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Poutine v Sky Fighters

Jess: This will be a fun one to watch. The Sky____Fighters are 3rd in the league with 16 points and Pou Crew is 1st with 18. I’m not expecting the Sky Fighters to go down without a fight but I’d be lying if I said I think they’ll win it. I hope they prove me wrong and hand Poutine their 2nd loss of the season but otherwise I’m thinking 4-2 Poutine.

Glnzr: After many of their players won the OC World Championship, I just can’t see the Sky Fighters losing. 4-1 for Sky. Jess goes back to Ica after her terrible prediction. 

Lbs v Fresh Kills

Jess: On paper (and ice) FK is the better team. But on blacktop the Lbs have better chemistry and skill. Lbs play like a cohesive unit and FK more often than not plays like individual power houses. I see this going to Lbs 2-1— unless Gabe decides to pop off again and score 4 goals or whatever he did the last week of games. Also, isn’t it time to fly Meg back in?

Glnzr: I’ll prob be reffing so I can’t give a prediction. But if I wasn’t reffing I’d say FK really needs to win this. Since Ariel called me after Game 2 of the regular season and told me his team would literally never lose again bc of the 5 ringers they got, they have yet to win against Fuzz or the Lbs. Now The Ringers have names…Marco, Louis (my fav), George…it’s time they take the next step. But the Lbs. are seemingly everyone’s pick to win it all this year. This isn’t October. I expect FK to get over the hump and win a really fun 3-2 win. 

Filthier v WTP

Hicks: WTP just shutout fuzz a week after losing 6-0 to filthier. Meanwhile filthier did their part to keep the vertz ice cold (I said, what’s colder than being cold? The vertz. The vertz are ice cold). I think WTP rides the momentum (or whatever is left of it) from the win 3 weeks ago to pull off the win here and set themselves up nicely for the home stretch. 

Glnzr: Anne, James, Tim K., and Ellie!

Vertz v Fuzz

Glnzr: This is certainly a grudge match for me. After Hicks prima nocta’d Cutler…he never gave her back. This game has been circled ever since. And look…I’m not a monster. There are good people over there. I love Elly. Otis is a great teammate and Jaimie is so much fun at the bar. And though we won’t have anyone good coming, Gil, Walsh and I are going to destroy them. And we are going to show Jack, he picks his BTSH teams like he picks his girlfriend. Poorly. 

Fuzz 10, Vertz 2

Alex: I’ve been told there are good people on both sides, but Rich is not one of them.  I would say Jack’s going to get revenge for that comment about Annie but it’s always a mystery if Jack will show up for a game, unless it’s playoffs in which case it’s obvious he won’t. Hicks told us not to let the Vertz get hot; thus far, the league has listened.  4-3 Fuzz.

Hicks: nothing like banging an ex to get out of a slump. Vertz by 7.

Alex:  Fuzz is the slumpbuster? Def staying to watch this game now.

Bad Seeds v Riots

Dingle: I’m feeling a bit riddle-y this evening, so here’s some Brain Busters for this matchup (Walker, I expect you to get them both right or your trivia card is revoked):

1. Which is the correct kingdom of apple?
   1. Animalia
   2. Protesta
   3. Fungi
   4. Plantae

2. Riddle me this: What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?

*Answers at the bottom of the article

Ok, back to hockey. Two teams with inverse records face off as the 7-3 Riots go up against the 3-7 Bad Seeds. Prediction: Look for Riots to cruise to a 5-1 victory.

Karma v Anklebiters

Jess: The Biters have a team dinner this Saturday (read: Congee Village + Karaoke until 4am) so I’m not expecting them to be in the best shape. Meanwhile AK is rumored to be living in his mom’s basement so he may show up, leveling the playing field. Goaltending is going to be tight on both sides but I will give this to a very hungover Biters squad, 3-1. 

Dingle: I spoke with AK’s mom, and can confirm he’s living down there. We She wants him out. Karma has been reeling as of late, but to play a bit of devil’s advocate here, I predict Stevie stands on his head, and Karma WIN, 3-1. 

