June 18th, 2013
Butchers 2 Corlears Hookers 8
Hookers goals: Danilo Biagioni (3), Gavin Kearney (2), Tiffany Hagge, John Bartlett, Jacques
Butchers goals: Ben Bloom, Arthur Revechkis
Danilo puts up a natural hat trick as the Hookers rout the Butchers
Rehabs 1 Gremlins 0 (OT)
Rehab goals: Alex Zabala, Ariel Kipnis (sub) shutout
Zabala wins it in OT for the ‘Habs
Lbs. 6 La Famiglia 1
Lbs. goals: Karsten Pichon (6)
La Famiglia goals: Jon Fidge
Karsten post a double hat trick. Is this a league first?
Mega Touch 3 Gouging Anklebiters 5
Anklebiters goals: Alex Derhohannesian (2), Sarah Moore (2),Joe Polowczuk
MegaTouch goals: Adriano Bratta (2), Joe Lops
Moore is more as Sarah’s two goals are the difference for the Pound Puppies.
Skyfighters 3 Happy Little Elves 1
Skyfighters goals: Mark Bloom, Bob W., Zucco
Elves goals: Ben Chadwick
Chadwick scores but the Skyfighters still spoil Showtime’s Elves debut.
Dark Rainbows 1 Poutine Machine 0
Rainbows Goals: Mike Dudelovitch, Ariel Kipnis shutout.
Kipnis posts his second gooseegg of the day to keep the French Fries winless.
Mathematics 3 Denim Demons 1
Mathematics goals: Andy Pratt (2), Brad Schmidt
Demons goals: Zack Tinkelman
The Andy Pratt farewell tour continues to roll as Math upset the Demons.
Tompkins Square Riots 0 Gut Rot 3
Gut Rot goals: Diane Johnston, Jamie Crosby, Tommy Cho, Bill Tucker-shutout
The new, improved GutRot continues to impress as they keep the Riots pointless.
Filthy Gorgeous 4 W What the Puck 5 (OT)
What the Puck Goals: ??? Mike Woodsworth OT winner
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin Malik(3), Achille
Suvin joins the hat trick club but WTP storm back to win in over time.
Fresh Kills 3 Cobra Kai 0
Kills goals: Scott Lee, Alice Bertoni, Annika Sweetland (sub). patrick Barch-shutout
Kills remain undefeated as they spoil Gregg Allman’s return to the dojo.
Week 9 – Game Previews – Part 2
June 13th, 2013
Gremlins at Rehabs
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Eli “I Just Wanted to Show That I Know How to Spell Batuwantudawe” Kazin
We know, we know, most of you couldn’t name a single Gremlin even if we gave you their 2013 roster as a cheat sheet. But the Gremlin who far and away deserves the #iamgregorycampbell hashtag is their goalie, Jamie Batuwantudawe. Let’s look at the supporting evidence, shall we? The Gremlins have a solid 4-3 record through seven games and are in the mix for the Larsen Division title. However, here are their goals scored for each game so far: 1,0,2,0,2,3,1. Notice a trend? Jamie has had to be perfect, or near perfect, to snag a victory for his team. In each of the four wins (including week 6 against the Rehabs), Jamie has allowed either one goal or pitched a shutout, while in each of the three losses, he has allowed two or more goals. Going into each game with this kind of pressure can’t be good for a goalie…just ask Henrik Lundqvist.
Gouging Anklebiters at Mega Touch
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
We’re tempted to give the Campbell honors to anyone who was on a team with Eric DiPieri. And normally Amy Barrett-Donohues arm wrestling prowess would give her at least a whiff at the hashtag. But recent events have shown that there’s only one clear choice. Jeremy Robert Kevin “Schuie” Schumacher underwent hip resurfacing surgery a couple of weeks back. Confined to his house with a six inch scar and a bottle of Vicodin, Schuie played through pain and hobbled on crutches to a must attend event. That event? An Anklebiters brunch. The kicker? Because of his medication Schuie couldn’t drink (possibly the only time in Anklebiters history that a team member has refrained from alcohol consumption at a club function). #iamgregorycampbell, indeed.
