btsh.org

by Glnzr

Sarah Herr. The Herr sisters burst on the scene just a few years ago so Sarah’s induction is noteworthy. No one outside of some of the early entries played in so few seasons…and one of those seasons she barely played because of Herr bionic leg. In order to get past this, we’ve given Herr Cheeky’s years of service, so Cheeky now has zero service time, but is eligible for the 2022 female ROY. (I mean everyone is basically eligible since Jess/Matt often give the female ROY award to league vets)

But I digress. There are fewer people more deserving than Sarah. With the worldwide pandemic started by someone in BTSH (https://btsh.org/media/karma-conspiracy-circle-who-did-the-rona) it’s only right one of us ended it…or at least curtailed it enough so we can play hockey. Hicks once said, “None of you know how much Sarah did to keep this league afloat. Hold on, I have to do my pre-workout, and take a dabbing vid and send to Derk.”

In all seriousness, in February she told Hicks, “We need to bring this back.” She took initiative to email captains, set up meetings, etc – she sent all of the weekly emails for 3 seasons. The only time it wasn’t sent was when she was out of town and trusted Hicks to send and of course he didn’t. Sarah did a ton of other work around printing scoresheets, ordering supplies, monitoring the bins for what we needed etc. The only things she couldn’t do were write a schedule and bench press 225 pounds, but that’s why she married below her market value, bc Hicks can do both.

So congrats Sarah and thank you for all you did to keep this league alive. As the cops say, “Your tour is done. Pawn it off to Russ or some other schmuck now.”

Glanzer is doing HOF write ups so you are all getting robbed of his style of stars, if that’s something you’re into.

There are really so many players who could be named today from all of the teams who competed but here we go.

Third Star: Ryann and Sienna

Thank god Rich isn’t doing these because he’d never give a star to a woman, let alone 2 but Ryann and Sienna each scored the game winners in their hard fought semi-final games.

Second Star: Russ and Malik

Both these guys scored amazing tip-in goals. Russ struck first and put the crowd in a frenzy but Malik’s goal arguably cemented in the win for Fuzz.

First Star: Tim Brown

Tim played out of his mind in the Fuzz v Lbs game for a shut out. Fuzz could have easily lost this game if it wasn’t for him preventing the Lbs from gaining any momentum and of course held the constantly attacking Dojo at bay.

Honorable Mentions

Hogg- for laying down the law on Rich during the finals

Hilary- For those who didn’t see the game, Hilary played amazing. Multiple plays she put her body on the line and had great step ups to the ball, solidifying the Lbs already stellar defense.

Campbell, Zisser, Friedman- these goalies are all worth their weight in gold to their teams and they certainly proved that on Sunday keeping all the games incredibly close

Liam, Tom, Will, LJ- these 4 were constantly in the mix, making defensive plays or generating offensive chances

Walsh- The most beloved old schooler on Fuzz (obligatory: suck it, Glanzer), Walsh had 3 assists on the day. It’s funny that he works an incredibly high pressure job and yet was more nervous for these playoff games. Hats off to Walsh.

And of course, everyone who stayed or showed up to make the awards fun and bring the BTSH spirit we all love

Rich is gonna hate how I ended stars. See you next year!

by christo_the_hawk

PBR Cup

Semi Finals

Lbs v Fuzz: It was tight until the end of the second half, when Ryann scored the game winner, followed quickly by Jeff and an empty netter for a 3-0 win.

Cobra Kai v Karma: A nail biter game, with The Dojo winning with just 1 goal on the day thanks to Sienna, 1-0.

Finals

Cobra Kai v Fuzz: A repeat of the 2018 for this year’s finals. The Dojo struck first with an awesome tip in from Russ. Both Tim and Campbell played unreal games. Fuzz came back when all hope seemed lost and by the middle of the 2nd half was up 3-1. A scramble in front of the Fuzz goal came away with a +1 for Cobra Kai and with 6 minutes left, the score was 3-2. With plenty of chances, CK wasn’t going to give up and was relentless. They pulled their goalie and Fuzz capitalized, with an empty net goal from Jeff to seal the game 4-2, and cement Fuzz as 3-peat PBR Cup Champions.

Schlitz Finals

The Sky Fighters forfeited due to lack of participation cementing THE DARK RAINBOWS as your Schlitz Cup Champions.

Media Awards

In case you missed it, here’s who won.

