btsh.org

Female Scoring Leaders

Rank	Player	Team		Total Goals	Games Attended	Goals Per Game
1	Brita Loeb		Cobra Kai	5	4	1.25
1	Sarah Moore		Gouging Anklebiters	5	5	1.00
1	Emma Griese		Sky Fighters	5	3	1.67
1	Ellie Mahoney		Sky Fighters	5	7	0.71
5	Liz Caporale		Corlears Hookers	4	6	0.67
5	Emma Seitz		Renaissance	4	2	2.00
7	Carly Bullock		Vertz	3	6	0.50
8	Cherie Stewart		Lbs Inc.	2	7	0.29
8	Annie Artz		Gouging Anklebiters	2	7	0.29
8	Chandler Solimine		Corlears Hookers	2	2	1.00
8	W Lehan		Butchers	2	4	0.50
8	Julie Katz		Mega Touch	2	7	0.29
8	Rebekah French		What the Puck	2	2	1.00
8	Sara Klein		Denim Demons	2	5	0.40
8	Karina Sirabian		Poutine Machine	2	3	0.67
8	Rose Alleva		Lbs Inc.	2	5	0.40
8	Alexandra Horton		Gouging Anklebiters	2	1	2.00

Male Scoring Leaders

Rank	Player	Team		Total Goals	Games Attended	Goals Per Game
1	James Pereira		Filthier	8	7	1.14
2	Ryan Levine		Renaissance	7	3	2.33
2	Alexander Vukasin		Instant Karma	7	3	2.33
2	Lucas Scocchia		Butchers	7	6	1.17
5	Yehuda Weinbach		Renaissance	6	6	1.00
5	Steve Rys		Sky Fighters	6	6	1.00
5	Frankie Delaura		Lbs Inc.	6	4	1.50
8	Tom Fitzgerald		Lbs Inc.	5	2	2.50
8	Austin Lyons		Poutine Machine	5	6	0.83
8	David Collins		Gremlins	5	6	0.83
8	Tom Mcguire		Cobra Kai	5	5	1.00

Non-binary Scoring Leaders

Rank	Player	Team		Total Goals	Games Attended	Goals Per Game
1	Allison Busch		Gremlins	1	3	0.33

Goalie GAA Leaders

Rank	Player	Team		Games Attended	GAA	Wins	Shutouts
1	Jack Mcginty		Gouging Anklebiters	1	1.00	1	0
1	Sonjia Shelly		Fuzz	2	1.00	1	0
3	Jeff Green		Poutine Machine	4	1.67	2	0
4	Michael Zisser		Lbs Inc.	3	1.76	5	0
5	Sam Gartner		Corlears Hookers	7	2.00	1	0
6	Michael Tuckman		Mega Touch	5	2.08	4	1
7	Corey Blay		Fresh Kills	3	2.42	2	0
8	Timothy Burke		Butchers	7	2.46	4	1
9	Cameron Tillery		Sky Fighters	7	2.67	4	1
10	Jacob Green		Corlears Hookers	5	2.80	4	0

