Week 9 Boxscores – Karsten Has the Hot Hand
June 18th, 2013
Butchers 2 Corlears Hookers 8
Hookers goals: Danilo Biagioni (3), Gavin Kearney (2), Tiffany Hagge, John Bartlett, Jacques
Butchers goals: Ben Bloom, Arthur Revechkis
Danilo puts up a natural hat trick as the Hookers rout the Butchers
Rehabs 1 Gremlins 0 (OT)
Rehab goals: Alex Zabala, Ariel Kipnis (sub) shutout
Zabala wins it in OT for the ‘Habs
Lbs. 6 La Famiglia 1
Lbs. goals: Karsten Pichon (6)
La Famiglia goals: Jon Fidge
Karsten post a double hat trick. Is this a league first?
Mega Touch 3 Gouging Anklebiters 5
Anklebiters goals: Alex Derhohannesian (2), Sarah Moore (2),Joe Polowczuk
MegaTouch goals: Adriano Bratta (2), Joe Lops
Moore is more as Sarah’s two goals are the difference for the Pound Puppies.
Skyfighters 3 Happy Little Elves 1
Skyfighters goals: Mark Bloom, Bob W., Zucco
Elves goals: Ben Chadwick
Chadwick scores but the Skyfighters still spoil Showtime’s Elves debut.
Dark Rainbows 1 Poutine Machine 0
Rainbows Goals: Mike Dudelovitch, Ariel Kipnis shutout.
Kipnis posts his second gooseegg of the day to keep the French Fries winless.
Mathematics 3 Denim Demons 1
Mathematics goals: Andy Pratt (2), Brad Schmidt
Demons goals: Zack Tinkelman
The Andy Pratt farewell tour continues to roll as Math upset the Demons.
Tompkins Square Riots 0 Gut Rot 3
Gut Rot goals: Diane Johnston, Jamie Crosby, Tommy Cho, Bill Tucker-shutout
The new, improved GutRot continues to impress as they keep the Riots pointless.
Filthy Gorgeous 4 W What the Puck 5 (OT)
What the Puck Goals: ??? Mike Woodsworth OT winner
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin Malik(3), Achille
Suvin joins the hat trick club but WTP storm back to win in over time.
Fresh Kills 3 Cobra Kai 0
Kills goals: Scott Lee, Alice Bertoni, Annika Sweetland (sub). patrick Barch-shutout
Kills remain undefeated as they spoil Gregg Allman’s return to the dojo.
Week 9 – Game Previews – Part 2
June 13th, 2013
Gremlins at Rehabs
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Eli “I Just Wanted to Show That I Know How to Spell Batuwantudawe” Kazin
We know, we know, most of you couldn’t name a single Gremlin even if we gave you their 2013 roster as a cheat sheet. But the Gremlin who far and away deserves the #iamgregorycampbell hashtag is their goalie, Jamie Batuwantudawe. Let’s look at the supporting evidence, shall we? The Gremlins have a solid 4-3 record through seven games and are in the mix for the Larsen Division title. However, here are their goals scored for each game so far: 1,0,2,0,2,3,1. Notice a trend? Jamie has had to be perfect, or near perfect, to snag a victory for his team. In each of the four wins (including week 6 against the Rehabs), Jamie has allowed either one goal or pitched a shutout, while in each of the three losses, he has allowed two or more goals. Going into each game with this kind of pressure can’t be good for a goalie…just ask Henrik Lundqvist.
Gouging Anklebiters at Mega Touch
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
We’re tempted to give the Campbell honors to anyone who was on a team with Eric DiPieri. And normally Amy Barrett-Donohues arm wrestling prowess would give her at least a whiff at the hashtag. But recent events have shown that there’s only one clear choice. Jeremy Robert Kevin “Schuie” Schumacher underwent hip resurfacing surgery a couple of weeks back. Confined to his house with a six inch scar and a bottle of Vicodin, Schuie played through pain and hobbled on crutches to a must attend event. That event? An Anklebiters brunch. The kicker? Because of his medication Schuie couldn’t drink (possibly the only time in Anklebiters history that a team member has refrained from alcohol consumption at a club function). #iamgregorycampbell, indeed.
