Not 3 Stars
August 6th, 2015So we really haven’t done the Not 3 Stars because we typically get negative feedback from those that were mentioned. But there were just too many losers this week not to do 3 Not Stars.
Hey, at least its not wrestling related. There will be no wrestling in this article!
3 stars of the week!
August 5th, 2015Dear Cherie and Denis,
Congratulations on your hat tricks. You both had star-worthy performances for your teams. However, the BTSH media discussed it and voted to NOT give you stars this week. This, of course, is because you both score so frequently. My suggestion is this: stop being so consistently good at hockey, and you might get a star.
My other suggestion is this: if you need someone to commiserate with you about this….please speak to Gabe. He knows all too well how this feels.
Now, for this week’s 3 stars…..
3rd star: Justin Michaliga’s dog Camden – WTP mascot (league mascot?)
Talk to the hand? That’s a little dated, Camden.
First thing’s first – this dog is not named after Camden, NJ like I guessed (hoped). However, that is the only disappointing thing about this dog. While Camden could earn a star every week, this week was really special. If there was a debutante ball for dogs (ugh, wait, there probably is, isn’t there?) then this week was hers. More people got to know her this week, and of course more people grew to love her. This week I also happened to interview Camden’s most frequent caretaker whenever Justin is playing his games, Rachel Greene. The transcript of that interview is below:
2nd star: Brian Hicks – Gremlins and Miles Hilder – Happy Little Elves
Who ARE Brian Hicks and Miles Hilder?
1st star of the week: Jerome Ramos – Poutine Machine
Jerome after finishing the hat trick.
I had decided that Jerome had 1st star before I even left the courts on Sunday. No follow-up suggestions were needed on this one. I had just arrived at Tompkins and was having a conversation with Jamie and Diane when someone who shall remain nameless (Showtime) tapped me on the shoulder and said “hey J Dubs, I’m nominating stars – Jerome just got a hat trick”. My reaction was this: “Already?? Didn’t the 2nd half like JUST start, a minute ago??” The answer was yes. Jerome barely needed more than 1 half to score a NATURAL hat trick, notching the only 3 goals for his team that game, and cementing Poutine’s victory. After many, many years of being a consistently good player who is speedy and moves the puck well, as well as scoring goals for his team…..he finally got that elusive 3. When asked how he did it Jerome replied: “Stop talking so much JW, leave me alone, can’t you see I’m trying to play with the dog.”
Congrats on the 1st star Jerome, wear it like a badge of honor, you earned it.
Know Your Neighbor — 2nd Installment
August 4th, 2015Every couple of years, BTSH gets lucky and somehow manages to recruit one cool person into the league. This year one finally hit, and it happens to be this week’s feature on Know Your Neighbor!
Name: Call me Isaac
Hometown: Alexandria, Virginia
Oh fuck, here come the BTSH conspiracy theorists…
College: George Mason University
Profession: Project and Financial Management
Favorite NHL team(s): Colorado Avalanche and Washington Capitals
All right, I’ll take that—just like the Rangers had him, you did have the best NHL player of all-time for a few years
If a $20 bill dropped out of someone on the Fresh Kills pocket, would you return it: No idea what you are talking about, but we can continue this interview at Ace or Double Wide (sponsored by a blundering member of FK).
What celebrity are you most like: Not to humblebrag, but I’ve been mistaken for the imposter who plays Thor.
You’re not humblebragging—I don’t think you look anything like this imposter
Ohh, you mean this hunk!
Favorite BTSH team other than the Gremlins: Tough one… As a whole team I would have to say your Math. Aside from you Norris,’ there are plenty of good character peeps.
Woohoo—and to think I was going to edit your answer no matter what to say such a nice thing! Let’s go Mets, Let’s go Math, Long live Isaac!!!
Current Aspirations: A win. Not being traded.
If the Tompkins Square hawk was on a team, what team would it be on: The Elves. They could use the help.
If the Tompkins Square hawk actually played, how would you defend it when it picks up the ball and swoops to the net, given the BTSH high stick rule: Nobody stops the Tompkins Square hawk!
Favorite NYC bar: After a game, Double Wide. Or whatever watering hole my Karmas are at.
As an official BTSH referee, what is your take on the Citizens’ United ruling: A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.
Good point, but I don’t know if Walmart or its people are worse
Why do you hate Rich Glanzer so much: Ugh! He’s too passive. I prefer a man who is more assertive and takes charge. You know, like a wrestler.
When you think about things, how do you think: I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
What the BTSH media will begin to overhype you about: My ungainly dance moves.
Rangers or Islanders (Capitals Excluded): Ice cream.
Oh, great call!
Bleu cheese or Ranch: Neither agrees with my delicate digestive system. How about balsamic-vinaigrette instead?