Gremlins v Mega Touch

Alex: It’s the team with the best women in the league vs the team with the best…70s inspired car logo?  If this was some kind of bizarre nostalgia contest Gremlins would have the edge and Walker would have an erection.  Sadly for him it’s a hockey game so Mega’s likely to win by 3 or more goals.  Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Dingle: This has all the makings of one of those “Who Can Touch the Car the Longest” competitions based on team names. You know, the ones they used to do in malls a while ago. Or just in TV shows. I dunno, my only knowledge of the 70s is from That 70s Show and the 80s is from Stranger Things. Anywho, I agree with Alex, but if there’s a car on the line, it’s a total toss-up. 

Butchers v Agents
Alex: It’s been a solid first season for the Agents – fun team name, decent spirit, the ever present possibility that Rob will score a goal and rip his shirt off.  Lots of reasons to like them.  Unfortunately, winning hockey games is not one of them.  5-1 Butchers.

Dingle: Unbeknownst to most, there’s a lot on the line in this one. And by a lot, I mean pride. With only four more games left for most teams this season, these two teams are battling for 3rd place in Division 4. While nothing is clinched here, nobody likes finishing last. I predict The Agents to pull off the “upset” here with an OT winner by Gabe. 

Cobra Kai v Hookers

Jim Apple: The league massively underestimates the second division. While Russ casually rides his electric scooter 15ft to the courts every Sunday, folks like Lee are getting to the courts early to do CrossFit (or a spin-off of CrossFit). Prediction: Lee does too much CrossFit and is tired for the game. Cobra Kai 5-3, no empty net. 

Jess: There is the chance for an empty net goal but Russ totally whiffs.

Dingle: That bar weighed a shitload fwiw. Also, jury is still out on the league’s opinion about the commish scootering to the rink from around the corner. Gives off this kind of vibe:

Look for the Hookers to hang around in the first half, but The Dojo pulls away to win it comfortably.

Hornswoggle: I’m late here, but I gotta pour one out for Cro. A personality to everyone, for sure, but given his propensity to rile folks up, I think he would have definitely enjoyed playing this game—top division, some physicality, some chirps, fast gameplay. Opinions on and off the court might have differed from most, but he played for his team and showed it. Get well soon, Cro!

Both squads have similar records, but suffice it to say that Lee and the Hookers need the points more. It’s either a tie for last place or the chance to leapfrog Filthier for a promotion, and every team in the second division is chomping at the bit knowing that any team can go anywhere. The Dojo can play for pride staying in the division, and though this match may seem lower on the difficulty level, resting on their laurels is not an option as the season rapidly concludes. Plus playoff position is critical for any team looking for a long run.

Hookers valiantly battle but fail to score more than the opposition, 5-3 Dojo.

Demons v Rainbows

Jess: I am personally inviting Jeff’s girlfriend to this game so he will be forced to play nicely.

Alex: If you think that’s going to make Jeff play nice, you’ve clearly never been in Jeff’s bedroom.

Jess: Just when I was happy to have you back writing previews you’ve made me regret everything. PREDICTION Rainbows continue their win streak and nobody gets slashed because we are all good people at heart, 3-2 OT. 

Dingle: Prediction, people are going to get slashed. 

ANSWERS to Seeds/Riots Preview: 1. D, Plantae // 2. The Boston Flea Party

By Christo and Dingle

We (your Media Overlords) decided to give the media team a little recess until after Labor Day. So we’re throwing it back to when we used to do Previews in the format of ‘What [insert weird category] is your team’ in lieu of real hockey previews!!!

Biters v Cobra Kai

I’m solely picking the Biters’ ice cream because of their team name. And for that reason, they’ve been dubbed the Lick-a-Color. Probably the most want-to-bite frozen treat out there. Who really wants to wait for it to start dripping on your hand before seeing all the colors within. 

