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Filthy has to stop Gabe from taking over and the Lbs. will have their hands full with the Hooke….wait….WTF just happened?!?!?

For the first time since the 2009 finals, neither the Hooks nor FK will be in the Championship Game. There are a lot of kids in third world countries getting 2015 FK/Hooker shirts.

The tall one on the left still has his Safar jersey from last year!

Shelbyville, there still is one team left that actually doesn’t suck. And that’s Filthier. They play the iconic Gouging Anklebiters.

After winning what some consider the biggest upset in playoff history, the Anklebiters decided to Cyber Bully those that wrestling didn’t pick them to win, and even the captain of Math. I still say there’s a 12% chance this is all just a big practical joke and Fresh Kills actually won 4-0, like I predicted. But assuming I’m wrong, lets get to the preview.

Keys to the game:

1- Goalies.
If there were a vote on who the leagues best goalies were, these two would be in the discussion. Well, Tim K. probably wouldn’t bc he’s underrated, but he should be. Both goalies will stand on their head this game, and the pressure will not get to them. Craig has been waiting for this moment for close to or more than a decade now, and though we give him grief, everyone is happy for his success.

This mixed age, multi-ethnic stock photo of women was taken directly after they heard Craig was still alive in the playoffs.

2- Can the Anklebiters generate enough offense?
 The Anklebiters will need to generate offense, not so much because they need goals, but more because they need to slow down Filthy’s electric offense. If the time of possession (Sega) reads 35-15 Filthy, the Anklebiters will lose. They will also need to generate enough offense to actually score, because that’s important too.

3- Battle Tested

The one advantage I see for the Anklebiters is they’ve already been in two battles whereas Filthy has breezed in the first two rounds. BTSH has been kind to Cinderella teams in the past, so maybe there will be some sorta magic and the Anklebiters will make the most historic run in BTSH history. 

Prediction: 
Rich: If the Anklebiters win, in my opinion this would be the second biggest upset in BTSH history, falling only to last week’s win vs. Fresh Kills. It will also be (in my opinion) the most improbably finals team ever, since the Modern Era began. (2008- Present)
I’ll be honest, I did not see a chance for the Anklebiters to win last week, and was rightfully called out by it from three different Anklebiters who will remain anonymous. (Probert, Caroline, Craig all said something and I’m pretty sure Joe P. was thinking it)
That said, Filthier created a team to win the championship. The Hooks/Lbs./FK/Math are all gone. They to me were the next biggest contenders. I just don’t see how they lose this game. 4-0 Filthier. And just in case that 12% was right and FK really won, then 2-1 Filthier bc I never thought FK was winning this year. 

Derek: I’d have to agree with Richie here…I just don’t see how anyone can beat Filthier, this round or next.  Teams in this league love to play the underdog role in these playoff games, I guess so they can yell at us prognosticators when we pick against them (honestly, it is satisfying to show up the “haters” or whatever).  On the flip side, Filthier has embraced its role as the true top seed.  They crushed TSR 5-0 in the Round of 16, and despite some controversy in their quarterfinal game, their 4-1 win over the Gremlins was never really in doubt (sorry JW, but it wasn’t).  Of course, with the next round comes a tougher challenge, so I’m not ready to hand them a 4-0 win.  The Biter D has been stout, holding Fresh Kills to just one goal in last Sunday’s victory.  Filthier jumps to an early lead, with the James and Suvin line scoring early.  Although Probert notches one for the Biters to make it interesting, Denis eventually puts it away in the second half.  3-1 Filthier.

JW:  First let’s clear up one thing – Gut Rot over WTP in 2010 is still the biggest upset in BTSH history. I had a feeling the Biters might beat Kills last week, which I told Rich and Derek the week before the game. NO ONE ever thought Gut Rot would beat WTP in 2010.  No one.
While last week’s Biters/FK result was a pretty big upset, it wasn’t THAT big an upset. The Biters have a much better squad than Rich and Derek seem to want to give them credit for.  They aren’t in the 2nd division for nuthin’.
Craig and Tim K. are two of the best goalies in the league, they’ll keep this one tight. While Derek wasn’t right about Gremlins/Filthier, he was right about this – it ends 3-1 Filthier.
However, there is still one team left who can take out Filthier……

…………”But that’s…..another story.”

The spreads are running late which means there were not going to be previews this week. But if my team was in it I’d want previews so I’m pretty sure that’s what Martin Luther King meant when he famously said, “Give me BTSH Previews, or give me death.”
 

The man truly was ahead of his time. And knew a lot more about BTSH than we ever knew.

These also have the spreads in Jenn’s picks. I did not make them so don’t yell at me. Though I sorta made the Math one.

Math at Rehabs (official spread Math giving 1.5) 

While Rehabs are the higher seed, Math is the better team. Or at least was. The loss of James S. who is going back to Cali. decimated the leagues top line of James/Cherie and Sam. But make no mistake, Math made the semi’s last year without James or Cherie and they are still dangerous.
Meanwhile, the Rehabs have a mostly unknown group of solid hustlers and scorers. I don’t know their names but that red-headed dude with the weird shorts and the tall bald defensemen are very good players. My man $h0wT!m3 has had his best season in net.
Predictions:

Rich: I’m torn. I’m severely torn. But I gotta go with my gut and its telling me Math 3-2.
J Dubs:  Math 3-2 sounds about right, Richie.  Math goals from Sam, Cherie and…lemme think……..Amy Anderla. 