Julie Katz once went on an eight hour car ride with only a pack of twizzlers. #iamgregorycampbell
(Editor’s note: We all know Harvey Jaswal is the real #iamgregorycampbell on Megatouch but his story is too close to Schuie’s to keep your attention).
The Biters are rolling this season but the Super Feelers love to play spoiler. With Craig LaCombe still exploring some of Tokyo’s finest Geisha establishments, this could be a chance for Bratta, Devlin and co. to spoil JOe P’s day. Megatouch 3-Biters 2.
Poutine Machine at Dark Rainbows
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Monica “Machievelli” Russo
I don’t entirely understand this week’s theme. But here’s what I do know: I really want Poutine to win this game.
(Editor’s Note: You see what she did there? She gave herself the hashtag! Stop hanging around Glanzer, Monica!)
Gut Rot at Tompkins Square Riots
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
So I’m out with Tommy Cho’s roommate. And he’s very drunk. So I throw him in a cab and take him home. Roommate can’t find his keys. So I call Tommy to come down stairs and let him in. Why is this a #iamgregorycampbell moment? Because Tommy has a broken leg. Not willing to let his roommate sleep in the doorframe, like he deserves, Tommy gamely makes his way down the stairs. As he opens the door for us, roommate finds his keys. True story and #doubleiamgregorycampbell.
I haven’t seen him do it in BTSH yet but Scott Townsend has been known to stop pucks with his head. #iamgregorycampbell
With the exception of Poutine Machine, there’s no team in the league that wants a win more than TSR. And in the old days, Gut Rot would be a likely candidate to yield a result. But not any more. The new, improved Gut Rot can play with any team in the league and if TSR want the win they’re going to have to earn it. We see this one ending up in a 3-3 tie.
What the Puck at Filthy Gorgeous
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
Lightning Round.
Corey Winters was a Winnipeg Jets fan even while there was no team in Winnipeg. #iamgregorycampbell
Hannah Stark is a teacher. #iamgregorycampbell
Larry Zimmer is a Mets fan. #iamgregorycampbell
Michel Doucet is getting married to Derek Tagliarino. #iamgregorycampbell
It’s a little more of a detailed story for Filthy. Ever walk by a construction site? Ever see the size of those boards they use to fence in a construction site? Ever have one of those boards get broken off by 50 mph winds and hit you dead on? Ever play street hockey six months after being hit by said board? James Perriera has. #iamgregorycampbell.
Look for a super tight game here. WTP probably has the talent edge but Dan Owens has only a couple of games left in BTSH before he fills New Jersey’s vacant Senate seat (at least I think that’s why he’s moving to DC). Look for Danno to stone Skuse and co. and for Filthy to win 4-2.
Standings are Fixed!!
June 12th, 2013
A huge thank you to Fresh Kills Captain and ubermensch Dave Sokol who stepped in and fixed the bug in our standings page. If Abby hadn’t already written your preview, we would have given you the #iamgregorycampbell award, Dave.
Week 9 – Game Previews – Part 1
June 12th, 2013Most of you have probably already seen this footage of Gregory Campbell killing off a penalty while skating on a broken leg:
So the ORG’s crack reporting team got to talking and wondering who on BTSH might deserve that hallowed hashtag. Our initial thought was to give it to anyone who’s ever written for the ORG, been league commissioner or shared a long car ride with Suz. But then author provocateur Ben “the American Zdeno Chara” Chadwick threw down the gauntlet and told us all to get a bit more creative.
