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(photo credit: MDF!)

I was originally considering doing this as an Honorable (Dishonorable? ha) Mention, but it was too glorious an occurrence not to be a star. 

Written by guest writer and lovable curmudgeon Rachel Greene:

Let’s set the scene: first NWHL Riveters game in Brooklyn, a crowd of BTSHers commute all the way the down to the bottom depths of Brooklyn to support Dani, Cherie and all the other amazing women we don’t know.

Cheers, Scoops.

Scooooooooops!!!

Scoops scored her first career playoff goal this week, opening the scoring against a potent Lbs. squad.  It would have been the game winner if Lbs. hadn’t scored one late. When asked how she did it she said like 7 things really fast and I barely understood any of them. She was so elated that she could barely speak.  Take a breath, Scooper, take a breath. She is still reeling from the goal, I think I spotted her yesterday describing it in great detail to a random cashier at Trader Joe’s who had to awkwardly ask her to please stop holding up the line. As well she should be excited – the goal played a big part in lifting the Sky Fighters over a higher ranked Lbs. team. Great goal Scoops, and congrats on the star. 

Keep an eye on her on Sunday, we’ll find out if she can put one past this next guy………….

Some of you may be saying “Yo Dubs, why you givin’ $how 1st star, he didn’t get a shutout this week?”. To those people I say: shut the hell up and let me write, I have barely had any time to write these this week and I’m super stressed out and busy and having trouble concentrating and……oh, where were we? I’ll tell you why – because he beat one of the league’s top offensive teams this week, and he did so by keeping a clean sheet through 4 rounds of a playoff shootout. Additionally, he is a huge part of the reason the Rehabs are where they are right now.  Hector didn’t start playing in net regularly until only a couple years ago, and he has improved by leaps and bounds since then.  When he first started, I was all like “Yo Hect, imma light you up, son.” But I didn’t light him up. (ok, that part is not surprising) This year, however, NO ONE did.  His GAA is incredibly low, and while he does have a strong defense in front of him (big ups to my girl Sena), a big part of that low GAA is his own skill and perseverance. Ask any Rehab and they’ll tell you they wouldn’t have made it this far without him. Even more importantly, BTSH wouldn’t be what it is without him. So congratulations to a longtime league staple who is also currently retired on a hard-fought and well-deserved 1st star.

Skyfighters vs. Reeeehaaaabbbs!!!

Well folks, here we are–two teams who have fought the good fight all summer long–and here they go!

Lucky for the site, several members of these teams give likes to my FB posts, so you’ll have a better than normal previews, given Rich standards, of course.

Rehabs:

Rehabs have the fastest breakout from D to “offensive circles” in BTSH, if Tompkins had circles on the court.  Gremlins have the second fastest breakout, in case you were interested.  Their [i.e. the Rehabs –ed.] best move is to breakout as normal and keep the ball away from Hopper, while trying to get a strong shot and rebound on Stein.  

Rehabs’ offense:  Black Rob and a few folks I don’t know have been kicking ass this year.  Thing is, Black Rob isn’t actually black, so that’s their weakness. 

Rehabs’ defense:  I’m not sure–they’re really good.  Sena plays the whole game and that sucks because she is very good–one of the best! [There’s also the big bad bald guy. -ed.]

Rehabs’ Goalie: Hector has been very strong in net this year–his life’s best!  

Skyfighters:

Skyfighters were really weak the beginning of this season–they had no chemistry for quite a bit.  But, now that all cylinders are firing, they’re obviously one of the strongest teams this year.  Who do you mark?!  Olivier, Roman, Roman’s brother, Mike, three people I don’t know, Hopper, Bob W. from shots from the point, two more people I don’t know, Scoops, Webster, Stein’s classic shot from the goal?!

I don’t know–but they are all dangerous!  

Skyfighter offense:  Please read above. [That’s really lazy writing. We’ll fix it up later. -ed.]

Skyfighter defense:  Hopper–is one of the top BTSHers in the league, until he gets close to scoring a goal, then forgets he has hands to deke the goalie and gives it up.  Yep, you heard it here probably last, Hopper–use those damn hands before you leave the city!!!  Bob W.: block those shots in front of the net.

Skyfighter Goalie: James has been faring well this year.  I’m not sure how he lets in goals because I have never really scored on him.  He does like Star Wars though, so perhaps dressing up in Chewbacca costumes and playing in R2D2 with ministicks may help the Rehabs call to the playoffs–it’ll surely distract James! [Evidence: Ben Chadwick is actually just Chewbacca after a Brazilian wax, and he got a cheap five-hole on Stein during the summer’s infamous Chadstreak. That’s the last time Stein gave up a goal. -ed.]

Sam’s Prediction:   I like both of these teams–players and all–but I have seen both teams play hard and I see the Skyfighters offense keeping the ball in the zone most the time and their D shutting down the Rehabs breakout.  Skyfighters 4 – Rehabs 1

Ben’s Prediction: suppose, hypothetically, you’re a sixteenth playoff seed, and you shut out the seventeenth seed in an apparent “upset”, and you have to face a third-place seed, so you start doing your homework. You study the box scores and the game tapes, you mine your spies for intel, and you wind up compiling a hundred-page dossier, and when all is said and done it still doesn’t make any sense. 

