Coming Soon – New Conference and Division Titles
April 20th, 2016The media team has been working around the clock to finalize the renaming of the Conferences and Divisions for this season, but with so many amazing players to choose from we are going to need some help. More details will be available soon …
Our scientific selection method hard at work.
We can’t end this post without addressing the gaffe from Monday:
That evening at the media clubhouse, a brawl ensued over the last slice of pizza while reviewing footage from the Fresh Kills vs Dark Rainbows match. Already enraged by the terrible way the refs were handling the game, we instantly turned on each other and declared that the slice was mine, mine, MINE. It was pandemonium. Rachel had Rich in sleeper hold, Rich had me a figure-four-leg-lock, I was viciously chomping down on Dana’s digits, Dana had one foot on the side of my face and the other in Diana’s back while Diana was attempting to execute a DDT on Rachel. There was no end in sight.
Yeah, this about sums it up.
All the while Sam, Mira, Ben and Julie were laughing at us from the newly installed bar just as Perko walked through the door. ‘What the fuzz is going on here? This isn’t what I signed up for.’ And walked back out.
Meanwhile during this calamity, the website’s A.I. (that a talented league programmer created) had been monitoring our sad display of resolution via webcam and calculated that no decision would be satisfactory. Searching the vast inter-webs at high computing speeds for suitable titles it found a possible answer that would please its creator and an erroneous change was made.
The mini royal rumble that was still going on was suddenly interrupted by a distress signal from $h0wT!m3 through the league Facebook page. Once we were made awares by the dreadful choice the A.I. had made, Rachel quickly acted by snatching the last slice from Ben’s grubby mitts and feeding it into the server. Thus resulting in the program resetting itself to 9 hours earlier. (How? I don’t know. Don’t ask me specifics. The side of my face still hurts.)
Temporary crisis averted. Phew!
The point we are trying to make is that computers are not smarter than humans. Man has been resolving their differences through logic and open dialogue for centuries.
Stay tuned for more info!
Three Stars
April 19th, 2016Week 3 is in the books and if this was the NFL, it would be a very pivotal week as the undefeated teams would be almost a lock to make the playoffs, and the winless team would have an almost impossible road ahead. But since all you have to do in BTSH, is pay your league fees to make the postseason, Week 3 isn’t really all that important. With that motivational speech behind us, lets get to the 3 Stars!
Both the Flyers and Gut Rot are 0-3. At least the Flyers have classy fans. If Gut Rot goes to 0-4, there maybe riots on the courts of Tompkins.
Week 3 is over and here are the box scores!
April 18th, 2016
| Mathematics |  |
5-2 |  |
Corlears Hookers | Final |
| Mathematics: Adam Langer x 3 (4), Joey Batista x 2 (2) Corlears Hookers: Sarah Newnam (1), Brian Cronauer (4) Goalie Win: Kevin Au (via Free Agent) |
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| Instant Karma |  |
2-1 |  |
Butchers | Final |
| Instant Karma: Isaac Stewart (2), Pete Wilson (3) Butchers: James Kinney (1) Goalie Win: Michael Maloney (2) |
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| Denim Demons |  |
1-3 |  |
LBS Inc. | Final |
| Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (1) LBS Inc.: Jake Chaplin (2), Unknown, Tommy Capotosta (1) Goalie Win: Tim Brown (1) |
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| Poutine Machine |  |
1-2 |  |
Sky Fighters | Final |
| Poutine Machine: Jerome Ramos (1) Sky Fighters: Vladimir Moshinsky (1), Michael Teytelbaum (3) Goalie Win: Kevin Au (via Free Agent) |
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| Filthier |  |
6-2 |  |
Mega Touch | Final |
| Filthier: Sunny Mehra x 3 (4), Denis Miciletto x 3 (6) Mega Touch: Julie Katz (1), Adriano Bratta (3) Goalie Win: Tim Kayiatos (2) |
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| Fresh Kills |  |
5-0 |  |
Dark Rainbows | Final |
| Fresh Kills: Sarah Hobart (2), Ariel Imas (1), Andrew Starr (2), Gabe Chenard-Poirier x 2 (2) Dark Rainbows: Goalie Win: Patrick Barch (2) |
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| Fuzz |  |
4-2 |  |
Cobra Kai | Final |
| Fuzz: Jeff Laniado (1), Miles Hilder (2), Alyssa Murrett (2), Brian Hicks (1) Cobra Kai: Doug Bova x 2 (2) Goalie Win: Aaron Pagdon (2) |
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| Tompkins Square Riots |  |
2-1 |  |
Gut Rot | Final |
| Tompkins Square Riots: Sebastien Malo (1), Jen Ascencio (1) Gut Rot: Michael Gilligan (1) Goalie Win: Dave Gil De Rubio (2) |
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| Rehabs |  |
1-2 |  |
Gouging Anklebiters | Final |
| Rehabs: Bryan Welch (1) Gouging Anklebiters: Mike Hansen (1), Matthew Workman (2) Goalie Win: Craig Lacombe (2) |
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| Gremlins |  |
2-4 |  |
What The Puck | Final |
| Gremlins: Rod Sherwood (1), Cody Capps (2) What The Puck: Ryan Mclelland (1), Eric Higger x 2 (3), Justin Michaliga (1) Goalie Win: Jordan Gerow (1) |
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Week 3 Previews
April 15th, 2016Rachel? Are you ready yet???