Julie Katz once went on an eight hour car ride with only a pack of twizzlers. #iamgregorycampbell
(Editor’s note: We all know Harvey Jaswal is the real #iamgregorycampbell on Megatouch but his story is too close to Schuie’s to keep your attention).
The Biters are rolling this season but the Super Feelers love to play spoiler. With Craig LaCombe still exploring some of Tokyo’s finest Geisha establishments, this could be a chance for Bratta, Devlin and co. to spoil JOe P’s day. Megatouch 3-Biters 2.
Poutine Machine at Dark Rainbows
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Monica “Machievelli” Russo
I don’t entirely understand this week’s theme. But here’s what I do know: I really want Poutine to win this game.
(Editor’s Note: You see what she did there? She gave herself the hashtag! Stop hanging around Glanzer, Monica!)
Gut Rot at Tompkins Square Riots
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
So I’m out with Tommy Cho’s roommate. And he’s very drunk. So I throw him in a cab and take him home. Roommate can’t find his keys. So I call Tommy to come down stairs and let him in. Why is this a #iamgregorycampbell moment? Because Tommy has a broken leg. Not willing to let his roommate sleep in the doorframe, like he deserves, Tommy gamely makes his way down the stairs. As he opens the door for us, roommate finds his keys. True story and #doubleiamgregorycampbell.
I haven’t seen him do it in BTSH yet but Scott Townsend has been known to stop pucks with his head. #iamgregorycampbell
With the exception of Poutine Machine, there’s no team in the league that wants a win more than TSR. And in the old days, Gut Rot would be a likely candidate to yield a result. But not any more. The new, improved Gut Rot can play with any team in the league and if TSR want the win they’re going to have to earn it. We see this one ending up in a 3-3 tie.
What the Puck at Filthy Gorgeous
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
Lightning Round.
Corey Winters was a Winnipeg Jets fan even while there was no team in Winnipeg. #iamgregorycampbell
Hannah Stark is a teacher. #iamgregorycampbell
Larry Zimmer is a Mets fan. #iamgregorycampbell
Michel Doucet is getting married to Derek Tagliarino. #iamgregorycampbell
It’s a little more of a detailed story for Filthy. Ever walk by a construction site? Ever see the size of those boards they use to fence in a construction site? Ever have one of those boards get broken off by 50 mph winds and hit you dead on? Ever play street hockey six months after being hit by said board? James Perriera has. #iamgregorycampbell.
Look for a super tight game here. WTP probably has the talent edge but Dan Owens has only a couple of games left in BTSH before he fills New Jersey’s vacant Senate seat (at least I think that’s why he’s moving to DC). Look for Danno to stone Skuse and co. and for Filthy to win 4-2.
Standings are Fixed!!
June 12th, 2013
A huge thank you to Fresh Kills Captain and ubermensch Dave Sokol who stepped in and fixed the bug in our standings page. If Abby hadn’t already written your preview, we would have given you the #iamgregorycampbell award, Dave.
Week 9 – Game Previews – Part 1
June 12th, 2013Most of you have probably already seen this footage of Gregory Campbell killing off a penalty while skating on a broken leg:
So the ORG’s crack reporting team got to talking and wondering who on BTSH might deserve that hallowed hashtag. Our initial thought was to give it to anyone who’s ever written for the ORG, been league commissioner or shared a long car ride with Suz. But then author provocateur Ben “the American Zdeno Chara” Chadwick threw down the gauntlet and told us all to get a bit more creative.
And no one picked it up with more gusto than our own Abby Meisterman. Herewith, for your reading pleasure, BTSH’s first ever “tweetalogue”:
Cobra Kai at Fresh Kills
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Abby “Pushing the Boundaries” Meisterman
Scott Lee @hairlesscat
@SokolOne What time is the game this week? And v. who?
Dave Sokol @SokolOne
@hairlesscat We have the late game, 5:30, vs. CobraKai.