The Rehabs? Like, the $h0\/\/+1m3 Rehabs? The Rob Blizzle Rehabs? The  (derogatory adjective)   (name of another Rehab if you can think of any)  Rehabs?

What are the Rehabs doing in the playoffs? In the last twelve years, have they ever even made it to the play-ins? Has anybody paid any attention whatsoever to the Rehabs since MDF quit the team in 1995? The answer is no. Can you name four Rehabs? No. They didn’t score any goals this season. They lost literally all of their games. They only got the number three seed because they mailed $5.95 and 200 Bazooka Joe comics to Topps. 

Nevertheless, they beat the aforementioned sixteenth seed’s brains out in the first round. And they apparently beat another team a week later but nobody paid any attention to that either, because Rehabs.

So what’s the secret to their playoff success? Sources report it has been a combination of strong defense, luck, bribery, and cheating. Can these ex-addicts ride the wagon to the finals over an evidently superior Sky Fighters squad?

Well, yeah, probably. It’s freezing in hell, the lowly Mets are facing the pathetic Cubs in the semis, and Donald Trump is a presidential front-runner. Why the hell not.

Prediction: the Rehabs win 0-1. You read that right. The league gets confused and forgets this isn’t mini-golf. The Rehabs win the game, despite the Sky Fighters scoring one goal to the Rehabs’ zero. Lightning strikes thrice. 

Rich’s Prediction: Did Sam really post this without asking me or Walker for our prediction? Did he really get Chadwick to give a prediction? My God! No more Mets/BTSH writings ever wrestling again. I will be really happy for many players on both sides. But Stein already has a ring when Instant Karma won the championship in 09. So being that I’m a $h0wT!m3 Guy, I gotta go with him. Though I think Sky wins this game 2-1. 

JW’s prediction:  I am not going to say that I am picking the Sky Fighters like I planned to because James Stein fears it will jinx them.  So, yeah, this is me not saying that I think the Sky Fighters are going to win.

Filthy has to stop Gabe from taking over and the Lbs. will have their hands full with the Hooke….wait….WTF just happened?!?!?

For the first time since the 2009 finals, neither the Hooks nor FK will be in the Championship Game. There are a lot of kids in third world countries getting 2015 FK/Hooker shirts.

The tall one on the left still has his Safar jersey from last year!

Shelbyville, there still is one team left that actually doesn’t suck. And that’s Filthier. They play the iconic Gouging Anklebiters.

After winning what some consider the biggest upset in playoff history, the Anklebiters decided to Cyber Bully those that wrestling didn’t pick them to win, and even the captain of Math. I still say there’s a 12% chance this is all just a big practical joke and Fresh Kills actually won 4-0, like I predicted. But assuming I’m wrong, lets get to the preview.

Keys to the game:

1- Goalies.
If there were a vote on who the leagues best goalies were, these two would be in the discussion. Well, Tim K. probably wouldn’t bc he’s underrated, but he should be. Both goalies will stand on their head this game, and the pressure will not get to them. Craig has been waiting for this moment for close to or more than a decade now, and though we give him grief, everyone is happy for his success.

This mixed age, multi-ethnic stock photo of women was taken directly after they heard Craig was still alive in the playoffs.

2- Can the Anklebiters generate enough offense?
 The Anklebiters will need to generate offense, not so much because they need goals, but more because they need to slow down Filthy’s electric offense. If the time of possession (Sega) reads 35-15 Filthy, the Anklebiters will lose. They will also need to generate enough offense to actually score, because that’s important too.

3- Battle Tested

The one advantage I see for the Anklebiters is they’ve already been in two battles whereas Filthy has breezed in the first two rounds. BTSH has been kind to Cinderella teams in the past, so maybe there will be some sorta magic and the Anklebiters will make the most historic run in BTSH history. 

Prediction: 
Rich: If the Anklebiters win, in my opinion this would be the second biggest upset in BTSH history, falling only to last week’s win vs. Fresh Kills. It will also be (in my opinion) the most improbably finals team ever, since the Modern Era began. (2008- Present)
I’ll be honest, I did not see a chance for the Anklebiters to win last week, and was rightfully called out by it from three different Anklebiters who will remain anonymous. (Probert, Caroline, Craig all said something and I’m pretty sure Joe P. was thinking it)
That said, Filthier created a team to win the championship. The Hooks/Lbs./FK/Math are all gone. They to me were the next biggest contenders. I just don’t see how they lose this game. 4-0 Filthier. And just in case that 12% was right and FK really won, then 2-1 Filthier bc I never thought FK was winning this year. 

