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12. Gremlins v 2. Gouging Anklebiters

By Jess

In the hand pass heard round the world*, the Gremlins blanked WTP and stonewalled their 10 game winning streak while simultaneously destroying their playoff dreams. While the reffing calls of a week ago are neither here nor there, the Gremlins won’t be so “lucky” this time and will have to bring it against the #2 team in the league. Speaking of luck, Walker is sidelined yet again due to injury in a game where his defensive skills are greatly needed. If Jamie can have another shutout it would be v much appreciated but like, no pressure at all Jamie!!!! It’s important to note that last game they were missing Walker and Rockoff. If the Salt Boyzzz return in full fighting form this game might be closer than I originally thought. 

*side note, does anyone else picture Walker as the evil emperor from Star Wars who says “good, let the hate flow through you” whilst everyone was getting pissed about the hand pass call?

The Biters decimated the Sky Fighters 7-1 last week and that was without Probie (who was busy getting inducted into his high school lacrosse hall of fame IT’S TRUE YOU CAN FACT CHECK ME ON IT). The narrative is always Biters + Probie but I think last week’s game showed just how much of a well oiled machine this team really is. They’ve all played together for quite some time and have a good mix of new blood, with a veteran goalie. I would say their “weakest” point is their defense, which will match up nicely against the feisty offense of the Gremlins. 

Key Matchup: Erich v Probie- this tough because Erich, as you all know, is my best friend but I’ll still stick with Probie on this one nabbing 2 goals to Erich’s 1.

Prediction: Biters 4, Gremlins 1.

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Let’s get Schlitzy!!!

Gut Rot vs. What The Puck

written by JW

In this corner: Gut Rot

Dominant narrative: They don’t win a lot of games. Also, they’re the fun team. 

These things are both true. However, Captain Diane DID win at trivia the other night. Someone who shall remain nameless had a lot to do with this victory because there was a classic horror films round, but I digress. Nicely put, this game is a mismatch. (It’s the top seed vs. the bottom seed matchup.) This doesn’t mean Gut Rot cannot win. I suspect they are looking ahead to Halloween festivities more so than thinking about hockey, however I do know that they love The Schlitz. So, heck, let’s all get a good seat for this one. 

Player to watch: Whoever is between the pipes. Will it be Sam, their regular goalie? He didn’t make a lot of games this year. Will it be #GoalieBecca? Will they have no goalie and pull some rando off the street who was walking by eating a slice of pizza and looking wondrously at the courts? Man I hope so. 

Bandwagonability: You know the answer to this. As I’ve always said, Gut Rot are the team that everyone loves to love.

In this corner: What The Puck

Dominant narrative: “They’re probably going to beat Gut Rot”. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah – we know that this is the top vs. bottom seed. We also know that What The Puck finished #5 overall this season, including an impressive 10 or so game win streak (probably the longest win streak in 3rd division history?). However, the Pucks have lost their last 2 games coming into this one, and a source texted me that the Gut Rot/Pucks game this season was a close game. (Can someone check the score of that one for me? Feeling pretty lazy right now.) So, will it be upset city in this one? Political pundits are stating that the potential is there, though it is still unlikely. Why are political pundits commenting on street hockey games, you ask? This is BTSH, nothing surprises me anymore. 

Player to watch: Hogg. Always Hogg. 

Bandwagonability: They’re a nice team who had a very impressive season, seemingly out of nowhere. We like them a lot, however, let’s be honest – there are probably underdogs who you’d rather see win The Schlitz. 

Prediction: No prediction from me as I’ll be reffing this game. Wait, shit, Isaac, I don’t seriously have to ref, do I? I know I agreed to help you organize The Schlitz but I have never reffed a game in my life and I was hoping to keep that streak going throughout my entire career.

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By Cat

To celebrate having my Sundays back, I volunteered to do the stars. And by “volunteered” I mean I made the mistake of asking in the BTSH media thread, “who is writing the stars?” And by “having my Sundays back” I mean being completely devoted to winning the Schlitz.

It was a great week for the beef beat. People yelling at refs. Arguing about rules. Goal or hand pass. Is that win even an upset. Nothing like the playoffs to bring out the worst in everyone!

I really believe that this is one of the more evenly matched years. We have low division teams that completely hold their own against upper division teams – see: WTP’s applause-worthy win streak, Mega Touch holding it scoreless for more than half their game against Rehabs, the Rainbows pulling a repeat upset over the Butchers. We have historically meh teams at the top of their game (most notably Anklebiters) and historically impressive teams starting to sweat as they hold onto their crowns (Fresh Kills, Hookers, Filthier – I’ll add Cobra Kai and Fuzz to that list, as they both had A+ seasons in 2018). The median skill level of the league is soaring.

