Week 15 Boxscores
August 5th, 2013
Have You Seen This Man?
Demons goals by Jeff Kamen, Zack Tinkelman, Bob DiProspero, Dave Shyu & Brian Kubovcik
Elves goal by Ben Chadwick Five different goal scorers for the Demons as they continue to roll.
Gouging Anklebiters 1, Butchers 1
Butchers hold the high-powered Anklebiters offence to no regulation goals. Both goals come in shootout.
Mega Touch 2, Dark Rainbows 0
Mega Touch goals by Joe Lops and Kegan ?, Mike Tuckman with the shutout
Mega Touch proves once again that they’re not a team to be taken lightly.
Fresh Kills 6, Gut Rot 0
Kills goals by Gabe Chenard-Poirier (3), Steph Opitz, Patrick Moore and Alex ?, Patrick Barch with the shutout.
Chenard notches a hat trick as the Kills continue to roll towards a perfect season.
Rehabs 3, Cobra Kai 2 (OT)
Cobra Kai tied the game with seconds left but the ‘Habs get the OT win. Bryan and Gregg, please let us know who scored.
La Famiglia 4, Sky Fighters 2
La Famiglia by Denis Miceletto (2) & Eric Fortin (2)
Sky Fighters goals by Dan Hopper (2)
Is Eric Fortin the new Shafiq Perry?
Filthy Gorgeous 3, Tompkins Square Riots 3 (SO)
Filthy goals by Matt Novick, Suz, JJ Anderson
Riots goals by Patrick Blohme, Alex Frenette, Laura Macneil
TSR manages to take a short benched Filthy Squad to a shootout tie.
Poutine Machine 1, WTP 0 (forfeit)
WTP fails to show up for the second week in a row. Larry Zimmer no longer eligible for Captain of the Year.
Gremlins at Mathematics- results to come
Lbs 3, Corlears Hookers 1
Lbs. goals by Karsten Pichon, Sam Anthony & Erica Lee
Hookers goal by Gavin Kearney
Hey Fresh Kills. If you feel a hot breath on the back of your neck … it’s the defending champs.
Week 15 – Game Previews
August 2nd, 2013
Editor’s note: Wow, BTSH. You’re more effective than J-Date and E-Harmony combined. This week Derek Tagliarano and Michelle Doucette finally tie the knot and Ashish Nagpal and Carly Czuba from Poutine Machine also take the plunge. While we wish the happy couples well, it’s devastated the ranks of Mathematics, What the Puck and Poutine Machine this weekend. It’s also put our reporting staff down another member as Eli was “too busy” to write anything this week. We’re sure Rich Glanzer has a few words to say about that …
LBS vs Corlears Hookers,
5:30 PM, Tompkins Square East
by Rich “You want me at your wedding. You need me at your wedding …” Glanzer
The Hookers vs. the Lbs. is a rematch from last years semi-finals, when the Lbs. shocked the world (ok, just me) and beat the Hookers. Though I’m mad at the Hookers for losing to FK, I expect them to bounce back and win 2-1. But I don’t have time for breaking down a game…I have to talk about Derek and Michelle’s upcoming wedding that I’m invited to!
Michelle: Yes….yes, a thousand times yes!
Denim Demons at Happy Little Elves,
1:00 PM, Tompkins Square East
It’s a marriage of red and green, Christmas colors, elves in Jorts, nothing but goodwill here right? Wrong. The Demons still hold a grudge for being excluded from the fairytale cup for all these years. And without the Tinkelman-Glanzer bromance keeping things chill expect drama here. This is one match that’s not going to end harmoniously. Demons 5- Elves 3 and Adam gets custody of Ben Chadwick.
Gouging Anklebiters at Butchers
1:00 PM, Tompkins Square West
It’s a meeting of minds and spirits, two like minded teams coming together as one. But it’s also a time to consider the different paths life takes you on. The Anklebiters are one of the most hitched up teams in the league. When they’re not marrying each other they’re marrying players from other teams (I’m looking at you Sascha & Guvs). Meanwhile, the Butchers are swinging singles. Sure some of them are in serious relationships. But most of them are players, something that hurts them on the court in early games like this. look for the somewhat settled down Biters to beat a significantly more hungover Butchers squad 3-1.