Cobra Kai, on the other melted hand, are the oldie but goodie Ice Cream Sandwich. Is it the most colorful, innovative, flavorful ice cream out there? Nope. But it’s an ageless classic that, like Cobra Kai, understands how to get it done. Well-rounded (I realize it’s a rectangle) and delicious—exactly how Russ describes his team.

Prediction: Biters 2 CK 1

Gremlins v Demons

The Demons are obviously a Screwball. Seems like a good idea at first but by the end of it your tongue is numb from trying to get to the gumball at the bottom that’s so frozen you almost break your jaw – just a total mess and nobody’s having a good time!!

The Gremlins are Snoopy – a classic that’s maybe not the most exciting but those who like Snoopy just get it. It’s not usually anyone’s first choice but it can prove to be delicious.

Prediction: 2-2 OT Demons take it in a lolshootout.

Filthier v Vertz

Vertz are def the most twisted of ice creams in the ever-polarizing Creamsicle. I’ll let your disgusting minds make the jokes here, but it’s some people’s favorites and others’ absolute last choice…just like the Vertz. Filthier are a more traditional, chocolate-based ice cream—The Klondike Bar. “What would you do for a Klondike Bar?” No. More like, what would you do for the PBR Cup? 

Prediction: Vertz 3 Filthier 2. Don’t let the Vertz get hot. Again.

Rainbows v Bad Seeds

Bad Seeds are another classic, the Bubble Play. Very tasty, hits the spot, but also kind of niche and isn’t bankrupting small children’s allowance everywhere. The Rainbows are the Bubble Gum Swirl, sometimes forgotten about but a crowd pleaser nonetheless. An anecdote from my personal life that nobody asked for: my younger brother’s 2 favorites were Bubble Play and Bubble Gum Swirl. But ultimately Bubble Gum Swirl started to win out, as the Bubble Play was a bit overhyped and a plain cherry ice pop with a gumball that loses flavor in 2 seconds is not as fun to eat as actual bubble gum flavored ice cream.

Prediction: Rainbows take it 2-1 towards the end of regulation.

Fresh Kills v Hookers

Going out on a limb here and naming Le Fresh Kills Maple Taffy in honor of their Canadian heritage. Mind you, 1) I’m 90% sure Canadian ice cream trucks don’t sell this and 2) the only reason I know this is Canadian is because of an episode of Parts Unknown. But we digress! It’s on a stick and it’s dessert, so it is decided. Hookers are Strawberry Shortcake because if I was a hooker, that would be my name (this is Matt not Jess writing this, full disclosure). Also, not sure if anyone else has this memory with these, but the wood from the popsicle stick always seemed to come through in the strawberry flavoring. It’s like 50% strawberry, 50% wood. 

Prediction: FK 4 Hookers 2

Poutine v Riots

Poutine are a Snickers bar because that’s exactly what they’re doing from the top of the standings…snickering. Don’t think too many BTSH pundits had Poutine tied for 1st in the league (s/o Skyfighters as well) about 3/4 through the season. We’ll keep it in the branded Candy Corporation world with Riots as a Crunch Bar. Another solid—yet slept-on—option and with Riots only two points behind the league leaders, we’ll leave it up to the viewers to decide who wins this showdown in the comment section.

Prediction: Poutine 4-2 *You really thought the Media Overlords would let you decide the outcome. HA!

Fuzz v WTP

Fuzz is the King Cone. Been around for fucking ever, reigns supreme on the ice cream truck, and yet nobody really likes it. But it’s destined to be at the top for quite some time. WTP is the choco taco, a zany staple loved by many with a fast rise to stardom, only to be discontinued this year.

Prediction: Fuzz 3, WTP 1.

Sky Fighters v Agents

Here we have what seems like a metaphor for an evolution of ice cream. The Agents are the Push Pop. The Push Pop is if “i’m baby” was an ice cream. Young and new on the scene, not yet ready to compete with the show stoppers – but still delicious! Sky Fighters are the Cyclone. A powerful (seriously those things are thick and filled with sugar) popsicle that often surprises ice cream purveyors with how tasty it is.