How does it feel to be the third best Stewart in the league: 🙁
If Instant Karma made it to the BTSH Championship, what team would you want to play: Worky and his merry band of Ankle-bitters. Lately they haven’t been passing the smell test. And that smell is Fear.
Their goalie, Craig, hasn’t passed a literal smell test either for quite some time—quite the little stinker…
If Sigmund Freud analyzed your game play, what would he conclude: NSFBTSH
If you had to overthrow Ben Chadwick, how would you do it (Rich Glanzer tactics excluded): Ben Chadwick? Never heard of him. I run Karma now.
August 2 Box Scores
August 3rd, 2015Elves Win Again!
The team looks exactly like it did during its championship season. Sort of.
Rehabs 4, Cobra Kai 2
Rehabs: Ramy Odeh 2 (8), Blake (3), Bryan Welch (5)
Cobra Kai: Doug Bova 2 (5)
Goalie Win: David Liang (via Math)
Filthier 7, Tompkins Square Riots 1
Filthier: Denis Miciletto 3 (11), Jenna Cruff (2), Sunny Mehra (7), James Pereira (6), Shafiq Perry (6)
Tompkins Square Riots: Will Adams (2)
Goalie Win: Tim Kayiatos (9)
Poutine Machine 3, What The Puck 0
Poutine Machine: Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos 3 (7)
Shutout: A.J. Frey (1)
Mathematics 7, Instant Karma 2
Mathematics: Cherie Stewart 3 (12), Sam Norris 2 (6), James Stewart 2 (13)
Instant Karma: Hugh McKee (5), The Peter Wilson (3)
Goalie Win: David Liang (9)
Gouging Anklebiters 4, Butchers 2
Gouging Anklebiters: Ben Probert 2 (7), Chris Bebswengel (1), Joe Polowczuk (2)
Butchers: Jeff Laniando 2 (12)
Goalie Win: Craig LaCombe (3)
Gremlins 8, Mega Touch 1
Gremlins: Brian Hicks 3 (16), Ryan Mills 2 (4), Maire Lane (6), Rod Sherwood (10), John Walker (3)
Mega Touch: Julie Katz (2)
Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe (8)
Happy Little Elves 6, Corlears Hookers 2
Happy Little Elves: Miles Hilder 3 (5), Caitlin Graziano (2), Anthony Sig (1), Gil Valdes (16)
Corlears Hookers: Danilo Biagioni 2 (10)
Goalie Win: Steve Accardo (2)
Fresh Kills 4, LBS, Inc. 1
Fresh Kills: Gabe Chenard 2 (18), Ariel Imas (3), Ashley Singer (2)
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon (11)
Goalie Win: Patrick Barch (10)
Denim Demons 3, Dark Rainbows 1
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (9), Sara Klein (2), Tracy Miller (1)
Dark Rainbows: Sean Fleming (2)
Goalie Win: Aaron “Coach” Pagdon (3)
Game Notes: Congratulations to Tracy, whose goal is the first of her career!
Sky Fighters 3, Gut Rot 1
Sky Fighters: Dan Hopper (4), Robert Kucera (7), Mike Teytelbaum (4)
Gut Rot: Scott Kollar (4)
Goalie Win: James Stein (6)
August 2nd Previews!!!
July 31st, 2015Pounds vs. Fresh Kills
Good news! The GOTW is back! It’s a rematch of the 2012 Championship Game, Lbs. vs. Fresh Kills. But its not really a rematch since that Lbs. team sucked and this one is good.
The 2012 Lbs. motto!
The Lbs. are the most underrated team in BTSH. They have a lot of young punks that play both offense and D. I know what you’re thinking. OK, the guys are good, but the girls probably suck at Skee*T*Ball and arm wrestling. Can’t argue that.
Prediction:
Skee*T*Ball and arm wrestling show hand eye coordination and strength. I can’t imagine Ariel would lose to Ali, Sasha(s), Erica or Elizabeth. Gil thinks Gabe would though. Still, I’ll take FK 2-1.
Sam’s Says: Now that I know Tim, Ali, and Elizabeth (?) on the Lbs. (oh, and I forgot about curly haired man!), that’s good, but not good enough to top the 7 or 8 Fresh Kills I know. It’s a 1:00 game though, so it really comes down to which team can pull the wool over the other team’s eyes for the first 15 minutes and drop a few goals before both teams’ hangovers wear off. After that, it’s off to the races as Pittsburgh-loving Timmy and Butt-flashing Barch battle it out!
Rich–you don’t do these in order of game time?! Damn, I’m not rewriting the above–this game is actually at 4:30–I didn’t even think randomly ordering games for previews was a thing… #RichieHeelorHero?
