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Welcome to the 2015 BTSH Awards Ceremony. Or actually just awards article. Just for the record, Sam and Zach Norris were the creators of these lists and recipients. I’m just the guy who added Brian Sullivan. (He also has my vote)

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3rd star: The Gouging Anklebiters (every last damn one of them.)

This star isn’t (only) because I accidentally snubbed them by forgetting the star I had planned for them last week when they upset Fresh Kills, but for what they did this past week against Filthier, and for what they have done all season. I was too busy scrimmaging but I heard that the ‘Biters were up 1-0 and 2-1 against an heavily favored Filthier team, we were all rooting for them but unfortunately in the end they fell just short, 3-2. Though they do have one of the best goalies in the league and some strong defensive and offensive players, nearly dethroning Filthier and almost taking this ragtag bunch of delinquents to the finals was quite the feat for team captain Phil Donohue. But far more important than their heroics in the playoffs this season is the fact that this team puts the “F” in “Fuck you John Walker!”. Wait, that’s just Craig.  What I meant to say is that this team puts the “F” in FUN. More of a family than a hockey club, this is one of a the most tight-knit groups you’ll ever come across.  They stick together like the pages of Craig’s collection of 80’s Playboy magazines.  Hilarious hazing rituals let new players know that once you’re a ‘Biter, you’re a ‘Biter for life. While some other players in the league show up just to play their scheduled game and then immediately take off, the ‘Biters are always around. You’ll find them hanging out at the courts, you’ll find them hanging out at Ace, you’ll find them vomiting up Miller High Life and Irish Car Bombs in a gutter somewhere. Congrats on the star ‘Biters, and thank you for being one of the few remaining teams who really embody the spirit of fun in this league. 
While they may not always win on the rink, they always, always, ALWAYS win at the bar. 

2nd star: Liz Boylan – Lbs, Inc.

Liz “Someone’s Gonna Have To Help Me Put On These Pads” Boylan did just that on Sunday. At a certain point in the middle of the scrimmage we were short 1 goalie.  I was of course frantically looking for one like my life depended on it when Liz interrupted my near panic attack to say “JW, if there are pads around, I’ll do it.” I asked her if she was sure and she said yes, and asked me where the pads were.   My eyes lit up like a jack-o-lantern (gratuitous Halloween reference) when it became clear that the scrimmage wasn’t going to fizzle out now that we would shortly have 2 goalies again. Once I announced that another goalie was coming on, so did the eyes of all the other scrimmagers. I just assumed she would play in net for a little while until another goalie showed up, but impressively she stayed and played in net for HOURS. Afterward I asked her if she had ever thought about playing in net before today and she replied “No, I just saw that we needed a goalie so I did it.”  We need more of that in this league. Liz, on behalf of all the scrimmagers on Sunday, for jumping in net when no one else would, you’re our hero. Congrats on a star like no other. 

Also a big shoutout to Matt Newman for picking up the league gear from Ace in the morning, originally I didn’t think we’d need it, but if Newman hadn’t taken care of it, this awesome occurrence couldn’t have happened. 

1st star of the week: Eli Kazin – Mathematics 

Eli came early to unlock/set up AND stayed late to lock down all so that I could scrimmage for 5 hours straight.  But seriously, he did so in order for EVERYONE to be able to come and have a good time, and for things to run smoothly all day.  As if that weren’t enough, he also reffed 2 games back-to-back.  And helped clean up the courts.   And carried a bunch of shit back to Ace bar after the day was over. He did EVERYTHING this week. The semifinals may not have even happened without him. Ok, that last one may have been a bit of a stretch – call it artistic license, bitches.  What isn’t a stretch is that this guy definitely does more for the league than most teams do combined. (Hmm, unless that team is Mathematics, since he’s on Mathematics, so that doesn’t really make sense.  We’ll edit that out later.) 
And what does he ask in return?  Nothing.
Well, except maybe for the Mets to win a championship.  At least I think that sounds right – I really don’t know anything about baseball.  They’re the blue and orange team, yeah? 
A HUGE thank you to Eli for everything he does for the league, and congrats on one of the most hard-earned stars I’ve ever given. 

In 2001…the inaugural season of BTSH a young 17-year-old boy named Hector Melendez played on the Unicorns. They made the finals and lost to the Rehabs. Much like Dan Marino, people predicted Young Hector would see a lot more finals. 

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The 2015 season is nearing its conclusion, and we are about to crown a champion. Whatever team wins, they will forever be remembered as heroes to their collective fan base. For instance, Greg I. never has to buy a beer in the Lower East Side because everyone remembers his 2009 heroics for the Sky Fighters (Emeritus Note: I don’t). But while winning the championship is the ultimate team goal, there is no greater honor than making the BTSH Hall of Fame. Seriously, if you made the BTSH HOF, you are a legend in the best and most unique league in the country. And in all seriousness that’s saying something.

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