What the Puck		2-4		Denim Demons	Final
What the Puck: Rebekah French (2), Schuyler “Sky” Bento (1) Denim Demons: Not Registered x 3, Alex Rasla (3) Goalie Win: Chris Caron (via Free Agent)
Instant Karma		1-6		Cobra Kai	Final
Instant Karma: Alexander Vukasin (7) Cobra Kai: Brita Loeb (5), Michael Teytelbaum (1), Liam Martens (3), Frederick William Green (3), Peter Gallina (1), Paul Brown (1) Goalie Win: Campbell Weaver (2)
Filthier		3-2		Fresh Kills	Final
Filthier: James Pereira (8), Benjamin Sisemore (3), Michael Pelletier (3) Fresh Kills: Caleb Wells (4), Billy Stahley (3) Goalie Win: James Stein (2)
Fuzz		2-5		Corlears Hookers	Final
Fuzz: Samuel Harry Gelman (2), Not Registered Corlears Hookers: Harris Pittinsky (2), Dylan Porcello (4), Brian Schlagel x 2 (2), Sam Gartner (1) Goalie Win: Jacob Green (4)
Gouging Anklebiters		8-0		Moby Dekes	Final
Gouging Anklebiters: Alexandra Horton x 2 (2), Jared Pollet x 2 (4), Jeffrey O’Connell x 2 (4), Jack Mcginty (1), Lucas Milbank (4) Moby Dekes: Goalie Win: Cameron Tillery (via Sky Fighters)
Mega Touch		2-3		Lbs Inc.	Final(OT)
Mega Touch: Not Registered x 2 Lbs Inc.: Cherie Stewart (2), Frankie Delaura (6), Not Registered Goalie Win: Michael Zisser (5)
Sky Fighters		3-3		Renaissance	Final(TIE)
Sky Fighters: Ellie Mahoney (5), Steve Rys x 2 (6) Renaissance: Mike Cardello (1), Yehuda Weinbach (6), Not Provided
Riots		1-2		Dark Rainbows	Final
Riots: Caroline Webster (1) Dark Rainbows: Joel Caldwell x 2 (2) Goalie Win: Not Registered
Butchers		4-1		Gremlins	Final
Butchers: Lucas Scocchia x 2 (7), Not Registered, Braden Caldwell (1) Gremlins: Ryan Mills (1) Goalie Win: Timothy Burke (4)
Poutine Machine		1-2		Vertz	Final(SO)
Poutine Machine: Michael Marron (2) Vertz: Aryeh Minsky (1) Shootout: Winner by Neil Zuckerman Goalie Win: Timothy Kayiatos (3)

Make sure you’ve registered with the league to ensure your goal counts!

The 8 things EVERYONE is talking in BTSH is talking about after week 1:

1.      Since Ole Rusty, who everyone is saying was the most successful, best looking, and Loved Commissioner in league history has stepped down, Shootings in Tompkins square park have gone up 200% and Earthquakes are up 100%. Some are asking if Abysmal Amanda and Corrupt Courtney can take care of the people?

2.      Did Probert trick his “friends” into joining the Biters just to leave them high and dry every Sunday? What the over under on games made for Mr. Bachelor party?  It’s got to be low.

3.      There was lots of talk about if The Revolution is the worst team name in league history? Wait… it’s not The Revolution? They are calling themselves the “The Renaissance?!?!? Okay debate over yes, it is the worst possible team name ever. The only real question is does this reflect on Abysmal Amanda and Corrupt Courtney’s leadership? Probably is the feeling I get… However, Tarnow should be shamed and blamed as well…

4.      Did Abysmal Amanda and Corrupt Courtney screw up by having the premier goalie matchup of the season in game 1? Sonjia vs. Campbell was great. It’s a shame leadership didn’t have the forethought to feature and promote this match up…

5.      Did Gabe wear too much Green on Sunday?  What did he think it was St. Patrick’s day? People were calling him the French leprechaun. Honestly, the Fashion choices took away from a good start to MEGA’s season. You have to wonder if Abysmal Amanda and Corrupt Courtney dressed the guy SMH…

6.      Walker would never tell you this, but he was plus two with zero minuses.

7.      Jack from Jack Global looked very foolish on Sunday when seemed to have little understanding of the flavor offerings of Kettle Brand Chips. Maybe not a big deal but certainly not a good look for a guy who will tell you what to order at every bodega in the city

8.      Abysmal Amanda and Corrupt Courtney were Abysmal and Corrupt. 

Bonus content alert!! Ahead of the semi-finals and finals previews, here’s a little something to wet your whistle (lil’ ref pun for ya).

Please note this is a very unserious award ceremony that almost didn’t happen but thanks to Amanda, Russ, and the rest of the retired BTSH media: Cat, Mia, Jerome, Walker, Rich, Russo, Jess – we brought it back. We try to ensure representation across all teams despite most awards being captain-nominated. Anybody complaining like a whiny little baby about lack of nominees or “this person played 4 games last year and isn’t a rookie” will just be laughed at. Both publicly and privately.