Pray 4 Dave
Richie Hero says: A beer for all Riots if they win. A punishment beer for Richie if you lose by 7 though. (for deal to count someone from Riots have to agree) 5-0 prediction. ;(
Sam says: I’m a huge fan of the Riots this year, but I’m also a huge fan of Bartolo Colon and the Mets. Lately, I’ve accepted being a fan doesn’t mean always winning. I’ll go halfsies with Rich on the above deal.
Rehabs at Cobra Kai
While CK and the Rehabs won’t win the BTSH Championship in 2015, they can put on a good match.
Here we see Black Rob kicking Liam.
Prediction
RichieHero says: I actually think both teams are underrated as well. This will be the true GOTW and the Rehabs under my man $h0wT!m3 will prevail 3-2.
Sam Says: Rich can be like Joe Biden. When he’s on–he’s really on. But, when he’s off, you just got to scratch your head… I’ve seen both of these teams play top notch hockey; however, the Rehabs have settled down a lot since their undefeated streak. Cobra Kai, on the other hand, has been on the offensive.
Poutine and WTP
Nice comeback season from WTP! And Poutine is starting to pull it together.
Prediction
Richie Hero says: Its tough bc I have some former teammates of my Zog team that sucked on WTP, and former teammates of the 2008 Elves which really sucked. But since our Zog team won 3 I’ll go with them. WTP 5-2.
Sam says: WTP is hot this year–ever since signing The Dude, they’ve pieced their team together wholeheartedly from last year. Poutine, I definitely agree with Rich here–you’re getting your act together, but WTP is an all-round tough team. I’m lucky we haven’t played them yet. If that guy I met the other night at Double Wide, who was sitting across from Jerome, shows up, along with Jerome, along with Jo-Ann, along with pulling Sven out of retirement, and makes a few shrewd trades for Gil’s Son’s Dad and Gil’s Son, then they’ve got a chance at an upset! If not, WTP 5-2.
Math at Instant Karma
Math plays the 2010 BTSH Champions, Instant Karma
Prediction:
Sam says: Math is good, Instant Karma is good, but Instant Shawarma is way better than both these teams combined! With the addition of the Stew Crew to Shawarma, this will be a good scrimmage as we prepare for OC!
Anklebiters at Butchers:
Are you going to the Ocean City tournament? Worky will be asking every Butcher that when they have or don’t have the ball that it will be a 50 minute PP for the Butchers and Jeff will score 4 goals. 4-3 Butchers
Sam Says: The Butchers captain is a drunk–if Worky knows what’s best, he’ll finally give all the Butchers that signed up several free beers as promised, which will make them fall into disarray! Unfortunately for Worky, the Butcher’s main man doesn’t drink, so the Biters will still lose 4-3 in OT. Craig will throw his stick.
Gremlins against some team
Prediction:
There will be a team, which a girl named Julie, will be tired from getting back to Finland, and a Hall of Famer named Alex E.M. is not around for. For the Gremmies, Walker will use hashtags, and Jamie promises to use only 50% of his energy bc I’m sure he’ll be playing for Gut Rot at 5:30.
Richie Says: 2-0 Gremmies. No Alex E.M., no chance!
Sam Says: The Grems have some grit this year–and they’re looking for payback from last week’s loss. All hands on deck for them this week, while Alok saunters about and cracks corny jokes about Canada, how great the Blue Jays are, and life in general. Grems take this one 3-1.
Elves at Hookers
Richie Hero says I’m gonna let Sam discuss this one.
Prediction: The Elves are on a 2-0 tear right now! I didn’t know until the 3-stars today that it’s in large part due to Gil. Actually, I did know that because Elves’ wins are always in a large part due to him. Do the Hookers know this?! Do they also know that the Elves’ captain is back from vacation and looking to make it a 3-0 winstreak?!
I don’t think the Hookers even care, as I think all they know is how to play solid hockey and then go home. Will Noelle sub for another team and be tired out? Will Sarah and that tall, dark haired girl be there?! Even if not–I’m sorry, Rich–this will take a lot of shake and bake and trick shots to pull this win off. But, if you know this secret against the Hookers, you may find yourself ahead at the end of your 50 minutes.
Rainbows at Demons
Prediction:
This was fun 2 years ago after the mass defection. Now, not so much. Demons 3-1.
Sam Says: Without David Bernstein, it’s going to be a tough one–but you may still end up getting a star of the week! Kevin Longwell–you may actually die in this game given the speed and strength of Demon shots, which is when we can finally chant in unison your already hyped and probably-getting-old-by-now Fight Club parody!
Sky Fighters at Gut Rot
Richie Hero says: Jamie stones the Sky Fighters. Plays awesome. Lose 5-1.
Sam Says: James Stein has a good game, but it doesn’t matter because the Teytelbaum brothers score a shit ton of goals. Ramirez will seek Gut Rot vengeance, though, at Ocean City!
