Coach is Getting Hitched!
April 3rd, 2014
BTSH legend and possible future HOFer Coach ties the knot with his long time girlfriend…whose name we have no idea.
Congrats to the happy couple.
Brian from the Denim Demons made this postcard of two weird statues with a weird looking Coach in between. Actually, Brian may not have made it but he sent it to me.
Everyone is rooting for you Coach, you are a brilliant man, great guy, and according to Dave Soko…an adequate goaltender.
Congrats brother. Go Pirates.
Week 2 Preview: Part II
April 3rd, 2014
Another protip: a generic image can get you out of a tight jam.
Here’s a little protip: if you ever suggest a potential Game of the Week to Richie, there’s a good chance he’s going to make you write about it. Of course, on paper, the Riots/Rainbows matchup is an ideal candidate for this prestigious distinction. It’s one of only three divisional games this weekend, which should theoretically make it one of the closest contests of the day. Plus, with Cobra Kai, Gut Rot, and Mega Touch all facing squads in higher divisions, it’s highly possible for either the Riots or Rainbows to be in sole possession of first place of the Greene Division with a 1-0 record. Finally, let’s be honest, the Riots and Rainbows both have potential to be somewhat irrelevant by mid-season (no offense), so we may as well discuss them while we can. So here we are.
Can’t get mad at Derk. He said no offense.
GOTW: Tompkins Square Riots at Dark Rainbows
by Derek Tagliarino
Keys for the Riots:
Believe it or not, the Riots actually won this division in 2010 with more or less the same squad that they have now*. If they can recapture whatever swag they had four years ago, there’s absolutely no reason to think they can’t do it again. They all play ice together in the offseason, so the chemistry is obviously there, and the addition of wily veteran Suz should give Patrik Blohmé, Alex Frenette, and the rest of the offense a much needed boost. So crank up the Taio Cruz and “California Gurls”-era Katy Perry, and let’s bring this bitch back to 2010.
*Granted, they finished last in the Donohue Division the very next season, which is why they’re back, but that’s besides the point.
16 year old Biebs says a lot has changed since 2010.
Keys for the Rainbows:
The Rainbows were the Gretchen Weiners of this division last season, remaining in second place for virtually the entire season. However, with the Mathematics gone, the title of Queen Bee of the Greene Division is up for grabs. For the Rainbows to do that, they’ll need to get their women involved a lot more this season. Of course, Josh Wilson, Sean Reynolds, Mike Dudelovitch, and Bryan Harris will all get their flavor, and Ariel Kipnis is so fetch between the pipes, but do you know who led the Rainbow women in goals last season? It was a four way tie including Rebecca Norris and Julie Katz…with one goal. (Glanzer Note: Julie, who is moderately good-looking also scored one more goal for the Elves than I did. 1)
She’s even wearing pink! This analogy is flawless.
Prediction:
Both of these teams boast relatively solid offenses, so it’s going to come down to defense and goaltending in the end. I know we here at the Neo-ORG are all pretty high on Dave Gil De Rubio’s semi-final shutout (to the point that it’s a trope, only a few spots down from “rain fears” and “Jo-ann’s accent”), but in a one-game, must-win situation, I’d rather have Ariel on my team. That said, the Rainbows take this one, 3-1.
Rich’s Pick: Riots/Rainbows: Please buy Derk a beer for fighting for this to be GOTW2. Riots have the best players, Rainbows have a better team, 3-0 Rainbows
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows 4, Tompkins Square Riots 2
Week 2 (Or is it now 1?) Previews Part 1
April 2nd, 2014We said you gotta win to earn GOTW and that leaves us with very little options for this coming week, since Evil Commissioner Tim Brown canceled the games.
We are sick of this picture too!
But after the first ever annual McCarren Park Cup, Rachel Greene said the Butchers added a really great Canadian girl and a special surprise that the media doesn’t know about.
Ehhh…Wickenheiser is good for a girl and all. But I’d rather have Sarah T. and Adela.
So that’s good enough for us to give them GOTW, especially since they play league powerhouse Fresh Kills.
GOTW: Fresh Kills at Butchers
Keys for the Butchers:
The surprise.
Holy Cat…it’s Wayne Friggin Gretzky!
That surprise better be Wayne Friggin Gretzky because Fresh Kills can handle a really good Canadian girl. The Butchers seem to be in better shape than we gave them credit for, but their free agents who we never heard of better be reallllly good if they are to win this game.
Keys for Fresh Kills:
For Tim not to fear rain? I’m a pretty big believer in putting 12 talented hockey players together and they will gel by game 1. But I’m more of a believer that a team that is better than the sum of their parts is best of all. Make no mistake, Fresh Kills has talent but they play better as a group than any team in BTSH does.
Prediction:
The Butchers actually almost beat Fresh Kills in the playoffs in 2012. They were up 2-0 fairly late and were up by a goal with around a minute left, but Soko scored to tie it and FK won in OT. But 2012 was a long time ago for the Butchers. I expect a spirited game but in the end, FK will win 5-2.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills 4, Butchers 0
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills 6, Butchers 1
Sunday’s 3 Stars
March 31st, 2014
Chadwick scores “Golden Goal” to win first ever McCarren Park Championship
Every Monday we will be doing the three stars of the week. We’re not sure if the stars will be hockey, bar, or reffing related, but we want to start your week off right.
Unfortunately, because of Rain Fears, BTSH Commissioner Tim Brown decided to cancel fun. However a few renegades risked their lives, and went against The Authority, so we at The Media could give you Monday content. To those heroes, we say thank you.
So without further ado…we bring you the 3 Stars from the first ever annual, McCarren Park Championship.
*** Rob Walsh
Elves battle as Walsh and Chadwick fight for the ball, and world domination.
Walsh wins, as Sarah T., tries to inconspicuously drive past in her Elves lime green car in the background.
**Rachel Greene
Rachel dresses in all black in mourning of the promised 2013 All-Star Game that never happened.
Rachel changes into a similar all black outfit, this time for the promised 2014 Opening Day that never happened.
* Ben Chadtrick
This is why I never return Dana’s texts to join the Elves. We just won an amazing championship and instead of celebrating our glorious victory, she is too concerned about Schuey crying. The talent is there Dana…you just need to focus on what BTSH is all about. WINNING!
The champions celebrate their glorious victory. Somewhere Tim Brown is seething that these four heroes, had fun on his watch.
March 30 Games Postponed Due to Rain Fears
March 30th, 2014Mr Met is not a fan of BTSH
For the first time in the Modern Era of BTSH (2008-Present) Opening Day has been washed out.
Commissioner Tim Brown would also like to remind you there is no such thing as Santa Claus, America is in a deep recession and pending sequel spoiler alert, ET dies on his way home…when he crashes into that tree.
It’s a very short sequel as ET crashes into tree, moans for 27 seconds, dies, fade to black, then sad music and credits.
Craig has seen it giddily 7 times already.
As of now, games are still on for next week.