Mega Touch at Dark Rainbows
2:00 PM, Tompkins Square East
See the writeup above and substitute “Dark Rainbows for “Anklebiters” and “Mega Touch” for “Butchers”.
Gut Rot at Fresh Kills
2:00 PM, Tompkins Square West
Gut Rot’s experience with marriage is largely confined to the shotgun kind. But they’ve got bigger things on their mind. Tommy swore he wouldn’t get married until Dave Sokol and crew knew the bitter sting of defeat. But now he’s worried about ending up as an 80 year old contestant on the Bachelor. So he’s pulling out all the stops for this one. He claims to have a secret strategy involving something borrowed and something blue. Is this the reason why Mike and Heather have been seen eating at Henrik Lundquist’s restaurant every night this week? We’d suggest a different strategy. Just let all the Russians on Fresh Kills know that they’re secretly married to Anna Kournikova. It could work! But if it doesn’t look for another FK blowout.
Sky Fighters at La Famiglia
3:00 PM, Tompkins Square East
The Fam are big on the holy state of matrimony. But in more of an organizational sense. Just ask Shafiq Perry. When the Perinator tried to defect to the Kills after a particularly persuasive Kevin Foster recruiting session, he found a pack of ribeyes in his bed. Mistaking them for another gesture from the Kills, he was saddened to find out that they’d been placed there by Dr. Alfred Liu (who was unclear on the whole “horse head in the bed” thing). Over a delicious BBQ dinner, Capo del Capo Denis Miceleto informed him that he was “married to the mob” and that divorce was not an option. And Perry remains a member of La Famiglia to this day.
The lesson for the Skyfighters? Find Denis a nice lady, encourage them to have kids and postpone this game to the day of his daughter’s wedding. Then when he tells you that he can’t refuse you a favor on that day, ask him to throw the game. It’s a long term strategy but a guaranteed “W”.
Cobra Kai at Rehabs
3:00 PM, Tompkins Square West
Rehabs tend not to get married as they’re supposed to avoid any major life changes while they’re on the team (work the steps, folks). But Cobra Kai? With close to 30 players on their active roister it’s only a matter of tim before someone hooks up. In the meantime, both teams are dealing with the addition of a significant amount of new players. So they should really treat this more like a mixer than the a ball hockey game. We suggest that every time two opposing players go in to the corner for a ball, they stop and tell each other a little bit about themselves. Who knows? Maybe some magic will happen.
Oh, and Rehabs 2- Cobra Kai 1.
Filthy Gorgeous at Tompkins Square Riots
4:30 PM, Tompkins Square East
Both these teams are so good looking, we expect this to be the most watched match of the day. While fans are busy scrawling “Mrs. James Periera” or “Mr. Laura MacNeil” on their trapper keepers, the players will stick to business (although we wouldn’t rule out some Olympic Village type shenanigans later). TSR have the talent to surprise a lot of teams but FG looked very focused in their OT win against Math last week. Expect them to continue to roll and win 5-3 against a scrappy Riots team.
What the Puck at Poutine Machine
4:30 PM, Tompkins Square West
This game was supposed to be played between the ceremony and reception of the Nagpal-Czuba and Tagliarano-Doucette weddings. But neither wedding party could agree on a neutral location and no one was willing to take Larry Zimmer’s suggestion to move both weddings to Citifield. So expect this game to look more like replacement football. Word has it that Patrick will be recruiting during Bob W’s kids street hockey session earlier in the day while WTP may decide it’s another good beach day. Either way, expect to see a lot of unfamiliar faces.
Gremlins at Mathematics the Norri
5:30 PM, Tompkins Square West
Anyone who’s watched GAME OF THRONES knows that weddings are the perfect time for political machinations. And with Derek and Eli a thousand miles away (and loyal retainer Andy Pratt already exiled to the West Coast), the time of the Norri is nigh. Expect Zack and Sam to make sure all their team members swear a blood oath to Mama Norris before starting this week’s game. And expect several more floppy haired additions to the Math roster. It’s only the first step for a family who obviously have designs on taking over the entire league. Is it true that there’s a Jeb Norris eyeing a run at the commissioner’s office in 2016?