Kevin F@ThatsNoMoon
@hairlesscat @SokolOne CobraKai? I give those guys major credit. Goalie’s an angry dude.
Jerry Chavez @GoHawks
@ThatsNoMoon @SokolOne It’s true; we are long suffering. #iamgregorycampbell
Pete Lang @SIbikedude
@GoHawks @ThatsNoMoon Hey now! I’m right here. You guys should feel bad, you’ve a sucky “Bond” on your team.
Kevin F @ThatsNoMoon
@SIbikedude You’re thinking of Roger Moore; our guy is Patrick Moore, @btsh008
Pete Lang @SIbikedude
@ThatsNoMoon Wait? Then who’s your goalie?
Kevin F @ThatsNoMoon
@SIbikedude That’s Patrick Barch, @BarchBeer. How long have you been in this league!?
Jerry Chavez @GoHawks
@ThatsNoMoon See what I mean? #iamgregorycampbell
Claire Friedman @NJDevilsgurl
@PearDream We’re on a team with these guys?
Becky Pear @PearDream
@NJDevilsgurl ‘Fraid so. It boggles the mind. #iamgregorycampbell
Mike Sokol @SokolTwo
@PearDream @ NJDevilsgurl You know nothing, Jon Snow. Trying having your brother as captain. #iamgregorycampbell
Alice Bertoni @ItsAleechayDammit
@SokolOne So, wait… What time’s the game?
Corlears Hookers at Butchers
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
Even after all these years, Dustin refuses to block Peter Putka’s email account. #iamgregorycampbell
Ben Bloom puts up with Arthur Revechkis’ off key rendition of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” every time Ben scores a goal #iamgregorycampbell
The Hookers aren’t looking quite as unbeatable as they were early in the season and the Butchers are one of those teams that’s always good for an upset pick. However, both teams start to struggle with attendance between Memorial Day and Labor Day weekend. If it’s six Hookers against ten Butchers bet on the Misfits.
La Famiglia at Lbs.
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
One of our earliest memories of the league is Ant Ventolieri taking one for his team. For you newbies, Pork Fried Rice was the first of the BTSH “superteams” (modern equivalent-Corlears Hookers or Fresh Kills), an all-star team constantly supplemented by players from other teams or leagues. Universally despised by the rest of the league, they won the championship in 2005. Ant selflessly steered attention away from his teammates by bum rushing the stage at the end of season party and encouraging the crowd to yell “asshole” for over ten minutes. He’s also a Bruins fan so this will have special meaning for him. Ant = #iamgregorycampbell
There are a lot of different candidates for Lbs. but none have shown the courage of Dustin Shutes. He’s had that same hairstyle since 1982. #iamgregorycampbell
LBS are steamrolling everyone right now and don’t expect that to stop this week. 3-1 for the Preppie Puckhandlers.
Happy Little Elves at Skyfighters
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
No matter who we pick on the Elves, Glanzer is going to disagree with us. So f**k it. We’re giving this one to Sarah Torenten. Sarah suffered through weeks of the standings page being messed up and even though she was dying inside she never complained publicly (unless you count the Elves Facebook page as a public forum). Sarah Torenten=#iamgregorycampbell.
James Stein singlehandedly revived the Molly Jacobs tradition of courtside vomiting. #iamgregorycampbell
We’re going with our traditional pick of Elves in a shootout (since we’re assuming that 85 degree heat will cause Rammstein to throw up in his mouth a little).
Denim Demons at Mathematics
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Rich “My Posts Gets More Obscure Every Week” Glanzer
Before we get to the theme lets get to the hockey. Both the Demons and Math are coming off incredibly uninspiring efforts, though Math was able to pull out a win vs. Scott Lee and his Riots. Meanwhile, the Demons got thumped by the Lbs. I still don’t know how y’all let these guys who make Kevin Foster look as young as Sean McClain win the championship last season. I mean I know Karstan is deadly with his cane but still. (Ken Poulin, I joke, I know you guys are good. I got your emails, texts and Myspace messages telling me that you’re good. Here is Ken’s Myspace page. )