So I guess what I’m saying is… don’t we all deserve stars?

THIRD STARS

Ironwomen of BTSH

Fielding enough players for the playoffs is tough. October is wedding season, football season, holiday season. We’re working off of pre-approved rosters, limiting the use of subs.

A lot of teams as a result had girls playing the whole game: Sam for Karma defense, Ryann and Andrea on Fuzz both played the whole game, me!, Nico from Poutine played defense the whole game, a position she had never even played before… probably more that I don’t know about because I’m not omniscient…

My number one fan, Rich, likes to give shit for giving stars to girls just for playing but honestly boys are douchebaggy and girls make 78 cents on the dollar so I do what I want.

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After a handful of upsets, shootouts, and empty netters to ice (should it be “pave” since it’s black top?) a few close games, the Elite 8 matchups are now set.

On to the box scores from the Round of 16…

Cobra Kai 2 @ Demons 1 F/SO

CK – Dani (1)

Goalie Shootout Win – Max M via FA

Shootout Winner – Liam M

Demons – Brian M (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Casca (0-1)

Game Notes: I’d place a confidence score of 15 that Casca helps Cobra Kai win another game next week (as their goalie this time).

Fuzz 4 @ Filthier 1

Fuzz – Teets McGee (1), Miles (1), Jeff x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Tim Bwn (1-0)

Filthier – Sunny (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim K (0-1)

Game Notes: The first of two Fuzz wins on the day!

Fresh Kills 4 @ Hookers 3 F/SO

FK – Sheena (1), Meg (1), Eugene (1)

Goalie Shootout Win – Barch (2-0, 2.00 GAA)

Shootout Winner – Gabe

Hookers – Pigozzi (1), Phil O’d (1), Wolff (1)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Dustin O (0-1)

Game Notes: After an amazing season, Hookers fall victim to a hot start by Fresh Kills but managed to white claw their way back into things forcing OT and a Shootout.

Advanced Analytics: All 6 goals (and 7 including the shootout) went in the same net.

Mega 0 @ Rehabs 2

Goalie Loss – Eric D (0-1, 1.00 GAA)

Rehabs – Cherie (1), Hicks (EN, 1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Eric R (1-0)

Game Notes: Mega puts up a great fight but falls to a great individual effort from Cherie on the game winner.

Poutine 1 @ Karma 3

Poutine – Russo (1)

Goalie Loss – RJ (0-1, 2.00 GAA)

Karma – Sara Sleh (1), Derek Zed (1), Creed (EN, 1)

Goalie Win – Steve F (1-0)

Game Notes: Bill got the goalie jump this time.

Sky Fighters 1 @ Anklebiters 7

Sky – Emily (1)

Goalie Loss – Stein (1-1, 1 Shutout)

Anklebiters – Sarah M (1), Shannon (1), Jason Bourne (1), Jared x3 (3), Chris B (1)

Goalie Win – Craig LaC

Pounds 3 @ Rainbows 0

Pounds – Karsten (1), Scotty K (1), Florian (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Jeff G via Fake Zog

Goalie Loss – David G (1-1)

Gremlins 4 @ WTP 0

Gremlins – Erich x3 (3), Marcella (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Jamie B (1-0)

Goalie Loss – Goalie Ed (0-1)

Game Notes: After their loss in week 2, Fuzz finds a way to vanquish WTP from the PBR playoffs, re-routing them on a journey for the Schlitz.

Fresh Kills was up 3-0 at the half and then went soft as they allowed the Hookers to score 3 unanswered. This one needed a shootout with Fresh Kills moving on to the next round.

The Demons dream season came to a fitting end in a shootout loss to Cobra Kai.

Fuzz certainly has her groove back as they handed Filthier an early playoff exit.

Mega’s game strategy against the Rehabs nearly worked as they held the Habs scoreless for an entire half. In the other half the Habs scored two goals and Mega had none.

Big Mad Thor made an appearance during the Karma v Poutine game. He would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Scotty and Lee. Karma avenged last year’s playoff loss to Poutine.

The Biters tested out the Ewing theory against the Sky Fighters and proved it correct. Probie is expected back for the next game. We think.

Scotty v J-E-S-S (Jess! Jess! Jess!) was the game that was promised. LBS’s back-up goalie earned a clean sheet against the sharp-shooting Rainbows.

Defeating a team three times in a season is hard to do as the Pucks found out against a hungry Gremlins team.

Elite Eight Match-ups

Fresh Kills v LBS, Inc.

Gremlins v Biters.

Cobra Kai v Instant Karma

Fuzz v Rehabs (Round III).

Schlitz Cup is coming! – Stay tuned!