Week 14 Boxscores – Fresh Kills Roll, WTP Go to the Beach
July 29th, 2013Straight from the commish …
Happy Little Elves 6 riots 2
adriano
WTP forfeited their game to LBS.
At Last … the Week 13 Boxscores
July 29th, 2013We hope to have Week 14 boxscores for you today or tomorrow. IN the meantime, wax nostalgic about Week 13, when we are all so much younger and MegaTouch was an offensive juggernaut:
LBS 2 – Ken, Tommy Capotosta
Poutine 1 – Ashish
Mega Touch 7 – Adriano 3, Alex Eben Meyer 3, Keegan
Gut Rot 0
Corlears 6 – Gavin, Al Huang, Sam Marton, Tiffany, Jon Bartlett, CJ
Filthy 2 – Suvin, James
Math 3 (OT) – Adam Langer, Nathan Norris, Liz Hirsch
Rehabs 2 – Eric Ruben, Nick P
Butchers 1 – Mike Mincieli
Gremlins 0
Anklebiters 4 – Phil, Sarah Moore, Alex Owen, Joe P.
Cobra Kai 1 – Mark Talercio
Demons 4 – Jeff Kamen 2, Dave Shyu, Lee Reiners
Sky Fighters 2 – Dan Hopper, Chmieloweic
La Famiglia 2 – Denis, Joe Depaola
What The Puck 1 – Darrell Hartman
Tompkins Square Riots 4 – Alex Frenette 2, Shane DeBlasio, Alex Pierre Levelle
Dark Rainbows 2 – Sean Reynolds, Mike Dudelovitch
Fresh Kills 7 – Gabe 2, Alex (Kovalev) 2, Nick Scott, Alice Bertoni, Ashley Singer
Elves 1 – Rob Walsh
Week 14 – Game Previews – Part 2
July 26th, 2013
Editor’s Note: If the Commissioner or Head Refs ever sent the Org last week’s box scores, you would have read that Fresh Kills beat the Happy Little Elves 7-1 last Sunday. Still unbeaten, the Staten Island Swampers are on track for a perfect season. So this week we asked our reporters: can Fresh Kills be defeated? And, if so, what’s it going to take to notch the first “W” against them.
Rehabs at Gouging Anklebiters
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Bill “Wait For It” Tucker
As the season slides towards playoffs, finding original material for a team you’ve written about for five months becomes a challenge. Sorry kids, I’m out of Anklebiters references (ok…maybe not completely out). As our assignment was to discuss how our teams can beat the still undefeated Fresh Kills, here’s an idea. Let’s talk about how to avoid them completely.
The Yellow and Blue won’t face the Blue Juggernaut for the rest of the season and in their only contest, gave them all they could handle in a 1-0 defeat. Still, if the chips fall the way I think they will, Kills / Foot Nibblers is a very possible late playoff matchup. My advice? Take to the court with jackhammers the day before the match and declare it a draw. This gives both teams a chance to take a breather and enjoy some White Russians at Doc Holidays. Let the league deal with the ramifications of complete disregard and surrender.
The Rehabs, on the other hand, can simply scare the Killers into submission. Their ferocious battle cry of, “REEEEHAAABBSS” is reminiscent of a Viking yell during a Norwegian plunder. Imagine sitting back on the sunny asphalt of Tompkins Square Park, hiding your adult beverage from the authorities. The weather is nice, the sound of plastic sticks is soothing and you’re just about to take a doze when out of nowhere, BAM! You hear that animalistic scream. If you’re heart’s not hammering afterwards, check your pulse. You may be a member of the Walking Dead. Long story short, Killer Kehoes? Intimidate the Bullies in Blue and they’ll head for the hills.
Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins’ Offical Prediction: With the cooler weather, I’ve taken to the ancient art of creating Japanese rock gardens for my spiritual enlightenment. After hours of careful raking and exquisite detailing, I drank a fifth of poorly crafted rum and fell face first into the stone pit. When I awoke, I counted three lacerations on my face and one bruise on my left femur. As such, call it 3 – 1 in favor of the Ankles.
