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By 23 and Mia

Alas, this is another send off for one of BTSH’s finest. And, much like the story of Ann and James, the tale of Sena Bell is one of LOVE.

Though Sena was born in Tokyo and her entire family except for her mother still lives in Japan, Sena has lived in NYC the majority of her life. Around the age of 5 or 6, she found herself romanced by the fresh face of the newly built Chelsea Piers, a snazzy, money-grubbing sports complex unlike anything Manhattan had ever seen. An admitted “tomboy athlete”, Sena followed her guy pals to the Piers to try out ice hockey. For her, it was LOVE at first slap shot.

As the years went by and Sena got more serious with sports, she realized she had to stop two timing and even three timing basketball, baseball and hockey. She chose hockey. Sena had been playing co-ed thus far, but by the time she was in middle school, her mother was driving her across the Hudson to play on an all-female team in New Jersey. This same team started a club team, the NJ Rockets, that spawned Poutiner Charlotte M. And, of course Sena played with the infamous Herr Sisters —the Commish from Math Rot and Cheeky from the Hooker’s— as well as the fabulous Tremble Sisters from Instant Karma.

All those hour-long trips to and from Jersey gave Sena good chances to study in the car. She landed at an esteemed college and on an okay collegiate ice team: the Weslyan Cardinals. This is where she got the nickname Sena Bell. Not sure if it was a lot of partying or maybe some concussions, but she can’t remember why people started calling her that. Anyway, after graduating, she returned home to NYC where a romantic other led her to BTSH around 2011. Ends up this ex-girlfriend’s boss was the legendary Stacy K. (I don’t know why Stacy is a BTSH legend, but I’ve heard her name for years; apparently, she’s a baller. Someone should tell us about her.) 

Stacy K was the captain of The Rehabs along with Bryan W (who sadly, is only part-timing this year). See how this is finally all coming around? Though The Butchers and Fresh Kills tried to woo Sena, she joined The Rehabs AND HAS BEEN THERE EVER SINCE. She says she has never even tried to leave, though there’s always been a dream to make a dominant all-women’s team.

Now, this hockey romance has a new chapter: A couple of years ago, a wonderful person named Carlin stepped in and out of The Sky Fighters and into Sena’s life. Carlin and Sena are moving to Colorado together where they can live amongst cleaner air, play ice more cheaply and be a step closer to Sena’s beloved Burning Man (the reason why she has missed every OC Tournament Worky has ever put on.) So, let’s wish them the best on their adventure! 2021 will have been Sena’s tenth year in BTSH if you count the vid year. Let’s just do that cuz tin is the tenth anniversary gift and it sounds pretty fitting to raise a cool one for our hometown girl. 

by Isaac

That’s right we’ve got some bonus content for you this week. Feast your eyes on the series of photos that took place on the courts Sunday with commentary from Frey and a stars write up from Isaac.

Frey: After getting iced at halftime of my game and immediately chugging it despite the fact that I was playing the entire game with no subs, I felt a little post-game icing rampage was warranted.  When people talk about the “spirit of BTSH” it’s usually in reference to some lame idealistic bullshit that makes me and much of the league cringe.  But this right here is the true spirit of BTSH: icing Meg using Cherie’s baby carriage as a decoy prop, then mercilessly roasting her bitch ass as she has to chug that ice against her will while everyone watches and laughs at her misfortune.  Now that’s a Sunday worth coming out for.  And when Meg is lying in bed recovering from jaw surgery for the next several weeks, she will think upon this moment and be glad that her jaw is wired shut, thus preventing any further public icings from taking place in the near future.

Third Star

Meg for getting iced by a baby stroller(!) 

Second Star

Cherie for allowing her baby’s stroller to be used a decoy for getting Meg iced

First Star

Frey for his Loki-esque deviousness to get Meg iced 

HM

Hicks for selling it with his honest reactions 
Jack for knowing what’s up and not spoiling the reveal 

by Glnzr

I wanted to give the Three Stars to James, Ann and Sena…three BTSH greats playing their last games this Sunday (though everyone always comes back). Unfortunately, a historic performance, a classy gesture and a Mafia like strong arm tactic makes all 3 leave in tears, with at best a Participation Trophy. Scroll to the bottom to see if they got it!
Third Star: Friedman 

In my early 20s, I drove a coffee truck. A guy would give me like $50 worth of magazines, for his $5 worth of food. I’m sure he got the magazines for free, and I resold the magazines and kept the profits. Life was good. One day this random stranger comes up to me and says, “Stop selling the magazines.” I didn’t know who he was, but I figured he knew something I didn’t, so out of sheer cowardice I stopped my money laundering profit making magazine sales. 

This brings me to Friedman, who gets a star, not for his gameplay, but for him strong arming the media into only giving Karma players stars. Now, I’m much older and while still a coward, I’d rather Friedman chop off my knees than go back to giving women stars for crushing the Lbs., a over the hill hasbeen like Isaac for, “playing an insane defensive game” or give some dude named Kevin love for making a nice pass and a “heavy shot” that let’s be honest, was definitely above his waist. Do what you will to me for not following orders, but if you so much touch Hero, you’ll get these hands. 

Second Star: The Dave’s and Giuseppi

Dave GDR has quit the Riots. Much like the Giuseppi Logan, the great Tompkins Square Park saxophonist (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E99hQ-FdFE) Dave still comes to the rink, looking to play. Greenwald told Dave he could play the first half, and God himself…who are we kidding, Giuseppi, rewarded the Dave’s with a shutout. Extremely classy move Greenwald. This is what BTSH is all about. That and winning. (Oh, and mandatory Dave GDR is the most underrated BTSH goalie of all time.) 