And no one picked it up with more gusto than our own Abby Meisterman. Herewith, for your reading pleasure, BTSH’s first ever “tweetalogue”:
Cobra Kai at Fresh Kills
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Abby “Pushing the Boundaries” Meisterman
Scott Lee @hairlesscat
@SokolOne What time is the game this week? And v. who?
Dave Sokol @SokolOne
@hairlesscat We have the late game, 5:30, vs. CobraKai.
Kevin F@ThatsNoMoon
@hairlesscat @SokolOne CobraKai? I give those guys major credit. Goalie’s an angry dude.
Jerry Chavez @GoHawks
@ThatsNoMoon @SokolOne It’s true; we are long suffering. #iamgregorycampbell
Pete Lang @SIbikedude
@GoHawks @ThatsNoMoon Hey now! I’m right here. You guys should feel bad, you’ve a sucky “Bond” on your team.
Kevin F @ThatsNoMoon
@SIbikedude You’re thinking of Roger Moore; our guy is Patrick Moore, @btsh008
Pete Lang @SIbikedude
@ThatsNoMoon Wait? Then who’s your goalie?
Kevin F @ThatsNoMoon
@SIbikedude That’s Patrick Barch, @BarchBeer. How long have you been in this league!?
Jerry Chavez @GoHawks
@ThatsNoMoon See what I mean? #iamgregorycampbell
Claire Friedman @NJDevilsgurl
@PearDream We’re on a team with these guys?
Becky Pear @PearDream
@NJDevilsgurl ‘Fraid so. It boggles the mind. #iamgregorycampbell
Mike Sokol @SokolTwo
@PearDream @ NJDevilsgurl You know nothing, Jon Snow. Trying having your brother as captain. #iamgregorycampbell
Alice Bertoni @ItsAleechayDammit
@SokolOne So, wait… What time’s the game?
Corlears Hookers at Butchers
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
Even after all these years, Dustin refuses to block Peter Putka’s email account. #iamgregorycampbell
Ben Bloom puts up with Arthur Revechkis’ off key rendition of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” every time Ben scores a goal #iamgregorycampbell
The Hookers aren’t looking quite as unbeatable as they were early in the season and the Butchers are one of those teams that’s always good for an upset pick. However, both teams start to struggle with attendance between Memorial Day and Labor Day weekend. If it’s six Hookers against ten Butchers bet on the Misfits.
La Famiglia at Lbs.
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
One of our earliest memories of the league is Ant Ventolieri taking one for his team. For you newbies, Pork Fried Rice was the first of the BTSH “superteams” (modern equivalent-Corlears Hookers or Fresh Kills), an all-star team constantly supplemented by players from other teams or leagues. Universally despised by the rest of the league, they won the championship in 2005. Ant selflessly steered attention away from his teammates by bum rushing the stage at the end of season party and encouraging the crowd to yell “asshole” for over ten minutes. He’s also a Bruins fan so this will have special meaning for him. Ant = #iamgregorycampbell
There are a lot of different candidates for Lbs. but none have shown the courage of Dustin Shutes. He’s had that same hairstyle since 1982. #iamgregorycampbell
LBS are steamrolling everyone right now and don’t expect that to stop this week. 3-1 for the Preppie Puckhandlers.
Happy Little Elves at Skyfighters
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
No matter who we pick on the Elves, Glanzer is going to disagree with us. So f**k it. We’re giving this one to Sarah Torenten. Sarah suffered through weeks of the standings page being messed up and even though she was dying inside she never complained publicly (unless you count the Elves Facebook page as a public forum). Sarah Torenten=#iamgregorycampbell.
James Stein singlehandedly revived the Molly Jacobs tradition of courtside vomiting. #iamgregorycampbell
We’re going with our traditional pick of Elves in a shootout (since we’re assuming that 85 degree heat will cause Rammstein to throw up in his mouth a little).