These would have been up sooner, but we were waiting for a woman to get ready.
Math at Corlears Hookers
Talent abound on both sides, but this really might just come down to the ladies. Arguably the two teams with the strongest core of women in the league. But is it a little unfair that Math has two professional hockey players on that team? Edge goes to Math, but with an asterisk. Also, Sam’s headband. Dave, take note: Eitel shoots high glove side (you owe Arthur a beer for that).
Prediction: Math by 1, If Joey can lay off Tinder for the entire game.
Instant Karma vs Butchers
Two of these four will be making this face on Sunday. Take 5 or not.
Both of these teams are off to a solid start this season. While Karma has been playing a more defensive minded style and protecting leads, the Butchers have been an offensive juggernaut. Pete D and Drake H are leading the league in scoring in the respective genders and could be more than Karma can handle. One of them will be walking away with their first loss of the season.
<stop trying to butter us up, Isaac>
Prediction: Turnovers will be Karma’s undoing with the Butchers taking this match by 2.
LBs
Does Ali need to take a smiling lesson from Roman’s brother?
BTSH! Do you know how great the Lbs are? No? Well good news! I am going to tell you. Let’s start between the pipes, who doesn’t love our ex-commish Timmy? He listened to us all whine to him for three years in that thankless role. Also, the actual NY Rangers call him pony boy. Moving on to the ladies, They are anchored by the blond bombshell Sasha duo. These ladies have been kicked BTSH ass for as long as I remember. As the unflappable captain, Ali’s shit talking abilities might even rival her hockey skills. If they weren’t good enough, they added rookie Liz Boylan who also looks lovely in white. Let’s not forget Ken and Karsten, these guys are honestly too good at hockey to complain about anything, but that doesn’t stop ‘em. Nor does a 7 goal lead stop Scott from celebrating a goal. But he’s getting better about that, since he keeps scoring goals. Also Nick’s hair. I think the demons might put out 3 guys, 2 girls and a goalie.
Prediction: Lbs by 3, with hearts, sunshine and puppies.
Poutine Machine at Sky Fighters
It doesn’t seem like Sky Fighters learned how to smile yet. Will this be the week? Even if they do, few things are more fun than watching Jerome’s face after he scores. The more important battle of the week is between Olivier and Jo-Ann: who can curse and rant better in Quebecois?
Prediction: Sky Fighters by 2. Greg’s use of emojis remains unparalleled
Filthier at Mega
Happy birthday, Brady! Somebody buy this kid a sundae.
Watch out Dennis, Alex Eben Meyer is right behind you on the leaderboard. I hear the dynamic duo will be in Miami celebrating Suvins __th Birthday. You know what that means? Ann can’t score any goals. Of note: Brady will also be celebrating his birthday, 14 years Suvin’s junior.
Prediction: Filthy by too many. Sucks that Brady is going to get beat with or without the old man.
Fresh Kills vs Dark Rainbows
Congrats Kills. Last week you beat up a dude who never played in net before. Be reaaaaalll proud of that. Ariel recently told me he no longer has speed, but as we know that kid has skill for days. Interesting, since Aaron has the speed for sure. I’m just not sure it’s enough to stop the juggernaut.
Prediction: FK by 3, and Abby takes home another monster bruise.
Fuzz at Cobra Kai
Fuzz might think they scored a lot of talent (in addition to general disdain) but Cobra Kai is still secretly stacked. Not to mention that other-Rachel scored two goals last week…? I don’t think anyone on the Fuzz has two goals. But this might be the week. Jeff loves to prove me wrong. Pete, please remind these kids that it’s sneaker hockey.
