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Rich wrote one of the stars this week, see if you can guess which one…..

3rd star: Mike Teytelbaum – Sky Fighters

Not to be outdone by James P.’s amazing double header performance the week before, Mike took it upon himself to score SEVEN GOALS in his double header on Sunday. Notching the double hat trick and adding 1 for good measure, this kid tore it up on Sunday. Known colloquially as “Roman’s brother”, Mike has flown under the radar a bit this year.  On Sunday, however, he exploded to double the amount of goals he had on the season, and help his team jump up to the 5th seed.  I am trying to think of something funny for this one, but nothing is coming to me.  There is nothing funny about scoring 7 goals in one day. 

2nd star: Gil Valdes – Happy Little Elves

Gil scored all 4 goals in the Elves’ 4-2 victory over Poutine on Sunday, which was the exact amount of goals he needed to jump Gabe by 1 and cement his scoring title victory. Rumor has it that Gabe didn’t show up Sunday because he was afraid of losing to Gil. Who could blame him – this guy is always dangerous, he is consistently the scoring leader for his team and always a contender for top of the league, and this year he did it. Also, I have been told that Gil did all this even though is over 50. Funny, he doesn’t look a day over 49 to me. 

1st star of the week:  Eric Ramirez – Gut Rot

When Walker agreed to do the three stars, one of the requirements was not to give a star to a player who played in multiple games and did something great for a team he isn’t on. My reasoning is we should be using the free agent list more than we do. But I’m making an exception for Eric Ramirez. And I’m not making it because of how he played.
Gut Rot needed to wrestling win to get out of the play-in game for their first time in their history. But if things broke wrong, they could still win and finish in 13th. One way to ensure that wouldn’t happen, was if the Hookers lost both their games. So when Eric heard the Demons needed a goalie against the Hookers, he agreed to play net. But the best part was Fresh Kills needed an emergency goalie…also against the Hookers. So Eric agreed to play in that game as well. Eric ended up shutting the Hookers out and leading FK to a 1-0 victory. Then Eric reffed a game, and suited up against the Hookers for the Demons. He ended up winning that game too, 5-1. All that was left was beating Mega. But Guttie couldn’t score. So Eric decided to shut out Mega. Through regulation. And overtime. And 8…EIGHT!!!! shootout players.
So Eric, you don’t get a star for giving up 1 goal in six periods, an overtime and 8 shootout attempts. You get a star for being a total heel and ensuring you don’t play in the play-in game for the first time, and the Hookers do.

Honorable mention:  Larry Gilligan – Gut Rot

Larry scored the only shootout goal in NINE rounds (i heard it was 9, though Rich says 8) to both: 1) give his team their first winning season in team history (!!!), and 2) cause his team to not have to play in the play-in game, for the first time in team history.   Big ups, Larry.  Nuff said.

Who do we root for? In life there are so many choices that its tough to decide. Dogs or cats? Democrats or Republicans? Rangers or Caps (That one is easy, Rangers. Also doesn’t count as my troll)  al Qaeda vs. Isis? So its nice when we can all agree on one thing. We hope Gut Rot fucking loses this week.

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3rd star: Eric and Ashley – Gut Rot

This dream team combined to win the first of two Gut Rut shootouts this week.  Ramirez faced 2 shootouts on the day and made every stop in each one. He also only gave up 1 goal in regulation in 1.5 games. In recent weeks several BTSH shootouts have gone to extra rounds. MANY extra rounds. Ashley decided that she couldn’t let that happen to her boo since they had another game to play, so she went and popped one in on her first attempt.  Her shootout winner gave her team the momentum they needed to keep rolling and win the 2nd game of their double header as well. I had a chance to catch up with the happy couple on Sunday after the games – I asked Eric how he was able to stay so sharp throughout both games and 2 shootouts and he mumbled something grumpily at me that I didn’t fully catch. That’s our Eric. I asked Ashley to recreate the scene of her goal for me and she replied “Walker, you just want me to describe it to you because of your crippling fomo.  Fomo, fomo, FOMO Walker!”   She was right.
Congrats to one of BTSH’s favorite duos for combining for the 3rd star this week. 

Note: Gilligan, while I realize that you did the same thing that Ashley did in the other game, you score all the time, bruh.  And, really, Gilligan, this is a romantic moment.  Stop trying to get all up in the middle of it. Creep. 

2nd star:  Josh Rosen – Denim Demons

How did this even happen??  I mean, does this guy even PLAY hockey???  So, what, he just waltzes into Tompkins Square Park, picks up a stick, and scores 4 goals in a game??! What was he even doing at Tompkins?? I can only imagine he was planning to level the park in favor of building fancy new condos. I mean, this dude owns the Seagram building and the Gramercy Park Hotel, not to mention a world-class art collection and what, that’s not enough for him?? He needs Tompkins TOO?? As far as I know this guy has no hockey background, so how on earth did he stroll into our house and notch the ‘ol Texas hat-trick??  Oh, wait…..JOSH??  Oooooooo, oops, I thought you said ABY Rosen. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aby_Rosen

1st star of the week: James Pereira – Filthier

James scored 5 goals on the day in his double header, including a hat trick.  Rumor has it that he almost had the double hat trick, but his goal was waved off. James lead his team to 2 victories on the day, a jump to 1st place in the entire league, and A SHUTOUT OF FRESH KILLS. The last time someone shutout Fresh Kills we were all doing the Safety Dance and rocking neon spandex. I had a chance to talk to some BTSHers about what they thought as they watched James put on a clinic on Sunday. Responses ranged from “Amazing, dude was possessed out there.” to “He’s like a more handsome Dean Youngblood” to “When did Filthy Gorgeous change their name to Filthier?”. 
In addition to his stellar performance on the rink, he also bought an apartment this week and had a birthday. Talk about a banner week, this guy is flying higher than Christian Slater at a party held by Pablo Escobar. 
Yeah, I really like the 80’s.