Rookie of the Year: Abby (karma), Louis-Phillippe (fresh kills)

Captain of the Year: Emily and Greg (Sky fighters)

Best Defense: Andrea (fuzz) Ryan (fuzz)

Goalie of the year: Casca (cobra kai)

Most Underrated: Jake (sky fighters), Jaimie (rotten math)

Best Duo: Gabe and his 5 French Canadiens (fresh kills)

Sweetest Disposition: Ramy (rehabs)

Snark, Style, and Finesse: Erica (Hookers)

Upset of the Year: Biters in their 3-0 win over Rehabs r1 of playoffs

Least Improved: Courtney (mega)

Russ Hamilton Heel Move of the Year: Annie (What the Puck)

Tia L Cinematic Moment of the year: Sarah M and Caroline (Biters)

Time Hogg Award for Volunteering: Hogg (What the puck)

Hall of Fame Inductees

Eric (rehabs)

Dianne (gut rot)

Sarah (rotten math)

Ariel (fresh kills)

Thank you all for an amazing season! BTSH could not function without the people who put their time and effort into this league. See you all next year!

xoxo christo & Dingle

It’s that time of year again folks. For us to place down the nominees and slowly…back away. To shed some light on the process: we send out an anonymous form to all the captains to submit who they think deserves a nomination (on their team or not); we select the nominees with the most mentions. If a category is lacking clear-cut nominees, we supplement with worthy players. Then, an esteemed panel of media experts gather to discuss (and create some new award categories of our own). And remember, if you get upset about any of this….this is a beer intramural sports league so maybe re-evaluate your life choices. Without further ado, BTSH 2021 Media Award Nominees

Oh yeah one more thing, all awards and Hall of Fame inductees will be announced at a brief gathering at the courts after the finals!

Rookie of the Year: Female

Self explanatory, with a short season it’s been even harder for rookies to make their mark…so it’s all the more impressive when other teams take notice. ROTY, in true BTSH spirit, is not always given to the clear cut best player. It’s often given to someone who also prioritizes making friends across the league and trying to improve it.

Emily, Rehabs

Abby, Karma

Ellexa, Biters

Lily, Fresh Kills

Rookie of the Year: Male

It pains me I even have to say this but no, you cannot nominate “all 5 of the french canadian guys on fresh kills”. But you CAN nominate “the fresh kills guy with the fancy name”

I am interpreting the fancy name as Louis-Phillippe (no offense, George) on Fresh Kills

Jeff O, Demons

Sam F, Lbs

Austin, Karma

Phil D. Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence (Captain of The Year)

Emily and Greg, Sky Fighters

Jess and Cat, Rainbows*

Isaac, Karma

Julie, Mega

*Editor’s note: we really did get nominated several times, even though it may have been out of pity. (we won’t be formally considered due to the both of us, ya know, being on the media)

Best Defense: Female

Sarah H, Rotten Math

Tash, Mega

Margot, Riots

Andrea, Fuzz

Best Defense: Male

Ryan H, Fuzz

Frey, Lbs

Eric T, Rainbows

Jon C, Poutine

Craig ‘Kentucky Wristwatch’ Lacombe Award – for flamboyance and extraordinary feats in goaltending

My favorite submission was “kills me, but Friedman”

Friedman, Karma

Cam, FA

Dicky, Poutine

Casca, Cobra Kai

Most Underrated: Female

Hillary, Lbs

Rachel L, Cobra Kai

Brianna, Karma

Jaimie, Rotten Math

Most Underrated: Male

Jake K, Sky Fighters

Nate, Mega Touch

Alex Morin, Poutine

Wes, Rainbows

Derek and Eli Award for Best Duo

Derek and Austin (Karma)

Gabe and his 5 French Canadien Fresh Boys (Fresh Kills)

Friedman and Emailing the Media (Karma)

Claire and Susie (What the Puck)

Tracy M. Award for the Player with the Sweetest Disposition

Mikayla (Lbs)

Ramy (Rehabs)

Shannon (Biters)

Akhil (Butchers)

Rachel Greene Award for Snark, Style, and Finesse 

Nico (Poutine)

Erica (Hookers)

Tim K (Filthier)

Jerome (Poutine)

Upset of the Year

Biters 3-0 win over Rehabs in r1 of playoffs

Lbs vengeance shoot out win over Fuzz in week 1*

*this is more so upsetting…to Rich…because Annie, his nemesis, scored it

Sky Fighters over Hookers 4-3 in week 6

Hookers over Rehabs 4-1 in week 2

Least Improved

This should be self explanatory but it’s usually *Larry David Voice* pretty, pretty good players who are so good there’s no hope of them improving (and if they do, god help us all).

Kelsey (Lbs)

Courtney (Mega)

Erich G (Gremlins)

Yetter (Cobra Kai)

Russell Hamilton Heel Move of the Year

A new category put forth by Rich, these are moments that aren’t exactly evil but we will gladly give everyone shit for this all season long.

