btsh.org

After a brief rain delay the last 4 games will be completed at a later date…scores for those will be updated when those games are completed…without further adieu on to the pre OC post OC box scores…

Filthier 3 @ Butchers 0

Filthier – Annimal (2), Jean (1), Thomas W (4)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim “I’ll make my presence felt with fb comments” K (10-3, GAA 1.29, 3 Shutouts)

Goalie Loss – Peter B via FA

Gut Rot 1 @ Dank Bows 2

Rut Rot – OG Scotty K (1)

Goalie Loss – Sam S (0-7)

Rainbows – Daniele “Boy name” C x2 (3)

Game Notes: Can the totem italian of the league (do we have one?!) consult with Jess and Cat and whoever else from Rainbows write the 3 stars and let them know Daniele is not Danielle and is a boy’s name? Actually, this site just leads from Daniele to Daniel, which is of Hebrew origin…okay pretty much anyone from the NJ/NY ball hockey circles should be able to consult on this now.

Evil Shortis Farm System Dojo 1 @ Gouging Seamen 2 F/SO

Cobra Kai – Alan H (3)

Goalie LOLSOL – Ryan M (0-6, GAA 2.26)

Anklebiters – Bob Probert (12)

Goalie Shootout Win – Craig LaC (11-1, GAA 1.14)

Shootout Winner – Shannon

Game Notes: Cobra Kai are out here thinking that referees hate them and like disallowing goals, but that’s totally not true, both referees called an equivalent amount of goals back in this game…1 by each ref for CK….

About to be Drunk Machine 4 @ Twin Deking Demons 2

Machine – Mike Pags (6), Christian H (4), Jon C not #69 x2 (4)

Goalie Win – RJ F (6-4, GAA 1.08)

Demons – Zach “Fine” x2 (5)

Goalie Loss – Zach L (6-5, GAA 2.11)

Mega Touch 3 @ Basic Beach Riotters 1

Mega – Inspector Jones x2 (4), Eric D (3)

Goalie Win – Mike T (5-4, GAA 2.17)

Riots – Margot S (3)

Goalie Loss – Peter B via FA

Fuzz 2 @ Pound Sterlings 4

Fuzz!!! – Teets McGee (9), GilF (7)

Goalie Loss – Tim Bwn (7-6, GAA 2.27)

Pounds – Big Mac (2), ScottyK x2 (5), The Chubby German Flower via FA,

Goalie Win – Sizzler (9-1, GAA 1.70)

Editor’s Note: After seeing Fuzz’s divisional records in their lone 2 season in the top flight of BTSH, now I understand why Rich thinks a 1-1 record against a team is worthy of a (participation) trophy….or a make-believe (fairy tale) cup.

Gremlins @ Karma PPD

Goalie of Record – Jamie

IK – Derek Zed

Goalie of Record – Steve F

What the Puck @ Sky Fighters PPD

DaPucks – Paully P, Justin the Divisional Name Sake, McCauley, Ball Hogg

Goalie of Record – Goalie Ed

Sky – Dana

Goalie of Record – OG James

Fresh Kills @ Habitants PPD

Game not started

Hookers @ Math PPD

Game not started

By Dave GDR

So this was my fifth trip down to HockeyBeach (many thanks to the Thin Mints for taking me in and making me one of their own). As always, a special time with some of the best people on earth. That said, I continue to be delighted, shocked and entertained by the anecdotes and scenarios I either see or hear about. Never a dull moment folks.

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By Jess

Isaac sent the email asking who would want to write 3 stars at 2pm on Sunday and I’m not sure if I was too hungover to understand what I signed myself up for but anyways here we go:

Third Star

The veterans (Walsh, Chadwick, Heather, Sarah M, Coco etc.) who, year after year continue to rage, set the tone, and make it fun for everyone.

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Inflatable T-Rextions

By Wes

Inflatables and hockey — why not? While a normal hockey team might focus on discipline and (gasp) inflatable-free mobility, the Inflatable T-Rextions will charm you with their complete disregard for both, instead embracing the questionable decision that led a group of 30- and 40-something-year-olds to don blow-up children’s toys and abandon any sense of responsibility.  And while we’re at it: sobriety, hygiene, and public decency, too.

Embracing their prehistoric namesake, this group of slack-jawed troglodytes will likely revel their descent into loud banter, witty rejoinders and clever heckling. You should watch out. Gone are the days where a team will win “on the scoreboard”; we’ve already won. We’re in your head.

So, come game-time you’ll be reduced to a whimpering mess as you endure our continual verbal onslaught while simultaneously facing the challenge of side-stepping un-coordinated drunken masses of human flesh and pools of vomit. There is no path to victory here, friend.

As noted by veteran burn-out, Lee, these air-filled dinosaur phaluses don’t care for scoring (goals…we’re plenty good at the other scoring) or dicks (both people who showcase the personality trait and, for most ladies on the team, the appendage), but we do care “for each other”. And isn’t that really what it’s all about?

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written by Cat

Rich has reluctantly added me back on the media payroll, Isaac is gone, Alex and JW are my editors, so you’d think I couldn’t get away with my usual shit (ie. soft stars, soft jokes about the beef beat, rainbows propaganda,) but guess what? I only sing one song, suckers.

THIRD STAR

Shannon from the Anklebiters

I don’t like to compliment anyone on the Biters except for Probert and only when he gets us drink specials but I am a woman who supports women so go Shannon!

Cobra Kai and Gouging Anklebiters went like 6 or 7 rounds in an overtime shootout. Craig ultimately never let anything past him; and Shannon got the game-winning goal.

This is a real two-fer because Rich hates shootout goal stars, and he hates giving stars to girls for scoring.

SECOND STAR

Dan from the Dark Rainbows

Have you heard of Dan yet?

He is Canadian. Dan is short for a woman’s name. His girlfriend brings a dog that will allow us to put a wizard hat on it. Dan is very talented at hockey. And he scored both of our goals on Sunday, wrenching us out of a tough 7 game losing streak. Unconfirmed but these might have been his first career BTSH goals, I am fuzzy on the stats, but that is mindblowing if you have seen him take the ball from end to end as many times as I have. If you poach him, Jess will set fire to your home (allegedly).

FIRST STAR

Rain cleaners

To complete my soft stars, first star goes to the good samaritans who stayed and cleaned the courts in the downpour, rather than fleeing to Doc Holliday’s and ordering beers.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

BTSH media for getting its groove back with pizza previews + flow feature

Filthier for eking out a shutout with just 7 players – Ann played the whole game and scored the game-winning goal, and great playing by Kate (with a bad back no less!) and Jean.