Prediction: Sky Fighters 4, Agents 0. 

Lbs v Instant Karma

Going solely off the team name again for this one, but Lbs are the Good Humor Birthday Cake Dessert Bar. I googled “Highest Calorie Ice Cream Bar” and this was number one. Also, this has Scotty K written all over it. After much consideration, I’ve awarded Karma the Sno Cone. You really never know what you’re gonna get with a Sno Cone. If the ice is too frozen and/or there’s not enough syrup, you’re essentially gnawing on a frozen, flavorless snowball. But if there’s loads of syrup and the ice is perfectly shaved, it’s hard to find a more refreshing summer treat. It’s been a tale of two Karmas this year. When they’re on, they’re on. But when they’re not…frozen snowball. 

Prediction: Lbs 5 Karma 2

Mega Touch v Butchers

The Butchers are Tweety.  Another classic but sometimes looks like a bit of a mess when you compare the actual ice cream to its packaging (talk about expectations vs reality am I right folks?!)

Mega is the Klondike Oreo Sandwich. Pretty powerful and definitely favored ahead of some of the classics but it’s not going to sell out on a hot day.

Prediction: Mega 3 Butchers 0.

By Glnzr

So this was the hardest week to ever do the 3 Stars. So many Hat Tricks including Roberts on his birthday. I ended up Venmoing Roberts $3 so he wouldn’t end our friendship after this snub. I also snubbed George for his Hat Trick against Fuzz because they lost and I feel good about it because he was mean to me in D5. (FWIW, he didn’t know I was planning to snub him prior to the meanness.) 

So without further adieu, here are the 3 stars. 

*** Tim B. and Mike M., Butchers

Do you believe in miracles…ok so that’s a little overboard but the team with 0 points beat the team with the most points. Huge props to probably the most underrated goalie in the league Tim B. for the shutout, and to Mike M. for scoring the lone goal. It’s a pretty cool feeling when 30 or so people come to a game and you’re the only scorer. 

** Matt M. and Charlotte, Fuzz

Both FK and Fuzz were short on players but the oldest player on FK prob would have been the youngest player on Fuzz. Fuzz got out to an early 3-goal lead but once FK scored their first goal with about a minute left in the first half, the game turned. The second half was ALL FK. Twice they got within one but both times Charlotte scored soon after to give Fuzz a 5-3 win. Her 2nd goal was an incredible move going backhand to open the 5-hole. Props to Steve from Instant Karma for realizing Charlotte was the key to the game. 

* Tia, Rainbows

Mega thought they could just steal hot pink from the Rainbows and made sure to play them when Jess was out of the country. But after a great battle, Tia won it in OT. These late heroics are nothing new for the leagues best cameraperson…as Tia has also scored a huge shootout goal in Moffo. Congrats Tia, I wish you had a clone so she could have taken a picture of your goal. This will help your HOF candidacy. 

Filthier v WTP

Steven: you gotta love Zac playing multiple different positions to give his team a chance. On the other hand, you really gotta hope WTP finds a strong tender to unleash Zac in an even more dangerous manner. Filthier is ok. Goes to LolShootout, and Emily clinches the winner for WTP.

JW: If the Salt Boyzzzz (there are 4, now) show up, this will be a tough one for The Pucks. With the loss of James, Ann, and Tim K. Filthier have been underperforming a bit this season, and the same goes with The Pucks since the loss of Ed. These teams have the exact same record (4-4) and this should be a good matchup. Dare I say Game Of The Week?

Prediction: This goes to OT, with Justin notching the game winner. 4-3, Pucks. 

Hornswoggle: The “strong tender” is in fact Hoggystyle and even with him in net, people still mustn’t underestimate a wily Filthier lineup. An upset in this division is still very palpable when the point gap between first and last is just two.

