btsh.org

9. Gut Rot

“The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed go in the second drawer. And the heroin goes in the bottom drawer. Always separate the drugs.”

Yeah baby, this disorderly collection of rambunctious grown persons turns any party into a PARTY! Not sure what Scott has been mixing in those protein margaritas, but it scared Dan Hopper so bad that he skedaddled over three thousand miles away. (Or was it the threat of the ‘Touch of Death’ from Ashley and Eric in the playoffs???) Anyway, me thinks last season’s success wasn’t an anomaly and Gut Rot owns this division. (And yes, I’m calling Ellery out of retirement for at least a shift to show the league’s new blood what this is all about. Where you at, dude?)

13. Dark Rainbows

So…….. this is how Dark Rainbows are made…….

So much mystery surrounds these mythical creatures. One of the more defensively sound teams of the league; the Rainbows power is derived from candy corn and the blare from Tia’s kazoo. This dreadful bunch of sugar seeking maniacs will need another stout season from Abby, A Freeman, B Lin and their rock star goaltender to keep games close. I like them as a solid runner-up to keep GR looking over their collective shoulders.

15. Poutine Machine

“Saint Ostie. C’est mon nom”

Consigned to the Greene division for their uneven effort and loss of key players, the Machine is in full rebuilding mode. Significant offseason acquisitions of speedster Christina Lee and other young talents should make them a force to be reckoned with. Led by Jo-Jo’s French Canadian work ethic, Sullivan’s home-grown Brooklyn grit and Hornswoggle’s veteran savvy, this team will make you earn it.

20a. Tompkins Square Riots

Who run the world? GIRLS!!!

Jones & Co. are looking to build off of last season’s surprising playoff upset against WTP followed up by a respectable showing against the eventual champions. With the meat and potatoes of their squad returning, it’s possible that the Riots just might be able to raise eyebrows past half-mast. While they do have the potential climb higher than previous seasons I’m predicting that they end up in a familiar spot.

20b. Mega Touch

Let us all channel our inner Mega Touch.

A fun bunch of laid back peeps who have retained the Chill Team Championship Belt for the 3rd or 5th or 14th consecutive year (my BTSH history is a little hazy). A.E.M. and J-Katz set the tone with their getup of zany socks and JORTS!?! With a little more exuberance, and possibly some dickishness (think Derek of Math) this team could compete with anyone. To figure out how their 2016 campaign might go, we decided to consult the reliable Magic 8 Ball and received an answer of ‘Better not tell you.’ The follow up question: So, you’re saying their throne of chill will go unchallenged? ‘Most likely.’