Prediction: Fuzz by 1, Glanzer -2.
Riots at Gut Rot
Sad Gilligan. Needs a goal, not a suit.
Gut Rot had a rough go last week, but I think that’s going to end this Sunday. There is too much talent on that team to be held scoreless again. Not that Dave Del Rubio won’t try his damnedest. I’ve got my money on Gilligan getting one. Riots are looking strong this season, nearly pulling off an upset against the demons last week.
Prediction: Riots by 3, but Gut Rot wins our hearts.
Rehabs at Anklebiters
Is Showtime done Showtiming yet? Probs not. With Ryann showing up consistently, this team has all the tools. Is 50’s Rob’s sexism any match for Diana’s cheekbones? Doubt it. Looks like Probie has learned how to hit the net, instead of my face. Ramirez (and anyone in a three-foot radius of the net) watch out for that shot.
Prediction: Biters by 1, if Amy gets talking to Rob.
Gremlins at WTP
WTP is still hungry for their first win, which must be tough for them spending the last 6 months watching the Caps win. They might be hungry, but Jamie is hungry for a milkshake, likes winning, and is a terrifyingly good goalie. Can the Gremlins make it through the game without yelling at the refs? Also, shoutout to WTP for running more than the required two ladies during parts of their game last week. Ophelia would approve.
Prediction: Gremlins by 1, still nobody wants to hear about JW’s +/-.
Franchise Four – Instant Karma / La Famiglia / Tuques / Set It Off
April 14th, 2016True Teammates, a Zen Buddhist Koan
Once upon a time in BTSH there were two teammates, one who played the game skillfully and one who watched skillfully.
When the one played or discussed about a goal, the other would say: ‘I can see the goal before us.’
When the other played for victory, the watcher would exclaim: ‘Here is the victory!’
But the listener fell sick and died. The first friend cut the blade off his stick and never played again. Since that time the cutting of the blade has always been a sign of intimate friendship.
This is what the Franchise is really about.
Pete W.
Pete has been a long time skilled player in the league and is considered to be the glue that has kept the core franchise players together, despite several re-brandings. Did you know we almost didn’t have Pete? At an early age, he was carefully chosen by his family to continue the Wilson tradition of training and shepherding lemmings across Northern Europe. But while cleaning his village’s library as penance for launching crab apples at his peers with a broom, he stumbled across an article in the Forbidden section on Gordie Howe. Pete was transfixed by the delicacy of The Hockey God’s rowdy nature and secretly began his training. And the rest is BTSH history.
Al L.
A former franchise captain, Dr. Liu was an invaluable asset for Karma’s bench boss during its inaugural season, helping create the bohemian culture you see today. Before migrating back east to NYC, he spent time in California studying higher learning and herding cats for an elderly member of Vicari’s family. From this experience he wrote his thesis on understanding the behavior of a misfit. Needing a focus group to use a case study, he decided to join BTSH, but soon realized it was pointless. So he settled to apply it to the Islanders instead and now has his own university in Fort Green, Brooklyn. Win-win.
Lisa, Bil, two honorable mentions and an author’s arm.
Lisa H.
This little heartbreaker strutted into the league and our lives in 2007 at the impressionable age of 18. Taken under the wing of a female league legend, she was shown the ways of BTSH and has kept it real ever since. Lisa is considered the Mountain Dew Code Red of the LES and BTSH. Some of her accomplishments include distracting fatuous male opponents, establishing the Harrington School of Recruiting, and whooping ass. Please join me and the rest of Karma in honoring her with a collective, ‘Hubba-Hubba.’
Bill M.
Bill has been following hockey for quite some time and still has no idea how the game is played. For reasons only known to him, he’s convinced that the charging foul in basketball also applies on the TSP courts. Stubborn beyond belief, he’ll demand a penalty each time he knocks himself down on the asphalt. A small window into wrapping our heads around his mindset is comprehending a tragic incident that occurred in his youth. During his family’s visit to the island of San Lorenzo for the Presidential swearing-in ceremony of his uncle, an unfortunate icy accident transpired that left the people victim to a solid state. Since then, he has been slowly thawing out. Half the time no one has a clue what he’s talking about and after listening to him we are all more confused than when the conversation started. But we love Bill. His jovial attitude, forgiving nature, carefree approach towards life, and paying his league dues on time are just some of the many reasons why he will always remain Karma-4-life.
Honorable mention: Andrea GC., Dave L., Angela V., Mike M., Cory V. and Danielle H.