Dark Rainbows at Gut Rot
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Monica “Raised in Africa” Russo
La Famiglia at Denim Demons
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
This one should be a barnburner as both teams are on the top of their game.
The Fam started off the season slow but have rounded in to form. Is it the all-meatball sub diet that team Captain Denis Miceletto has forced on his players. No chance. Denis abandoned that strategy after one Quiznos session with Haanwa Chau. They don’t call her “Sandwich” for nothing. The Paisans have simply gone back to the strategy that’s worked so well for them over the past couple of seasons. Someone passes the ball to Shafiq, Shafiq carries it in to the offensive zone, Denis is standing at the top of the crease, Shafiq passes it to Denis, Denis scores. It’s a simple strategy that works.
The Demons know all bout keeping it simple. That’s why they’ve been able to take La Famiglia’s strategy and improve it. Here’s their game plan, copied from a playbook that Dave Shyu carelessly left at the ACE: 1) Pass the ball to Jeff Kamen 2) Jeff Scores.
It’s system vs. system folks. Let’s see which one comes out on top.
Happy Little Elves at Tompkins Square Riots
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
So you’ve just got your butt kicked by the #1 team in the league. What’s your dream matchup? The game that will get your confidence right back. How about a game against the last place team in the league? Sounds like just the ticket right?
Not so fast Jolly Small Fairies. TSR is the classic case of a team whose record doesn’t indicate the quality of their play. They’ve also been unfortunate enough to be in a division with the Mathematics, a team that is Glanzer Division worthy in name only. This is a classic scenario for overconfidence on the part of the Green Machine and a true test of a coaches ability to get his team properly motivated. If Richie and Jenna don’t get the crew up for this one it could be a shock upset.
One other thing we can’t forget is that a number of the Riots used to be Fresh Kills players. Will Amy Jones put her enmity aside and reach out to former linemate Dave Sokol for tips on how to beat Shaun DeLacy? Or will Sokol lean the other way and give Ben Chadwick the book on Dave Gil de Rubio? Or Sokol may just do nothing and head to the East Village Tavern after his game (the most likely scenario).
Drama and intrigue may abound. Or the Elves may just remember who they are and win this one 6-1.
Either way it’s worth watching. The red and green mix plus all those Elves logos will make it feel like Christmas in July. Make sure to bring some mistletoe (and a stepstool) if you want to snag a smooch from the leagues most eligible bachelor Ben Chadwick!
Gremlins at Cobra Kai
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
We’ll come right out and say it.The Gremlins were robbed last week against the Butchers. They outplayed the Misfits for most of the game and Jamie B. continued his campaign for Goalie of the Year. Only a lucky shot from Creamy turned the tide in the Bs favor.
Will Cobra Kai be able to pull off the same kind of fortunate result? Hard to say. mainly because we have no idea who’s on Cobra Kai anymore. Gregg was kind enough to send us some roster changes last week but by our calculations that takes his team up to 37 players. That might be a slight exaggeration but CK have looked like a late ’90s Islander team with a rotating cast of characters filling the various spots. The only constants have been Pete “Clubber” Lang and Becky Pear. even Rem Garavito has been seen sporting a Rainbows jersey lately.
It’s hard to create team chemistry with that kind of turnover and it’s even harder when you’re playing a close knit bunch like the Gremlins. We’re going to have to give this one to the g’s, not just because of their team cohesiveness but also because we can’t see many teams getting past Jamie B.
Editor’s Note: Jamie (or Tim Brown or even Hall of Famer Aaron “Coach” Pagdon) may actually be the ultimate answer to how to beat the Kills. Hot goaltending has always been the key to playoff hockey and it wouldn’t be surprising if some team has a keeper who comes up big and shuts down the leading offense in the league. That may not happen in the regular season but come October this is still an “Any Given Sunday” league. In the meantime, have some fun, stay safe and healthy, and somebody check on Gabe Chenard-Poirier’s immigration status, ok?