Jess: Ok time for the media to do their job and report on ‘news’. Last week WTP had another “strong tender” named Eli who, if you can believe it, takes up even more room in net than Hogg. In other media fun fact news, there is a Salt Boyz podcast (it runs mostly during hockey season since it’s about fantasy hockey)- check it out!

Fuzz v Fresh Kills

Steven: if Charlotte plays for Fuzz, I’m interested in this game. If she doesn’t, I don’t care. Charlotte cuts down FK if she plays, 1-0 Fuzz.

Rich: I am never showing Charlotte your preview. We’re all getting drunk the night before so I am only going to go 3-2 Fuzz in this one. 

Stoop Dogg: FK has something Fuzz doesn’t have, youth and stamina (theoretically…they all look in shape). Fuzz is a good team with some good players, but as they continue to age they will struggle against a team like Fresh Kills whose skill level in is arguably superior and are also predominantly ages south of 30. Sheena and George’s epic beard will lead Fresh Kills to victory 3-2. 

Hornswoggle: Rich getting drunk—wouldn’t we all love to see that! /s #notmysultan

Riots v Gremlins

Steven: really sucks for Gremlins. They have all this momentum, picking up two straight wins but they are about to run into a RIOT. Margot is so good, she scored on me last game, so I know first hand. She scores again, leading Riots to a 4-1 victory.

Stoop Dogg:  This should be a pretty exciting game, both teams play hard and are coming off of a series of wins. Both teams have solid foundations and frequently take their opponents by surprise with their hidden talents. The Riots goal scores are often Margot and Ian, while the Gremlins often share the glory. Unfortunately, Steven Friedman, one player doesn’t win a hockey game, especially with Jamie in net. 3-1 Gremlin victory.

Jess: Gremlins new player Nico (a dude with a Michigan hat, not our beloved commissioner) should have a fiery matchup with some of the Riots newcomers. We know Margot and Ian are good but tbh the ‘old school’ style of defense by Suz and Ashley is a good matchup to that of Allison and Walker. With 2 stellar goalies, it’s gonna come down to offense and team chemistry. I’d like to see an OT!!! PS – can Erich come back now? Asking for a friend. 

Karma v Cobra Kai

Stoop Dogg: This should be a very good game but both teams have one problem in common: numbers. Both teams have continuously struggled to fill their bench and it has hurt them, especially on the hotter days. The bare bones teams are both respectively very strong, they have hard hitting female contingents, and a number of guys who can dangle & snipe, not forgetting the lunatics who stand between the pipes and get shelled for fun. Ultimately it will come down to two things: 1. Numbers – can they field their teams? and 2. Which goalie showed up that day. Happy Pride, Steven Friedman! Going with Karma 3-1

23andMia: Fer sure BTSH is feeling the pain of folks giving Covid the middle finger, traveling despite this latest variant being more contagious than ever. I agree it’s been difficult for any team to field the same line-up week after week. Last Sunday brought the return of Liam and JJ to the Dojo, and with that came a power reminiscent of the force that boosted the team into D1. Gonna gamble on a repeat performance fueled even further by yet another return: this time by one Mr. Will G. Maybe there’ll even be a Yetter sighting. Going with CK 3-1 if this is the case.

Agents v Demons

Glnzr: The Agents learn what BTSH is really all about, lose 5-1, quit, and join a Zog kickball league.

23andMia: The Demons, still in mourning at the loss of Olivia Newton-John, eke out a small lead in a shaky first half. From the sidelines, Sammi — dressed not unlike leather Sandy in Grease— demands DRo get it together and lead the team in honor of their unborn child. The Demons surge ahead and prevail. The Agents quit and join a Zog kickball league.

Lbs v Vertz

Jess: I know certain people Hicks likes to say ‘don’t let the vertz get hot’ but I would also argue the point, ‘don’t let the vertz get cold’ (otherwise they’ll end up losing by 6 goals). They’re gonna need to lean heavily on Tim K and their solid array of defensemen/women to stop the offensive firepower of the Lbs. Prediction: pound town inevitable, Lbs 4 Vertz 1.