Rookie of the Year – Women

Cara, Mega Touch

Eva, Filthier

Maddy, Butchers

Ellie, Sky Fighters 

Rookie of the Year – Men

Cole, Gremlins

Jacob B, Agents

Ryan, Poutine

Sam, Fuzz

Best Captain

Julie, Mega Touch

Leif, Agents

Probie, Biters

Sarah & Hicks, Vertz

Craig La Combe Award for Outstanding Feats in Goaltending

Corey, Fresh Kills

Chris, Demons

Jamie, Gremlins

Mike S, Rainbows

Most Underrated – Women

Kate, Butchers

Jessie, Fuzz

Sarah Moore, Biters

Shannon, Vertz

Most Underrated – Men

John C, WTP

Jon M, Bad Seeds

Rhys, Sky Fighters

Vanck, Riots

Best Defense – Women

Charlotte, Cobra Kai

Hillary, Lbs

Nicki, Filthier

Sarah H, WTP

Best Defense – Men

Joel, Rainbows

Olivier, Cobra Kai

Sean, Filthier

Simon, Vertz

Glanzer (I’m really hoping Jess doesn’t notice I slipped myself in here) **Editor’s Note: lol

Best Duo

Lee and the Parks Department

Pete and Tommy, Bad Seeds

Mike and Tom, Cobra Kai

Courtney and Amanda, Mega Touch/Fuzz

Tracy L Miller Award for Niceness

Jacob G, Hookers

Jared, Biters

Robyn, Demons

Sophie, Rainbows

Least Improved

Hughes, Fuzz

Sam, Lbs

Tash, Mega Touch

Tom G, Cobra Kai

Sarah L, Karma

Jack D Mcginty Sluttiest Award 

Annie, Fuzz

Cam, Sky Fighters

Hogg, Fresh Kills 

KG, Sky Fighters 

Ref of the Year 

Allison, Gremlins

Casca, WTP

Courtney, Mega Touch

Isaac, Karma 

And LASTLY we have a couple of awards (shout out to Russ for the new categories) where the winners will be announced at the court…so make sure you swing by!

Time Hogg Award – In recognition of player(s) who make an effort socially or volunteer wise in the league. 

Most Corrupt Corporation 

Corporate CEO of the year

Most likely to rizz* your mom

*rizz= charisma in gen z lingo (e.g. flirt with)

And finally, a Mystery Award 

Before we get into it, as someone who watched almost all the games last week this needs to be said: please don’t be an asshole. Nobody is a professional ref and you look like a whiny little baby at best and a huge douchelord at worst when you yell at someone who is a player just like you, who is trying their best to do right by both teams. If you want professional grade refs for our low stakes adult beer league playoffs, ask your captains to discuss this for next season and get ready to pony up some funds. Okay cool. *gets off soapbox*. 

1 Vertz v 12 Ankle Biters

Jess: For those of you who missed last week’s games, the Vertz narrowly beat the Gremlins in a shootout. My theory is the matchup was just two totally different styles of play (new school vs old school) with some insane goaltending from Jamie to force the OT and then a shootout. I think the Biters have a more new-school-leaning style of play that will make this matchup look a bit different; the game will be close but I don’t see the Vertz losing. 

Russo: Shoutout Gremlins for a really solid game last Sunday. Was definitely a wake up call that it’s playoff time and it’s win or go home. I told Probie Vertz/Anklebiters starts at 6pm on Sunday, let’s see if he buys it. 

Glnzr: While I think the Vertz are the best team in the league this season, I think this isn’t a terrible matchup for the Biters. Fuzz and FK can overwhelm the Biters, but I don’t think the Vertz will. I think this will be a slow drip type of game where the Vertz don’t dominate, but slowly but steadily have the better play. I have the Vertz winning 3-1, and on to the semis.

2 Mega v 11 Filthier

Jess: Need to credit Filthier where it’s due; they were largely counted out this season and yet without James, Ann, and Tim K in net – and losing a couple new players earlier to cobra kai – they were able to make it to round of 8. That being said, I don’t see Mega losing this game. Credit to Julie – who gets nominated for captain of the year every year and never wins (we should fire the media) – she’s done a great job. Hopefully she can work with Nate on his goal celebrations and make them less cringe. 