Denim Demons at Mathematics
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Rich “My Posts Gets More Obscure Every Week” Glanzer
Before we get to the theme lets get to the hockey. Both the Demons and Math are coming off incredibly uninspiring efforts, though Math was able to pull out a win vs. Scott Lee and his Riots. Meanwhile, the Demons got thumped by the Lbs. I still don’t know how y’all let these guys who make Kevin Foster look as young as Sean McClain win the championship last season. I mean I know Karstan is deadly with his cane but still. (Ken Poulin, I joke, I know you guys are good. I got your emails, texts and Myspace messages telling me that you’re good. Here is Ken’s Myspace page. )
Week 8 – Game Previews – Part 2
June 7th, 2013
Poutine Machine at Filthy Gorgeous,
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Abby “Sucking Up to Management” Meisterman
Every Mother’s Day I call my step-mother, as well as my birth Mom, to make sure she feels the love, too. So I want to throw out some love to step-fathers this Sunday. Sure, a few of us old-timers remember the days when this league was run by S.B., but probably more of us remember the days of Bob W. or Adriano. These days, however, it’s run by young’un Tim Brown, who is like the young, fresh fellow our mom took up with. He’s fun, he likes a lot of the same kind of music we do, and it’s clear he loves our Mom. He’s clearly an authority figure, but he’s a little tentative when it comes to actually disciplining us; he certainly would never tell us to turn our music down! I suspect it’s the same when he’s between the pipes for Poutine Machine: he’s always watching, very supportive, and leaves the actual reprimanding to the real-Dad, Patrick Larsen.
Gouging Anklebiters at Happy Little Elves,
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Bill “What’s Going On Here?” Tucker and Patrick “I Screwed Up and Told You to Write About Last Week’s Game So I’m Breaking Your Biters-LBS. Preview in to Two Parts” Larsen
Bill – Expectant co-captains Amy and Phil Donohue aside, the Biters aren’t quite the familial type. Instead, they are the fathers of fun. So much so, select members of the Blue and Gold formed D.A.D.D. (Dudes/Dudettes Against Drunken Douchebaggery) over the three week break. Founded on the premise of good times without ego, the group works to educate BTSH bar-goers on the art of tipping back a High Life and getting over yourself. If you have friends who wear too much Ed Hardy, listen to Nickelback and say things like, “Cool Story, Bro”, advise them to seek treatment immediately. It’s not too late. If not, expect Caroline to chase them around Ace Bar brandishing a broken broom handle ala Jeff Garlin in Daddy Day Camp. You’ve been forewarned.
Patrick – I want to go for the easy pick here and give the title of HLE team Dad to Gil Valdez. Why? Not because his son actually plays on the Elves. No it’s because decades of watching the Simpsons have taught me that “Old Gil really needs this.” Unfortunately for Gil, those years of experience have taught me that there’s only clear choice for the title. This clip of Rich Glanzer at work shows that there really is only one father figure for the team in green. Stay golden, Angry Dad!
Game Prediction – Let’s go out on a limb and say the Elves win this one in a shootout.
Mega Touch at Gremlins,
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
When we started this game of “Who’s Your Daddy?”, we didn’t expect this round to be so tough. Of course, Julie Katz is Mega’s team mom, doling out candy and kind words to her colorful cast of hockey monkeys. If there was daycare for street hockey players, she would probably run it. So that makes Adriano the team dad right? We wish we could say yes, but “Andiamo” has always given off more of a big brother vibe. Maybe it’s because our dads didn’t say, “F**k it, I don’t really care. I’m out of here in a few weeks anyway” a lot. or if they did say it, they didn’t come back every week afterwards.
So how we decide this vital question. If we went by seniority Alex Eben Meyer would have to be the early favorite for team dad. But “Stripes” also gives off that favorite uncle vibe. We just can’t see him grounding anybody or scaring off a potential boyfriend. On the other hand, Eric Devlin fits that role perfectly. Who can’t see “Biz Dev” yelling at kids to stay out of his yard or telling scrapping siblings to knock it off? It may have been a few weeks since we played but we’re pretty sure that actually happened in Week 6. So congrats, Eric. You’ve earned your pater families status.