Derek: I’d have to agree with Richie here…I just don’t see how anyone can beat Filthier, this round or next.  Teams in this league love to play the underdog role in these playoff games, I guess so they can yell at us prognosticators when we pick against them (honestly, it is satisfying to show up the “haters” or whatever).  On the flip side, Filthier has embraced its role as the true top seed.  They crushed TSR 5-0 in the Round of 16, and despite some controversy in their quarterfinal game, their 4-1 win over the Gremlins was never really in doubt (sorry JW, but it wasn’t).  Of course, with the next round comes a tougher challenge, so I’m not ready to hand them a 4-0 win.  The Biter D has been stout, holding Fresh Kills to just one goal in last Sunday’s victory.  Filthier jumps to an early lead, with the James and Suvin line scoring early.  Although Probert notches one for the Biters to make it interesting, Denis eventually puts it away in the second half.  3-1 Filthier.

JW:  First let’s clear up one thing – Gut Rot over WTP in 2010 is still the biggest upset in BTSH history. I had a feeling the Biters might beat Kills last week, which I told Rich and Derek the week before the game. NO ONE ever thought Gut Rot would beat WTP in 2010.  No one.
While last week’s Biters/FK result was a pretty big upset, it wasn’t THAT big an upset. The Biters have a much better squad than Rich and Derek seem to want to give them credit for.  They aren’t in the 2nd division for nuthin’.
Craig and Tim K. are two of the best goalies in the league, they’ll keep this one tight. While Derek wasn’t right about Gremlins/Filthier, he was right about this – it ends 3-1 Filthier.
However, there is still one team left who can take out Filthier……

…………”But that’s…..another story.”

The spreads are running late which means there were not going to be previews this week. But if my team was in it I’d want previews so I’m pretty sure that’s what Martin Luther King meant when he famously said, “Give me BTSH Previews, or give me death.”
 

The man truly was ahead of his time. And knew a lot more about BTSH than we ever knew.

These also have the spreads in Jenn’s picks. I did not make them so don’t yell at me. Though I sorta made the Math one.

Math at Rehabs (official spread Math giving 1.5) 

While Rehabs are the higher seed, Math is the better team. Or at least was. The loss of James S. who is going back to Cali. decimated the leagues top line of James/Cherie and Sam. But make no mistake, Math made the semi’s last year without James or Cherie and they are still dangerous.
Meanwhile, the Rehabs have a mostly unknown group of solid hustlers and scorers. I don’t know their names but that red-headed dude with the weird shorts and the tall bald defensemen are very good players. My man $h0wT!m3 has had his best season in net.
Predictions:

Rich: I’m torn. I’m severely torn. But I gotta go with my gut and its telling me Math 3-2.
J Dubs:  Math 3-2 sounds about right, Richie.  Math goals from Sam, Cherie and…lemme think……..Amy Anderla. 

Anklebiters at Fresh Kills (official spread 1.5)

Fresh Kills shockingly only beat Rainbows 2-1. Gabe saved them by scoring with 6 minutes left to avert the biggest upset by far in BTSH history. The Anklebiters did what the Rainbows couldn’t and that’s pull off a playoff upset. Cobra Kai dominated the Anklebiters in the first half but thanks to Craig’s amazing goaltending (so amazing that I can’t even troll him he was that good) the Anklebiters found themselves in the 2nd half and were able to win in a shootout. Craig’s stick did not go flying which was also a good thing.

Predictions:
Rich: Don’t let FK struggles last week fool you. They’ve been down this road before. Mega pushed them to the limit in 2011 before Ariel scored in the shootout to eliminate them. They also were down 2 late to the Butchers in 2012 before staging a late and furious comeback. Meanwhile, the Anklebiters are a good solid team. But they can’t match FK. FK 4-0.
J Dubs: Ariel wasn’t there last week against the Rainbows.  With Gabe and Ariel both present……4-2, Fresh Kills. 

Sky Fighters vs. Lbs. (official spread Pick Em)

The Lbs. gave the stacked Hookers their earliest playoff loss of all time last week. It was a close game but in the end, Scott proved too much for them. Tim didn’t really need to stand on his head. The Sky Fighters also won, or else they wouldn’t be playing in this game. But I know nothing of their game, other than they won 1-0 over Gut Rot. That 2.5 spread was ridiculous.

Predictions:
Rich: I know the Sky Fighters are good. I know they can win the championship. But I think defensively they have holes and the Lbs. are going to exploit them on the forecheck. 3-1 Lbs.
J Dubs.  3-2……SKY FIGHTERS.  You heard it here, first.   Also I consider this to be the game of the week to watch. Hold on to your hats, kiddos. 

Gremlins at Filthier: (official spread Filthier giving 2.5)

The Gremlins scored very late to force an OT, then won in OT. Filthier had trouble beating the Riots backup goalie, until they didn’t and cruised to a 5-0 victory.

Rich: I do see a scenario where the Gremlins can win this game. Play very conservative, make sure both defensemen and center are back. Run with James and Denis at all times. But I see the scenario of that not happening way more often. No offense to my Bash Brother Hicks, but this has 4-1 Filthier written all over it. They were built to win a championship, and they’ll get their chance to play for it next week. 
J Dubs: No pick as I will be reffing this game.