Russo: I’m rooting for Nate not to score in this game just because of the pushup celly. Other than that, I think we saw how comfortable Mega are playing in a tie and/or one-goal game versus Karma. But after knocking off a very tough Sky Fighters team in the Round of 16, Filthier look to keep it rolling and make it to the Semis. But I’m predicting another 2-1 win for Mega. 

Glnzr: Filthier is a good team. They battle battle battle and have some hidden players that the league is starting to find out about. Mike was the star for Mega as he shut down AK and Derek to lead them to victory last week. I see this as a nailbiter with Filthier getting into the semis with a 2-1 win. 

3 Fresh Kills v 10 Fuzz

Jess: mom come pick me up I’m scared. I thought Poutine v Fuzz was electric so I expect a lot of goals from both sides in this one. Hughes came up huge for Fuzz especially with that last second rocket from half court to win the game – the guy doesn’t miss. I want to see the Hughes v George matchup. I’m not really even gonna mention Gabe and Ariel here because they are OLD NEWS; it’s time for the era of George and Braun in the media. I think the girls on each team here are evenly matched, maybe with a slight edge to FK since they have Meg’s entire Colby roster. Fresh Kills hasn’t really been tested much this year when they have a full strength roster so this will be an interesting one. I predict the bad guys win – but who exactly are the bad guys here? I’ll never tell. 

Russo: I think Fuzz as the 10 seed is a prime example of how important attendance is during the regular season. Fresh Kills’ offensive punch has been well documented, but Fuzz are right there with them as far as speed and skill go. Jess might be afraid of Glnzr’s wrath picking a winner here, but I fear no Glnzr. Fresh Kills over Fuzz, 4-3 OT. Will definitely be getting to the courts early to watch this one.

Glnzr: If Lois was still around you’d fear her. You’re lucky she didn’t read this in heaven or you would have missed your shootout attempt in D5! But I digress. I’ll just say this…besides the Elves/FK playoff matchups in 2010/2011, the two franchises have largely stayed away from each other. Both franchises have won the last 5 combined championships and neither had to play each other. For our shit regular season we deserve this matchup. I hope we win. Also, I hope Jess is right bc to her, we are the bad guys as she would root for Jeffrey Dahmer over Fuzz. 

4 Lbs v 9 Cobra Kai

Jess: Cobra Kai came out a little flat against us (the Rainbows) last week which was surprising but if they’re in regular fighting form I think this will be a tough one for the Lbs. Also don’t put Yetter on defense again, what a waste!! Once again this matchup has equality in terms of the women on the roster, the goalies, and some of the top dudes. A matchup to look out for: corey/chad vs the toms. Everyone (read: Frey) claims I always root against the Lbs but I think even with the loss of their captain/best player they will have enough player power to win. 

Russo: As a proud member of Jack Global, we’ve had enough of Big Russ Conglomerate. They spend their funds irresponsibly on Subway sandwiches and the propaganda has reached an all time high. 

Per the office of Jack Desmond McGinty, VP of Jack Global, “Jack Global will be conducting interviews for anyone interested in joining our audit team. Jack Global will be conducting a full audit of Big Russ Conglomerate.”

But back to hockey, I’m excited to see Scotty, Russ, and Yetter not be friends for an hour (well, Russ and Yetter are still friends since they’re on the same team, but you get my point). If Liam and Frey’s injuries cancel each other out, I’d give the offensive edge to Lbs., the defensive edge to CK, and the goalie edge slightly to CK. Shockingly, I’m predicting another close one with CK squeaking out a late-game winner to the tune of 3-2. 
Glnzr: CK has been in the semis the last 4 years. The issue I have with CK is they just don’t have the offense the Lbs. do. The Lbs. can lose Frey and Avery and still have Roberts (if he’s not watching the Commanders), Scotty and 7-male bots. I’m going to go 2-1 Lbs., in a game where they will outshoot CK 30-17.