Glnzr: To be fair to Hicks, he thinks Cold Vertz are the worst team in the league. I think this will be like Col. in the spring. You’ll want your jacket as it can get chilly as the Lbs. win 4-2. 

Hornswoggle: Did we expect a complete shellacking from the Hookers on the Vertz right before the 10-minute monsoon? Absolutely not, but I’d have thought the Vegas Taco Bell gave Hicks some superpowers but it probably gave him super gas… not too beneficial for the team, really. Pervertz get pounded, I guess (strikethrough added because we keep it PG for the most part).

Sky Fighters v Butchers

Steven: Brady and the Butchers have mad potential. Their game against Poutine the other week got out of hand early, but the meat carvers eventually got disciplined, just too late. If the defensemen who played in a polo shirt against Poutine dons a polo for this game, it’ll be close. If there is no polo, Sky Fighters win, but closer than we think.

23andMia: What we’ve got here is a team who has yet to win this season and a team who hasn’t lost this season (in regulation). I really want the Butchers to win, but not against my team. I’m not gonna be around for this matchup cuz I’m giving Covid the middle finger and traveling. Guess that makes it slightly more comfortable to predict that the Sky Fighters (2 words) take it.

Rainbows v Mega Touch

Jess: We all know my feelings about this matchup. Hey Mega, make sure you wear your gray jerseys so you don’t dress IDENTICAL TO MY TEAM. Prediction: Rainbows 10-0 and we burn their pink jerseys and fling the ashes into the East River. Now someone else do a real hockey preview.

Glnzr: Rainbows 10-0 and we burn Mega’s pink jerseys (with them in it). Rainbows 10- Mega nothing but ashes.

JW: While I agree with Jess’ stance on #Jerseygate, I don’t think even the ‘Bows thirst for revenge can win them this game. Mega went from typically finishing 19th or so to being one of the most dangerous teams with one of the toughest forechecks. The Rainbows went from finishing 19th or so to……maybe finishing 17th or so? 

Prediction: Mega 5, ‘Bows 2. 

Jess: ACTUALLY we are ranked 16th at the moment. Can’t pass up an opportunity to correct Walker. 

Hookers v Anklebiters

Steven: ¡Viva Mas! ¡Viva Sarah! ¡Sarah Mas! ¡Viva Sarah Mas!  I had drinks with Sarah the other night. It was wild. Honestly, not sure how anyone can pick against the Biters if she’s playing. The 2021 “Tia L. Cinematic Moment of the Year” award winner scores and the Biters win 2-1.

Glnzr: If Sarah M ever plays against Margot, Charlotte from Fuzz, or the guy with the polo shirt from the Butchers Steve will prove that spontaneous human combustion exists. 4-2 Anklebiters. Beat a better team than the Vertz Hookers and I’ll be impressed. 

Hornswoggle:

That last half especially made me cringe*—I mean yeah, you get paid but only if you’re reffing. All I hope is that Craig does a get off my lawn impression to Hookers loitering near his crease.

*Editor’s Note: It made us all cringe

Poutine v Bad Seeds

JW: There are like 3 players left on Poutine that anyone knows. After what was expected to be a rough rebuilding year, Poutine instead found a lot of really good players to replenish their decimated roster and can compete with the league’s top teams. Meanwhile the Bad Seeds still have many players who we all love to love. Can Diane, Zach, Perras, Kirky, Heather, Brad, and Dave GDR stop the juggernaut that is Poutine? Probably not, but if Jon M. shows up and scores a Texas hat trick this one could be close.

Prediction: Jon doesn’t show.  Poutine 6, Seeds 2. 

Stoop Dogg: It’s an old vs. new situation. Nobody is really sure who Poutine is anymore… they have Mike M still and that other fast guy, whose name I also think is Mike*? Basically it’s a whole new team, and their record suggests that they’re doing more than alright with this rebuild. Bad Seeds is your classic BTSH staple of OG league members who are there for a good time, and to bring those pesky whippersnappers back down to planet Earth. While the Bad Seeds will hold their own on the court – especially if their hard hitters like River Boat Jon M, The Other Scotty K, Zach Norris, Justin Perras, Amy, and Diane attend – they will ultimately fall to the New Poutine Machine. 5-1 in favor of the Canadian Delicacy. 