Annie (WTP) for scoring for every team but her own

Russ (Cobra Kai) for poaching Yetter 3 days before the season began

Everyone (BTSH) using the excuse their Canadian teammates were ‘stuck in Canada’ for exemptions

Frey (Lbs) letting Annie shoot over actual Lbs women in the shootout winner vs Fuzz

Tia L. Cinematic Moment of the Year

These are moments that make our league special and different than any other league in the country, according to Rich. Aptly named after Tia, who is always capturing amazing moments at the courts on camera.

Sarah M and Caroline each scoring a hat trick in the same game (Biters)

Mega Touch coming in 5th place overall

The random Free Agent team (Pork Dumplings) winning the 3v3 tournament

Campbell (Cobra Kai) knocking over 2 white claws, chugging them, and scoring the game winning goal in the All Star Game

The award for Gratuitous Volunteering and Keeping the League from Becoming a Sinking Ship

-Hogg (WTP) for reffing, cleaning, ref managing

-Sarah H (Rotten Math) she cleans the courts A LOT rain or shine

-Alexa (Fuzz) for tirelessly scheduling all the refs

-Isaac (Karma) for running the media for like…7 years

That’s all, folks! See you at the courts!

by Jess and Glnzr, feat. Dingle

The next round of playoffs is here and we’ve got a spicy round of 8. Here are our brief thoughts and predictions and a friendly ask to take photos of game play (and send to the media) so I don’t have to keep using barely laughable memes.

FK vs Lbs

Jess: The Lbs struggled early against the Sky Fighters last week while FK breezed by the Rainbows. My unbiased media opinion: I think FK takes this in OT and it’s not because of the sheer number of French Canadian dudes (the Lbs guys easily match them in skill), but because their female players are better than the Lbs girls. My biased media opinion: I’d like to see the underdogs win, but also what world are we in where the Lbs are the ‘underdogs’. 

Russo: I have no idea what state Ariel lives in these days.

Rich: FK has superstar depth that the Lbs. don’t have. Avery/Sam vs. Gabe/French Canadian 1 is around equal but the next 3 best players are prob FC 2-4. Meg is the best woman (not girl!, Jess!) in the league, but Kelsey is right up there and Boylan will shank some of those Colby rookies if they get in her way. I have Fresh Kills 4-2. 

Jess: I will call myself and my peers “women” until we’re all 40 or in a professional setting, whichever comes first. 

Karma vs Mega

Jess: I’m really excited for this one. I feel like this could go either way but Karma has been on a roll and even with Courtney back in I think it will fall in Karma’s favor thanks to the idiot strength of Derek/Austin (feat. Kev), 3-1 in regulation. Sad because I want to see Mega v Cobra Kai and have us all place bets on which team Julie and Olivier’s kid will root for. 

Rich: Whoever wins this game will have the support of the BTSH Universe to win the PBR Cup (Unless you regularly get Friedman’s email in which case you’ll root for Al-Qaeda over Karma).

While my prediction is 4-2, Karma. Who do I root for? If Karma wins I have to read a 472 word email from Friedman. But if Mega wins I have another week of Julie complaining that someone named Jeff B. might be 7 minutes late. 

Russo: @Rich, did you count how many words were in that email?

Rich: I only do that for Hogg. (eyes emoji)

Cobra Kai vs Poutine

Jess: People are favoriting The Dojo for this one but once again in totally unbiased media opinion (and nothing to do with my personal grudge against Yetter for leaving us 3 days before the season), I think Poutine will win this one in OT. CK is good at generating chances but not capitalizing on them and Poutine has a stronger defense than The Hookers. With Jack back from Hawaii and Charlotte back from her injury—not to mention Dicky coming off a strong performance in net and Campbell/Casca constantly switching (that can’t be good for their psyches)—I think the Poo Crew will be very formidable indeed.

Rich: Bruce Springsteen often sang about his problems with his father. In the classic, “Independence Day” he says, “I guess that we were too much of the same kind.” Bruce could have been singing about these two teams…though it would have been weird since no one on these teams besides JJ were alive when he wrote the song. 

While neither team has a plethora of superstars like FK, they have a great goalie and gritty players that often shutdown superstars. I’ve been a Poutine fan for years. I have said they will win a championship. But I’ve battled CK too many times to bet against them. The last two seasons they’ve made the semis. I expect the same result.  3-1 for the evil Dojo. 

Biters v Fuzz

Jess: Can the Biters keep the momentum from their upset over the Rehabs? Fuzz barely beat the Butchers (Rich claims this is because they used a ringer goalie without asking). Fuck it, everyone gets an OT, I predict they take it 2-2 and Mike T scores the gwg in OT.

Russo: Was it really an ~upset~ with Probie on the team?

Rich: For the record, I almost always pass it laterally or forward to Cutler, so I wasn’t the one she was admonishing.