Anklebiters at Fresh Kills (official spread 1.5)

Fresh Kills shockingly only beat Rainbows 2-1. Gabe saved them by scoring with 6 minutes left to avert the biggest upset by far in BTSH history. The Anklebiters did what the Rainbows couldn’t and that’s pull off a playoff upset. Cobra Kai dominated the Anklebiters in the first half but thanks to Craig’s amazing goaltending (so amazing that I can’t even troll him he was that good) the Anklebiters found themselves in the 2nd half and were able to win in a shootout. Craig’s stick did not go flying which was also a good thing.

Predictions:
Rich: Don’t let FK struggles last week fool you. They’ve been down this road before. Mega pushed them to the limit in 2011 before Ariel scored in the shootout to eliminate them. They also were down 2 late to the Butchers in 2012 before staging a late and furious comeback. Meanwhile, the Anklebiters are a good solid team. But they can’t match FK. FK 4-0.
J Dubs: Ariel wasn’t there last week against the Rainbows.  With Gabe and Ariel both present……4-2, Fresh Kills. 

Sky Fighters vs. Lbs. (official spread Pick Em)

The Lbs. gave the stacked Hookers their earliest playoff loss of all time last week. It was a close game but in the end, Scott proved too much for them. Tim didn’t really need to stand on his head. The Sky Fighters also won, or else they wouldn’t be playing in this game. But I know nothing of their game, other than they won 1-0 over Gut Rot. That 2.5 spread was ridiculous.

Predictions:
Rich: I know the Sky Fighters are good. I know they can win the championship. But I think defensively they have holes and the Lbs. are going to exploit them on the forecheck. 3-1 Lbs.
J Dubs.  3-2……SKY FIGHTERS.  You heard it here, first.   Also I consider this to be the game of the week to watch. Hold on to your hats, kiddos. 

Gremlins at Filthier: (official spread Filthier giving 2.5)

The Gremlins scored very late to force an OT, then won in OT. Filthier had trouble beating the Riots backup goalie, until they didn’t and cruised to a 5-0 victory.

Rich: I do see a scenario where the Gremlins can win this game. Play very conservative, make sure both defensemen and center are back. Run with James and Denis at all times. But I see the scenario of that not happening way more often. No offense to my Bash Brother Hicks, but this has 4-1 Filthier written all over it. They were built to win a championship, and they’ll get their chance to play for it next week. 
J Dubs: No pick as I will be reffing this game. 

Written by JW

3rd star: The late scrimmage clean-up crew

Apparently Derek was on clean-up duty elsewhere.

(‘Future Derek’ photo credit: Alex Eben Meyer)

BTSH, we are perhaps the most disgusting people on the planet. I swear that at various points I saw someone in the clean-up crew carrying a dirty diaper, a hypodermic needle, and a plastic grocery bag full of vomit. I mean, who does that?  Who pukes in a bag and then leaves it there??  Everyone knows that behind the tree is the designated puking spot. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Well, except those of you who helped clean up.
This crew of BTSHers, headed up by Timmy and Eli (big ups), accomplished what no one else wanted to do, without being asked. I decided as I was helping clean up to talk to some of the other peeps helping.  Responses ranged from “The more people who help the quicker we get done” to “yo J Dubs, toss me that empty can of Piels” to Diane Johnston’s “Oh gross, no no NO, please tell DO NOT me that is a dead rat. GAH-ross! Aaaaaaah!”. It was great to see everyone come together and pitch in to get the courts clean after the late scrims. Just another example of the sense of community which is engrained in BTSH. And, through it all……….I think I still have a bloody Band-Aid stuck to the bottom of my hockey sneakers.

2nd star: Scott Kaston – Lbs, Inc.

Yo assholes, I just got my first career hat trick, ya heard?? (mic drop)

Scott amassed an even BIGGER cheering section this week and they were even MORE loud and obnoxious.  And we all loved it, even MORE. I mean, these kids were OFF THE WALL this week.  I swear I saw them line up and do a spanking machine after the game.  But perhaps my eyes deceived me. Apparently this larger more raucous crowd propelled Scott to new heights as he scored his first career hat trick in the most important game of his rookie year. This was enough to take down the mighty Hookers (Scott 3, Hookers 2).  While the Lbs. were technically favored in this matchup, we all know how lethal the Hookers are. Attendance issues plagued them this year which caused them to be the 13 seed, yet those attendance issues rarely seem to plague the Hookers in the post-season. Rich tells me that this is only the 2nd time ever that the Hookers have been eliminated before the semi-finals, and this is the earliest they have EVER been eliminated. This of course is a huge feat, and due in large part to Scott’s play on Sunday.  I asked him how he did it, and he replied “You know, man, I just, well, it’s like….(chugs half a beer and then spikes the half-full can on the ground incredibly hard) Woooooo!!! Fuck yeah man!!!”  Wow, this kid is as amped up as the crew that comes to watch him play.

1st star of the week:  The Gremlins

(photo credit: Tia Lendo)

(written by league face, Zach Norris)

Narrator: “It was a beautiful Sunday.  A particularly beautiful day for an upset in playoff street hockey.  The Denim Demons were to face off against the Gremlins.  The odds were stacked against the Gremmies at a height much greater than the stacked pads of Aaron “Pipe Controller” Pagdon.”

An MVP will be crowned. And you will be the one making your vote count!

She can see Tompkins Square Park from her apartment on Avenue B and 9th street!

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