*Editor’s note: also known as Pags

Cobra Kai v Fresh Kills

Dingle: Well ladies and gentlemen, we’re back at it after a riveting All-Star weekend full of degenerate behavior and light beer. Hope the hangovers have all subsided. 

We’ve got a D1 rematch right off the bat on Sunday. FK and Cobra Kai played in Week 4, and FK pulled off the 3-1 victory. Cobra Kai have had far from an easy schedule so far this season, but then again, they’re playing in Division 1, and only strengthened their already solid team during the offseason. With Fresh Kills now without Meg, there’s a good amount of scoring that’ll need to be made up. Lucky for them, they’ve got both a top male and a top female league scorer in George and Cassie. 

Prediction: Cobra Kai score a late equalizer, but FK pull off the OT win, 4-3.

Jess: This isn’t about the game (sry) but I just wanted to say a very heartfelt thank you to the captains, players, volunteers, and spectators for making the all star game a success! 

Vertz v Hookers

Glnzr: When the Elves disbanded and Fuzz was created, I didn’t understand the hate. Fuzz came in 16th or 17th, lost in the playin round to Karma (which at the time sucked). Good players left their team to help out a terrible team. One of those players was B. Hicks. Now I know why we were hated.

So with the Vertz…I didn’t initially hate them. Sure they performed Prima Nocta on Cutler, but that’s the rist of Poaching Season.. But if someone doesn’t beat them soon…I’m gonna fuckin lose it. Let’s go Hookers! (Prediction Vertz 4, Hookers 1)

Rainbows v Poutine

23andMia: There are two things I like about this match up: 1)That Commissioner Nico went Rainbow after being on Poutine and 2)That Mikey built a winning squad. This says so much about these leader’s character. Nico might’ve upped the pressure for her responsibility to the league, but she offset it by joining a team who values “work/life” balance. Mikey stood undaunted by a great migration (you see, people, it happens to more than just the Sky Fighters) and rebuilt a solid squad who frankly, is having the last word. Poutine takes it 5-2, with the Rainbows shrugging it off.

Filthier v Anklebiters

23andMia: I’m realizing I don’t know what an anklebiter is and don’t feel like Googling if it’s hockey related or a sex reference. Maybe I’m naive… a Gremlin introduced me to the term “spinner” some years ago, explaining “YOU’RE a spinner”. (TYVM, I guess.) I also don’t know who will be the victor here. Filthier might be struggling a little compared to their former selves, but sometimes, the Biters do, too. Giving the edge to the Biters who will bring it a bit harder for the win.

Sky Fighters v Mega Touch

Glnzr: Too many people like Mega, so let’s give tips on how to beat them. Tash deceives players and often has the ability to actually go lateral. It’s deceitful and hurtful. Don’t fall for it. 

Prediction: The Sky Fighters fall for it and lose a heartbreaker 3-2 with 1 min left. 

Jess: It was actually Tash’s idea to totally steal the Rainbows’ jerseys so I’m okay with all of the above #cancelmega. But also Rich you should know better than to use screen shots from a different hockey league. But I’ll allow it because Tash must pay!!!

Butchers v Gremlins

Jess: The Butchers have won 0 games this year and the situation is looking pretty bad. The Gremlins have managed to slowly dig themselves out of their rut with 3 wins under their belt, one of those being a 4-0 win against the Butchers. Maybe this rematch energy will be what the Butchers need to light the fire, but probably not tbh. Prediction: Gremlins 3, Butchers 0.