Y’know, it actually wasn’t that long ago that we would be hard pressed to find any examples of team dads in this league. In those swinging singles days, only Violet aka “the Rainbows’ baby” represented BTSH family values. The rest of the league? Definitely more REAL WORLD than MODERN FAMILY. The Grems are a throwback to those days, with no obvious father figure. Heck, Ryan is such a laid back Captain that he has to keep reminding the refs that he’s actually wearing the “C”. So how do we pick a dad for the Notorious Gs? Guess we’ll have to go with the guy most likely to embarrass the younger female players on the team when they’re talking to their friends. We’re looking at you Iannis! Probably shouldn’t have talked about how you discovered “sexting” quite so often.
Game prediction: Stern Dad beats Eugene Levy type Dad 3-2 (SO)
Skyfighters at Dark Rainbows,
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
No discussion here. In the Fighters family structure, Martin Cejka is obviously the man at the top of the family tree. That’s not taking anything away from favorite son Dan Hopper, or colorful uncles James Stein and Robert Kucera. Trust us, if Martin ever quits those three would be perfect for a BTSH version of FULL HOUSE. The only issue we would have is both Kucera and Stein thinking they were playing the John Stamos part. But Cejka is the tough, immigrant Dad who works hard so his kids (and teammates) can have a better life. Respect, MC.
On the other hand, with the Rainbows, it’s a question of who isn’t the team dad? Sure Sean has the kids but Josh has that beard and paternal air of authority. John Rudd rocks the gentle caregiver role and John Nielsen is the reliable rock that every father wants to be. As we said, there are no shortage of qualified candidates. So we’ve got to look beyond their role on the team and see how they interact with the league in general. Who, over the years, has consistently acted like a Dad at the beach with a bunch of unruly four year olds? Who combines that dad like mix of exasperation, amusement and mild intoxication on a Sunday? Who can we count on to never really know what his children/fellow players are up to? Jim Dandenault, you’re our pick for Dark Rainbows father figure.
Game Prediction: a 3-2 shootout win for Martin & Sons.
Denim Demons at LBS,
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Bill “I Get It Now” Tucker and Patrick “Sorry About That” Larsen
Bill – When I think of fathers, the guy you looked up to as a youngin’ springs to mind. The adult you always wanted to be. In that regard, Lbs is the Big Daddy of BTSH. Through hard work and the occasional hostile takeover, The Corporation has become the BTSH franchise many strive to emulate. Combining a calm demeanor with explosive power, Lbs is the fatherly equivalent of Mr. Rogers on a bender. Sure, he looks all sweet in his cardigan but get a few in him and POW. Right in the kisser. It also doesn’t hurt that Ken Poulin produces adorable children. Seriously. Like pinch their cheeks and make baby noises cute.
Patrick – The Demons are kind of like a family business. Adam and Zack are the older brothers who’ve taken over the shop and modernized everything. But the heart and soul of the company is still the Old Man, the guy who taught them how to tape their first street hockey stick, shotgun a PBR and complain about my calls when I ref Demons’ games. We’re talking about you Coach. Someday soon your boys are going to make you proud and finally land that big contract (or BTSH championship) and then you’ll quietly retire. But no matter what happens you’ll always be the Demons dad.
Game Prediction: Age and Treachery can still beat Youth and Talent. Let’s give this one to the Corp. 2-1 in OT.
Editor’s Note: A special congratulations to my Brother-in-Law Brian Curci and his lovely wife, Sara. Brian became a Dad for the first time last night and I’m sure Jax Curci (aka New York Islanders 2033 #1 Draft Pick) will be making an appearance on the BTSH sidelines sometime in the next couple of years. Happy Father’s Day to Brian and all the Dads in the league!