First Star: Dana Sky Fighters

Dana scored a natural hat trick for the Sky Fighters. Do you know how I know? Because literally every Sky Fighter emailed, texted, Facebook Messaged or What’s Apped me. I asked Emily for a quote and she said, “After leading the sky fighters in goals in 2019 Dana has quickly gotten back to her scoring form (a team leading 5 goals in just three games) by putting in a hat trick.” I’ve never been so disappointed in Emily in my life. That’s the quote? Did she get that from Dana’s Wikipedia? (Sadly, after a very brief search it appears Dana has not made Wikipedia, but she did graduate from Cornell as did Andrew Bernard, or Drew as he likes to be called). Anyways Dana, great game, congrats on the first star, and please never score again! My data rates went through the roof. 

Participation Trophies:

Mike T. Fuzz. He had five goals, that’s 2 more than 3 which is the most Liam has ever scored this season. 

Tim K. Though he’s not as good a goalie as Campbell, he did get a shutout. 

Chadwick: I debated about giving him the 3rd Star for his two goals for the Butchers in a 3-2 win. Guy has more goals than games played this year. 

Cat (Rainbows) I asked Jess about her game and she said Cat played really well. So I’m going to be the bigger person and despite our heated rivalry, give her a Participation Trophy.She’s going to be so pissed I’m more gracious than her, it’s going to kiiiiill her!

Sorry Sena, Ann, James, Hicks is already going to mock me for all these participation trophies. Safe travels my friends. 

Butchers beat Riots 3-2

The patriarchy won and fuzz beat rehabs 5-2

Lbs fell to karma 2-3 and “Derek didn’t score at all” – an anonymous female karma player

An initially tight game opened up for FK who bested the biters 7-4

Dana had a hat trick that propelled the sky fighters to a 3-1 win over Gut Math

Poutine beat the Demons 3-0 and SBJ notched 2 goals his first game back

Filthier beat the Hookers 4-0

The dojo had shining star Campbell back and Liam probably didn’t score a hat trick, beating Mega 5-1

Gremlins and Rainbows battled it out in a 1-0 victory for the bows in regulation

by Ash K

Dingle’s 90’s themed around the league struck a chord of nostalgia so this week’s previews are all about the original 151 Pokemon. 

Butchers vs Riots

The Butchers are clearly Marowak. Adorable but deadly, just like Akhil! The Riots, true to their Tompkins heritage, will be the most hawk-like pokemon, Pidgeot. In a typical fight, Marowak beats Pidgeot and the Butchers beat the Riots 4-0.

Fuzz vs Rehabs

Rehabs are Nidoqueen, need I say more? Yasss (Nido)queens. Fuzz is Graveler because, well, look at him!!! Nidoqueens are more agile than a buff pile of rocks (no offense, Rich). Rehabs win 3-0. 

Lbs vs Karma

Gonna give Karma Raichu. Not a third evolution but the only evolution for pikachu and still pretty powerful. LBS is Mew Two because they’ve lost two finals (heheheh). Mew Two still beats most pokemon (except for Ash’s pikachu but that’s a whole other story) so Lbs eeke by 3-2.

Ankle Biters vs Fresh Kills

With 4 arms, Machamp is probably a lean, mean, goal scoring machine—just like the current FK team. Also just looks absolutely terrifying in general. Raticate, the evolved form of Rattata, are the Ankle Biters not only for its obvious penchant to bite, but due to its scrappy nature and being the 20th pokemon in the pokedex (kinda like how Phil has been in the league for so long). FK wins it 4-0 (one for each arm). 

Rotten Math vs Sky Fighters

I’m not going to take the easy way out and give Sky Fighters an arial Pokemon. No, they are Wartortle and they will fuck you up. Also look at that calculating grin and tell me that’s not Emily. I can’t put my finger on why but Math Rot gives off big Mr Mime energy. Weird, agile, just crazy enough to sometimes pull off a successful attack. A strange matchup that makes for an interesting battle but Wartortle is on the warpath and Sky Fighters win 4-2.

Filthier vs Hookers

Filthy is Persian (the evolved form of Meowth) and the terrifying personal Pokemon of Giovanni, the head honcho of Team Rocket—needless to say this big cat means business. Hookers are Zubat mostly because it appears a lot of their dudes have a big wingspan. A giant, merciless cat chomps on a pesky bat any day. Filthy 2-0. 

Demons vs Poutine

Poutine is Poliwrath and Demons are Tentacruel. These high level water-type pokemon are gonna cause quite the clash. And this hot headed matchup is gonna cause some tempers to flare on both sides. Lots of cheap shots, 3-3 tie, and Poutine prevails in OT. 

Cobra Kai vs Mega Touch

Now that I’ve gotten to the end of this writeup I’m fairly certain I did this themed preview a few years back but I’m just gonna keep going because hopefully there’s no evidence of it on the old site. The dojo is Arbok for obvious snake-induced reasons. Mega is Butterfree—looks non threatening but will fuck you up. (Editor’s note: I have a fear of butterflies thanks to an incident at the zoo when I was 6). Tight game but Cobra Snakes get the W 3-2. 

Gremlins vs Dark Rainbows

Alright so Rainbows are clearly Wigglytuff and Gremlins are Kadabra. Fairy vs Psychic is an interesting matchup but Psychic just might prevail in the final moments of battle. 4-3 Gremlins win.  

Bonus: WTP is Dragonite. A more adorable version of charizard imho. Still dangerous tho.