Hornswoggle: A long time ago, BTSH was the type of league that guaranteed a day (or night, depending on when your game was) of hockey that involved players running unabashedly, scoring goals off the birdbath, taking a leak at a quiet underpass adjacent to the FDR, and drinking PBR’s at Welcome to the Johnsons. And until bobw decided there should be stats, the levels of competition, dedication to strategy, and fitness were hardly any criteria considered to play and remain in the league.

Do either the Butchers or Gremlins benefit by fighting tooth and nail to get their names on the scoresheet? Perhaps—though I can already say Walker will be first in TOI, an unrecorded stat, unfortunately. But I wrote the previous paragraph to say this: the match will be low-key giving Corlears vibes, the type of stuff I missed when I started the league in 2005. Not that they’re playing for nothing since there are points up for grabs, but I’m 1,000% confident this will be so much of a chill game that refs needn’t be present. I’m hoping Brady nets in a couple and Ben backchecks Rod with the longest hockey stick in the league… and that there are few whistles!

Demons v Bad Seeds

Hornswoggle: Most teams had interconference games in the beginning of the season, and I think we’re seeing a shift into divisional rivalries that will grow fiercer until September; at least that’s how it will be for some teams. But not these two—unless you’re Frey and you like to burn money thinking they’ll win their respective divisions. We’ve seen the Bad Seeds return to their roots, drinking tequila shots with the Gremmies three weeks back and just last Sunday I witnessed a noticeably more cohesive Demons squad despite the result not in their favor. Not that day drinking is a bad thing, but I suppose less drinking before and during the game may produce more optimal results. Demons to handily win but if the Seeds prove that Patron is the next Pedialyte, I’ll be the first to buy a bridge from a rando at Tompkins.

WTP v Lbs

23andMia: For those who don’t know, this match up features a marital rivalry: wife Emily on WTP and hubby Roberts on Lbs. Not sure if memory serves me correctly, but I feel like last year, this match up went to WTP, and when asked about it, Roberts said something like “Happy wife, happy life.” This year, I predict wifey won’t be so happy, especially with Hogg out with a shoulder injury (which we know does not make him happy). Lbs 4, WTP 1.

Fuzz v Karma

23andMia: For years, I have heard people watching Gil from Fuzz say things like, “I can’t believe how good he is at his age.” I always ask, “Why not?! Gil was probably as good as you when he was in his 20s. He takes care of himself and is smarter now than he was then.” During last week’s Fuzz vs Filthier game, I admitted to Gil, “I root for you all individually, but against you all collectively.” He didn’t know how to take that. I may still be rooting against Fuzz as an institution, but I think their immense wisdom will help them beat Karma 3-1.

Hornswoggle: Admittedly, any attempt to quell Fuzz’s offensive output is a tall order; very few (in fact, two) teams have taken opportunities to capitalize on their mistakes. Perhaps their losses came from temporary lapses of judgment, and that’s fine if the expectation is to win the following week. However—here enters Karma, a squad who, for one, slightly changed their branding but also sadly, their personnel. The OGs are the same, but major pieces have left/are set to leave. Nevertheless, significant talent remains up and down the lineup. As BTSH rolls on through the latter half of the season, Fuzz feels the ever-mounting pressure to prove their previous two championships weren’t flukes with high-profile matches like these. Goaltending sure will be important—Steve will have to channel the kind of focus he usually has in rivalry games (like Poutine’s), and Rich will probably have to pry Timmy from his vinyl if he wants the best outcome. In any case, Fuzz probably will emerge the victor by a one goal difference.

Glnzr: Does Jerome not realize we won in 2018 as well???

Riots v Agents

Jess: The media narrative so far has been that Eric’s goaltending skills have greatly given the Riots a bump but after playing the Riots sans Eric last week I think there are a lot more new, good players and solid veterans than we’ve realized. With all their personnel back this should be an easy one. 

Meanwhile, the Agents are still trying to find their footing but two of their players showed some promise (and scored some goals) in the All Star Game and if you can score goals after ingesting copious amounts of beer then you can score goals soberly on a Sunday!

Prediction: Riots 5, Agents 1.